Bittersweet Candy Bowl

Hello, welcome to the… is it the fourth? Fourth story of the Fanfiction Security Council files. Today our antagonists are the anthromorphic kitties of the Cat Empire, hoping to recruit the BCB universe into their empire, thus screwing canon eight ways from Sunday, or whatever that phrase is. The FSC is here to save the day, though! This post is an author’s note, no comments till the first chapter is posted in like a million parts please.
Fanfiction Security Council: The Bittersweet Candy Bowl Campaign
Hello, everybody, Calvin here. If you recognise the name of the FSC, don’t worry, my writing skills have epically leveled up. I’m writing this before the story, so I don’t know yet if I’ll have to make an author insert- probably will, but only in a civilian capacity. Because when the regiment I’m (yes, me, not my character, I don’t have one) attached to gets sent in, plotlines BREAK.
Update: Author insert is go. [me too.] Here come the Crysallis Patricians.
First time readers: the FSC is the combined creation of the UNSC from the Halo universe, and the Cat Empire- a bunch of sentient, anthromorphic cats! (why else are they in the BCB universe). Not much you need to know about either of them- just that I (yes, ME), caused a reality fcuk during a FSC mission and made the kitties become sentient sometime earlier in the timeline. They revolted and ran away before the events of the Halo games, which is why you never see cats.
The FSC act as a dimensional police, and maintain the balance. This doesn’t mean that they kill the bad guys if they get stronger than the good guys, or vice versa- it means that if a fan character comes in and pushes Mike and Sandy into the same room for the night, he/she’ll be assassinated or arrested, and the timeline will be repaired very carefully by reality mages (fanfiction writers) like me.
You may find anime references- knowing what Konata and Miyuki from the Lucky Star universe, Shana from Shakugan no Shana, and Ilya from Fate/Stay Night look like (use google) is all you need to read this story.
Hopefully I can confine the story to the FSC, the Cat Empire, and the canonical characters- I don’t want to write an intro for the other antagonist faction, and the more there are, the harder it is to get canon back on course.
Enough rambling! ON WITH THE STORY

—
It was a quiet night, in wherever our favourite comic takes place. Kitties, doggies, and other minor species were asleep. Apart from those kinds of people who stay up late and mug each other, but the BCB town doesn’t seem like that type, and scans indicated negligible nocturnal activity…
Time stopped. The monochrome landscape was tinted blue. There were no special effects, no flash, no spreading sphere of time-stoppage, not even a sound like a thousand people saying ‘woop’. The picture distorted at a random spot several storeys above ground. The art style changed- to the sketchyness of Megatokyo, then to the vector lines of so many computer-drawn comics, to the lego pieces of Legostar Galactica. Then it left webcomics entirely, changing for a moment to the oddly colourful background art of the Lucky Star universe. Then it changed back, unnoticed.
Several hundred Armoured Personnel Carriers hovered above the street. Figures leapt off tank roofs and out of hatches, their art style changing to Taeshi’s as stealth cloaks shimmered, blending them into the colours of the sleepy little suburb.
Colonel Izumi’s Valhallan Ghosts had arrived.
—
Factfile: Valhallan Ghosts
During the Lucky Star campaign, the regiment responsible for scoring the final defeat against the rich-kid-turned-Grim Angel Minerva Paradiso’s forces was the Valhallan 63rd Recon. Founded on an iceworld, soldiers from this regiment really, really like the cold, and will walk around in vests when it’s snowing. The regiment is mostly composed of Imperial-born humans, and cats recruited from the Imperial assassin corps- Imperial cats tend to be too large and too crazy to sneak around.
—
The FSCS Akihabara (LS 32) coasted between realities, near the main gate of BCB, where all the little portals joined up.
“Sensors to command.”
“WHAT UP, SENSOR DUDES.”
“Sir… are you on the catnip again?”
“Yeah, maaan. Fapping to these Lucy pronz.”
“Is there anyone competent on the bridge?!” The captain’s microbead was snatched out of his ear by his annoyed second-in-command.
“Aww yeah, get me more weed, bitch.” She ignored him and tuned her own to the command frequency.
“Sensors, report.”
“Angst levels going off the charts, ma’am. We’d suggest you divert power to the emotional shields, but…”
“But what? Out with it, man!”
“Contacts emerging from the Halo universe. At least a hundred, with 3 capital ship-sized craft. They’re cats, ma’am. Imperials.”
—
Factfile: Konata Izumi
After the Lucky Star campaign, Konata Izumi and two other main characters opted to leave their universe to join the FSC. As a canonically important character, Konata was placed in command of the 63rd after her training. She put a much heavier emphasis on stealth skill than before, turning them into the premier advance scouts that they are today.
—

“I’m not your babysitter anymore. Pick yourself up and deal.”
“What?!”
“I’m dealing just fine without you!”
“You’re so full of crap!”
“What do you know?!”
“Everything about you, dumbass! Get it into your thick skull!” Konata sat in a tree behind Abbey and Daisy, letting the visor over her left eye scroll a comic page.
“Akihabara, this is Ghost Leader. Dialouge’s deviating. What the hell’s going on out there?”
“Ghost Leader, Imperial contacts approaching from the home universe in attack profile. Timeline’s disrupted already. At least 20 troop carriers detected. I’d suggest you dig in, you’ll be facing millions of those maniacs in a few hours. Backup’s coming out of the asteroid belt, ETA 34 minutes.”
“Roger that, Akihabara. Ghost Leader out.” Konata swept the cape of her cloak over her dulled-down blue hair, and slipped away with first platoon, leaving vehement curses in English, Japanese and Imperial Common floating in the air behind her. Oblivious, Mike and Lucy continued to burn their bridge.
—
Factfile: Soul Copies
Not to be confused with soulhalves or soulmates. These are left behind by reality mages when a canonically important character is recruited by the FSC, to ensure canon follows its course. They are identical in every way with the originals, including in their minds and souls (duh), but know nothing of the FSC the originals have joined.
—
Air defenses globally went wild as a mass of contacts appeared, before flashing off again. Investigations into the ‘glitch’ began. And probably led nowhere, but we’ll see.
Dropships by the thousand headed for the surface, hoping the relatively tiny FSC contingent they carried could hold off the cats long enough for the trump card to be played- the card itself was hidden somewhere in the metaphorical sofa cushions, though.
A pair of teenage humans switched into their cat forms and came out of a cloaked VIP transport.
Lily carried a bag of chips.
—
Factfile: Commanding Officers
The FSC tends to recruit canonically important characters as commanding officers, occasionally using OCs and author inserts who have significant links to multiple universes. Konata is an example of the former, being the main character of the anime she’s from, along with Shana, the namesake of Shakugan no Shana and the commander of the Hyrkan ‘Dragoons’ 34th Jetwing Infantry. You’ll be meeting two important examples of the latter soon, but hopefully their regiment won’t come along with them..
—

Lucy pr0n AND weed? I think I’m liking this already.

“…” Lily put her bag of chips down. It reduced its altitude by half an inch, and still towered over her.
“Crystal-dear. You can come out.” A shadow blurred, and an extraordinarily thin girl appeared, loosing her blonde hair out of its bun and lifting her visor to reveal blue eyes and pale skin.
“Lily. Where’s everybody got to?”
“Lucy and Yashy are at school. Chirpy is flying about with Blur.” Neon green code, rather resembling Javascript, flashed in the air. A stressed-looking Chinese teen appeared, tapping keys on the modified Vaio that floated beside him.
“Yeah, those two. They almost flew into a squad of Hyrkans a minute ago, but they weren’t paying attention, so they didn’t see them.” Soldiers in black fatigues threw off cloaks, taking up defensive positions and readying compact rifles.
“Is something happening?” Lily picked up the chips and continued waddling towards the television, her speech slightly muffled from behind the plastic. The boy tapped more keys, and gave the notebook a push, sending it floating through the air towards Lily. The hedgehog perused it.
“Oh, dear. And you’re here because…?”
“We’ve started direct contact with the main characters. The timeline is going to crash like hell, so don’t be alarmed.” The room became empty again, as the second in command of the FSC taskforce disappeared with the Valhallans assigned as her bodyguard. Her regiment’s reality mage vanished a moment later, after more frantic typing.
—
Factfile: Soulhalves
Not to be confused with soulmates (your significant other) or soul copies (as above), soulhalves are previously unrelated people who have been found to have the same destined moment of death. Thus, if someone gets hit by a tank shell and dies, her soul half is likely to cut her throat with her toothbrush inexplicably, or something equally strange. Major Crystal Chesterfield had her routine soulhalf-search done after being recruited, and found that she was one of the rare few females paired with a male. [Hi, Crystal here. I appear in square brackets.] This is rare because soulhalves share most mental traits, most notably IQ and sexual preference. [Since both me and Calvin are bisexual, we were paired with the opposite gender. If I were straight, I would like guys, and would be paired with a homosexual male or another straight female.]
—
Intermission! It’s time for a David moment.
David: Pie and cheese! XDXDXD (this refers to one of Taeshi’s artist comments.)
Kizuna: WHY WON’T YOU NOTICE ME
oh lord this is going nowhere
[Bunch of idiots, all of you.]
—
“Mike.” Aforementioned character looked left and right, recognising a cliche moment when he saw one. Heard one. Whatever. He adopted a sarcastic tone, assuming a prank.
“…How do you know my name. Argh, a disembodied voice. Get on with it.”
“Oh, now, don’t angst, you adorable little Korat you.” A patch of heat-haze rearranged itself into an anthromorphic cat. She had clipped her full-face helmet to what seemed to be a pilot’s suit, and her fur was shining blue. Mike nearly passed out.
“I haven’t got much time here, but I’m to pass you this.” She handed him an odd weapon- at least Mike thought it was a weapon. It looked like a pair of metal bars stuck to a pistol’s grip, leaving a gap between them.
“Just pull the trigger. You’ve got eighty shots. Run to Lily when it’s time.”
“When it’s time?” Mike was by this point too dazed to think about his circumstances, and was swept up in the current of the dreadnought pilot’s quick delivery.
“You’ll know. Blood and gore and gunfire, sorta thing. Seeya.” A bigger heat patch resolved into a mecha, two storeys tall, with its chest cockpit flipped open. The cat hopped in and buckled on the helmet as it closed. Giving a peace sign through the armoured glass, she swung her dreadnought around and bounded off, the crystalline ionic lattice armour glinting in the sun. Mike was left on the forest path, staring blankly at the rail pistol he’d been given so forcibly.
“…Hey, wait, what? Get back here!” The forest gave no reply.
—
Factfile: Dreadnoughts
They’re bloody walking mecha. The Crysallis dreadnoughts in this story are built for human-sized pilots, as cats from Crysallis tend to be human sized. Being only slightly more than half the height of other cats gives them major inferiority complexes, and they build huge mecha to compensate for it. In deference to the shiny flora of their homeworld, Crysallis dreadnoughts have a mostly decorative outer layer of ionic crystal lattice armour. By human or BCB- era cat standards, it’s almost invulnerable, but the cats consider it purely aesthetic- it can barely take Imperial small-arms fire.
—

Lucy fumed down the street, muttering. Waves of angst energy radiated from her, making her psychic-tuned force blade hum in sympathy. It had been chosen for her because it would have plenty of RAGE and T.T to power it. The FSC dispatchers also took into account its semi-sentience, and Lucy’s abundance of pets.
—
Tess watched with folded arms as kitties set up heavy weapon emplacements in her house windows, and FSC telekines strenghtened the molecular structure of the manse’s foundations and framework. She hadn’t understood a word of all the chemistry-talk.
—
Abbey’s family had packed their bags, and were on their way to Tess’ home, as it became a fortress for canonically important characters. Lily was with them, and Mike followed along, deciding that now was the time.
—
The captain of the Akihabara had done a flash detox on his system, and was running high on stims. His fingers danced through the air, touching holographic displays floating in front of him.
“Engine room, hard to port.”
“Hard to port, aye.”
“Starboard lance batteries online, sir. Point defenses online. Secondary batteries coming online.”
“Engine room, drift us closer in. Generators divert power to the fore, aft and starboard shields.” The heavy cruiser lurched as her port plating struck the event horizon of BCB’s universal gate. The lights dimmed as the ship’s generators focused on the weapon batteries and shields. The craft now rested lengthwise on the main portal into the BCB universe, presenting a deadly broadside to anyone who would try to gain entry.
It wasn’t going to be enough.
Chapter 1 complete

Wow, this looks interesting! I’ll definitely read it later.

That’s very comforting, pronkat. Later, eh.
Sorry for the wall of TEXT though.

I just realised I was supposed to mention why the FSC was there in the first place, and only briefly alluded to it in the ‘dropships coming down’ bit. Oh well, go try guess what I’m talking about, it’ll be in a later chapter.

Co-author is here to take credit. Hello, world!

I… I can’t believe I’m saying this but… I’m completely lost o.o

Seriously. I get the concept. I get the terminology… But the series of events just seemed so disjointed to me that I have NO idea what’s going on anymore ><

Maybe I’m just missing something? I don’t know… *Feels very confused*

This, is confusing. But I’m engrossed!

It will come together. I’m missing about 5 important bits which are supposed to make the thing make sense. WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER LOL

Groovy then!

Anyway since both me [and Crystal] have mid-years soon, don’t expect an update unless I slack off. Man, I got to get up to date with my painting. And writing. [And me.] What. Stop shoving me off the keyboard.

You guys… awesome! Take your time. I know I should be studying for House exams…