Bittersweet Candy Bowl

Sup guys?

OK, so it may not be perfect ad it is a little short, but it’s my first fan-fic so be reasonable enough and don’t attempt to eat me for being horrible.

Chapter 1 – Not so friendly encounters

“I can’t believe you’re going.” Daisy sobbed as Abbey wiped a tear from her eye. “He’s only gonna be gone for a week.” Michael whispered to Lucy. “I don’t see how she’s getting so upset.” She replied. “OK, I guess I’ll be going now.” Abbey waved off his friends as he walked down the narrow pathway. He was heading into another city for a week with his foster parents and sister.

“I miss him already.” Daisy cried. “Dai- Daisy.” Michael tried to get through to her, but he wasn’t able to get passed her sobs drowning out his voice. “GOD DAMMIT, HE’S ONLY GONNA BE GONE FOR A WEEK!” Lucy shouted. That got her attention, and nearly caused Michael to faint at the same time. “It’s not like he’s gonna be moving there, there’s no need to whine.” “I’m not whining!” Daisy shouted. “And at least I care about my boyfriend!” The fire blazed in Lucy’s eyes, she stood the, not blinking and only twitching her fingers. Michael whispered into Daisy’s ear. “Run, run like hell.” Lucy began to chase Daisy as Michael tried to calm her down only to be chased as well.

As all this was going on, a mysterious cat was watching, hiding in a nearby tree. “Hmm, so Abbey’s friends are psychotic? Why am I not surprised?” The cat noticed Abbey was far behind the rest. “Took him long to say goodbye I guess.” He grinned. “I guess it’s time to pay him a long awaited visit. As Abbey walked along the path, the cat jumped down and put his hand on his shoulder. “Remember me, my old friend.” Abbey turned to see him, shocked at the person standing before him. “Y-you?” Abbey stuttered.

“What are you doing here?! Are you coming to wreck my life again?!” He shouted. “Relax, nothing of that nature.” He said casually. “Me and my parents are just moving here and I saw you so I thought we could have a little… Chat.” “No, I’m not up for-“ He stopped himself. “Did you just say you’re moving here?” “Why yes, I see you still pay attention to detail.” He smirked. “No, stay away from there.” Abbey said. The cat could tell he was becoming more protective than frustrated. “What’s wrong with me moving?” The cat replied. “I’m not causing trouble.” Abbey tried to move closer, but the cat stepped back. “Not gonna get violent with me again, are we?” Abbey looked away. “My life is good at the moment, ruin it for me and I will do whatever I can to hurt you.” The cat laughed to himself.

“You don’t want me near your little girlfriend, do you?” He said cockily. “After what you did last time? Hell no!” Abbey said. “Stay away from Daisy, me and her are happy enough together.” “You’re gonna have to face me some day Abbey.” He said as he began to walk away. “Just don’t do it.” Abbey turned to walk in the opposite direction. “Danny…”

it was okay… really confusing with who is speaking though : /

I know, I really need to work on that! >->

I’ll try and get it fixed next time.

Well, it is certainly a nice opening.

@Ved: Why thank you, sadly, until Abbey gets back, there’s not much stuff like that.

Foreshadowing. =O

If it helps, you could write it like a book first.
A new paragraph for each change in speakers.

I was planning to do it like that at first, until I realised I’d probably forget. xD

It’s interesting… But yeah, definitely give each speaker their own paragraph so as to avoid confusion.

I look forward to seeing how this pans out.

Paragraphing mate!
You have to separate what each speaker is saying by a paragraph.
When an idea is complete you move on to the next one.
You only cut off to create tension.
Jeez! I feel like a teacher.

Ha! We love to disappoint mate!

I argued whether or not to put a fan character in.

Until I realised I had no idea what to write otherwise. x3

I know.

A huge orgy between them all.

Yeah, with Mike Hawk!

Awesome!

And her little happy soul will eventually get crushed and die slowly by reality…

Boy I’m a bastard!

Mega Bump