Bittersweet Candy Bowl

why did hitler blow up a tropicana factory



he hated the juice

just great

Is this for your jokes or for anybody’s (my money’s on anybody’s).

But if you’re asking me for great jokes, you are in dire straights. You might also be my brother in arms.



Ha…ha…ha….
Because it’s supposed to be funny. Brothers in Arms. Dire Straights.
OK, fine. That WAS bad.

what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor
















































wheres my tractor

what do ducks eat in the winter?















i dunno i was asking you

i got nothin

ah, the old “humor derived from the discrepancy between expectations and results” gag….

What’s green, hangs from a wall, and whistles?



*I did not make this one up, I found it in a book entitled “Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar” and as such take no responsibility for the answer, as I don’t understand it either.*


ANS: A herring. You can accidentally paint it green (infinite universe), inadvertently nail it to the wall (infinite universe, again), and so what, it doesn’t whistle (so sue me).

I’m betting it was originally a red herring…

you steal your jokes HEH mine are 103% original thats why theyre all hilArious

Do you like fishsticks?

Who? Me or WHF? I personally have an aversion to all things that are fishy enough to sound like the opening line of a joke.

@ Beef Jerky Jerkity (Jerk): Do you like South Park?

@ Hmmmmm…. I like Ugly Americans so very much. “You know what they say…if you love something let it go and shut up about your whore girlfriend and pay attention.” Randall is hilarious.

…ok I didn’t even snicker here- you sure did something wrong

His ego isn’t the only thing he’s stroking.

So a GBA:SP walks into a bar. The bartender says “Why the backlit face?”, the GBA:SP replies, “Because the previous iterations of this hardware suffered from poor visability in low lighting environments.”

Gameboy owners should be laughing right about now.

Science to the rescue again!

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”

Now, some say this is the funniest joke in the world, but I suspect it really just shows how much we all secretly look down on hunters.

Second place, according to LaughLab:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”

Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”

Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”

And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

Finally, for the French:

An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:
“Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”
“But,” the dog replied, “that would make no sense at all.”

this is gonna be a bad joke but im told to post it since my friend is a coward and won’t do it! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE >


Why do all the x-box gamers play at the park?




































RED RING OF DEATH THATS WHY!

bad joke is very bad also i came up with that joke a loooong time ago xD’

but my friend wanted to post it and he is a scardy cat… so you know what i did it… and im taking full responsibility of its failure cause im a MAN!

Why do you always find the man alone in the living room?



























cause the woman is in the kitchen making him a sandwich! LIKE SHE SHOULD BE!
lol

i didnt know kc green invented dumb jokes

Maverik, I did..I did…
TD, I also enjoyed these x3

A man landed with his bike in quicksand, someone comes along and asks if he can help him, he then answeres “No thank you I am waiting for help from above, god will save me.”
someone else comes along and wants to help him, he replies again that he waits for help from god, this happens another time and in heaven he asks god why he didn’thelp him, god then replies “I sended you 3 people you idiot!”

The only funny jokes I know anymore are racist ones…. and dead baby ones… and ones about rape… and I’d feel terrible posting them here.

why’d you even mention it D:

I don’t know. I guess this joke is funny:

What is acolorful letter you can eat?
A Brown “E”

Other jokes are southern puns

…I don’t get this one…

Brownie lisa.

…*headdesks*
that’s cause we don’t have them over here!! Dx

What’s brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung. ^_^

Why did Tigger look in the toilet?

Because he was looking for Pooh.

*ba-dum-tsh*

What do lesbians cook for dinner! nothing they always eat out
Two mdrunks are walking down some train tracks, one turns to the other and says, Goddamn this is a long staircase

terrible jsut terrible, i know

what knocks on the window 3 times, crys, and then Explodes?






















A baby in a microwave!

poor baby

Two guys run into a bar. What do they say?




















Ouch.

^_^

That’s my favourite joke so far.

Doctor Bob had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he’d hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:
“Bob, don’t worry about it”.
“You aren’t the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of their patients and you won’t be the last. And you’re single. Just let it go…”
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality,

whispering:……

“Bob………..





















“You’re a vet”.

HA!

Confucius say, “He who walk through turnstyle sideways going to Bangkok.”

Confucius say “crowded elevator smell different to midget”

One man went to have a check-up with his doctor, but the results were very grave.

The doctor, shocked, slowly explained the bad news to the man, “Sir, I have bad news and worse news.”

The man said, “Oh man… Okay, lemme hear the worse news first.”

The doctor said, “Sir, you have cancer…”

“…Wow, man that sucks!” the man winced. “Well… what’s the bad news?”

“Well, you also have Alzheimer’s disease.”

“Damn.” The man said. Then he got up and sighed, “Well, at least I don’t have cancer!”

Confucius say, “He who go to bed with stiff problem wake with clear solution.”

A mans walking down the street talking to his buddy
“man my sex life is dea, the wifes bored as hell and im not satisfied” says the man
“well” says his buddy “have you tried the rodeo method”
“the rodeo method, whats that” he asks
“well first you start off by banging her from behind, then you lean down and grab her tits, then slowly whisper in her ear, Hey these feel just like your sisters! and see how long you can hang on! and that the rodeo method”

A man walks across a beach when he comes across a beautiful woman naked on a towel.
She is very atractive except for the fact that she has no arms or legs.
She says to the man. “Nobody has ever cuddled me before,” So he gets down beside her and holds her close to him.
Then she says. “Nobody has ever kissed me before.” so he starts to kiss her and she kisses back.

after a while she wispers to him “Nobody has ever Fucked me before.”

so He lifts her up and carries her across the beach. the Sun starts to set and everything seems so romantic………..












Then he Throws her into the sea and shouts out “YOUR FUCKED NOW!”

Westy wins the Jerk Seal of Approval.

That last one was really mean, Westy. XD

Why did the Monkey cross the road?


because he saw the chicken cross the road.

This is all just turrible.

whats pink and fluffy?


pink fluff!
















whats blue and Fluffy?





Pink fluff after you cut off its Oxygen supply.






whats Black and fluffy?




Dead pink fluff.

disregard my post

What’s the difference between a muffin and a jew?

























A muffin doesn’t scream when you put it in the oven.

….Or was that too far?