Bittersweet Candy Bowl

Tip wars are the best though.

Kenny: And here’s a ten cause you were awesome.

Candy: Yeah? Where here’s another ten just to be safe.

Kenny: (looks at her as he pulls out a 20 and sets in on the table.)

Candy: (does same)

Me: Where do you guys work?!

Both: Applebees.

True story, freaked the waitress out cause all she did was bring us a pizza.

Jacob has a knack for muttering “I love you” as the waitress/waiter walks away. The following double takes are priceless.

Awesome.

When you mentioned tip war, I imagined the bill being brought and then being chucked back at the waiter while the person yelled “Tip War!”

Yes!

Nope! Just throwing money at the poor girl like a hooker!

Where do you swipe the credit card? Sorry, I had to do it.

…you don’t want to know. (Shiver)

Uh-oh, author rage
(oh and I laughed at the fact that you even have the characters calling him rapecat)

Ok. I’ll be honest. I’ve been putting off commenting in here… However, I feel that people deserve better than that, and so I’ll be honest with my thoughts.

The story is still pretty bad… Granted, it’s quite significantly better than the first incarnation. And any progress is good progress. So bravo on that front. But for every problem you’ve fixed, or in a few cases tried to fix… Several more have risen to take their place.

Now, I don’t claim to be a perfect writer. Hell, I don’t even claim to be a GOOD writer. But one thing I pride myself on is attention to detail, and the fact that I always research the characters I’m writing for so that I make as sure as can be that they are acting and reacting in believable ways. I question everything, and if I can find a suitable reason for an odd moment, I share it with the reader. (An example for this is where Tess helps Sean with the set that was about to fall over. Why was she in the theatre, much less on the stage at the time?)

I mention this, because it was actually fairly grating to me to read your story, and find that it had practically no ‘research’ or explanation evident in it. I’m not saying that you didn’t research. Just that, if you did, it doesn’t really feel like it… Taeshi already addressed the gross misrepresentation of Jessica and Sue that I picked up on. But I kind of feel like everyone got their fair share of incorrect character building. To be honest, my comment remains that Augustus is the only BCB character whom I didn’t really have any issue with. He seemed more or less spot on. Perhaps a little less clever than I’d expect him to be, but that can be forgiven. Everyone has a different style, and that affects things like that.

Lucy I felt was still WAY too quick to accept this newcomer. You have to remember man… She has INCREADABLE trust issues. She might begrudgingly accept someone as a member of her group. But she won’t just open up to ‘some guy’ just because Tess told her to. I know she sort of knows Sean by this point… But when it comes to things like telling him about Mike and Paulo? No. She just wouldn’t. Hell, she wouldn’t have told TESS those things, which makes it odd that she was able to relay all that sort of stuff to Sean. And this isn’t even touching on the issue of Tess, a girl so terribly afraid of alienating her friends after her own past indiscretions, that she would NEVER talk behind their back about their personal lives. Nor would Lucy brush that fact off.

You have… Ummm… “Rapecat”… Wielding a gun. Robbing people. KILLING people. Acting like he’s literally a James Bond villain. Where did this come from? He’s a thug, not a mob boss! And this is somewhat inconsistent with the fight scene, which I’ll get into next, where he summons up his large gang who arm themselves with random hunks of heavy stuff like pipes and bats. If they DO use guns, why wouldn’t they come armed with them?

I’m not even sure if he actually has a gang. I was under the impression that it was a few thugs hanging out and causing trouble. Also… I know that Taeshi hasn’t named him yet, and has said that he WILL be named later… But there are better ways to deal with that than to have characters actually call him Rapecat… If this was intended to be funny, then mission accomplished. It’s hilarious. But judging by the tone of the story, it feels like it was supposed to be serious…

I think I covered everything I wanted to say about the characters… So now I’ll move onto the setting…

It’s definitely better than the first attempt. I’m really glad you decided to flesh out the history of the character, rather than just have him show up like before. But as Taeshi pointed out… In your ‘past’ stuff, you seem to forget that the BCB cast were different people back then. With different relationships etc. The most glaring error to my eye besides Augustus knowing about Daisy for some reason… Was that you portrayed Mike & Lucy as being kept apart by Sandy. Which isn’t true. At this point in the story, Sandy was still just an ‘occasional letter’ to Mike. He was stoutly in love with Lucy at that point. So there would be no reason for Lucy to be crying about Sandy…

Most of the rest of the setting stuff was fine, if maybe a tad generic, but I can roll with that… Until “Rapecat” shows up again, and the whole fight scene starts up. This is ridiculous to the Nth degree. It changes from a high school drama, with a few over the top and somewhat out of place scenes involving a gang and guns… To Die Hard 5: Please Just Die Already.

I won’t get into the semantics of Sean’s convenient knife that he never used in the fight, or how people bouncing around in the back of a van hitting a tree at top speed would be dead… But seriously, the shift in genre was so harsh it gave me whiplash…

I don’t really know what to say in summary… I think this is yet another case of a fan character story that would have been made SIGNIFICANTLY better, simply by having nothing to do with BCB. I’m all for generic action. But not in a high school drama… While it’s a bit bland, the story isn’t a terrible story. But it really just does not fit with the cast and setting of the comic.

I’m not going to tell you to stop writing. Nobody has the right to say that to someone. It’s a terrible notion. But I don’t know… Maybe rethink what story you’re trying to tell? Clearly you have a story idea for a character you’ve created. But a fan fic is just that. A fan creation. A story about the characters of someone else’s work. Granted, I’ve made fan characters. But they exsisted to serve the origional character I was writing about. My “All It Takes” story is about Sandy. The fan characters just give her a context for her story to happen in. This feels more like it’s a story about Sean, and that the BCB characters exsist to give HIM context.

Just something to think about I guess. Please, keep in mind, we won’t bite your head off for posting a completely original story. They’re cool! But if you’re gonna post a fan fic, you need to stay true to the source, or else what was the point? (Unless your intention is to take the characters, and put them in a new setting, like a Sci-Fi, but even then, the characters need to be true to their roots, else it’s not those characters).

….Honestly I have no complaints over both Taeshi and your responses, if anything sorry for the misinterpretations. I started to notice that the story was falling apart, but I decided to end it after coming up with no acceptable solution. @Rapecats name was intended yo be(comical, even when it didn’t fit) Adding Dr. Mike Nicopolis from the murder mystery was another unrealistic/comedic relief attempt. I didn’t think about the knife I had, I have a moral issue for never using weapons in a fight, as I only consider fighting as a last resort and don’t intend to seriously harm or kill someone unless it was absolutely neccessary. I only use the knife as a tool in my everyday life. I believed that posting an original story wouldn’t be recieved well, so I decided to attempt to connect it with the BCB storyline, since it was supposed to be focused towards stopping the Rapecat villian anyway. So that’s my take on all of this.

Can I throw my two cents in for a moment? Maybe you shouldn’t base Story Sean so much off of yourself. I love when people put them selves in fan stories, but there has to be a point were you separate yourself from your characters. Trust me, most of my female leads are variations of me but still different. Some are even more random or confident or even calmer. But the point is that they might resemble me, but aren’t.

They have there own personalities, fears, and downfalls. Right now it feels a little bit like you are just copying and pasting yourself into the story. Give Story Sean his own personality, this is fiction after all, don’t be afraid to change a character a little bit. Now don’t go make him a god character or anything, god knows we don’t want any Mary-Sues popping up. i guess my point is give Story Sean a personality point that you hate and play off of that.

I don’t know if I’m making any sense here, let me get some sleep and see if I can explain this better tomorrow.

You are, and thanks for the advise, though I don’t think I’m going to make another attempt at this story. Charcter art is all that I’m going to add after this.

Okay dokey then, I’m glad my ramblings made sense. And don’t give up writing, but rework your story. Take that as advice from one writer to another. Peace.

And I still wanna see Dr Mike.

I will get to him soon. Was out bowling for Jacob’s B-day and so didn’t make much progress on artwork.

“Let the cards fall” - 311

I’m still a disembodied voice because you have not drawn me.

Join the club, I haven’t drawn myself yet either. ;P, but you know the reason for that.

@Maverik:

(Rapecat is stroking his pussy while the nefarious James Bond is splayed out on the table with a laser about to slice him in half.)

Bond: Do you expect me to talk?

Rapecat: No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.

“Let the cards fall”, is that supposed to be a quote or song?

It’s a song.

And how does it relate to any of this?

It’s in the lyrics:

“Let The Cards Fall”

Let the cards fall
Let the cards fall where they may
All I can do all I can say
Gotta move to trust my instincts and surrender
Let my song sing itself
I am they who admit what they don’t know
All my friends excitable they’ll tell you so

So let the cards fall and fall where they may
In checkin’ on our conviction dick
We run from the shit our own way
So what you will so what you wish
Follow your bliss on everyday
Never ask for an advantage
Let the cards fall where they may

So let the cards fall
And fall where they please
Ask me while we’re at it
I do it with ease
Taking up space is the people
Who like to hold you back
But in reality the majority
Really don’t give jack

<[IMG]http://i49.tinypic.com/2m29p5g.jpg[/IMG]>

So here is the first character pic, it’s of myself in non-anthro form, which fits with the new intended revision of “The Guardian”. This time the story is based on the original scenario that sparked the “fanfic”, this one is called “The Guardian Initiative”. It will start with non-anthros and then later some emerge, these characters pics will be posted soon. So to clarify: “The Guardian Initiative” is the original story that sparked these others, the BCB characters are not in it, and any reoccurring characters (Jacob and myself) will have the same information from before except that Jacob shall not have an anthro form. Hope you will enjoy it.

Thanks for that. ;D

Alright, I’ve scrapped the brick chips out of my hair and having seeing the new incentive comic I’m calling it a night. @Taeshi and Suitcase: keep up the great work. Peace.

Repost, due to failed upload.

Nice to hear that you aren’t MIA on this. Again, nice self portrait.

Why is it I can’t even see your posted images?

Are you using a phone or a computer? Try refreshing the page. I’ve checked on my iPod touch and PC and they work, so I don’t know what else to tell you….I’ll post a smaller image next time. Sorry.

An alienware Aurora ex desktop pc, that enough info?

Maybe the source isn’t valid anymore, or something.
Damn i wanna see Dr. Mike!!
(I know he isn’t here yet, but I’ll never see him at this rate)

I just tried it and it is still working,Although I’ve had the same issue with posted images on other threads that will appear sometimes, but not at other times….maybe Suitcase would know? Plan on getting some more drawing done tonight and to post something at least tomorrow evening. Working on Set design floor plan currently and drafting is “fun”.

I can’t see it either

Yah ran across some of those too, sketch yourself forum?

Here is a thumbnail resize, if this doesn’t work I don’t know what else to do to fix it.

… I got nothing. Try including the quotation marks that are in the format ( < img src=”http://example.com/image.png” >
(don’t click that, there’s nothing there.)
I highlight, copy and then paste.

The edit gave me the same result, I can see it from both my ipod touch, acer pc, and my friends phone….I’ll try imageshack next.

The above doesn’t show up for me, but here is a direct link:

http://img193.imageshack.us/img193/7007/ seandetailedv2.jpg

*sigh* once again,it doesnt show up

Damnit…..Well, I don’t know what else to do then. Sorry….. If Suitcase swings by again, maybe he will have a suggestion.

Here is Dr. Mike Nicopolis in the Labryinth.



And a direct link:

http://i46.tinypic.com/20p7cex.jpg

Where is he pulling that crow bar from?

His pants, remember he likes to store things in his pants, and his upside down bowler hat. (Its meant to be awkward, as is his style.)