Bittersweet Candy Bowl

@Pronkat
Good question,im still developing his personality.
And trying to find a proper meaning to ´´Mary Sue“ that they are calling my character.

I made a better version of the first fan-comic i made.

Goodbye Loneliness 2.0 1
Hope its good now,for a first page ._.

Ok. For those who do not know, a Mary Sue is something of a “Perfect Character”. They often arrive suddenly, everybody likes them, and those who don’t are ‘just jealous’, and they can do pretty much anything they try. They also lack any kind of flaws, such as, for example, Lucy’s inability to relate to people, causing her to have a hard time interacting with other characters, especially new ones, or Abby’s father issues, which cause him to have anger issues forcing him to be unable to physically defend himself without feeling like he is becoming his father.

Let’s take a look at Kou shall we? But before we do, please don’t take this as hate. It’s simply my attempt at constructive criticism…

Kou has lost both his parents. This can work as a strong flaw. But it needs to affect him. Otherwise it’s just a ‘cool back-story’ to make him seem tough since he could endure it and be fine. This doesn’t need to mean that he’s always moping about it. But it needs to affect him SOMEHOW to work.

Kou has history with Lucy & by extension Mike. Ok. That’s fine. It gives you a convenient in with the group. But just because he has spent his life obsessing over Lucy does not mean that she will recognize him. I’ve met someone who somehow recognized me from first grade. I had no idea who they were. And we were supposedly best friend, let alone someone who apparently never approached Lucy.

Lucy immediately walks up to Kou and invites him to join the group. This just plain doesn’t make sense… Perhaps if he had gone up to her and she had just shrugged it off with a “Do what you please”, then it might work. But Lucy has a hard enough time being nice, open and in most cases, even smiling, when it comes to her close circle of friends. Much less someone she only sort of recognizes. Why should she suddenly become really friendly with him when she isn’t with ANYBODY else?

Kou is just as good as Lucy at fighting. I’m not sure what to make of this, since as far as I know, the characters no longer study martial arts in the new series…

Yashy forgives Kou and grows to like him fairly quickly, when she harasses everyone else despite whether or not they try to treat her well. Especially anybody who is close to either Mike or Lucy, as she sees them as a threat to her parents relationship. Somehow I feel like one speech wouldn’t be enough to simply sway her.

Chirpy calls Kou “Hero Kitty”. I just plain don’t get this… You mentioned it had something to do with his scarf, but Mike also has a scarf and is simply called “Boy Kitty”. I wouldn’t put it past Chirpy to name Kou that. But I would think he would need to do something heroic in front of her to earn that moniker…

These are my observations anyway. Anybody can feel free to correct me or prove me wrong. Just don’t think I’m here to troll. I just want to see people improve. Hell, I myself have a long way to go. I used to play the biggest Mary Sue of all time in my old Role Playing Forum ^^;

@Maverik
Ok i get it now,now im working a bit about Kou`s personality and so on,it will take time and the last comic i did was like some time later they meet(like some weeks or a month).
Now working on the new version of Goodbye Loneliness(hope you readed it) tomorow the page 2 will be done.

If you’d like, you can email me your ideas.
I have planned out the next few chapters with Blaze, so I can give you some feedback before you start drawing.
It’s nice to stay in contact too.
Email: veddarkshrine@yahoo.com

I read the page. it seems somewhat an extended version of the original. The one thing I did pick up is the fact that Kou’s parents don’t have eyes. Letting my over-analysing roll, I’d say this could be the first subtle sign of Kou struggling to remember his family as he begins to progress in life (ie. a new beginning which should appear in the next few pages). The story has changed somewhat slightly to affect him more, though how you pace the next few pages will determine whether I still see him as a Mary-Sue or not… Those are my thoughts anyhow.

@Ved
Like for that ´´ULTIMATE FAN COLLECTION“? when i plan a story for that i contact you.Or a opinion for the next pages.

@Pronkat
Hope i diong it right now,strange that the other characters i did was not that complicated ._.

I`m starting to ink the new page now,only checking if i writed right some terms.

For this comic.
But you want talk about the fan comic, I’d be happy to hear too.

@ved
I make contact when i have any problem to develop the comic then.

The new page is done
Goodbye Loneliness 2.0 2
Note: Kou was a bit sarcastic he wasn`t serious about drowning.

And a small drawing i did.
Kou & Daisy
It was for a cousin

I gotta admit. This revision is starting to look a lot better I love the way you got Daisy to meet Kou BTW. Definitely makes more sense now.

Also, the other drawing is cute ^_^

Keep it up mate. You’re definitely improving *Thumbs Up*

i totally agree… xD lol

@Maverik,Taeshi,mk 23
Thats why i did this new version of the comic to fix some of my mistakes.
Doing mistakes sometimes is normal.

Indeed. Mistakes are how you learn. The point is that you DO learn from them. And clearly that’s what you’re doing. So thumbs up from me

Ok the page 3 is done.
Goodbye Loneliness 2.0 3

Planing the page 4.

A much better introduction.
Though I would try to keep each character’s speech together, separating that one sentence around Kou’s head threw me off.

Bump for those who didin`t readed the page yet.

@Ved
That part was because it lacked a bit of space to write the speech.

Now continuing to draw the page 4.

It’s coming along nicely

I’m actually quite impressed at the progress you’ve made between the original and this new one. They’re worlds apart, and you’re definitely showing growth.

Stick with it! I’ll be cheering you on from here ^_^

I like this new version of the first chapter~!

Agreed! It shows plenty more realism to it.

Phew its done the page 4 \o/

Goodbye Loneliness 2.0 4

Planing the page 5 obviously.

Yay, he messed up his line.
And it does make me think what his can still remember.

It’s so cute how flustered he got~!

Haha. Poor Kou… I think everyone has had a moment like that.

Keep it up mate!

Wow i didin`t know this comic improved so much,good that you guys liked it.

I had a busy day,but the page is done!
Goodbye Loneliness 2.0 5

Before they started throwing stones at me, wait for the next page!*runs*
*runs back*

The last two squares it happened once to me when i was on 7th or 8th grade when i was living in Rio de Janeiro.
*runs away again*

A bump for those who didint checked out the new page yet.

Lmao. Is it just me? Or would Tess TOTALLY tease the new guy like that?

The new page,maybe today will be one more.

Goodbye Loneliness 2.0 6

The conclusion to this chapter is near.
Wow no one throwed a stone at me \o/

I actually laughed out loud at that last panel XD

i also laughed xD

Don’t worry Kou your going to be fine.
Oh.. Wait wrong file…
You have 6 days to live.
From boobitus.

@Maverik,Kariz
Wow,was that funny?
@Jacob83
Oh no,it looks seriuos O.o

Goodbye Loneliness 2.0 7
That Doctor realy looks familiar.

And so ends the new, far superior chapter ^_^

You seem to have grasped the concept of making your character more interesting, so just stick with it and keep doing what you love

Heh, things like that are bound to happen.

Now trying to finalize the next page.
Any sugestion of name to that doctor on chapter 7?I thinked like Houston(to make a bit a joke)but i think this is a mans name ._.

Doctor Libida, how’s that?

I approve of Pronkat’s suggestion.

I knew you would mate! XD

Hm,thats nice,waiting for more sugestion.

New page.
Goodbye Loneliness 2.0 8

The next im drawing now.
About the doc`s name maybe it will be Libida.(If it have a joke tell me,i`m a bit slow to understand a american joke ._.)

Ahhh. I see what you did there. Clever

Oh snap, development!

@Maverik
Yes right?

@Ved
Answer my mail ok?Its hard to decide one of the 2 options that i have imagined.

Aaaaaand we have background.

It was a good idea re-doing this chapter, he needed quite a bit of information. Also, Tess’ breasts reeeaaally needed to be brought into account.

*Information behind him.

I hate when I can’t type.

@Kou
Sent you an email.

Yay! My suggestion stood! Oh and Kou, change libida to libido and google it. You’ll find plenty of material then ;D. All I ask is that you make a joke using Marvin Gaye’s song.