Bittersweet Candy Bowl

my therapy for bees is to get bioshock, get the insect swarm plasmid, and fucking kill people with bees

They should breed a swarm of tiny honey bees whose stingers are too small to break the skin. They’d be so cute!

I would crush them in an instant… I don’t care what the breed is, I hate any and all bees.

You a bee racist. I don’t blame you, they look disgusting. I’m like that with mayflies and I hate June bugs just as much but I don’t kill them as readily ‘cause they’re so fucking SQUISHY. >

Fucking June bugs! Sons of bitches kept dive-bombing me today.
God, I hate bugs… X(

I swear to god, I open a window for some air and the june’s freakin’ SWARM THE WINDOW!
Why they want in my room so bad, I still don’t know to this day.

You know, I’m wondering if bulb wattage has anything to do with it. Like, maybe they’re attracted to a certain part of the spectrum and there’s a bulb somewhere that won’t attract many if any at all. I’m a librarian, I should be able to find the answer to this.

I doubt they’re attracted to infrared rays.

Still, this reminds me. I’m sure the starfish are up to something. Anything without a brain is sure to do something dangerous and very silly. ^_^

You bring up a good point and a better adversary:

JELLYFISH. OH GOD.

But jellyfish can actually be lethal. Starfish cannot, therefore they must be more cunning. ^_^

Oh, there’s also the Honey Badgers, as explained by Jeremy Clarkson.

What do starfish eat anyway? I mean, except chocolate starfish. Someone told me they eat large chunks of silicone. I don’t know what to think about that.

Hem… No, I don’t know. Probably strange seafloor things.

I know that their mouth is a creepy little thing in the middle of the star. Maybe they hang onto stuff and then when an unsuspecting victim passes, it lets go and latches onto it.

Dude! You know what are really weird? Barnacles! They’re hermaphrodites and they don’t move, so they have ultra long prehensile dicks!

…I, uh, read an article on the weirdest penises in the world. The duck reproductive system is the most terrifying.

@Jerk
Let me guess… was that article from Cracked? XD

If by “strange seafloor things” you mean shellfish, then yes!

Might’ve been, I dunno.

Yup, it was, I checked.
In related news, elephants are apparently prehensile down there…

Since when did we go from jellyfish to elephant penises?

i saw an elephant at the zoo step on his penis once, it was quite upset afterwards

One-third of all duck reproduction is by rape, and the duck reproductive system has evolved to reflect this. The duck penis is prehensile and about two feet long and the duck vagina is a maze filled with areas that go nowhere. Duck reproduction is literally a fucking battlefield.

armed with medical grade protective face mask and thw swiffer wet jet i have vanquished my pidgiony foes! now i just have to keep them from coming back

BB Gun and good aim. Problem solved. Next?

So, I’m sitting in a Chinese resturant and I notice these flies buzzing around me, just like at home and I try to shoo then away, but they won’t leave, I have a feeling that they won’t leave me, perhaps… Perhaps it is true… Perhaps I am lord if the flies.

From hence forth, I am to be known as Ace the Flylord!

Buzz.

Humans.

Lets face it. They fit the bill. Humans ARE animals. More so, they are the only animal in the world you truly cannot trust. All other animals behave on some sort of instinctual level, therefor you can nearly always predict their actions. Humans on the other hand… yeah… there is no such security.

Furthermore I know of no other species in existence that purposefully or maliciously harms itself.

Jay, I’ll ask this again: Where have you been, lately? ^_^

Nearly every species in existence purposefully and maliciously harms itself, though the phrasing is kind of loaded because it treats each species as an entity. Animals fight and kill their own kind all the time over territory, resources, superiority, you-name-it.

I honestly don’t trust Llamas.
They intimidate me.

(Not to mention they have a tendancy to spit when you have your mouth open)

@Jerk: No, not really. Animals fight and maim and kill for a reason (although cats apparently kill more mice than they eat, and kill them slowly). Humanity is the only thing that has spawned emoes and postmodernism. ^_^

Oh, and despots. Ghengis Khan murdered (not personally, mind) 35 million people. I doubt even a colony of killer ants could do that to other ants, especially not without a pressing need to do so.

http://www.cracked.com/article_16762_6-biggest- assholes-in-animal-kingdom.html

dont trust ants

ILB! Sorry, I’ve been kinda in and out of my mind lately. And didn’t really have much to contribute to the various threads either.

I’ve been wracking my brain to find some kinda edit I can make to contribute to the edit thread. So much fun, but I lack the creativity. =(

Hee. I can’t make a good edit to save my life, either, but I do it anyway. ^_^

But don’t worry about not contributing. I think we can safely say that about ninety per cent of the posts here are quite without content. Still, it’s good to see you back.

I don’t trust chameleons. I love mine, but I don’t trust it, much less any chameleons I don’t know. I just CAN’T trust something that’s nearly as sneaky as me.

Chameleons arent sneaky, the change in color is related to ther emotional states, if anything chameleons have the empotional frailty of you average highschooler except that chamelions are unable to hide theyre feelings

Scientifically false. Their raw emotions are not what control color change. They become brown-ish when hungry so they can safely descend to the forest floor where insects are more plentiful, they display colorful patterns when discovered or frightened to scare off potential predators, and they are green the rest of the time, but raw emotions don’t have anything to do with it. They don’t turn black when they’re depressed, or bright pink when they’re happy. The color change has absolutely nothing to do with feelings, and everything to do with an evolutionary trait that automatically changes their camouflage to fit the situation. Moods I might let slide, but “feelings” complete with a teenager comparison? No.

Besides, have you seen the way they move! They are definitely trying to be sneaky! (Although they are almost laughably over-cautious)

hmmm interesting point, i suppose my statement could be half right then, as for the way they move, it is almost like watching a person not actually moveing caustious but trying to act cautious and overacting at that

those damn pigions, i just cleaned the balcony and they already laid another batch of eggs, without bulding a nest this time though so clean up was easy enough

You need spikes, my friend. Big nasty sharp spikes atop anything that they like to perch on. As an added bonus, they make great “evil lair” decorations.

Humans. They’re an uppity bunch who are constantly judging and killing each other. Dangerous things, them.

Humans, because they possess a cognitive variety that is unmatched by any other animal, must be considered on a case-by-case basis. While it may be good policy to assume you can’t trust any of them, when it comes time to actually decide who you can or cannot trust, you just can’t lump them into a single category.

After all, put your trust in the right human, and he/she might end up saving your life. And humans are a lot better at saving your life than any dog (I’m looking at you, Lassie!).


Decide for yourself what level of sarcasm that was… if you can!

Myself.

I always have that look in my eye like I know something I don’t know. Very suspicious.

I know what you mean, Jerk. I don’t trust you either for the very same reason.

Ninja is implying that I am more intelligent than I look. >:3

i already said humans yall bitchez slow

@whff: *refuses to respond to terrible punctuation (JK)*

@J. Vincero (Jerk): No, I’m implying that I don’t trust anyone who looks like a paradox.

Yuh-huh. I bet. :3

How am I supposed to respond to such an over-used, dumb, and uber-sarcastic comeback without resorting to violence?

Accept defeat.

In the butt.

Violence it is then.

*Throws several angry porcupines at Jerk.*

*impaled by porcupines*

What interests me…is why you’d consider not using violence in the first place. :3

How many times do I have to explain that if I killed all the friends/nemeses/acquaintances/douches that I met online, I’d have no one left to whom I could talk like a (vaguely) normal person.