Why would you feel sorry for me?! I’m a professional boxer at 17 years old, and I’m better then most other fighters YEARS older than me! I’m close to getting the amature belt, Which will soon become the world belt, and I have a record of 6 wins 6 ko’s with 0 losses! I’m about to prove to the WORLD that I’m not the pathetic whimp that I was years ago! You should be feeling sorry for the guys I’m going against!
Bittersweet Candy Bowl
Archived Forum
Defining Moments Of Drama In Your Life
Comment ID #7878
Comment ID #7879
@Jake
Dude, trust me, constant use of violence will solve little. It may solve your immeadiete problems, but it will only compound into something nasty if it contains. And I ain’t exactly a nice fellow either, having gotten into more than my far share of fights, throwing punches, choking a one particularly asinine fellow, and slamming a third face-first into a table. Ay, trust me, I’ve fought my fair share.
Point is, try to use alternate methods of dealing with people. 19 years of age, and you can go to jail for assualt. That hit me like a ton of bricks and I had to calm myself down FAST. ADHD and being particularly sensitive to insults hardly helps matters.
Look, try talking and getting other people to help get rid of your nuisances. It worked for me. 
And honestly, that’s about as much as I wish to share with ya’ll. I’ve gone through a helluva lot, and I don’t feel like sharing.
But trust me, violence truly solves nothing.
Comment ID #7880
…it’s also times like these I wish I could edit my responses. XD
So much grammar fail… :O
Comment ID #7881
Really, it works wonders for me… Punch ‘em in the face, the crowd cheers, and I get money! It honestly can’t get better then that…
Comment ID #7882
@ Jake
Than I feel sorry for you.
Life shall teach you otherwise.
Comment ID #7883
So far, life has taught me that being the nice guy ends with everyone taking avantage of you. Life has already taught me all I need to know.
Comment ID #7887
Oh, Jeff in Aus.. oh Jeff, I completely sympathise with you ;_____; *Spins you around, repeadetly* though I’m pretty astounded at the whole living example of repressed memories and stuff. I always hear about it, but I guess I’ve always been the exact opposite of repressed memories :-[
I was repeatedly raped by my older cousin when I was about five or so, and those memories are still bright as day. If anything, I used to obsess over them and just remember and remember and remember, now I have this really awful habit of beating myself up over the most MINUSCULE BAD MEMORIES EVER. Like I’ll shudder or whine a bit and Souppy will be all “what’s wrong” and I’ll be all “Don’t worry, just thought of something stupid again”
That cousin never got any jailtime or anything like that though, he was just ostracised from some of my relatives, then there are the ones that know nothing about what happened and still talk to the guy. For a time, I was freaking out in fear that he might have done bad stuff to other little girls, but thankfully my father tried to find out about that when he was in Ecuador on visiting and apparently there’s been nothing else..
nonetheless, I still wonder if it’s just because the victims were silenced. It’s obviously a horrendous strain on my mind, to be quite honest I think I did fairly well surviving off what happened. That is until I became an adult and became all insane and depressed and whiny and I’m trying to get over it, but apparently the whole “trauma” has come up and bit me in the ass in the most recent years. Maybe it doesn’t help that I have no family here in Australia and only Souppy for support.
and to be quite frank i believe the experience completely and absolutely killed my desire for.. INTIMACY. Like.. I don’t care for it. I just want snuggles, I just wanna hug Souppy and kiss him, but nothing more. I’m like rarely in the mood, and I never feel anything. I was told by my therapist that it might be an untampered defence mechanism, because apparently I SHOULD have felt pain when I was little. But I never did.
So maybe when I was five I just shut myself down when he was doing those things to me so I never felt the terrible pain? And I guess that causes me to feel nothing now. i’m a total buzzkill in the sac. *Hit*
then again it makes me a delightful waifu because i don’t really give a shit about feeling good, I just wanna please Souppy. One-sided waifury.
uhhhh
But yeah when people found out about my cousin doing that stuff to me, there was a hell of a lot of obvious drama. Like my father was really the only nice one out of them all. His relatives were obviously on his side and were like “WELL MAYBE SHE WANTED IT”
YEAH
RIGHT SURE
even though i was like five umm hello
And the other half of my relatives were disappointed I didn’t fight back. I remember this memory so clearly, my grandmother angrily telling me that I should have thrown a shoe at him and gotten the hell out of there.. and me, stupid as can be, sheepishly responded “But that would hurt him!!!”
i mean even though he did such terrible terrible things
i still didn’t want him getting hurt
i mean seriously
I don’t believe there was ever a time in which I really wanted the guy dead or something. One of my biggest dreads when I recall it is how much he concealed it as something sweet and romantic to do between two people that love each other. So I guess for a time I felt like “Well he’s apparently doing nice things, so I can’t be mad at him!!!!”
ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
I don’t know.
It’s all just so confusing and shitty. It kind of didn’t help that at the time he was doing that stuff to me, my mother was in America and I wouldn’t see her for another three years. My father and brother and I went to Ecuador assuming it’d be for a few months to get citizenship for America.. and then getting my mother residency. If my mother left America at the time, she wouldn’t have been able to return. So I completely understand my mother not being able to be there for me.
But I mean so much freaken DRAMA happened because of that. Like my mother was raging because she wasn’t there to protect me and my father feels at fault for it and ngghghghhghghghghhh it’s so stupid
like it’s not their faults at all, even though it sucked not having my mother for three years I’m happy she stayed in America.. because otherwise we woulda stayed in Ecuador. I wouldn’t have wanted to remain.
And considering how I’ve gotten all nutso in recent years, my mother and father blame themselves even more because they feel helpless in assisting me and stuff.. but seriously, noooooo. don’t blame yourselves :l the only person who really is at fault is the one who did it.
TL;DR catscatscats
Comment ID #7888
@ Jake
True, true.
But I still can tell you that there is far more to it than that.
Your body is strong, but there are those still capable of destroying you. And your fists will not be able to handle them. Learn, look, watch, and plan. There are ways of taking others down and you never need to touch them. With the proper knowledge, a palm can be far deadlier than any fist. A finger can kill with the right knowledge.
You still have a lot to learn.
And since your heart is now cold, you will never see those that truly care.
And I am done with this conversation. I can say no more to you, nor will my words have any effect on you. The only one capable is life itself.
I wish you good luck.
Comment ID #7889
TAESHI ISH NINJA. >:U
Comment ID #7890
And right now if I had the name of your cousin Taeshi, that alone would be all I would need to hunt him down. And yes, I have the resources available to do such a thing.
That just ain’t right. *hugs*
Comment ID #7891
Also Jake oh my god.. I mean there’s beating up a bully making jokes about your dead mother, and then there’s beating up someone’s who’s overconfident. Two big differences. I mean you don’t have to keep beating them, if they’re down they’re down. That kind of viciousness won’t work in the end, because next thing you know you’ll go too far and you’ll be punching walls in a prison ;__; it just doesn’t solve anything!
I mean not saying that you shouldn’t box and reach your dreams, but don’t bloody kill someone. Do the beating that you need to defeat them.. and then that’s it. Crowd cheers, money, hooray.. but to keep doing it while they’re down? What’s that gonna prove? They lost already?
Comment ID #7892
Cyo: What would that honestly solve, though? I don’t know.. to be honest, the ball is in my court to recover from it now.. I don’t think hurting him or watching him suffer will change what he did or make my life better. If anything, that’s just negative viciousness that I don’t want to have. I rather move on or recover.
though i’ve always kind of wanted to know what he’s doing :-[ He’d be like.. in his thirties now. That’s freaken weird. FREAKEN WEIRD.
(hilariously enough his name is david, which for a time freaked me out when I realised it long after having created David the character. But there’s a difference in pronunciation.. like my David is.. English-pronounced. His is spanish-pronounced.. THAT pronunciation brings chills down my spine)
Comment ID #7894
I wish I could write as fast as you seem to be able, Taeshi. You make me feel sad…and inadequate. Sadequate.
Comment ID #7895
@ Taeshi
Like I told Jake, violence solves little. I wasn’t going to hurt him or anything, just find him, and if I could, potentially shove his sorry ass in jail. Someone like that ought to pay for their crimes. ;D
Trust me, I am about more than mere violence.
And I’d need the last name, too. But that is unnecessary, seeing as most likely the ones I’d need to ask wouldn’t agree. But, ya never know. And no need to reveal that. This is a far too public forum for such matters.
Also, I agree with your philosphy. Beating one when he is down proves nothing. You won’t garner any respect from actions like that. Fear, yes. But that will get you nowhere.
Comment ID #7896
@ Taeshi: Jesus christ. I’ve heard similar stories from nearly every female friend I’ve ever had. It’s like a gut shot every time. I don’t understand what drives those sumbitches like that to do that kind of stuff, and I never want to. Jake’s already described in vivid detail what I think they deserve.
And…I can kind of see where Jake’s coming from. I don’t know if it’s the same for him, but every fight I get into I feel like I’m fighting the worst fights all over again. I think I get just as angry about it as he does, and if I had the same kind of power that he does, I can’t say that I wouldn’t do the same thing.
But I digress. ;p I don’t want Jake to end up in prison. I can’t explain it, except to say “just ‘cause.” As long as it’s not an excuse a three year-old would use, right?
Comment ID #7902
Before reading this, I thought I had it bad. I mean, so of the things in here are heartwrenching.
The closest I’ve gotten to major drama is when my grandfather was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and my family fought over where to put him. At the time, he was living with my aunt and had been for pretty much 30-35 years. When he was diagnosed, my family had different opinions. Most of the family (including my mother) thought that he should be in a home. The rest thought he should stay with my aunt but my family argued she couldn’t take care of him any longer. Eventually, he was put into a home. For a while, things seemed ok, but around Christmas that year (2008), my mother and the side of the family that wanted him to stay in my aunts care stopped talking. I still see them sometimes, but never around my mother. Anyway, eventually, my aunt got a job at the home because she was closest to him. Not too long afterwards, she was sitting quietly in home, upstairs in her bedroom for a quiet rest. My uncle went upstairs and found her having a heart attack. She was unable to survive and at 51 years of age, my aunt had left us. This left me and a lot of the family broken, she was important to us and we all still miss her nearly a year on. After all this happened, my grandfather had a series of small strokes (no serious ones) and was put into hospital. Not long before christmas, he toom departed from this world. He was 89. After all that, the family still don’t communicate. I sometimes hope I could do something, but alas, I cannot.
Well, that’s about it, of course it is really quite a small deal, especially compared to most of these. Honestly, to everyone, minor or major issues, I hope you some day feel better.
Comment ID #7903
@Taeshi
I can’t imagine a worse thing that someone can do to a child than that… One of my mate’s ex’s was also raped as a child, and as a result, also ended up with no labido and no enjoyment from sex, so I’ve heard about that sort of thing before…
For what it’s worth, I’m sorry if the thread resurfaced those insecurities you mentioned. But like everyone else who’s posted, perhaps more so since you’ve got significantly less anonymity here, I admire your bravery for sharing such a significant part of your life with us. *Hugs*
Also for what it’s worth, your TL;DR made me chuckle 
Comment ID #7906
I couldn’t be who I am if I didn’t suppress all the stuff over which I typically angst. Sorreh, I can’t heah ya ovah how awesome ah am! ;p
Comment ID #7922
@ Taeshi: Honestly, from one victim to another, I really don’t know what I can say, I mean, what can we say? Things happened to us, things that stole away our childhood and replaced it with something dark and sinister, festering in our hearts. It affects each of us so very differently. You, you remembered everything, and maybe that’s good, and maybe it isn’t, and I dearly hope that you recover from the trauma.
It’s the worst thing I can think of, having to relive one’s rape, because in my mind that just amounts to being raped all over again. I knew a polish girl who just kept getting the short end of the stick, and a couple of weeks before she disappeared she told me that that’s what she feels like. She thought it was all her fault, and that she couldn’t sleep at night because it would happen all over again. But on the other hand, and this is where my thoughts start to complicate themselves, I think I would much prefer to know, just so that I knew…I can’t explain why, it just makes sense to me that way.
The people who say “They wanted it” or whatever excuse they use at the time, they’re fucking idiots, people who just won’t acknowledge the truth when it stares them in the face. These people make this shit possible, by ignoring their own children when something happens.
(Uhh, your post was a little over the place, and so’s mine, sorry!)
I don’t think you should be worried about your intimacy problems. At least you’ve found someone you’re happy just to spend time with and and is happy to just spend time with you. You’ll heal that scar one day, and you’ll be able to enjoy something was meant to be enjoyed, not twisted like that.
And your family, go visit your family, or invite them here. At least your family hasn’t been ruined for you. With me, my mother knew, my stepfather knew, my Nanna knew, they all knew about him, and yet they still let me go off alone with him, thinking that it wouldn’t happen to me or whatever I thought, but it did. Now I barely talk to them, I barely talk to anyone, just my friends, and I have few of those. I find it hard to trust other people that implicitly anymore, and I haven’t had a real relationship in years, not since the end of highschool.
As for my Grandfather… I wanted to kill him.
I wanted him to feel everything that felt, because when I remember it, it hurt, the worst pain I’d ever felt, and he was so much bigger than me. He’d hold me down, press my face into a pillow so I couldn’t scream, only letting my face up just enough to breath then press it down again. I’d get sick, vomit all over the bed or the floor or whatever, and I’d cry. He just wouldn’t say a thing. He’d come in, he’d rape me, then he’d leave, not a word said. It’s true what they say about the power in a rape, because I felt absolutely worthless, powerless and useless for years after I found out, so I wanted to take it back. I wanted to take it back from him, and I didn’t care what I would have done to him to do it.
Now that I think about it, I don’t really know how i would of felt after it.
Sorry, I’m confused now, I get like this when I start thinking about it too hard. And I feel like I’m just being selfish now, so i think I’ll just post this.
Comment ID #7926
Wauuggghhhhhhh, that sounds awful ;____; I guess the older one gets, the more likely it will totally be forced upon. Even though you were still so young, I guess you also knew that it wasn’t the right thing to happen and he knew damn well he needed to stop you from telling. That freaken sucks and I’m sorry, I can see why you wanna repress those thoughts. To be honest, even if there’s the mystery of really finding out the gory details, why know? I mean the gist is there, it’s just very unpleasant memories that are better off gone. It’s not really running away from it, it’s realising that they’re bad thoughts that shouldn’t be a part of your life anymore.. they should be taken and thrown away, and you can move on.
I don’t blame you regarding your family, I guess it was complicated, but nobody should ever choose an adult that should know better over a child, I’m happy you found friends to confide in though. It’s kind of frustrating that he all-around just.. got away with it.. I guess until karma came in and gave him that heart attack. It reminds me of a story I read in a book with basically the same ordeal.. only an abusive uncle. And every family member was so scared of dealing with the truth that the uncle was doing unthinkable things that they.. didn’t even confront it. Out of sight, out of mind mentality. What horrible logic. And the uncle just died alone, really.. because people just stayed away.
We’re kind of immensely different despite kind of living the same sort of thing. I guess my cousin had the advantage of being able to tell me that it was something “lovely” and “nice to do” and that I should feel bad to not allow him. it was only making love!!!!!!!!
In a way, I guess I was fortunate because I was never really beaten or taken as viciously except for like once when it was nearing the end of that ordeal, like I actually refused and tried to escape, but he was really vicious and grabbed me and basically just tossed me on the bed, and I do remember that was the first time I really did feel the pain. Was I just really good at “concealing things”? Because my god I hate hearing about people who really absolutely suffered more than just emotional pain throughout it, I feel like I had an ace up my sleeve to deal with it :l Getting distracted and engaging in my own thoughts while I just let him have it.
It’s awkward because he always called it “making love”.. or rather “haciendo el amor” because lolwespokespanish. and that phrase just gives me the worst taste in my mouth.
oh god here’s something that i gotta admit
I think even as a kid I wanted to kind of.. prove to everyone that it didn’t mess me up, but it so totally freaken did. Like I would be all “I AM COMPLETELY NORMAL AND NOTHING TRIGGERS A MEMORY YOU BETCHA”
but like.. when I was like.. from six to as late as twelve I didn’t wanna wear anything skimpy or revealing because I was afraid people would notice me and I would be filthy and used again, so I worse jumpsuits and things and absolutely boiled during the summer. I kind of made the excuse that I was just being a silly tomboy and SKIRTS ARE SO GROSS FFFFF
and oh my god scary movies.
the first time he did that to me a scary movie was blaring on the television while everyone else was out in the living room partying and watching some game. And for some reason that’s made me absolutely avoid watching any scary movies ever, because even the thought of seeing one triggers that memory. And it’s annoying because as I said for the longest time I wanted to prove to people I was over it.. like I didn’t wanna be treated as a victim.
Like I told one of my friends and she babied me for a good while after that, and I was just like thinking I AM FINE NOW NO REALLY. Like her friend mentioned rape in conversation and she thought i was gonna have a heart attack when I was totally fine with it. I don’t wanna be the kind of person that causes people to change how they speak just because of what happened to me.
so i always feel guilty when someone mentions a horror flick and I’m like “hahaha 
; never watched one”
fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
also you’re not being selfish, if it’s any way to kind of help you overcome vent as much as you need. I mean I hope it’s helpful, even if it might make you feel uncomfortable. I know we’re not licensed therapists or something, but you definitely have someone to listen to ;__; At least you can take comfort in the thought that that awful man will never harm another child again.
Comment ID #7928
Yeah, that’s true.
When I get the chance, I wanna try and find other victims of his.
Apologize to them. I know it won’t do anything really, but I think it would be nice if someone did that. No one ever apologised to me, and i keep thinking that it would of been nice if someone had said sorry. Something like that.
Comment ID #7929
I joined this forum to make friends. Licensed therapists or not, a few positive forces can make all the difference.
Comment ID #7930
That may be one of the truest things I’ve ever read, Jerk.
Comment ID #7931
I know I can be pretty over-the-top, but I’m just trying to cheer you guys up with my arrogant nonsense. Whether you need cheering up or not.
Comment ID #7934
.. Jeff, I am sorry ;__;
(I apologised to you ;.;!! It’s never too late!!! *Hit*)
Because I feel very very bad, I made a general picture for absolutely everyone that was cool enough to share their sad stories on this thread of sadness:
JUST PRETEND THE BLOB IS YOU AND THINGS WILL BE PEACHY OKAY
(By the way, in Aus? Australia? Where?)
Comment ID #7935
D’aww.
Comment ID #7938
Awwww… That picture is really nice.
I kind of feel bad that my ‘terrible story’ was more or less the terrible thing happening to my friend, while I just sort of… Experienced it by proxy by being there when it did happen to her… And you guy’s had such terrible things happen to you directly…
I feel reluctant to assume the image applies to me… But if it does, then thank you. Sincerely… Thank you
Comment ID #7940
Gah that drawing is making my heart burst. Too… sweet…
Comment ID #7962
RAPEFEST 2010 itt
Comment ID #7967
Souppy, you just ruined the moment. >(
Comment ID #7983
I’ve seen that porno before.
Comment ID #8002
Dear Taeshi,
Thank you for the pics.
Damn if you guys have had traumatic pasts. Almost makes me feel like a whiner for angsting for years about a little bullying and betrayal.
Anyhow, all of you guys need this in addition to a hug:
Comment ID #8019
@Taeshi
Wait, so your older cousin raped you… multiple times… and you didn’t do anything to get back at him?! What the hell! Why don’t you try to get revenge!? He took advantage of you, and you should make sure that he learns that your not gonna let what he’s done to you slide…
@Cyo
Good luck… It’s been so long that I heard those words said to me…
Comment ID #8023
@Jake
I understand the lust for the title. I understand the guy who you decked. I don’t understand the need to be so brutal to those you meet in the ring. What does putting a guy in a wheelchair accomplish? What does forcing someone into retirement due to injuries accomplish? So the guy was cocky. So he requested a bout with you. So he wanted the title.
So does everyone else.
The reasoning you made out for brain-damaging the guy is the reasoning I would expect from a sociopath. You wanted to send a message? THAT is a good reason for destroying someone’s life, and the life of his family? You could have sent the same message with a display of SKILL. Just because you can bring him to the brink of death doesn’t mean you should.
I am in agreement with Cyo in this matter. Your way isn’t healthy, for you or anyone else. In my opinion, it is only a matter of time until someone dies. Therapy might do wonders.
All I can say is God bless, and I hope your troubles will one day cease to be.
Comment ID #8027
Therapy? Yeah, I tried it. All it did was take $12 every half hour from me while some dude in a suit tells me everything I already know. “You seem to have taken you violent behaivor for your abuse in school…” No shit sherlock.
Comment ID #8029
Thanks, Taeshi.
Me, I’m up in Townsville, in Queensland.
Comment ID #8030
There’s something you don’t see every day: a therapist who’s a complete twit.
Wait, that doesn’t sound right. Oh well. It’ll come to me.
Comment ID #8031
What kind of therapist wears a suit?
Comment ID #8032
Well finding a good therapist is definately hard, but to be patient throughout the process is harder.
Best of wishes to all of you.
Comment ID #8033
Jake: I was kind of five? And he was sixteen? He easily overpowered me and when my family found out about it he just.. disappeared, I never got to see him again after that.
Besides as I said what’ll it really do now? It happened, damage is done, he’s not allowed in some of the family’s homes in Ecuador, and apparently his father vanished. I’m sure despite lacking the jailtime he still had to go through tons of drama from some of my raging relatives.
I wouldn’t be surprised if someone hit him, I don’t know. I didn’t know what revenge was when I was little, so hell if I coulda done anything to him.
Comment ID #8034
@Quacksalver
I know, right? He was an idiot!
@Erebus
Why did I beat him down so bad? Because he was cocky. He thought that anybody could just breeze there way through life. He came up to me and said to give it my all, because he said and I quote, “As far as I know, nothing can bring me down.” Well guess what ya little cuntpunter, you are down, in a pool of your own blood… and you’re never gonna be able to stand up again. NOBODY talks shit to me! I’m DONE with dealing with that!
Comment ID #8035
@Taeshi
But can take your revenge now. The damage is done with you, now all that’s left is to throw it right back at him ten-fold…
Comment ID #8036
@Taeshi
From what I can tell from Jake, I think he meant track him down and try to toss him to jail. (or some other revenge)
But I know you wouldn’t even if you wanted to.
Comment ID #8037
Jake, it just ain’t the same. And you destroyed a man, you didn’t teach him a lesson, all you taught to anyone who saw that is that you are ready and able to attempt murder.
Comment ID #8038
@Ved of Flames
Jail? Only jail? I’m talking about a beat down! All she needs are a set of brass knuckles and a little muscle, and he’ll regret coming anywhere near you.
Comment ID #8039
Ayep, that’s about all you’ve managed to tell me Jake.
Your a Sociopath. By your words, actions, and response, all you believe is violence. Nothing else.
To be honest, I feel sorry for.
And I am friends with people far deadlier than you, yet they know how to control themselves. You, do not know how.
Comment ID #8040
@jake
*I feel sorry for you.
Fail grammar is fail.
Comment ID #8041
@Jake: I’ve read all your posts here, I agree with everyone and I urge you, please try and find some sort of help, not just for yourself but for everyone around you. You’ve already hurt somebody seriously and if this continues you WILL end up in jail, you WILL find people stronger and more violent than you and you MAY end up going even deeper into these problems. Eventually, paranoia will take over and after that, you will become even angrier and more deadly to many innocent people. Please, save yourself from going down this path, get some help fast and get these issues out of your system for good.
Comment ID #8042
No one’s deadlier then me! Everyone who though that I was going to be an easy win has pissed themselves at the sight of me after I was done with them! I have proven that I’m through being everyone’s punching bag, always being walked on, I never had one friend in my life who wasn’t taking advantage of me or was just trying to find another way to bring me down. My entire life I have been subdued and beaten by everyone else, now it’s my turn…
You know what? I’ll take your advice when I lose, which will never happen if I have anything to say about it.
Head back to the forum index.
Comment ID #7876
@Jake
I feel sorry for you.
Maverik April 24, 2010, 8:59 AM EST.