Bittersweet Candy Bowl

Granted, it is so immensely controllable, it’s all your mind can handle. you go into a coma and die.

i wish someone would break this wish without killing me in the process.

Granted. You suffer intense pain for all eternity, never dying.

I wish I had everything I ever wanted.

You stop wanting anything you don’t already have and live a peaceful and boring life.

I wish I had talent.

Granted, but you only have a talent at falling off of incredibly high cliffs and somehow surviving.

I wish that we had a good genie.

Granted, I AM the good genie. im only good because all the other genies are so much worse.

I wish for a wacom drawing tablet.

It is delivered by a big fat hermaphrodite with a flock of seagulls haircut and only one nostril, who steals your lucky lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkle. ^_^

I wish “I Wish” was a less entertaining song.

Granted, it is now sung by Weird Al Yankovic with a cold.

I wish I could remember my dreams, and that my dreams wouldn’t portray any negative mental side effects if I remembered them.

(That makes “I Wish” less entertaining? Oh my. ^_^)

Your wish has been granted. The dreams do not portray negative mental side effects, but what they do portray contains, among other things: Mark Twain in a tutu, William Howard Taft without a tutu, a mad cow sporting a fork and a machine gun, the painful torture and death of Barack Obama, Nelson Mandela and Mahatma Gandhi, the face from the Exorcist, everything you touch turning into lethally poisonous snails, Voldemort jumping out from random alleyways magicking your friends into maggots one by one, vile cheese graters taking over your home town, a large and sweaty Bill Clinton relentlessly trying to hug you, Hilary Clinton deciding that you are at fault for this, the endlessly prolonging room, mockingbirds eating your liver out every hour, and of course, you wake up finding yourself still inside the dream. Those black supersoldiers from Stargate also appear at random intervals, only to blow up a shoebox five metres away and run away while they giggle like twelve-year old girls.

… I wish I didn’t have to break wishes to put my own wishes on Death Row. ^_^

Granted, you will be butchered by a ninja cat so you can’t break any new wish and, because you are dead, you can’t put any more wishes.

I wish i can kill every one in the world and then commit seppuku successfully.

(Hee. This is too fun. ^_^)

Granted. You gain the ability to do both, but you only succeed in the latter.

I wish toothpaste tasted distressingly much like strawberries.

@ Dr. John. I understand why the ads are there and I’m glad that they are. It doesn’t stop some of them from being annoying and I’m not going to deny that. Besides, this is a humor thread. It’s not like I was wishing to get rid of the ads in real life, I’ve always known that genies don’t exist. =/

@ Frustrated Writer: Granted, but then you and all of your victims are reincarnated into vampires. Stephanie Meyer style.

I wish that I could shapeshift.

Granted, but your taste buds can’t assimilate the flavor of the strawberries and all the other people in the world enjoy this flavor.

I wish i can be better organized.

@ Skygaze: Granted, now you are Ditto and Rukral want to catch you to complete his collection.

Same wiish as above…stupid random IP..¬¬

You are immediately better organised. Unfortunately, everything around you remains unorganised and you collapse into a sobbing heap because of the sheer impossibility of the tasks ahead.

I wish computers could mirrorwrite properly.ylreporp etirwrorrim dluoc sretupmoc hsiw I

Granted, but then computers began to explode worldwide because of you, and people now is mad at you and want to kill you and rip your organs while you’re alive.

I wish i had a death note, and i could kill people at my will, and then some guys find that i have one and they kill me in the most painful way ever existed.

Granted. I don’t need to break that wish. ^_^

I wish.

You were gonna wish, but I got bored of you and killed you before you could finish your sentence.

I wish I had the 7 Dragonballs.

(Also I wish I remembered to put Spradic Zoom instead of Carter.)

Granted, the last 8 dragons have been neutered for your wish. They are pissed at you though, and no one is sure what you will do with your rapidly decaying organs.

I wish that 8th dragon wasn’t missing one to begin with.

Oh, wait. Sorry.

And no, I cannot grant that wish. Ignore this reply. ^_^

Granted by default. only dragons 1-3 lost both and dragon 4 only lost one, leaving dragons 5-7 perfectly fine, and dragon 8 didn’t have to be neutered the second time since only dragons 4,5,6, and 7 would be needed for that.

[/McCain]

I wish I wasn’t so analytical.

You are suddenly transformed into *David. ^_^

I wish washing whitewash with water was worthwhile.