I think you could’ve filled nine more pages with “I dunno, what do you wanna do?” and “jerkface.”
Bittersweet Candy Bowl
Archived Forum
(Yet) another BCB fanfic
Comment ID #60879
Comment ID #60880
That was the point of that, probably a bad call
Comment ID #60882
Eh, it’s bad quite frankly… Maybe start it again?
Comment ID #60883
I think it’s an okay story so far,
also this

Comment ID #60884
D’aww. Eighth grade Lucy had a fat head. xD
Comment ID #61011
Very…rushed. Had a frantic feel to it. This is just my personal taste talking, but try slowing the pacing a bit. Other than that it’s good.
Head back to the forum index.
Comment ID #60877
(All right, so i thought I’d thought I might try my hand at this, tell me what ya think
)
The early morning sun shone upon a girl, she was wandering around aimlessly, watching the birds fly, suddenly a boy stepped out of the shadows and held her. He spoke softly into her ear
“Hello, lucy”
“M-mike?”
“Lucy, I need you to do something for me…”
“What is it mike? I’ll do anything!”
“I need you…….to wake up”
_______________________
Lucy opened her eyes and looked at the time
“Three minutes to school….*sigh*….stupid dream, I wa-THREE MINUTES TO SCHOOL?!” Lucy flew out of bed, knocking yashi to the ground, and gathered her stuff quickly before running to the door and grabbed her little yoshi like pet, who had finished complaining and chased after her.
“Bye lily, watch the house!”
“But lucy its a ” lucy slammed the door before lily could finish her sentance “snow day….She will figure it out eventually”
“Gonna be late, gonna be late crap crap CRAP!”
As she took a corner, she slammed into mike, sending them both skidding across the ice, coming to a stop in a snow bank
“MIKE YOU JERKFACE”
“Lucy, its a s-”
“QUIET, YOU COULD HAVE MADE ME BREAK A LEG IDIOT!”
“LUCY!”
“WHAT?!”
“Chill, it’s a snow day” mike said, smiling “I came to tell you but i guess Im a little late
“Oh….so….what do you wanna do?”
“I dunno, what do you wanna do?”
“I dunno what do you wanna do?”
“I dunno what do you wanna do?”
“I dunno, what do you w-NO we are NOT playing that game….lets go back to my place, so i can beat you in mortal kombat again
“Yeah right lucy, you win by cheating”
Lucy was already opening her door when she replied
“Whatever, jerkface, get in here before you freeze to death”
_______________________________________
This is all i got so far and im not happy with how i wrote it out but i couldn’t think of a way to fix it much
thoughts?
NinjaxPanda July 18, 2010, 8:23 PM EST.