Bittersweet Candy Bowl

how tough are ya

i ate a bowl of nails for breakfast

Pretty tough

Oh god, not this again. xD

wuh oh sorry ved

I tore out all my internal organs with my bare hands because it pissed me off to think that slices of meat were keeping me alive.

Once when I was a kid, I tripped over the edge of the bathtub and bruised one of my leg muscles. It hurt for over two weeks. My mom wouldn’t believe I was in any real pain. I cried

I once grew two midget arms out of my stomach, had my eye forcibly ripped out of its socket and did battle with a half bear half zombie and used a surgical knife the cut open his torso. Then I bandaged up my eye and put a Do Not Remove sticker on the bandages. So ask yourself, am I tough enough for the salty spitoon?

i bleed bacon

I dont tell the time,i decide what time it is

Ive wrassled bears and cut down zombie deer hordes with a butter knife.

oh right
i think you guys all have the wrong address
is this the place youre looking for

I’m secretly Chicago Ted

i love that place!
*AHEM*
uhh, i mean-
I’m made out of depleted uranium, from SPACE

oh im sorry man youre right
here you are

But snooths, we don’t want to come over to your house.

I reproduce by slicing myself in half with a rusty chainsaw.

I’ve been killed on this forum twice once beheaded by La Commie, once caned to death by Taeshi. I got better both time so there.
Also I don’t know what’s sadder, that I got the reference or that I posted on this thread…

Actually,i killed you once too but just for the hell of it…*Guns down (nameless)*

nuff said

yesterday,someone got all up in my face…
so i ripped his head off and shat down his throat.

Every Christmas, I disembowel myself and string my intestines up for garland. Then I walk to 10,000 miles to find the largest tree, cut it down with my toenail clippings and then take it back home while balancing it on my nose. Instead of using those silly, brightly colored glass balls to decorate the tree, I use my testicles which I removed using a titanium spork. And those aren’t visions of sugarplums that are dancing in my head, but starving, rabid wolverines.

I’d tell you what I do for Halloween, but I don’t feel like scaring the inmates.

I do not need to prove myself to anyone, they need to prove themselves to me.

Bitches don’t know ‘bout my toughness.

I wake up in the morning feeling like Chuck Norris,
grab my nunchucks, I’m out the door, I’m ready to do this.
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a vat of acid,
‘Cause when I leave for the day, I’m gonna punch a kid

I’m talkin’ bout fighting ninjas with afros-fros
Kicking peoples’ asses with my toes toes
Holding daily free gun shows shows
Drop-kicking, fighting dinosaurs-saurs.
I won’t sleep with whores whores.
Livin’ life in the earth’s core…

I’ll kill, it’s a thrill
if you don’t pay the bill
at lunch, I’mma punch
you and you a bunch
Violence, it’s the best
and the blood and gore don’t stop
I’m sayin’ “Oh Oh Oh Oh.
Oh Oh Oh OH”

Hello Bouncer
Look at your club members, now back to me, back at your club members, now back to me
Sadly they aren’t me but if you stopped being such a wimp and let me in they could be tough like me
look down, back up
your in the club with the man your club could be like
whats in your hand, back at me
I have it, it’s two balls that you’re clearly missing
look again the balls are now diamonds that I crushed this morning
Anything is possible when your club is tough like me and not a bunch of ladies
I’m on a horse

when i do sit up’s,i put a lump of coal in my belly-button,and crush it into a diamond.

@Dr. John: In a lot of pain with about twelve gunshot wounds but still alive. Okay screw the salty spitoon I’m leaving before I bleed to death.

I’m a Ninja.

What more needs to be said?

i start each day with a refreshing salt and lemon gasoline eye wash

pfftttt-I eat ninjas for breakfast

guys, why don’t we just shoot the bouncer?

Excellent idea, sir. Shall I fetch the twenty gauge shotgun, or the twelve gauge?

I’ll just roundhouse kick him into yesterday

chuck norris jokes arent funny sorry pal

but then yesterday, there will be two of him, then four, then eight! this will not do. Jeeves, bring both, gives a little variety…

*Ahem* Sir snooths, would you care for me to call for your two gauge? …The one you use for fighter-jet hunting?

Oh, and Sir Dritchjaul, if this is the case then we do have a minigun. Would Sir care for me to fetch it?

Fighter-jet hunting has to be the most wonderful sport I’ve ever heard of. I’d like to bag me a majestic Russian MIG.

Kick him to yesterday, So he’ll be here again today? Forget it! I’ll use my tough toughness to turn off the sun and sneak in … but then it’ll be too cold, so my toughness will make another sun! Double Sun Poooowwwwwweeeerrrrr!!!

B-but Pa!
Everyone will die if you do that.

I am not entirely certain they still do patrols, Sir Vincero, however, I can get you the standard beginners kit consisting of a four gauge shotgun, a radar trailer, and minor surgery kit.
Mind you, sir, this is a sport only for the manliest of men, as you must go by foot, dragging along the radar trailer and other equipment behind you.
…There’s also a strong possibility of being hit by missiles or gunned down by their many very large machine guns. I myself went hunting a Phantom once, unfortunately it spotted me first and hit me in the face with one of its missiles. It was an absolutely terrible mess.

I spit in your salty spitoon

I like Jeeves more than I probably should.

How very kind of you, Sir Vincero. Would you like me to swap your four gauge for a two? Mind you, Sir, I cannot charge you an extra fee for such as they are borrowed from the Armory of The Elite Fighter-Jet Hunters.

Actually we’re going to go a different route this time. Fetch me the ‘66 Stratacaster, I’m going to guitar solo this son of a bitch out of the sky.

Marvelous choice, Sir. Would you like me to bring along the precision amplifier?

way to ruin a decent thread guys gj

What were we supposed to do, Snooths? :|

Plus I happen to think knocking a Russian MIG out of the sky with a guitar solo is one of the most awesome ideas I’ve ever had.

oh my, sorry Jeeves, I was out wrestling Hippopotamuses, I lost an arm, But any-who, yes do fetch the minigun, and bring back the Panzer IV while your there, and can you tell the butler the Waspe needs waxing?