Bittersweet Candy Bowl

Decisions Arc. Fanfiction BCB


Chapter 1. Crash, Death and Dreams

[Introduction]

Sandy after a long discusión with her mother, she finally gets to convince her mother of a earned vacations. Sandy anxiously goes to call Mike to give the good news.

Sandy: Maishul we are finally gonna be together. I hope that we get to be as much as we can on my vacations.

Mike: Well Im still on classes … so do you …. How are you gonna take tcome in middle of classes?

Sandy : Dont worry, my mom is gonna say that we are going for a modeling tour during 2 weeks.

Mike: And my classes?

Sandy: We will worry about that when we need. My mom and I will arrive around next week.

[After a week]

Daisy: Mikie looks kinda anxious about Sandy returning.

Abbey: Yeah, im happy for him.

Mike[Staring his watch] Why is she delayed? She should have come an hour ago. Even Her Plane ,the plane TS-350, says it delayed, and when I ask at the information shack, they tell me to wait patiently.

TV Turned On: There has been a airplane crash , seems that the Plane TS-350 had a malfunction in the engines. 15 survivor have
been found. Many with broken bones and permanently Paraplegic.

Daisy: Mikie dont panic, Maybe she didnt …. {sniffs} she didnt was in there, or she survived…

Mike: Ohhhhh Noooooo [Start crying wildly] Why her? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!

TV: One of the survivors is the famous Supermodel Sandy …..

Abbey:Look theres hope.

Mike: She is fine. [Recovering a little]

TV : Seems she was hit in the head . Her vital signs are stable but there is little brain activity . She is in a comatous state and the doctors still dont know if she is Could be cured.

Mike fell on the floor and cries meanwhile Daisy and Abbey tries to reconfort him.

wtf is this shit man,c’mon man CMON!!!!

And now we see just where Mike’s loyalties lie, a test greater than any he has known.

Dr.John this is a fanfiction arc that starts as a tragedy that ends ok

Look man,the grammar is pretty bad.The story goes pretty fast,too fast i think try putting a bit more detail into it alright? this isnt the best coming from ME you should get advice from a better writer like maverik or bribri

I know the grammar sucks.
The first chapter is supposed to be fast.

Wait what?

Haha what?

Wait….



What?

Toa what?

Toa?

This is tragic, in the sense that it is a crime against the English language.

Also, why is this written as a screenplay? What’s wrong with prose?

In response to the grammar, you can assume English isn’t his primary language. As for the fanfic itself, considering where you ended, it seems to simply be an excuse to put Sandy comatose, and not as an actual fanfic. More of a trolling method, per se.

But! That doesn’t mean this doesn’t have hope. Maybe, you could get someone to proofread your post for errors ahead of time before posting, say, on Skype or something. As for the story in this regard, I have no good advice except for don’t screw up. But that really doesn’t help.

Hey icarus,yea i just had to help him proof read,IT’S TOUGH

New Chapter Ready :
Chapter 2. Heal My Pains

Setting: Gold Heart Hospital, Room 152

[Mike sitting in a chair near Sandy, crying]

Mike: Please… Please Sandy… Please wake up… It’s me Mike… Please wake up…
This is my fault, I shouldn’t have asked you to come here from Rickter. I’m so sorry…

Meanwhile.
Lucy: Hi, do you know where is Sandy Kittens.

Nurse: Are you family or friend?

Lucy: I am… a friend.

Nurse: She is in room 152, right down that hallway.

Lucy: Thank you.

[Lucy walk to the room 152, There she comes across with Abbey and Daisy who are sitting in the floor sad]

Daisy: You finally got here. [Standing up and hugging her]

Lucy [Pushing Daisy(no pun intended) aside] : How is Sandy?

Daisy: She stills sleep and doctors do not know if she will woke up.

Lucy: How is Mike handling the situation?

Abbey: Not well, Mike had been sitting crying near Sandy, trying to awake her.

Daisy: How you expect to react if the love of your life almost died and is sleeping for ever!?

Abbey: I know, but he doesn’t wants to see anyone else either. You must get that we should be there with him helping, to support him, not sitting outside being unable to do anything. I hate being like this. Not being able to help. { Abbey is mad to this fact because he could not help her mom either}

Lucy:…………I’m going in.

[Opens Door, Enters, Closes Door]

[In the room, Sandy sleeps on a blue bed, and a machine was connected to Sandy that enables her to breathe]

Mike: What do you want!

Lucy I want to talk to you-

Mike: Leave me alone. [Weeping]

Lucy gets angry and says: I’m here to help you with the grief.

Mike: I don’t want your help.

Lucy: Come on, you need to talk about it.

[Stands up] Mike: Ok, My girlfriend tries to be with me for once and the fucking plane where she was crash and she enter to a coma. There are you happy !?

Lucy: You don’t have to be like that, jerk. I know how you are feeling.

Mike: You don’t get it… You don’t know how you feel when you loose someone.

Lucy: I do know. I lost you.

Mike: That’s different………..[Punches at a wall].This is my fault. She was coming for me, I should have been the one going for her instead of she coming here. I have the fault. Everytime we try to be together something happens. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be, may she wasn’t for m-

Lucy: Shut Up!

Mike: what?

Lucy: I told you I love you, and you rejected me. My love wasn’t meant to be. Your love lasted against time, She even tried to come here just for you. She tried to come from the other part of the world. She is for you. It is meant to be.

Mike: But-

Lucy: But nothing, now there are persons out that door waiting to support you but they can’t since you locked yourself in your world. We are all there for you, to help you.

Mike: We?

Lucy: Yeah we. So stop crying. She will wake up and she will be with you.
Mike weeps and hugs Lucy

[Pushing Mike] Lucy: Stop Mike, I hate hugs.

Mike: Thank you, Lucy…for being there for me.

Lucy: Ok, I will tell the other that you are fine.

Mike: Ok…

[Lucy goes out of the room]

Mike: Yeah… I will keep my faith.

END of Chapter 2

…PM it to me ahead of time. There are still a few errors.

I will post the Chapter 3 at Midnight.

While the grammar, dialogue, and pacing of this isn’t the best, I think the plot has potential, and the fact that it’s written as a script, and not in prose, makes it one of the more unique fanfics I’ve read. I also really enjoyed the:

“Mike: You don’t get it… You don’t know how you feel when you someone.

Lucy: I do know. I lost you.”

It takes a lot of guts to post something you’ve written online, so kudos to you!

Chapter 3 Troubles In Paradise

[Daisy was arranging herself to go visit Mike, who was still trying to overcome the shock of the crash of Sandy’s flight]

Abbey: I still don’t know what is taking you so long.

Daisy [grabing the perfume]: I’m making myself presentable.

Abbey: We are only going to Mike’s, not visitiong the queen of England!

Daisy: Hey, you should know that a girl has to take good care of her looks.

Abbey [In low pitch voice]: You never take that long for me…

Daisy [angrily]: What did you say?!

Abbey: Why do you fix yourself up so much when we go to see Mike?

Daisy: I do not!

Abbey: But you do! You fix yourself up more when we go to Mike’s place than when we date. I think you haven’t let him go yet.

Daisy: Hey, you I like you very much.

Abbey: But you “like” Mike too..

Daisy [weeping]: I do like you Abbey, I really mean it!

Abbey [sighs]: Sorry, I didn’t meant to upset you. Its that you don’t have to put on make up or shower yourself in perfume. You are perfect. I love you like that.

Daisy: Oh Abbey, that’s why I like you. Because you know how to reach to a girl’s heart.

[And so they went. During the walk, they crossed paths with Paulo, who was also going to Mike’s]

Daisy: Hi Paulo.

Paulo: Oh hi… [sigh]

Abbey: Whats wrong with you now?

Paulo: Its Jasmine, she is too clingy for me. The only time I can be alone is when either she or I have to go to the bathroom.

Abbey: If thats true, then why I can’t see her?

Paulo: I told her that I had to give support to a crybaby, Then she let me go alone.

Daisy: Thats mean, calling Mikie a crybaby.

Abbey: He just lost his girlfriend.

Paulo: But he has Lucy too.

Daisy: And us.

Paulo [Shocked]: For him to fuck?

Abbey [Angry]: Shut up, Paulo!

David [Coming from nowhere]: ORGY!

Abbey [Almost screaming]: YOU TOO DAVID!!

David: But Daisy said we where going to have an orgy!

Daisy [Blushing]: I did not!

Abbey: Why are you stalking us?

David: I got bored. Also, I can’t find my girl.

Paulo: The one you stalk insted of us?

David: Yeah!

Daisy: Well… Anyways we are going to Mikie’s house. Wanna come?

David: Yeah, I could be random there too.

Paulo: Ok. Lets go.

END of Chapter 3

No one responded…

nice story

thanks

CHAPTER 4 For TOMORROW
A Year or So…