Bittersweet Candy Bowl

This one time at my house…

I realized I should have been at band camp. I was so humiliated that I actually ended up not going.

BUT ACTUALLY

I conquered my fear of heights.
Even though my friends had to pay me to climb halfway up the ropes course.

This one time, at the Klondike derby, I was the best shot out of anyone. And i could barely hold the gun still (my hands were numb from the cold).

In fact the only reason our three man sled got third (out of four Herpa Derp) was because my shooting brought our average up so high. (third because even that could not make up for me and my friend’s awful first aid skills and the fact that only having three guys screwed us on atleast two events.)

I’ve cuddled a bengal tiger.

Climbed lava-spewing volcanoes.

Swam shark-infested waters.

Eaten gold.

I got samples of lead (bricks and bricks— sculpture project leftovers), silver, gold, uranium, fossils, emeralds, and couple other ores stuffed around my place.

And made a sexy busty goth girl cheat on her fiancee with me.

@Knul: Oh, shit, I remember Wizpig. Took ridiculus amount of tries to beat him, you sorta have to cheat by having him kick you, and he’s such a bitch cheater, then the trippy-awesome space races, then was satisfying the real ending, impling you stranded him on some planet somewhere. THEN, you unlock the mirror courses, and I got fairly fair in that, but y’remember how you have to race again while collecting silver coins? Well, theyr’e pleaced in harder spots, and I got so pissed off at one of the hovercraft ones in the 4th stage I quit for good.

I’m surprised no one has posted the “shit was so cash” copypasta yet.

Hell.

I’m posting it.



My name is John, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it’s fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on facebook.
Don’t be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I’m pretty much perfect. I was captain of the football team, and starter on my basketball team. What sports do you play, other than “jack off to naked drawn Japanese people”? I also get straight A’s, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.

*goes to find the fail thread*

*facepalm* Jesus Christ, Kaxbe…

Kaxbe, I’m really disappointed in you. No, I’m not “disappoint” because this isn’t fucking 4chan.

Helping my actual “ex-girlfriend” to escape from his old house (really bad thing)…

I really understand your shitty life Abbey !!! But we are gonna conquer the world

@GodOfBrown~epic win, ftw.

anyway, for some reason bikes loved me when i lived in Oregon, but here in Texas, they are my Enemy.

When i lived in Oregon, some 4-5 years ago, we lived on a dirt road in Hermiston. It was a small town, and we lived on the outside of town, or ‘rural’ area for you educated people. About one hundred meters from our house started a road that was about an average upward angle of about 45-60 degrees. fucking. huge. hill. It went about nine hundred meters up, from the start of it. On top was a railroad. Well, almost every week i would walk up it, and ride my bike down it. remember it was dirt, and gravel, if you need to stop, you couldn’t, even if you fell off. So i would get up to like 20-30 mph on this thing, and there was this dog that would ALWAYS jump out near me or in front of me, i would usually dodge it, OR turn, flip on my side, and slide and stop just inches away from him. shoulda ran ‘em over. But not once was i injured. thought i was an epic bike rider or something.

Then i moved to Texas.

Our house is currently on a hill, and our neighbors are on a higher hill, and the road is in a valley, like thing, so the drive ways are hills, small, but fun hills. third day after we move, i go over to the neighbors, and we ride bikes. Me being the world class intellect, thinks,”OH IM AWESOME AT RIDING BIKES IM EPIC, ME NO NEED HELMET >=D”. I go down their driveway, halfway down this 10-15 meter hill, i hit the handle bar brakes. front wheel stops. back wheel does not. bike flips forward. i land on my teeth. lost both my front teeth. Did not ride a bike for two years.

and last story, this one is my dads, but its kinda funny.

My dad is at a pizza hut in Portland Oregon. He looks out the window and sees two people behind the shrubs or bush things putting on ski masks, and pulling out their nine millimeters. my dad calls the police. the robbers bust in pointing guns at people, and my dad chuckles. one of them walks over to him, points the gun at his head, and says “shut up and eat your pizza!” and my dad replies, the safeties on, and you have no ammo” he starts to laugh loader. Both of the robbers take out their clips, and look at them, my dad jumps of one, and the rest of the people join in and beat the shit out of them. they had ammo, and the safeties were off. my dad has balls.(true story, they put it in the newspaper, but we lost the copy D=)

Holy shit your dad has fucking great balls of fire!

Holy shit ….. Gabriel Kaxbe knows how to Photoshop and fuck football playing football gives you three things to do after wards, coaching or reviewing football….. and becoming a paraplegic or quadriplegic. Anyway good luck with the sympathy sex “oh pore brokey” don’t worry i’ll go git the straw so you can eat and basketball what a useless sport watching ten people run back and forth to throw a ball in a hole. I’d rather go fishing OH and the only reason she blew you was to give you aides with out telling you and fuck your A’s I’m a fucking 10th grader in 12th grade AP Math and Science. honestly I don’t give a damn what you say just thought someone should you back in your place.


chow.

I once turned off the lights but horizontally slashing a vertical light switch with a sword without hitting the wall.
(shit was so cash)

oh and tell your “girlfriend” i like her boobs…. silicone right

“Kaxbe, I’m really disappointed in you. No, I’m not “disappoint” because this isn’t fucking 4chan.” - Hannibal.

This quote is a victory on its own.

@ J. zezy: Kaxbe didn’t actually mean any of that, he just direct-quoted a meme that was going around. And then went off to fish for pity. This didn’t bother me initially but is getting kind of really God damned annoying especially when he brings it out like this. It’s just tasteless.

yeah… I’m also usually considered by most to be 15 years old, considering I’m six foot two, and in tenth grade math, science, English, and geography this upcoming school year.

and I’m thirteen.

I am nerd hear me roar.

ITT we all post our heights, GPAs and hardcore drugs we use casually on the weekends.

HANNIBAL IS DISSAPOINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

“No, [he’s] not ‘disappoint’ because this isn’t fucking 4chan.” xD

3.33, University, Junior, 5’6”, about 120 Lbs (about 54 kilos), I don’t even drink.

You do realize I was being facetious, right? I can forgive you if you’re just fucking around, but a good handful of posts in this thread have shown me that I can’t just give any of you the benefit of the doubt.

I bured myself in the floor in a paintball match, I was the last man on the Jersey team. I took out 3 people pretty normally, they couldn’t work out where I was. A 4th guy nearly stood on my head… so I aimed my gun up and shot him in the softparts.

Let me just say, you’ve never heard a scot make that noise before XD.

@edmon:Something like this?
0:13-0:17,the rest of the video is irrelevant though.

Not quite, no.

I lost my virginity when I was 11. That was almost 12 years ago. How is that for a victory?

OH….. but still don,t mess with the J. and friends. Pity fishing is suck. oh and what i got on for that day

found some gold on a hike
see ya’ll

ALL CAPS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAD SEX WITH 7 WOMEN TODAY HEEEELLLL YAAAAAAA!!!!!!

I didn’t think I could at first but hell if I didn’t. I’m sooo tiered

…..Eh?

victory

you fail! stalemate!

i killed a bear with a wooden spear and a knife. it was epic, even though i almost died too.
(that may be why it was epic)

and the first time i asked a girl out i was slapped and pushed down a hill
(dont even remember it)

I own a chihuahua.
‘nuf said.

I was in north carolina near the outer banks,and I was in a gokart race with my sister and some strangers. The track was wet. The laps ticked by with nothing to exciting happening. My sister held firt through most of the race. I was in a constant battle for first. The track is in a figure eight, and the tunnel underneath is the wetest strech of track… The second to last lap arrived, and we were turning the corner. The straitway came, and someone spun out. In a epic stroke of luck, I had managed to stay in the race and avoid the carnage. Almost everyone except me and my sister was out for the count. I knew that if I was gonna win, I had to take the lead soon. We rounded the next turn,and the final lap started. I was furiously trying to catch a break and streak by my sister to victory, but no chance came, untill the last moment. We were neck and neck. As the last turn approched I bumped her in hopes to spin her out. I thought it was to late. We came out of the tunnel and I saw the finish line. I knew what I needed to do. I jammed the gass, floored the brake, and turned the wheel as far as I could. I drifted out in front of my sister, and I could almost see her expression of utter suprise as I crossed the finish line in first place.

meh. im still virgin. all the girls i know are stupid or ugly. the smart ones hang out and frikking gossip about anything they can so no chance there. the rest are all enemies.

yeah yeah laugh at deh virgin

i aint savin myself for marriage either. i do not want to be tied down like that. im also incredibly antisocial and i’d probably mess everything up anyway. its not that i cant talk to girls, in fact i talk to a lot of em and i got a pretty good chance with some of them, but i dont do that shit. all the teen relation drama crap is toooooo much. me and mah best friend 9who is also virgin) stay waaaay away from the whores that we go to school with, but we both get harrassed by them.


plus if we even try hitting on those girls the frikkin pseudo nerds (smart jocks) come in hordes to beat the shit out of us.

lol i fail at girls, but i live to piss them off.

that, and i have never discovered love yet. i know what it is, what it is supposed to feel like and i know what it means, but i havent experienced it yet.

i fail at love, but i live to piss lovers off.

in other words, i fail. at everything

LAUGH AT DAH VIRGINS WITH NO LIFE…

cuz i sound like a lying douchebag

i am a lying douchebag, but i speakz tha truth here!

what will you belieeeeve.

i dont think it matters i doubt the reactions from you guys would be very different anyway.

Aww. I’m sure it’ll be all right, dear. ^_^

me and a bud (he doesnt hav a license, i only have a learners) drove a car sans most its windows (the windshield had a huge whole in the center) in some places of the car, it laked the bottom, there were at least 10 bottles of beer in the back. we drove it right past a cop shop…. they didnt notice….

we had noble intentions (driving a drunk home for him) and we all got back in one piece.

Victory……….. because some one had to.

Once while playing paintball, I found myself caughtin the crossfire between two groups on the opposing team. I tried to fire, only to find out that my last can of CO2 had run out. I knew I was fucked, but I wasnt going out like a little bitch. I turned and charged group one, who stopped firing in utter surprise. I tackled the first one and then angled his gun to shoot his partner, then took his partners gun and shot him. The other group was too busy high-fiving and holy-shitting to put up much of a fight.

A completely unrelated airsoft story about the awesomness of the AK-47: A friend of mine ran out of pellets during our match. While reloading, he was charged by a boy with a pistol. Upon seeing said friend, he prepared to fire. My friend only had to raise the muzzle of his airsoft AK in his direction, and the boy tossed his gun aside and proceeded(spelling?) to run away. The best part about this was that the attacker never stopped running.

cool

ha

Also, i have decided to reveal that I am posting this from the ISS in orbit around Earth. Check out this thread for details: http://www.bittersweetcandybowl.com/forum/ 90387.html

Like I said… ^_^

Just beat Halo: Reach in less than 5 hours.

Victory is sweet.

I was unaware you were allowed to tackle the other team in paintball.

depends on who you are playing with. It wasn’t an official match, just my friends and I who were bored. never boring now though! surfing the internet in zero-g is the epitome (definition) of awesome.