Bittersweet Candy Bowl

I’m not talking about stupid B-movies that are fun to watch because they’re terrible. Mystery Science Theater 3000 exists for a reason.

No, I’m referring to the unholy abominations that should have never gotten the green light. Stuff so bad, so horrible, that it basically kills the soul.

I submit Son of The Mask.

Yeah, I liked the original Mask. In fact, it’s probably the only Jim Carrey movie that I’ve really appreciated. But…oh, hell, the sequel…. How did anyone think the premise was a good idea?! It had failure written all over it.

Also, The Star Wars Holiday Special

There’s probably a topic like this buried somewhere in the Forum, but I think it needs a reboot.

Super Mario Brothers the movie. IT CANNOT BE UNSEEN.

SALT

The Last Airbender…nuff said.

Wait, Osaka, you thought Salt sucked? I’m surprised at you.

And “A Troll in Central Park”

“dragon ball evolution”.

and on the subject off horrible remakes of jim carry classics,
“dumb and dumber 2”.

http://thecinemasnob.com/

I was waiting for that one, SuitCase. ^_^

I choose you! Beowulf! ºrº

Redline.

I’m sorry, but what the hell? I absolutely love cars and absolutely loathe this movie. You have a cast of the best cars in the world and you wasted all that potential. The Fast and the Furious did it right by making the cars do all the talking, but no, it wanted to develop shallow and boring characters. The racers weren’t even thrilling. Racing in a road where it’s just straight? I’ll understand if it was a drag race, but it wasn’t. Even when it wanted the audience to shed a tear by killing off a character, it failed by making it absolutely hilarious.

Even worse, the cars that were destroyed (SLR, Carrera GT and Diablo just to name a few) were worth more than what the movie earned. But the icing on the cake was the intentional wrecking of an Enzo just to get the movie noticed. Well, guess what? It sadly failed.

Twilight, someone had to say it

uwe boll

god bless italian slow and lazy translator for not having imported half of these movies in my country…

I think Taeshi wins

In my mind, there are only 2 kinds of truly bad movies…

Bad comedies is one. If a joke falls flat, it falls flat. There’s no amount of riffing or whatever can save it. It’s just… Bad. There’s more than your pick of them listed here already. Taeshi & Suitcase have some prime examples.

But you know what’s worse than a bad comedy? A boring movie. Not just “Oh wow. This war film has a lot of people sitting around talking politics” boring. That stuff is only boring to some people. No. I’m talking about truly boring abominations that have NO value.

As proof of concept, I present to you a movie from 2008 called The Burrowers.



This stinking pile of shit is exactly 96 minutes long, and almost every second is just a void of nothing. Nothing happens. LESS than nothing happens actually. Because by the end of the movie, not only are the characters back to square one? They’re further back than even that.

Ok. Premise. It’s the wild west, and there’s some monster things out there that like to paralyze people, bury them, then dig them back up to eat later while they’re still alive (I don’t know. The movie never really explains the ‘bury them’ bit beyond justifying the title). This SOUNDS interesting. And it would be. If any of this ever actually happened on screen! Seriously. 90% of the movie is people you don’t care about talking about other people you don’t care about, while the burrowers creep up on them. Then, just as they are poised to strike… Someone notices them and they run away.

Seriously. This happens like 3 or 4 times. Only like 3 people in the whole movie are ever taken, and I think 1 of them is taken while the camera is pointed in their general direction (though knowing this movie they were actually just filming some grass growing quietly behind him and the monster was just accidental).

Then when they FINALLY find some natives who help them, they let them feed on one guy, then while the monsters wallow around with full bellies, they just lay there and do nothing while the protagonist walks about and stabs them with sticks so that they’re pinned there when the sun rises, killing them. Yes. They’re vampires too apparently.

Then when they do this, it turns out that they just killed a couple of them, leaving still hundreds more out there, the natives get shot by some other cowboys, and the black guy gets blamed for everything and gets hung.

The End.





tl;dr: FUCK THE BURROWERS!

Speedracer Fucking Speedracer movie destroyed the legacy of the anime…

‘Nuff Said

Shallow Ground

It’s a horror movie, but not only was it not funny, the vast majority of the movie didn’t even make any sense at all and it leaves you thinking WTF did I just watch?

Any anime or game adaption to a movie made in EUA(no offense but is my point of view),give one adaption that was a sucess.

The fountain… just boring… the only interresting bits are the spanish inquisition things but even THOSE suck beyond comparison. You don’t even care for those guys generation vaulting love interrest with the spanish queen, his cancer wifer (serious amount of NARM) and the BIG FREAKING DEAD TREE OF LIFE!

@Pronkat
…
…
…
Legacy of the Anime…

You’ve SEEN Speed Racer right? That show was nonsense on crack crammed into the fuel tank of a car that was then jettisoned across the Sahara desert at mach 5.

Seriously. That movie was pretty much what I’d expect from a movie titled Speed Racer. And THEN some. Kung Fu with cars? John Goodman fighting ninjas? A colour pallet that would make a hippy who did acid tabs daily blush?

I’d say the film was pretty damn awesome myself. What the hell did you expect from it? A serious plot about an emo Speed who must conquer his inner demons and face off against the evil corporation of… Oh wait… THAT’S WHAT THE ANIME WAS ABOUT!

Fun fact, my fathers company funded the movie company “Virtual Studios” You can thank them for the movies V for Vendetta and 300…

Unfortunately they also funded them for Posidon… oh lord we went to see it the second day it was in theaters and there wasn’t a single other person in the theater.

Twelve monkeys.
the plot goes something along the lines of this:
a virus was released in 1997 killing 5 billion people. survivors go underground. animals rule the earth (their not effected but you don’t need to that till the end) a criminal is sent back in time to stop the virus from being released. some boring stuff happens…
the criminal is about to shoot the guy who releases the virus, but sees someone who looks suspicious… (its himself from the past as a kid) the guy who releases the virus shoots the criminal (older one) and the process is repeated… forever.

TL;DR: horrible time paradox that doesn’t make sense.

@GoldenArbiter

It’s not a time paradox… And it makes perfect sense. He even says at the start that he remembers seeing a man getting shot in front of him as a child. A time paradox would only occur if he actually succeeded in killing the virus releasing man, thus creating a paradox because then he would never be sent back into the past to stop the man etc etc ad nauseum.

The fact that history repeats itself forever makes it so that there ISN’T a paradox. It makes perfect sense.

Also worth noting that 12 Monkeys is the American retelling of a short French film called La jetée, notable for being done almost entirely with still photos rather than running footage.

I submit my choices:

The Godfather.

I loved the Fountain. But I do have one.


EVERY SINGLE NEVER ENDING STORY.

I recall really liking the never ending story movies as a kid, then again I was a kid, so I probably liked things that i wouldn’t now

But I liked that pink flying creature

I just watched the movies like two days ago and it was terrible. Soundtrack, creepy puppets, and a story that was ripped from the back of a cereal box. I still love it cause it’s a huge part of my childhood but it was still a terrible movie.

FALKOR!

Hee. Well, it’s been a long time since I saw it, too. But I tend not to be disappointed by things I liked in my childhood. It’s strange, but Robin Hood was even more awesome at 18 than it was at 8. ^_^

Which one?

Disney, of course. ^_^

Ah, hmm I never liked that one for some reason…

Et tu, Commie? ^_^

LaComi is fursecuting ILB.

Yes, moi tu. I didn’t like the music, that was the problem.

LaComi needs a musical dance-fest of dancing.

Turn the sound off, then. ^_^

Hee. No, you’re entitled to think that if you want to. I love it to death, as they say.

I’m listening to Tarzan right now. *Dances*

Howards the duck. Admittedly this one kind of strattles the line between so-bad-it’s-good and just-plain-horrid.

Robin Hood is one of my favorites because I thought the love story was particularly sweet for a Disney movie.

I’m going to turn on some disco now. *dances* S-A-TUR-DAY! NIGHT!

Yes, isn’t that just so. ^_^

Star wars episode 1, hate it hate it hate it. And Spiderman 3, one of the worst movies EVAR!

Oh wait this is the terrible movies thread,not the movies you dont like because i was about to post all three lotr’s but since they aren’t terrible i just hate them i cant,nevermind i just did

Really? what did you think was so bad about them?

To me,they were just so boring and uninteresting and dragged on forever it seemed.
Like i said its probabaly just me there’s probabaly not anyone else on this earth that knows about LOTR that hates it except me

You’re not alone. I know several, although in most cases it’s just due to them disliking the fantasy genre. ^_^