Bittersweet Candy Bowl

Moslty I just need the chance to get this off of my chest, I don’t have many friends in real life, and I can see how much it hurts my mom when I talk to her about this. I don’t care if no one responds, I just need a chance to tell someone, and since I’ve seen people deal with their problems on here before…

Basically, before I was born my mom ws in a rather abusive relationship with my father. In fact it was me being born that got her the courage to get out of it, and start her life anew. Every couple of years she’s gotten a letter from him apologizing and asking her to come back. Recently however, I got a letter from him, apparently he wants to meet me. My mom is letting me decide whether I want to or not. Thing is, I don’t know if I want to or not. There are certainly a few things I wouldn’t mind telling him, but at the same time life woud be so much easirer if we ignored ithe letter like we always have.

Yeah, I just felt I needed to tell somebody, you can all ignore me now.

I… I… *hugs*

my important meaningful advice: you should meet him just so you know what hes like so you can judge him yourself
youll also probably regret later in life if you dont

Thanks, even if it’s only a vitual hug, that kind of help

*Hugs too.* Holy cow… I can’t tell you what to do, it’s up to you but… *hugs*

Just be wary if he tries to pull something.
Best of luck.

What snoof said.

Thanks eveyone, that’s honestly one of my main arguments for meeting him snoof, but I don’t know yet. And a little advice isn’t going to help me figure it out in 20 minutes, I think I just need time to think.

Snooths always gives the best advice bro,listen to him he knows he’s talking about

I cannot really say anything to this, so I’ll give you a hug as well.

*hugs tightly*

As it is, you have absolutely no obligation to your biological father. So it’s up to you whether or not you want to give him a chance or not. He knows where you live, as he can send letters, so it’s not so much a matter of security you’re dealing with. At this point, it’s just whether or not you want to get to meet and know him as a friend.

It’s very unlikely at this point in your life that you’re going to see him as ‘dad’, so go in expecting to at best meet an older friend who happens to be related to you, and at worst to waste your time dealing with somebody you don’t like and maybe can’t stand.

If you decide to go into it at all. Don’t feel obligated to tell him anything more than you’re comfortable telling any random stranger. From your description this is the first time in your life, which is presumably long enough in years that you can write this sort of note on the interent, so a considerable long time, that he’s taken interest in you.

So he’s lost all claims of ‘parental ownership’ over you, so don’t let him bully or treat you badly. You are as equal to each other as you are to any other stranger.

What comes of that is up to you, and his attitude and reactions to you. If he can’t deal with whatever person you’ve turned out to be without his help, then don’t feel bad about breaking off the relationship without any emotional strings attached.

However, and I don’t know the man and what he deserves or not, but presuming ‘the best’ of the situation, it might be fair to him to at least give him the chance to become your friend. Obviously, he’s hurt your mom enough that she, and probably rightfully so, decided she doesn’t need that sort of person in her life. So don’t let him hurt her through you.

But you might at least be able to give him that chance to at least right things with you.

Whatever you choose, good luck to you.

i have a couple words of advice, “Know thine enemy”, and “keep your friends close, but keep your enemys closer”.

just remember, should you go, be ever vigilant. watch for any signs of anger. always keep out of minimum arms reach.

Hope, is the First step on the road to disappointment.

(i know im being pessimistic about the situation, but you always have to plan for what could happen)

You HAVE to see him if you want to be able to live in peace, trust me. We all subconciously need to know our fathers. It makes no sense in our minds if they’re alive but we cant see them for petty reasons.

That’s why these out of wedlock kids who get adopted turn out so screwed up, reaching out to older men in an effort to find a male figure. For your sanity, you need to see him, in all seriousness. Believe me.

I say go meet him.

Yeah… I’m thinking I’m gonna meet him, but it’s a difficult decision

You sir, currently find yourself in a positon I personally never hope to encounter. I was born under similar circomstances, and I know that despite all my pacafistic tendancies, I would be fighting every single goddamn fiber in my body not to clock my old man one across the kneecaps with a baseball bat after what he did.

Still. If I WERE in your shoes? I would accept. A public place. Friends (Not family. FRIENDS) nearby. And a whole lotta chill pills beforehand.

I honestly don’t think his dad is going to try to beat him up.

Yeah, I’ve decided to try meeting him. Although snail-mail is the only way we know how to reach him. So god knows when I’ll actually meet him.

@Maverik: Don’t think I haven’t considered the baseball bat. Although my mom is my only real family, and I would never make her face my dad again. It’s kind of simultaneously nice and horrible to know there’s someone else who knows what it’s like.

I don’t trust this guy. If I were you, I wouldn’t even bother thinking about scum like him.

People don’t change, and they never will. He’ll act like he’s going to be the loving thoughful father that you always wanted, but in a few weeks of moving back with him he’ll be smacking you with a beer bottle and yelling at your mom to make him a sandwich.

Meet him if you want to, but DO NOT let him get involved with your life. Don’t let your mom go back to him, don’t try to live with him, don’t even let him stop by for a visit.

Believe me, you can’t trust people…

Don’t worry, after 16 years of refusing his letters, I doubt my Mom would want to get involved with him in any way now just because he wants to meet me. But I’ve decided meeting him is something I need to do anyways. I wouldn’t even let him get near my mom though, she put up with him enough before I was born, I don’t want to have her put up with him now. I hope to meet him alone, but in a public place just in case he tries something stupid.

Im not good in giving advice but i belive you should meet him judge him with what you see and lets see how he makes you feel if you dont like the aura or anything tell him with calmed wirds to fuck off (nt the words id chose but u get the idea)

Well I sent him an e-mail adress he could use in that letter, and earlier today I finally got a response. I’m going to meet him this Sunday at a coffee shop near my house. Wish me luck guys.

I hope he kills you

I wish you the best of luck. I’m not sure that he deserves a second chance, but your decision to give it to him deserves praise.

Just be prepared. He may not be emotionally stable or may have other issues.


May you walk safely along the path of the merciful.

^Seconded

Dr.John, you’re an ass, even if you’re just joking

Taeshi and DeadlySerious(*NinjaTime), thanks, I honestly don’t know what to expect from him, there are so many possibilities, but he is my father, even if he didn’t raise me, so I do need to go, at least for myself.

Blessed are the merciful for mercy shall be theirs.

…and all that stuff.

What you are doing is the right thing, it doesn’t take a genius to tell you that. But It takes Taeshi to say it well.

Even if this ends poorly, it will have ended well.
You’ll know what I mean soon if you don’t already. Just be careful.

I do hope he proves himself to be worthy of the chance you give him. The best of luck to you.

Jeez. roughness. I’m not the best of people, in fact ime probably the most unstable-in-all-aspects guy you could ever meet. But, even if youve already met him, its only fair that you should meet him. He deserves that much doesnt he?

@ Taeshi
thirded

i agree

Hey guys, well I met him on yesterday, I can see the ressemblance physically at least. He Seemed nice enough. Although I can’t sawy I’m anywhere near ready to trust him after just one meeting. I’m meeting him at the same place next week too. I figure it’s for the best to at least get to know him a little.

Good for you and I wish you the best of luck. Everyone deserves a second chance.

however sad this may be, remember that while your father biologically he most likely had many chances to contact you before and seems like he may just be in it as a con, or as a mooch, or trying to reenter a relationship with your mother which will likely involve further physical abuse.
while everyone has some good in them, many hide it well under the bad.
take it from me, i know something about this kind of scenario.
i wouldnt trust him, and although you have already made the opposite choice as me and my brothers, by meeting him, if your still alive and not in a lab,your situation was never so risky and it may be completely different. i hope it is, but doubt it.

Good luck then

also i was joking lol get over it

While I’d rather not talk about it, I can safely say that I will not be meeting my father again.

Well I hope that things turn out okay for you, whether or not you want to talk about it.

people change, but not often.

I’m sorry that he hadn’t changed but at least you gave him a chance. And you don’t have to talk about it, don’t worry.

Yeah, I don’t regret going, but I still wish it had turned out better.

I do too, but hey, somethings just aren’t meant to be.

We cannot change who others choose to be, only who we choose to be. You chose to be merciful. Whatever he chose is out of your control. Don’t let it get you down.

Though we strive to improve our world through our actions, we must accept that it will not be perfect in our lifetimes through no fault of our own.

there are angels, there are devils.
then theres us. you may have a halo, but hes wearing horns.
(not poetry, just seeing something right now)

I’m sorry to hear that.