Bittersweet Candy Bowl

Sometimes my goldfish make more sense than you do.

no one said i had to make sense, so i dont

yeah, i just did that.

What’s funny is that my goldfish are almost as paranoid as you are. It’s almost scary how much you act like they do. Have you had a brain transplant recently?

no. but i do seem to have quite an ego and i often make no sense

i’ve been paranoid since day 1 at school. when my life turned to shit. i kid you not it was frikkin horrible. not exxagerating. really. at the time no one knew what my physical problem was and my teacher thought i was just stupid. i got in trouble lots cuz i couldnt write “the” well enough to read it.

ive always been deeply hated by almost everyone at my school.
since the first day ive had my ass kicked almost regularly by older kids who i stood up to because they were picking on the kids who hated me in my grade, because i called them out on everything.

@Chaz & kazi What grades? Like since kindergarten or high school?

they just beat me up and made fun of me because it was funny. im not telling you more right now i just wanna die inside

*Pats Chaz on back* it’s ok

for me since preschool.
and chaz, while your instincts may tell you to bottle up, leading medical journals say you should share.

I want you to live inside. For no matter what struggles we face, we can endure if we keep for ourselves a fire in our hearts. It may sound cheesy, but having a determined spirit and a stubborn heart really does help.

Kazi, i shared once. i opened my heart to someone and they broke it. i refuse to make the mistake again.

In your refusal to “make the same mistake again” you are just making another one. You can trust (most) of us here. The only way to mend a broken heart is to open up. Otherwise you will just carry that sorrow with you to your grave. I know what it is like to carry such a burden. Just talk about it.

then your being an idiot. i did the same stupid thing, except it wasnt the person i shared with who crushed my heart, it was some kid with a gun. my life has probably been sadder then yours. just share.

Is it share time in the forums again? *Sigh*

Silly children, you have it easy. Cause you are not girls, we have it ten times worse.

Im not sad im not hurt. just because i want to doesnt mean i will.

@leaving a comment

ok i have a huge learned prejudice to girls. too many have hurt me and i dont trust any of you. the last person i will talk to is a girl, and i say this based on experience.

Fine what ever, but considering you and everyone else apparently want to spam the entire forum with this discussion, someone obviously wants to share.

@Chaz, That’s stupid, you can’t blame all girls for what a few did to you. That’s stereotypical, idiotic, and a tad bit racist. No one is the exactly the same, and some of us are bitches yeah, but there are many more caring sweet girls out there who are ready to listen. But if you want to automatically assume all of us are out to get you, go ahead I won’t stop you. But you are only hurting yourself in the long run.

You’re not making this any easier for anyone.

then you are once again making a mistake.
(i’ll soften up as soon as you actually share)

i make mistakes a lot it seems. and i cant suvive without the pain of the past. i need it to help someone else first. with that said, can you see WHY im not going share?

Chaz, life isn’t about forgetting or even hiding your scars, it’s about learning to live with them and being a better person by learning from your past mistakes. You don’t have to talk but you might feel better if you did.

(Total change of emotion) Yay Auntie’s here! :3

*Pats Draixen’s head* Hi dear did you have a good day at school?

I know why you won’t, but I know why you should as well.

ime not forgetting or hiding them. i make it clear i have scars. i need them until i have helped someone heal their own scars.

@Auntie no..not really how was your day?

@Chaz, you’re hiding them right now. Opening up is going to hurt, it’s gonna hurt like Hell, but after you rip away all the infection then you can really heal and get over this.

@Draixen, long and not yet over. Smile dear, it makes you look more handsome than frowning does.

i am unafraid of pain. it is not that which i fear. i fear judgement.

its late, ime getting poetic, im going to bed. stop talking to me.

Damn. Now I’m depressed.

Come on get happy!!!

I guess being depressed and having emotional scars you can whine about is cool.

Oh wait.

It’s difficult when the memories of my own struggles have risen in sympathy with Chaz.


But I’ll bore you with those another time.

Because now I need to concentrate on getting my work done!

You’ve got ninja work to do

Don’t forget whine about them but then claim to not want to talk about them, cause that totally makes sense.

Oh of course! Thank you for adding that Commie, I forget sometimes

ninja you dont have to be like that. we’re interested in your problems too.

no one said anything about making sense. its not in my job description. goodnight

Nah, I’ll tell you. I just need to make sure I get all my projects finished so my Sensei doesn’t try to chop my head off.


Remind me about it when I get back and I’ll explain the whole mess, free of whining or self-pity (mostly).

k

well then. time to Cristen RC10 with my sexy text. (unless i already have…. )

sexy!!!!!!

super sexy me!

so… how are you?

im good. u

Damn, as usual I have to make annoying choices… last week when I was bored there was nowt to do, now I got invited to two parties this weekend. I hate choosing I’m a Gemini dammit!

And I’m a cancer, want us to help you choose? Or are you going to find a magical way to be at both parties at the same time.

make someone dress like you and pretend you were at both, then act like your evil triplets tied you up.

@kazi: good. tired but good. also, losing higher cognitive function due to school…. thats right, i shut down after school starts…not when it ends…

@pronkat: im a fish! and i choose number 7. and if number 7 doesnt suit you; go home and listen to queen! queen makes everything better. i wish i coulda met freddie… *cries*

on another note, i get very emotional when tiredness and queen get combined…

what about the rolling stones?

queen all the way.