Bittersweet Candy Bowl

Inspired by this comic and this website, this will be a thread where we share advice about disillusioned life with each other. The more depressing/crass/mean-spirited/heartless/true the better.

Being cynical doesn’t make you intelligent, being happy doesn’t make you stupid.

Thank you Jerk. That is the most true thing ever.

What about being cynical and happy at the same time? Maybe I’m just crazy, but it works for me for now… “Always look on the bright side of life”. Life sucks, let’s grin out of spite!

Life is half what happens to you and half what you make of it. If life’s not meeting you half-way, you might as well grin out of spite. At any rate, if you don’t try to find a way to be happy, you don’t deserve to be happy.

It’s as if Jerk was holding out on us with his wisdom.

hey what do you know, i’ve found a kindred spirit in Jerk.

Philosophy is the answer to all! even if it doesnt actually do anything to solve problems…. ah well

If life was always happy and exciting, video games and TV wouldnt exist. Strife and suffering teaches humanity to tough it out and adapt. without suffering, we would cease to be. Life cannot go on without happiness and suffering. if one were to dissappear…. i suppose we may die out.

Ever read HG Well’s Time Machine? Well this guy goes into future and sees that mankind has eradicated all problems ever. But, because they dont need to do anything, the humans are all brain dead weirdos that dont care if someone dies and are captured and killed by sewer mutants.


its not very smart, but has point. If we solve every problem, we may as well die because theres nothing left to live for.

so if suffering is compulsory to survive, then smiling in spite is the best anyone can do and just try to be happy anyway.


visual aidz: http://www.sandraandwoo.com/2008/12/25/0019-a- merry-christmas/

Philosophies are for the most part just snobby opinions on multiple subjects. But hey it’s a free world.

when you die your dead.
god hates everyone.
deal with it.
hows that

its very unambitious, but so am i

Midol saves lives and marriages.

Life is depressing, now I’m depressed

There are a million things I can casually and brutally hate someone for, but I do this on an individual basis (because I am a psychopath). Otherwise, I’m just a simple man: shut up, have a drink, be a man and don’t be a dick. This goes for ladies too.

Manhood: It’s for everyone. (Especially mine.)

I’ll pass. Sorry. ^_^

its those really awkward time when women scream at something not even remotely scary or think something from the past was horrible, that i really want to say GROW SOME BALLS!!! but they cant anyway so i not say it.

Dont cross the streams

y’know what i dont know what that means. Im just glad i was right about Taeshi deleting the thread where veryone wanted to “know my story”. it was dumb and Taeshi wouldnt have let it stay anyway

a few things people dont often tell you but they should

women are just as bad and perverted as men if not more so, and they enjoy sex just as much if your doin it right
most teachers get into the teaching proffesion out of love for students but if they love you too much you end up on the news
everybody has an opinion and a right to state it but not every one will want to hear it
you cant dance after drinking but you think you can
the bartender knows you can’t
just because you have freinds of a cetain ethnicity does not mean you can act like them
try to avoid crossing the street on parade day
the zoo animals do not want to be your friends
not every janitor, hoimeless man or recluse shut in is a wise man, some just want to do awfull things to you

oh and Chazfullmetal is a really antisocial douchebag. stay away from him

Saying that you are something is different from actually being something.

Goldwulf speaks truth this time.

Well, mostly, anyway. ^_^

ok im not a douchebag. the rest is truth. ive grown to mistrust others immediately. If you knew me in reality you’d know what i meant

I don’t and I do.

^This will only make sense in about 3.6% of the situation in which it is used.

^89.3% of statistics are made up on the spot.

and that, my friends, is another thing that they dont tell you but should.

almost ALL invesigations waste time and money.

like, the investigation that said that most accidents happen in home.

well gee. i dont suppose that could be because i spend the majority of my life at home so most accidents would happen there as a result?

and most accidents happen in the kitchen? no really? how could any accidents happen with all those sharp objects, gas tubes, flammable objects, easily wetted tiles and electrical equipment. How could anything possibly go wrong?

its not hard to realise this stuff.

^Yet another example of hindsight bias.

hindsight bias solves everything! it finds blame to pin things on.

But yet we need scientists to tell us such simple facts. We are useless left to our own devices. ^_^

Unless we are also scientists!

That does not work. I know scientists who cannot tell a spoon from a knife, let alone come to terms with anything less than eight unknown variables and a massive amount of mathematical symbols. ^_^

Are they by chance theoretical physicists, because they are the exception.

Possibly. They never gave me a clear answer to that question. ^_^

Hehehe.

All but the most menial jobs are required for the smooth functioning of society. That said, all but the most most difficult and specific ones are easy to find a replacement for. Just because you are necessary, does not mean you are important.

The majority of people will be married at some point in their lives. The majority of married people will be divorced at some point in their lives. You are no exception.

The only constant in all of your failed relationships is you.

Many homeless people are so because they do not have jobs. Many unemployed people are so because they are homeless.

The idea that humans only use ten percent of their brains is a myth. One hundred percent of the human brain is used for one function or another, but chances are, you will still never have an original idea in your life.

Computers are responsible for waking you up in the morning, telling you the news, running the engine in your car, calculating your paycheck, keeping you in touch with your friends, doing math for you, managing your stock portfolio, answering your questions, fulfilling your sexual desires, and keeping you entertained. If they started living for you as well, you most likely wouldn’t notice.

everything i said in my last post was true

Pants while annoying are neccessary at times
the more beautiful something is the more dangerous it is

It is better to be effective than it is to be right.

Things They Tell You (But Shouldn’t): I made love to your mother’s buttocks as you were being born.

i saw that coming a mile away.

something they dont tell you (but should): being my enemy is baaaaaad

Spoony. <3 Teehee!

Here’s one I found on the internet:

“No matter how long you live, you’ll never know with certainty that even those closest to you ever loved you in a way you’d find meaningful.”

You’ll also never know with any certainty that you don’t exist in an illusion that was completely designed to fool you from birth to death or that any of the people you knew and loved ever existed at all.

So, I guess you just have to get with the program and pretend they exist and everything is real for the Hell of it until the stimuli change.

Jerk’s post is the entirey of my English class this semester.

Ah, but that’s a scientific perspective; we must assume our senses do not lie to us. I personally agree, but some people like to think in a Descartian mire of IT’S ALL AN ILLUSION!!!

Additionally, I dispute the idea that the two uncertainties are equal. The former only requires that one allow for the fact that the person closest to you might have been a really good liar, while the latter requires that you have been in a perfect illusion indistinguishable from reality.

Adapt to everything and love with no reservation or regrets. It’s a risk you take, and one you have to calculate at that, but you’d be a pussy never to take it.

Oh, I agree. Just saying that they shouldn’t be equated. After all, some people have, no doubt, experienced the person closest to them having secretly been using them their entire life.

I know, I was just kind of mocking the idea of keeping up a permanent veil of skepticism in regards to love.

Ahh, ok then. Yeah, that’s pretty counterproductive.

Actually, I believe the original source mocked it even as it was saying it.

http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php? db=comics&id=1636#comic

Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
You’ve never quite sure whether it’s ok to eat green crisps.
Everyone who grew up in the 80’s has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
Reading when you’re drunk is horrible.
Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
You never know where to look when eating a banana.
Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the
first given opportunity.
Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
You never ever run out of salt.
Old ladies can eat more than you think.
You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.
There’s no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you’ve got your hand or head stuck in something.
No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
People who don’t drive slam car doors too hard
You’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.
Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
Bricks are horrible to carry.
In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

How about:
Don’t feed the troll.

It’s sound internet advice.

when some one leaves an emotional scar on your soul, it never heals…. not completely.