Bittersweet Candy Bowl

the story was good. but that’s about it. i didn’t feel bad, sorry, or anything else really. i just read the story imagined it being played out and well, boring for me. i have seen (in story or my own mind) worse played out. but still its a good story i would definitely recommend this to someone.

This was the first time I’ve ever cringed from reading a story.

My mind just fractured….

y’know what im just gonna stop posting altogether.you wont hear from me for a while. i got stuff to do.

I didn’t read all the comments for this same question, but here goes,
wouldn’t all those tools of torture have serial numbers on them? bought by sandy? wouldn’t lucy’s fur be on that chair? Did the police even search the crime scene? ARE THEY RETARDED?

^Don’t forget the wig, the mask, the bloodied apron, boots and gloves and voice chip

There are still ways to find out what happened, but I guess it just involves suspension of disbelief

You know, I was going to criticize the forensics too, but I’d already criticized the writing style, Sandy’s voice, Sandy’s motivation, and Mike living as long as he did. To me, anything more than that would have just seemed mean. I mean, I’m an ass, but I’m not an asshole.

Good story still. Now I’m kinda scared.

I’m showing some of my friends this story saying “Guys this story is brilliant, you should read it”

They read it

they reply “What the fuck is wrong with you”

lol

@ Ninja: It’s not about what happened, it’s about who it happened to, you get it? I’m not squeamish about this stuff except this happened to a character I like. At least that much has to make sense.

I gotta say, the plot twist is what really got me.

This was a very well written story. At the beginning, “Lucy” seemed so eerily out of character. So calm, yet so sadistic, and yet I really believed that it was Lucy. What Sandy did was terrible. All that time, Lucy was watching Mike being tortured and slowly killed, fighting so hard to break out of the chains and ropes holding her, probably wishing with every fiber of her being that she would be tortured instead of him…. and yet, all the while, she’s watching her best friend slowly being made to hate her. Even in death.

And as if that isn’t enough, now Lucy may have to pay for Sandy’s own crimes.

Like other people said here, though, I have high hopes for justice being given to Lucy. The DNA in the clothes, boots, the handles of the torture tools, and the wig, especially, will all lead to the evidence of Sandy’s true nature. Perhaps in a few months, when all this proof is finalized, Lucy will be released. However, things will never be the same for her. Nothing will matter to her. All she will know, all she’ll really remember, is that Mike died hating her for crimes she didn’t commit. And in Lucy’s book, that’s probably bad enough. It’s something that she probably may never get over, and that’s a sad tragedy. 3=

Is it bad that I didn’t cry? I mean, I winced at a lot of things, especially the cutting of the eyelids… somehow that really got to me. And don’t get me wrong, I really did feel for the characters. You could say that I was frozen in horror.

Dude… That was freaking impressive, if a little fucked up. I may regret this, but where did you get your inspiration for this?
That aside, may I introduce: Maverik, the M. Night Shamylan of the next generation!

One good story then a boatload of shit?

Wouldn’t be M. Night Shamylan a insult?

the story itself is more the result of a conversation, and my wish to show I can make even characters I like (AKA Sandy) be really messed up and hated.

The actual torture sequences etc were a combination of movie, book, my own general knowledge and imagination.

Post contains spoilers, read the dang story already.

Lucy has been my favorite character since I started reading BCB recently. Something about her resonated with me since I tend to be the aggressive-to-show-affection type.

As I read your story, something about it seemed like it would be something she might actually be capable of if she ever snapped. She is a very caring individual but obviously has her own issues upstairs as seen in the canonical comics.

I never felt ill from the descriptions. They were gruesome but nothing worse than the Saw movies or any other torture heavy film. What filled me with dread was seeing Lucy in such a maddened state that also seemed to be the real her which had finally escaped from somewhere tucked away in her mind; it seemed natural.

I started to hate her, just as she wanted Mike to. I was starting to become physically angry at this story. Her turning out to be Sandy knocked me on my ass. I had just begun to despise Lucy when all along she was having to her childhood friend be tortured while cursing her name. I felt such sympathy for her; not just because she had to sit and watch it but because I knew she was going to be framed for it and lose all of her friends; that is the true tragedy to me. I’ve never cried over any kind of fan-fiction but you squeezed a couple tears from me.

I will never be able to forget this story as long as I read BCB. I tried rereading a couple chapters and it no longer has the same air of innocence to me.

If I were Lucy, I would have shot myself.

@Maverick. *Takes off my own sunglasses.* Now see, here’s the thing, neither am I. But even with the extremely loose knowledge I do have of this sort of thing, I was able put together that much. But you have an excellent point though, where do we place modern forensics in world of anthropomorphic cats and dogs? Ah well, I still enjoyed it.

@Michael. I disagree. Which is not anything against our writer here, oh no. It’s just that this is more about the violent nature, rather than the shadow of the soul, the depression, dankness, darkness in life. Which is what Poe was all about. He made the atmosphere brood, rather than bleed. No offense intended in the least, Maverick, but this is not Poe. It’s just a different kind of horror than Poe.

….Heh…
Ehehehehe…
AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! THIS IS MORE LIKE IT! HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! I was wondering when this thread was gonna start getting interesting!

The details, so many horrible things, drawn to life so well!

But… It ended all to soon. So many more things could have been done to him…
So much more blood could have been spilled!

I dunno. How much more could really be done before it got gratuitous?

@Jerk (Waaay Up There): I just don’t get that reaction at all. I didn’t feel like the story had a point to it. As posted before, it just left me feeling as if I had read a textbook instead of a story. It had no soul, no life in it to make me care. My overall reaction is that it is well written, but just doesn’t engage me or even elicit my disgust. I just find myself not caring about Mike’s suffering or Lucy’s fate any more than “oh, too bad for you I guess.”

On a side note, I actually do have a hole in my chest where my heart ought to be.

Two words. Epic. Win.

This was the most heart-wrenching, despicable, horrifying literary masterpiece I’ve ever seen. I literally can’t stop shaking. The twist of the Sandy/Lucy thing was completly lost on me, I can barely type. All I can see is a mix of the Sandy “Please do no be sinful” from Wonderland, and this. I honestly thought it was Lucy. I can’t keep any cohesion or sense in this rant. I shouldn’t have read this. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at Lucy or Sandy the same way again. I feel sick. For all of you heartless people that say that this really isn’t that bad, I’ve never seen anything worse than Shaun of the Dead.I simultaneously commend and despise you, Maverik. Thank you and I’ll see you in the author circle of hell.

“I’ve never seen anything worse than Shaun of the Dead”

I lol’d.

I love it =3 <3

@Moddy Auld

Oooohohoho… Did you happen to forget “Sandy”? What could probably the most painful thing that our little Mikey could experence?

How about the slow and painful torture of his “love”? Do much MUCH more to her… Let him listen to her screams!

And not all torture has to be painful. Have you ever heard of the Chinese Water Torture? Nothing makes you panic more than the feeling of total helplessness, where she can do anything to you, and you are completely unable to do anything to stop her… God I’m shaking just thinking about the horrible things that could be done to them!

You need to to make a movie

That…

That was tough.

I just wish Mike woulda known it was Sandy. That part just killed me. And how Lucy was cursed, and not Sandy? GAH BITCH. Pulling on my heart seams right there.

You really know how to do some plot twists, kiddo. Cause damn.

That Was so beautiful I had too read it again I’m still crying it’s so beautiful

I got to the bit where she attacked his genitals and then….

… Nightmare fuel

OH GOD YOU… SHE… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@____@ … -cries-

i’m just wondering how your nightmares are like at night.

Hard to believe it’s only been 19 days since this was posted.

I’m still loving these reactions.

My kidney just exploded…

I have read some strange fanfic, but that…. just… wow.
Well writted but screwed up… Oh well change keeps things interesting.

I find it moderately amusing that new people keep finding the story and reading it and so on and so forth. It’s gained it’s own sort of infamy.

Now if only the rest of my fanfics could attract this much readership ^^;

The thing that made me think it wasn’t lucy was when she asked did he hate her and then she said he would. That was a big tip off, Lucy would have just ended it there instead of go on. But other then that this was a wonderfully grusome story, well writen.

…….. i love you…..

This was brilliantly written! Can I have some tips, as a budding young author myself? You had my emotions of fear and suspense controlled from the very start! I could almost feel Mike’s pain! You are a truly magnificent writer!

It’s kind of hard to just give generalised writing tips without any real context. Why not post something somewhere and make a thread about it on here? We accept any kind of stories, not just fanfics if you don’t feel like writing a BCB story. I find it much easier to critique work and add suggestions for improvement.

However, as flattery does get you everywhere :p I’ll see what general tips I can concoct in the mean time…

Write What You Know:
This one’s pretty obvious, but untill you find your feet and your confidense bolsters, write about familiar topics. Things that you personally know about or have experienced. It’s easier to draw from something real at first. Once you’ve mastered that…

Experiment:
Go outside your comfort zone once you’re feeling brave enough. Tackle a topic you know little to nothing about, or something that interests you, but you’ve never tried before. This is how you expand and grow. Write about a topic that you personally find unsettling! You’ll find that it can start to come through in the story if you are just as disturbed as your characters.

Obay The Rules:
Make sure you know the limitations of the world your creating, and stick to them. Do super heroes exsist? Is it the same rules as reality? Are there mystical creatures? Can someone dodge a bullet? How much punishment can a character endure? Know the answers to this sort of stuff, and keep them consistant. This especialy applies when you’re working in someone else’s established world, ala fan fiction.

Know Your Characters:
Who are they? What are their likes and dislikes? If someone were to ask you a random question about a character, you should have an answer. A well written character should practically write themselves. Think “Would this character do what I’m about to make them do?” But…

Don’t Be Controlled By Your Characters:
Remember. You are still the author. You still dictate what happens. Think a character wouldn’t do something you want them to do? Concoct a reason as to why they might! Think of a situation that forces them to make the response you want.

——

I hope these tips help! I look forward to reading some of your work!

@ Maverik: I have a couple questions too, if you don’t mind. How do you go about organizing your thoughts in a way that you can translate them into a story? And how can you make yourself commit to writing a story once you’ve started?

Those are the two biggest hurdles keeping me from writing anything. :|

Well… Organizing your thoughts is sort of a subjective thing. People do it in different ways. Some people write down a time-line of events. Some people collect together all their story threads and place them in a list.

Personally? I just mentally correlate what exactly is the story that I want to tell, and how best can I tell it. I then sit down and start writing. I know not everyone can do that. But there’s so many strategies. One of the better ones I’ve heard is to keep a notepad, and make it your thoughts bible. Keep all your character notes, story ideas and scene constructs in one place that you can reference whenever you need it.

How do you commit to writing? THAT is a tough one… I struggle with that myself to be honest. Really, it’s just a matter of wanting to tell your story. Knowing that if you DON’T sit down and write it, then you’ll never be able to see people enjoying all your hard work.

Schedule some time to write. Clear an hour to just sit and write. Or alternatively, steal every free minute you have. I do the latter a lot. I write on my phone on the train more than anywhere else to be honest. Find a situation in which you’re a captive audience, and just write.

I hope this is helpful to some degree ^^;

Thanks for the tips!
Does my fanfiction have to be finished before I post it on the site, though? The way I write, there are always continuations.

Yes, that helps. Thank you Maverik, I needed some perspective.

No problem guys. Always happy to help!

@Todd
It doesn’t have to be finished! You can post whatever you like. There’s no rules or regulations. Though, I do find it to be more courteous to your readers to post either the entire story at once if you are telling a short story One Shot, or to post at least each completed chapter of an ongoing series as you complete them. Half chapters, and fragments of One Shot’s can be frustrating to read. But if you’re specifically looking for feedback before completing the entire story, then by all means, share what you have

Sounds great! I already have a few chapters of my fanfic done, but it’s a ways from being finished.

I wish I had the patience to write a long and complete story, I’m just waaay too impatient to get to parts I want to write, skipping details, etc. So when my product ends up being really short I just scrap it.
Also that one story I posted doesn’t count for anything since I basically wrote it all in one go and posted it.

I know this is a little old but did you get some of the ideas for the story the movie “Law Abideing Citicen” i saw it today and found simularitys.

I did consciously use the mirror concept yeah. I’d never thought of how much more horrifying torture would be if you were forced to watch it as well as feel it. Any other similarities are purely coincidental.