Bittersweet Candy Bowl

*ahem* uhh thank you for the kind words

I has it, but I’m on anti-depressants, but it doesn’t help my derpression :p

Depression is Weird. I had it for 10 years and never noticed because I’m naturally quite…happy?… I guess? It was only after somebody pointed out that my periodic severe depressive episodes and suicidal tenancies didn’t make a damn bit of sense and were in fact not at all normal that I decided to perhaps they were right. I feel bad almost…i put all my friends through 10 years of me being a royal sometimes emo pain in the arse because I didn’t realize I was depressed. Pills control it but I hate them…I hate being dependent on them to think rationally (suicide is not the answer to a late homework assignment). Such is life I guess. To those of you who are…it sucks but it will…eventually…pass. After 10 years I can promise that.

Yes. i am very depressed. And depression seems to fluctuate in extremity on a regular basis for me, often from external influences, though sometimes i can cause depression to flare up internally (by myself)

though there are many causes for depression, my “personal favourites” -_- are that:
-Everyone around me has found love and i havent a clue what it feels like
-Im regularly shunned for my inability to interact with people in general
-People seem to assume i have a problem (and i do) but guess it wrong each time
-Various memoires and old wounds flare up again and worsens things
-I honestly cant remember most emotions, since i have been supressing them for a long time. so….
-I have to fake emotions in the form of smiles and neutral language, which is a sham

yeah. thats right. i said it. i cant remember them. im not being some trippy drug-addicted drama queen, i am deathly serious.

That, and everyone assumes im an emo cuz i am depressed all the time, frequently appear hostile to everyone and have a huge scar on my wrist (not from cutting it)

as for pills and suicide….

its called WILLPOWER people. just cuz im depressed doesnt mean im going to let depression kill me.

im gonna go away now, because more depression talk from me and…….. ive said it before and ile say it again: i dont….trust…..those green-speech bubble people.

@chazfullmetal: were in the same boat brotha. same freakin boat.

*sigh…..

when depression gets a hold of me, i sometimes just explode stuff… it makes life seem so simple…

The only thing in my life that I can relate to depression is that my mother is clinically depressed, my brother is clinically depressed and failed when he tried committing suicide, and I occasionally feel blue once or twice a month. That usually goes away once I interact with friends though.

Aside from that, life is pretty much A-Okay.

Depression is not just a state of mind… there are usually underlying medical causes for depression. I have had it for about 2 years now.

@sammy
it happens to the best, and worst, of us

@Chaz
Reminds me a lot of what I used to be (and still am but to a lesser extent)… It takes a lot of time and effort to break that barrier, but it can be done. You’re only 12 right? So you will have a good amount of time to get yourself fixed. I myself managed to tear down part of it after getting to know a friend better, which to this date remains my besty. Surely you have 1 or 2 good buds?

You know what makes me feel awesome when I’m depressed: Going to work.

I know I’m damn good at what I do and I have multiple customers who look specifically for me when they need something, and that, combined with the feeling that I’m a positive influence to the company really helps out. It’s my job to make unsatisfied people happy, and even though a lot of them can be grumpy, between cheering up my coworkers and helping the customers that are nice, I hardly notice the bad anymore.

There’s just something magical about a hard day of work, you know?

Especially when you enjoy your job. That is how to live.

if anything, the pills help with the anxiety, nothing more, helping with everything else (thoughts of harming/killing myself, for example) is all taken care of with positive thinking… and counseling