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I agree with nik, if someone has something horrible done to them or someone they (e.g. rape, murder, assault), they may form a fear of that ethnicity, leading to bigotry.

What's that supposed to even mean?

If someone is cut they may bleed

Edit: Anticipating your response: the idea is that even though this happens and is explainable, it's not acceptable? In the same way that punching someone who punches you is not. It's a baser feeling that we all encourage each other to move beyond. You can't just cite "this behaviour happens, because of this reason" as if there's some kind of justification found within.

Yeah, and you should realise that it's a shitty and bigoted way to be, and that you should improve yourself. There is no free pass to be like "these fucking chinks i hate all of them" just because one or two asian people just so happened to trip you in elementary school. It's a bad way to be and people should be encouraged to not think that way.

Why is this even an argument anyway? Nik just seemed to be picking something to argue about because I do feel good that Camille has apologised about her behaviour, but I personally think she didn't need to apologise in the topic, the most she can do is try to work with her biases, and hopefully she's doing that.

SuitCase, on 17 March 2012 - 03:27 PM, said:

Are you saying that my argument is obvious as what you said? Or are you just pointing out random facts? Or are you saying that my argument is as impossible to understand as "If someone is cut they may bleed"?

Edit to respond to Suitcases edit: The thing is Camille (As far as I can tell) isn't responding in kind really. She was bullied heavily by other races and so now she has a slight dislike for them. Does she use this as reason to bully them in return? Perhaps she plans on using it to stop them from working in the same company as her? No she doesn't. You can't hold someone responsible for behaving as their emotions decree really. You can get upset at them for not holding them as in control as you would like or as you do but they aren't really something you can restrain and control perfectly.

This post has been edited by Nik: 17 March 2012 - 03:35 PM

i edited it

Taeshi, on 17 March 2012 - 03:29 PM, said:

The issue is that I am damn sure she isn't apologizing for saying that she has negative feelings towards other races while you seem obsessed with the idea she did and that it is something she should apologize for.

And sure, racism is bad. But what I am saying is that if you have good reason than it isn't as bad, and if you don't act on those racist emotions than it matters even less what that person might think to the point where it really isn't an issue.

Then if she's apologising for her behaviour on the topic yet still feels her racism is valid, it was a useless apology and this topic didn't need to be necro'd just so she could make herself feel better. I would think better of her, and hopefully you're not just shoving words into her mouth.

Though that doesn't make sense because she clearly talked about how she doesn't want to be racist, so that's a sign of regret and desire to improve. Which is good.

SuitCase, on 17 March 2012 - 03:27 PM, said:

I wasn't exactly saying that it was a justifiable thing, I was just saying that it can have an effect and was agreeing with him saying that there are sometimes reasoning behind a persons actions sometimes. And i'm not saying that they shouldn't eventually get over it or get help from someone.

WTF: why do you always post shit

Like seriously it was on the other topic as well that you did this same exact thing

where you come in disagreeing but are basically saying the the same shit that the people you are supposedly disagreeing are saying.

yes people can get affected by events and in turn have biases towards things, that's natural. There is no refuting that. But that doesn't mean that they are free to keep feeling those things if it's destructive such as thinking lesser of other people just because of the colour of their skin, and hopefully they improve on their actions.

welcome to the point i was making all along, my god

Taeshi, on 17 March 2012 - 03:39 PM, said:

So you are yelling at him for taking your side then?

No, I'm yelling at him for throwing in half-baked opinions that derail the topic and don't really contribute to anything other than to confuse people because he doesn't even know who he's debating with.

Taeshi, on 17 March 2012 - 03:45 PM, said:

How in any way am I the one that derailed this topic?

Derailing it further*

I guess technically Nik derailed it by taking a relatively supportive message and overanalysing it, but you're not helping.

though does that mean people are being encouraged to share terrible things about themselves

This whole argument looks like it was just a big misunderstanding/miscommunication.

First, there is nothing Camille has to apologize for beside feeling prejudice. I personally don't think it needed to be apologized for, but I can respect the fact she did it.

Now, if she is apologizing for that, then obviously she has in some way had a change of heart. I say this because she said: "All of them were immigrants, so I’m not overly happy about those now (which is terrible and I know it)." She was guilty about holding racial prejudices from the start. I disagree with Tae that an apology that doesn't indicate change is pointless(I think they have important social purposes), but in this case, making that apology would have made no sense anyway; it would have been redundant, since regret is implied in her initial post.

Second, we all feel prejudices. Some are worse than others. I would say racial prejudices are some of the worst, but we do not know enough about the matter to judge Camille. For example, how we going to blame her for fostering these thoughts? They were not just immaturity; they were brought on by traumatic events at a young age. If she consciously discriminated against immigrants, then yes, judging that is a bit more justifiable; after all, thoughts are more compulsory than actions, just as actions are more relevant that thoughts; but what if she didn't? It comes back to Nik's comparison to a fear of fire. Conveniently, I happen to know someone whom had a traumatic experience with fire, and while he does not like fire, he isn't terrified of it (anymore). He can't help being somewhat afraid of fire. Period. He will deal with it, but he will also avoid it. He'll do what he needs to do; he just won't enjoy it. It is not a conscious choice he is making. For the sake of the comparison, he feels prejudice against fire, but he doesn't discriminate against it. Obviously, this would be a bit more sensitive if fire had feelings, but the premise is the same.

Third, I fail to see how Nik derailed this topic. If you want to go back to where this started, you'll notice Nik reassuring Camille that it is fine. He is voicing his opinion about how she didn't need to apologize. You [Tae] decided to challenge this with a response. Honestly, I don't feel there is anyone worth blaming for this topic being derailed, but if I had to point a finger, if would be at you, Tae. You could have chosen not to argue with him. And yes, he could have chosen not to respond to Camille, but the point of this thread is for one party to get things off there chest, and for the other party to listen and reassure (and SOMETIMES advise); and it seemed to me he simply reassured her.

It is also worth mentioning, Tae, that you didn't help either. All you've done is carelessly insult people since this started.

This post has been edited by Meowth: 17 March 2012 - 08:14 PM

I didn't challenge it with a response, I just said it's great she appears to want to change her behaviour and said that she doesn't have to worry about necroing the topic, unless it was a necro that served no purpose if she still thinks it's okay to be racist (Which she's shown it isn't). Then Nik had to overanalyse the post, CAUSING the derailment. You should pay attention.

He chose to argue with an innocuous post, you'd be clearly biased if you didn't see that.

Uhhh Nik totally started the argument here, just skip back and see that he's the first to respond to someone other than Camille after Camille posts.

Ithink you're a bunch of dumb idiots and this isn't really worth exploring. Nik and WTF have Inarticulately attempted to say something to reassure someone (maybe because they're a girl) and they've made lame attempts to defend themselves after being called out on it. I don't think they really believe half of what they're saying, but they have to in order to save face.

Seriously, who cares about who is derailing the topic at this point, because the fact is it's stupidly detailed now. So after this post we will go back on topic and anyone that keeps spitefully wanting to get the last word in after this post will get their posts deleted/special ed'd. I don't want to have to close such an interesting thread just because people have bugs up their asses and want to fight with posts that didn't even intend to be confrontational. So back on topic now.

In the hospital last month, they wouldn't let me eat unless I stopped asking for painkillers. That I couldn't eat made my stomach hurt worse so I'd ask for drugs. They played this game with me for three and a half days before allowing me to eat.

That seems like a really shitty thing for hospital staff to do Jerk. They're allowed to even do that?

I had an IV drip, so they could afford to ignore me no matter how hungry I was. I think my doctor's philosophy takes the Hippocratic Oath to mean "first, do nothing." I'm also not allowed to take any kind of painkiller, even Advil, because I'm "not supposed to treat the symptoms or they'll get worse."

On a pleasant note, using Dilotted is like having your dick sucked by angels.

What the hell. I'd be a blubbering mess if I had to deal with some of the shit you guys have been through. Like, seriously, when I see some of this stuff it just reminds me that stuff like this will never happen to me. I'm in a relatively financially secure family and unlikely to face any discrimination, and my parents aren't super religious or...

I've had minor drama experiences like going through a few months of depression (if it could even be called that) because of this girl I really cared (I called it love at the time) for not feeling the same, among other factors, but... I mean, come on. I remember reading what Taeshi said somewhere in this topic of how drama doesn't have to be extreme to leave scars, but complaining about anything that has happened in my life would be so horrible and petty that it would seem like I was complaining about someone buying me a house that cost less than six figures while another guy got shot in the leg and didn't complain about it.

So for the risk of sounding mushy, I'll just take the other side and say you're all awesome and I'm glad you all exist. No, it doesn't matter who you are and no, it doesn't matter if I've talked to you or not--I still think you're awesome. Because we all have imperfections, and shit does happen in our life, but I want you to know that even if I don't know who you are, I hope you'll feel good about yourself and know that there is someone out there who appreciates your existence--me. And probably a lot of other people. So yeah, I'm impressed with you all for toughing your way through stuff you've gone through, and I hope you all manage to find happiness.

... That was so mushy but I hope it at least seemed relevant.

There have been a few things that have made big impressions on me.

Things started when I was 6-7ish going into 2nd grade. I had been going to a public school for the last two years and all my friends, aside from the three neighbor kids, were there. But my parents switched me into a private Baptist school run by a local Baptist church. The thing was, my entire family was Catholic (all the local catholic schools were really harsh with discipline, like, over the top and even more expensive than this school), and when that became known, the teachers and parents that knew were constantly making these little jabs about Catholicism when I was around, and as we got older the students started picking up on it and doing that too, in addition to all the names they already called me because I was fidgety and talked to much when it was quiet and chewed on my pencils because I was always really anxious. And between church and school, I was always in a religious environment and even as a little kid I just didn't really believe in God, and everyone around me told me that atheists were bad people, so I always thought "Well I must just be a bad person then." A year after I entered that school, I also got very sick. I had to stay out or leave early often because I'd randomly spike high fevers. The worst part of this period was I would also randomly pee myself. I couldn't control it and my doctor refused to believe it had anything to do with my illness. It turned out I was having allergic reactions to all things food and other things (milk, chocolate, wheat, pollen, cat fur, etc.) and that I had something called "bladder reflux" which meant that the tube leading out from my bladder was too short, meaning not all of that got out and instead just washed back into my body making me really sick.

Around the same time as that happened, my grandfather, who I always thought was great and who my brother was super close too was diagnosed with brain cancer and died soon after, when I as 7-8 and my brother 13-14. Shortly after his death my family moved across town, which for me meant away from my best friends in the world. I only ever kept in touch with one of them, because his mother was dating and later married my uncle. But even that was short lived because his mom and my uncle divorced after like, a year, and she never let him talk to our family again.

It was not long after my grandfather's death and the move that my brother began to change. He had always been so awesome, always letting me tag along and teaching me to skateboard and throw a punch and how to play guitar and helping me with my piano lessons, and showing me how to play games on his play station and scaring off the worse bullies at school. But all of a sudden he was totally different. He was mean and he wouldn't so much as speak to me unless he was insulting me or because our mother made him say something to me. It went on like this for a couple of years, then he started high school when he was 16 and I was 10. I started noticing that he was sneaking people into his room, and that I could smell something from his room on those nights. I didn't think much of it. But one of those nights he came in my room, looking really...not right, I guess? I was sitting on my floor watching tv, and I stood up. I was already anxious, because I always am, and that's why I was up at all at that hour, but it got worse when I saw my brother. My heart raced like crazy. He started talking, but I don't remember what exactly he said, I just know it made me feel more afraid and I started crying. Then he hit me, knocked me across the head. Not hard enough to do any real damage, but it hurt. Then he left, and I watched some more tv.

That became a ritual with us for a while. I would hear people sneak in. He would come in my room and say things I don't remember and hit me or threaten me. Every time the physical stuff got worse. He would hit me harder. But he got to be careful about it. He would go for my thighs or ribs, where no one would easily notice I was bruised up. The threats were always accompanied by knives or guns, things he would swing around and even though I didn't really think he would cut me or shoot me on purpose, I was always afraid he'd do it accidentally.

He got caught with drugs at school after a while, and he was expelled. Every night he and my dad (he had a different father than me, our mother's first husband, they divorced when he was 3) would scream at each other and fight and there would be lots of banging then silence. I was always afraid to leave my room because every silence I though that one of them had finally killed the other. Meanwhile, while he didn't do it as often, my brother still made sure to bruise me up regularly. This was my average life for a few years. It was when I was 11 and 12 that I began to really resent all the bible lessons I had to live with.

Ironically, this was also the time that started going to the church that ran my school (The school ran from 3-year-olds/pre-k to 8th grade). I went because the teachers and kids stopped picking on me somewhat, and between church and youth group, I didn't have to be at home for a few hours on Sundays and Wednesdays. Then there were the youth group trips, which were five days away from everything where I wasn't allowed to have my cell phone and I got to be totally disconnected from the shit going on at home.

Eventually by brother was arrested and after he got out, he lived with a friend of his. Me and my parents moved again, this time to Mississippi, though my mom still works in Louisiana and I still go to school there as well. High school brought some relief, I wasn't bullied anymore as all my old tormentors simply went to another local Baptist private school that housed high school. But I was still very very anxious all the time, and I often had stomach problems that would cause me to spend entire class hours in the bathroom. I was also often depressed and self-hating and hurting myself. This lasted through junior year, until I started seeing a therapist and dating a girl I had made friends with at church. I got medication that helped a lot, and for a while my relationship helped too. But things with her dissolved into some awful shit mostly caused by me being temperamental and insecure. It was also this year that two friends came out as being transgendered and explained what that was to me. Once I found out that that was something legitimate, I realized why I hated my body so much and came out to my parents. That didn't go well at all. But I started dating RC, and things were pretty much okay again.

And here we are at the present, where RC as broken up with me, for very good reasons. I'm pretty sure I'll be surviving that drama too, though.

I am terribly sorry to hear about such harsh events from your past. All of that stuff is terrible and I am sorry you had to suffer so badly at the hands of fellow students and your brother.

I hope things are looking better, though I am sorry to hear about you and RC. If there is anything I can do that might help please let me know. You seem like a very nice person and it is a shame you have had such a hard time with things.

welp i might as well type my story here. please bear with me as it is a little hard to recount the river of shit that has been my life so far. partially because my mind has blurred a lot of it out.
i guess i should start at the begining. my parents married eachother at the age of 17 myself being born when they were 18. after moving around a few times we finally settled down in Missouri. it is there that for the first 5 years of my life that i believe i was relatively happy. then the fighting began; apparently my father was cheating on my mom with the women who would eventually become my "stepmom". needless to say it wasnt a happy breakup. with the father leaving us my mom had to take up another job in order to keep the two of us fed. because of this my mom had to hire a babysitter. well it turns out he was pretty messed up. i dont remember much of it, thankfully, but i was raped pretty much on a daily basis for about a year before we finally moved out of the state. my mom of course knew nothing about it as i was to terrified to tell her. the whole situation really screwed me up. it would be years before i finally had the courage to tell her about it.
next we moved to texas, right next to the border of mexico actually. this was when i started to go into elementary school where i was bullied endlessly. it was for the usual reasons; i wore glass, i was smaller and for some reason i liked to read. on top of this i had ADHD, which sucks soooooo much. i couldnt sit still, always fidgeting, some times i would scream shit out, and i was just generally annoying. i was always the trouble maker, problem child. i wished so much that i could just control myself. eventually it got to the point that the teachers and docters just decided to drug me up rather than have to deal with me. thus began and endless parade of medication supposed to "help me". i didnt last to long on any one kind, because after awhile it became apparent that they didnt work for me or caused some horrible side effect. one of them even made me have seizures. after awhile all those drugs piled up in my system and there was some permanent damage to me. as of now i suffer from certain tics my body does that i have no control over, i have some ocd like symptoms, and have had major weight gain then weight loss. at this point i have like no trust for medicine or doctors.
back to the story the last big event happened while we still lived in texas. i was standing next to a pool when my mom's boyfreind's son pushed me in. i have to say that drowning is the worst way to go. i remember desperately clawing to get to the surface all the while sinking deeper. i slowly suffocated as the darkness swallowed me up. next thing i new i was on my back hacking up a lung full of water. that was when i was introduced to my own mortality at the age of 7. before then i didnt really know what death was but i knew what it felt like to come close and i sure as hell didnt like it. a child really shouldnt be faced with his own mortality that young. it wasnt to long after this that i moved to california about the time that i was 8 or 9.
we didnt have much money so we moved in with my grandparents for about two years during which i spent a lot of time with one of the only adults i ever really loved, that would be my aunt christina. i connected with her in a way that i never have with anyone else, i truely loved her. so of course she had to be taken away from me. my aunt died at the young age of 25 which devastated me, it was actually after her death that i cried for the last time. i havent cried a single time since then.
until then and when i was thirteen my family was pretty poor, we lived essentially in a shack. it is only in the last 4 years that things have started to look up.
now im 17; i always thought that i could handle all the things that happened in the past. just pushing through and pretending it didnt happen. although about three weekes ago i started seeing a therapist because of the unending nagging of my mother. hopefully it isnt a waste of time like i think it will be.

Well that seems like quite the wave of unfortunate events, though I hope your venting on here helps get some of that burden off of your shoulders. I am sorry you seemed to have so much trouble with medication and I feel terrible you lost your Aunt. She sounds like she was a great woman. I am glad things are starting to look better however.

I want you to know that it is always good to talk about these things and it can really help your mindset to get them off your chest.

The_Gray_Angel: Oh my god that's awfuullllllllll. I'm sorry that the babysitter got away with it and that you even had to face a near-death experience That sucks so much and it's unfortunate the doctors didn't research further into why you were acting up in the first place. There's a reason people try to do background checks with problem children, a child who acts out doesn't often do it for no raisin, don't feel guilty about it, and I hope that the therapy you're getting now will give you that encouragement and help that you needed in the first place from the beginning. Therapy can be annoying and complicated, and can be a long-term process, don't lose faith on it so easily. Hang on and give it a go, it might be the biggest blessing of your life!!

Some people who suffer child trauma tend to show horrible side effects of it during their adulthood, so it's good that you're getting it at your age right now, nipping it in the bud and such. Best of luck with everything.

Nate: That stuff about your brother is so confusing and sad, I'm sorry about that. Some people unfortunately change, I was kind of hoping it was one of those cases where the teenage sibling gets all antisocial until they grow out of it, but man the talk about jail :l;; He really got involved in the wrong crowd, hopefully it doesn't continue to lead him deeper..

Great to hear that you managed to find people that helped you understand those doubts you had of yourself, and hopefully you and RC can still remain friends or at least move on amicably. Hope things get better!

Jerk: i don't like hearing that you were in the hospital in the first place ;____; Are you out of it now???

Lux: Heartbreak is a pretty shitty feeling, though. I mean it's natural to feel crappy about crappy things that happen to you, regardless of severity. But we all deal with annoying events, this isn't meant to be a contest. The difference is being so affected by it that we openly need support and by that I mean things like the computer not loading fast enough and pissing you off, or disappointment by not getting the right sort of car for your birthday (That feels more like entitled annoyance than actual trauma, there is a difference!) and that can just warrant a vent like "ughh this is annoying" but obviously not be totally appropriate in a topic about stuff like rape hahaha

@Taeshi: Well, let's put that to the test--how valid my hurt might have been. But as a minor sense of feeling as though there are people who deserve to hear their story heard way more than me, I feel as though I should throw mine in spoilers...



GOOD LORD THAT WAS LONG AND BORING AND WHINY

Yeah I got out about three weeks ago. I didn't want to be an attention-seeking faggot about it and I'm not really even angry anymore. I was really just trying to rerail the thread with something relevant and true. But at the time I was trying to finish my Capstone, which I did. Hence the iPad.

I've learned that love can be very hard on people, and that's not the only kind of story I've heard before! Honestly to me, a relationship isn't a really big deal, but different strokes for different folks I guess.

Anyways congratulations on the relationship also I thought it was a lesbian pairing at first cause I thought you were a girl but I guess you're not. How old is Toffee?

Seppucrow, on 21 March 2012 - 11:20 PM, said:

Well, yeah. And I suppose--but to me, this relationship is a great source of happiness~

. . . You thought I was--... You're not the first one, I suppose. Because of my avatar, I'm guessing? Anyway, I don't know if I should disclose her age... That's kind of her information to tell. :x

Eeeeee congratulations on you and Toffee! She seemed like a delightful gal whenever I saw her around, and you're heaps nice as well so I guess it all makes sense!

the thing is that you have a right to vent about things in this topic, and heartbreak/unrequited feelings are a pretty shitty thing that anyone can understand. You're talking about how you feel there are people who deserve it more, well they're not being held back from opening up so they got that right still and you're not taking anything away from anyone! I do hope that your academic studies improved though, the thing with Megan sounded pretty rough and I would hope that it was just a phase

I had a pretty unlucky love life in retrospect. It always started with unrequited feelings, which is so freaken annoying and painful that I can totally empathise with you. It was like I was always "that other girl", there was a boy I had a crush on since 3rd grade who I treated like garbage because I was too scared of him knowing I liked him back, and I felt uber jealous when around middle/high school he was hanging out with a girl and people would tease them for being a couple. He never went out with her though, but I felt I really got rid of an opportunity to at least have an awesome friend by being such a bitch to him. He was an artist and watched cartoons and that sorta thing, though we are friends now!!! I mean I see him on facebook and that's cool, I managed to write a confession of sorts in senior year after years of being over him, so that elephant is permanently out of the room.


And the first internet guy I crushed on hit on me constantly so my 11yo mind was all "Oh hey that means he likes me so i should like him" then he announced he had a girlfriend and I felt really frustrated.

Then there's the deal with my ex. I crushed on him hard in the forums we used to frequent, and he announced having an AIM name and I was so excited to chat with him.. and then suddenly he wrote a story that basically announced him getting together with another girl. I was so upset and I remember writing angsty journals about it and going on trips with my parents having a blank and destroyed face, and they would ask me what's wrong but I didn't wanna let them know about my dumb drama on the internet. He had issues and would talk to me about them and I would sit there and listen to him complain about how his girlfriend wasn't there for him. I actually confessed to liking him because he sounded like he was gonna commit suicide to show that there is someone with strong feelings for him, which was annoying because he got all OH I LOVE YOU BUT I LOVE THIS GIRL TOO AND UMM and was trying to have his cake and eating it too. So he would try to be sweet to me but publicly write about his feelings towards his real girlfriend and it was just nonsense.

And then there's an ex-friend and he was always dating someone, there was a period of time I began to really question my feelings for him and without really saying it he kind of rejected me, and it just sucked because it was like all these people had other girls attached and I was never the important one. In a way it's like I'm the permanent Daisy.

Even with Souppy that happened, where he didn't even know I crushed on him and I would see him sucking e-face with another girl, and I guess I realised how genuine my feelings were for him because Souppy is what hurt me most, to the point where I get pretty jealous if it's implied he likes a girl in any sort of way more than me now. UNREQUITED JEALOUSY AGOGO

Okay, I know this is really whiny and lame but I really need to vent.

Okay, so there was a girl I really liked, right? She was super cool, and nice, good looking, and fun to hang out with. Very awkward, but hot, which wasn't a deal maker or breaker but a nice touch, too. She knew I liked her, but we weren't dating. We hung out and saw a movie one time back in October, then went to her house to hang out, and she told me she thought that there was something real between us, so my hopes got up and I asked her out the next day, and she said yes. Then she proceeded to be a huge dick. She was ten minutes late, and after we had lunch and ice cream we went back to my house to hang out some more. My cousin was there, and she spent the rest of the time flirting with him and trying to pick him up, and shutting me out, except to tell me what a great time she was having, and how it was one of the best dates she ever went on. AND I WAS A PERFECT GENTLEMEN I LISTENED TO HER AND WAS NICE AND HELD DOORS AND EVERYTHING. Then we made plans to go see a movie next weekend, and then she dumped me at school on Monday. She said she saw me as more of a brother, which was bullshit, we'd known each other a year. I got really angry and turned it on myself and continued to be friends with her, which was dumb because I was already feeling angry and was depressed and it sucked. So I finally called her out on it two days ago and you know what she said? She said "Oh, if there is one thing you should know about me, it is that I am a flirt!" and "Oh, it was my time of the month" and "oh, perceptions change!" She apologized, but it was AFTER she had said all this and now I feel really shitty cuz I was totes into her and really liked her and everything. And I'm just feeling lonely and wishing I had someone to love and cuddle with and be intimate with and to pick me up when I'm down and for me to pick up when she's down and I know it's stupid because having a girlfriend is not a magic fix-all, and I dunno if I'm for a relationship right now to begin with and I just feel so angry and lonely and uuuuurg.


DRAMA YAAAY

Hey Smash Genesis don't expect girls to reward you with sex just because you're nice to them.

Really, features like getting angry over being rejected is unattractive, and I see you as an unattractive person. I think you are trying to force things because you are getting desperate, but forcing things can backfire and result in unproductivity.

Lux, I guess you come off as a girl to me because you seem to be pretty emotional, which to me is a pretty girlish feature but that's just gender stereotypes heh.

Taeshi, on 22 March 2012 - 12:26 AM, said:

Ehehe, thanks. :> And yeah, she's more than delightful. She's the most wonderful person in the world, and whenever I see her I smile, and--ahem, sorry. ;;

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Yeah, I suppose. Some of these stories are heartbreaking in and of themselves, though, that's why I feel like mine doesn't compare. But it's nice to know that I'm not being petty. And yeah, my grades have been great since fourth quarter of ninth grade on, with a few specks here and there. In fact, I'm going into AP computer science next year (thanks to an A+ for every computer class I've ever taken), so I'm well on my way to getting a good education on my planned career in life~

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I acted that way around my closer friends, sometimes--I acted aloof because I was always afraid of getting too close and finding that they didn't want to be better friends. But I'm glad that you've managed to amend things so that you two are friends at least! And it's definitely nice to find closure with these kinds of things~

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What a douche. He oughtn't hit on you if he's taken. Looks like he was just trying to be a "player" (AKA loser). The jerk. :<

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And I thought the last guy you mentioned was a jerk! He seems like he just wanted to have you both and couldn't decide. It's almost like he was cheating on her, and... ugh. I just don't get people like that. I mean, it's nice that he supposedly felt that way for you, but to make you and his girlfriend go through stuff like that? Moreover, someone so pitiful that he was going to kill himself over what sounds like minor, petty issues? I don't like people like that. Not at all... I wish I could reach into your past and punch him in the face, silly as that sounds. ;;

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Always dating someone? Was he one of those people who did it for status? Anyway, I totally understand that feeling. Oftentimes I would see so many people together (especially prominent once I was on the net and saw all these people getting together in front of [and once because of] me), and think "so I'm the one who's not gonna be with anyone, eh?"

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Jealousy is one of the most godawful feelings in the world. I mean, I know Toffee loves me and I love her, but I can't help but feel jealous whenever she becomes friends with another guy. I mean, it's nice and all that she's friends with someone, but when she's telling me something funny that this guy said or something I'm like "hahaha xD" because I don't wanna act all possessive, but inwardly I'm thinking "hnnnnnng this dude I don't like him"

I know it's irrational, but I can't help it. ;__;

@Seppucrow: That would be the other reason people mistake me for a girl. Haters gonna hate~

This post has been edited by Lux Aeterna: 22 March 2012 - 01:57 AM

Seppucrow, on 22 March 2012 - 01:33 AM, said:

I didn't actually expect sex, though, and I'm not actually sure where you got that idea. I wasn't angry over getting rejected, I was angry over being lead on. I'm sorry if I didn't make things clear in the post, but I'm pretty sure I did! The "and I was a perfect gentlemen" comment was just something i use to make myself feel better like "Okay, she may have treated me shitty, but at least I was nice" that kind of thing.

Lux: My ex didn't intend to cheat, though, he was just dumb and confused and admittedly I was happy that feelings were being reciprocated for once though I was really adamant to let him know he either had to be with her or me, but I was leaning towards "I want my beloved to be happy"

I had a really bad habit in the past of being insanely jealous, but I would put on a facade that I wanted my beloved to be happy and I wanted to sacrifice and all that stuff, and try to conceal jealousy. I used to think jealousy was a really nasty emotion and that people shouldn't have it because it would signify a lack of trust, but I have basically accepted now that I am a VERY jealous person. I can't control it! It was easy to control when you can conceal tears and frustration from the digital world, but living with Souppy is like, well he can see when I get jealous easily. But back then I was totally like "NO I CAN'T PULL YOU AWAY FROM THE ONE YOU LOVE...." and then sit around being quietly miserable.

It's fine if you can't help being jealous, everyone is jealous in some way, but the difference is if you're limiting Toffee's social life. When jealousy becomes control, that's when you should be concerned. But if you're like "Oh i would rather her be with me/that guy isn't that great...." it's fine. It's human.

Also regarding the ex-friend who was always dating, he jumped from one girl to another.. (So like he would have a nasty break up with a girlfriend but there would be a girl more than happy to get together with him and in a way the nasty break up was because of the new girl) and I mean I found out he was a chronic cheater so yeah glad i dodged a bullet on that one

Smash: Sorry about the girl leading you on and such, I think you just gotta wash your hands off her and move on. Live and learnnnn. The gentleman comment was sending alarm bells of the awful NICE GUY FRIEND ZONE complex, which is just a terrible mindset to have, but it's good to hear it's not really that. Don't let it discourage you from treating people well. Some people you just realise aren't really worth it, and you move on!

I suppose my tale would in some respects be similar to Lux Aeterna's, but since it's firmly in the past and I have no need to vent, I won't relate it.

Smash Genesis, Taeshi is right, that girl didn't treat you well and she wasn't worth the bother of remaining friends with. Best to let her go and learn from the experience. And you have lots of time for future relationships, whenever you feel ready to try again.

It's been... about 5 and a half months since my last post here. Time for an update, I guess.
EDIT: Holy bajeezus this is a huge wall of text

My ex basically never talks to me; once a month at the most. She is (was) an awesome person in general, so this kinda sucks.
I learned from one of our mutual friends (who I've known since like kindergarten) that basically all of my ex's friends were shocked when they heard she broke up with me. This girl personally said she was devastated, even more so when she was hiking with my ex and she mentioned who she wanted to go out with - the total jerk-face she now calls her boyfriend. Apparently, everyone hates him, not just me, which is reassuring. I also told her my version of what happened leading up to the break-up, which I guess I'll spoilerbox at the bottom of this post, and she said it made a lot more sense now, so that's the second person I've told who agrees with my reasoning (the other being the new boyfriend's little brother, after we had this massive argument about why I hated him and his brother and blah blah blah).

Aside from my ex:
I was crushing on this one girl pretty hard around October of last year, and then finally worked up the guts to ask her to the Warren Miller movie since we both enjoy skiing (for those who don't know, it's the most hyped-up ski/snowboard film of the entire year, every year). I only managed to work up the courage after she had joked about "kidnapping each other" and going skiing (I got my unrestricted license in February, so we would've been able to go alone around then) a few times with me. The movie was two weeks after I asked her. Then it turned out that her parents were dragging her to the school play, which happened to be the same night and end at the same time the movie started. Plans shot. But I hadn't given up quite yet.
A couple weeks passed, Thanksgiving Break happened uneventfully, then there was supposed to be some winter dance. I couldn't work up the courage to ask her, and wouldn't have been able to anyways because we kept taking different buses to school and I couldn't find her otherwise for some reason. The first chance I got to ask her, she had just finished talking with another friend of mine and she mentioned that the girl was really happy because she had just gotten a date to the dance. Plans shot further.
About four days later, I was in the library after taking my History mid-term. She walked by, noticed me, and asked if I had time to talk. Of course, I said yes. She told me that she knew I had a crush on her and that she didn't feel the same way, but still wanted to be friends (which she's definitely done a better job at than my ex). She apologized, gave me a hug, then left, and I just sort of sat at my computer in shock.
Winter Break goes by. Nothing of interest besides spending New Year's Eve with an old crush of mine at her family's party, along with a couple of friends (the girl who told me how devastated she was that my ex broke up with me was among them).
January. First day of class. First period. I walk into my Theory of Knowledge class, there's three seats left side-by-side at the front of the room. Decided to try my luck and sit in the middle, just in case some cute girl was later than me, thus forcing them to sit next to me either way. Lo and behold, five minutes after class starts, a girl I had never seen at school before walked in, checked in with the teacher, and sat down next to me. Instant crush. A couple days later, we had to do some quick partner-discussion thing, the teacher said "turn to someone near you and talk about *stuff I don't remember*", and she turned to me immediately. We talked for a few minutes, then the teacher reconvened the class. I saw this as a sign.
Along the course of the next few weeks, she'd randomly look over in my direction every once in a while. At first, I thought she was looking at the clock that was on the wall past me, but then I started to think "what if she's looking at me?" At some point, I managed to look at her right when she looked in my direction, and it turned out she was actually looking at me.
Another week or so passes, and it's time for Winter Ball. I decided to work up the courage to ask her. After missing multiple perfect chances throughout the day, I finally manage to ask her if she would be able to go with me. She says she'll ask her parents and get back to me the next day. I thought this was my chance.
But God still seemed to have a grudge against me. Oh no, he wouldn't let me get off that easy.
Next day was a snow-day. It was Friday. It was the day before the dance. I had no way to contact her; she wasn't in the directory, she wasn't in last year's yearbook, she wasn't in the city directory, I couldn't find her on any of my teachers' email lists. Nothing. The weekend goes by and I sit around in despair. As it turns out, she couldn't have gone anyways, so it's just God screwing with me even more. That seems to be a theme in my life nowadays.
Since then, I haven't been able to work up the guts to do anything with her besides a couple of group projects for Theory of Knowledge, and I don't feel I'll ever be able to, which really sucks. She still looks over at me every once in a while, and seems happy whenever we get grouped together for something, but I just can't make anything out of it. >_>;

Drama basically ends here, but still got stuff to say because there's more to my story.

So the girl I spent New Years Eve with was the first girl I ever had a crush on. All throughout 6th grade. I ended up switching middle-schools for 7th and 8th, when I met my first real girlfriend, but then during the summer between 8th and 9th grade, we started hanging out again because we learned we were both going to the same high-school. We hung out maybe once a week or so, at a local park and elementary school. It was a lot of fun, and it rekindled my crush on her. I ended up asking her to the "Back to School" dance, which takes place the first Friday after school starts, but my best friend gave me the flu that week so I couldn't go with her. I'm kinda fuzzy on what actually happened over the next month, but I remember it having something to do with me asking her to some movie and her mentioning she was doing something with some other guy that night (and IIRC she started going out with him a bit after I started going out with my current ex). We pretty much lost contact for two years as we dated other people. I finally started talking to her again this school year, which was nice. I've sort of been jumping back and forth between wanting to date her and wanting to date someone else more, but I'm starting to lean more towards her because we spend a lot of time together lately. Like how last weekend, I ended up spending around 16 hours with her because her younger sister was having her Bat Mitzvah, and I got invited to the service (ended up being 4 hours), the party (ended up being 6 hours) and the brunch that was originally family-only until her mom invited me (ended up being 6 or so hours).
At the party, I had to go back to my house to get Beatles: Rock Band because we decided we needed to play it, and I dragged along the girl who told me how everyone hates my ex's new boyfriend so I could get everything into my car faster. Goes like this: Get into car > Start car > Drive for 5 seconds > Girl says "You like ******, don't you?". This was when I finally admitted that I had a crush on her, and really realized it myself. She said we'd make a cute couple, so I know I at least have some support.



Yep. Rant/update over.

Thing about my ex:

This post has been edited by Detta: 22 March 2012 - 07:22 AM

god your story kind of confused me, because I can't tell who you're into or who you're over or who you wish you could date again, you seem to either be desperate to become chained to another girl or you just keep coming across a bunch of nice ones that could very well just remain as friends.

Like for example I'm confused about why you're anxious to talk to the theory of knowledge girl, considering you asked her to the winter ball and dumb unluckiness prevented you from knowing the answer until it was too late. But shit happens, another day will come and other things can be organised, not just going to dances. She clearly seemed interested in you, at least as a friend. I felt you were honestly doing yourself a disservice by keeping a distance from her especially since she would be aware you at least had a crush on her, you asking her out and all. But then there's the New Year girl so I dunno

Oh, shallow high school relationships~...... the possibilities for relationships are endless.....

Yeah, I was going to say Detta should just nut up and ask the Theory of Knowledge girl to do something with him. (That's what I basically did with my own crush. I admitted I liked her, and while we didn't end up together, my only regret in the whole matter was that I didn't admit the crush way, way earlier.)

But then Detta said he had a crush on the New Year's Eve girl, so I dunno. He'll have to decide which one he wants to pursue, I guess. I've never really been faced with a choice like that.

Being in love can lower your serotonin levels, and make you more prone to jealousy.

Lower your serotonin levels?

Shit.

Love isn't all sunshine and daisies.

CaptainBaconMan, on 22 March 2012 - 04:38 PM, said:

The novel, "The World According to Garp" is a good example of that.

Ugh I had a feeling writing that post at 1 AM was gonna be problematic. I might just edit when I have more time with some "Dear Abbey" style names so it makes more sense.

You might as well make a new post rather than edit something that's been replied to multiple times already. One bad habit I've noticed in the forums is making a post, getting a bunch or responses, and the way you reply to the responses is by editing the initial post. It's such a mess

Aw, Nate, I'm really sorry about that. I know it doesn't mean much, but you can always talk to me? It's stupid and corny and I don't know the extent of your problems but we're both TG so it might be nice to vent to someone you can relate to? I dunno, I'm just being stupid.

*hugs*

I hope you feel better

Here's a story:

A boy falls truly in love with a girl, and she says she loves him back. They bond and grow closer, and it seems like all is well and progressing smoothly. Lines of communication are kept clear and open. Chivalry and honor are constantly present. So much in common is shared.

Then later it turns out she actually didn't understand her feelings, but had said yes anyway because she felt like it. Then she says she can't carry on like that, because she's not sure of her feelings and thinks it'd be best if they (or at least, she) removed herself from relationships and focused on other aspects of life for an indefinite amount of time. Thus we hit breakup stage.

Obviously, the boy feels deceived, not to mention knowing he was powerless to do anything to prevent this. Enter state of depression, begin long talk sessions trying to make sense of her illogical mind, etc. The roles may be reversed.

Out of the climb, if the boy is of curious and capable mind, he will delve deeper into a previously held journey into unraveling the underlying pattern of the universe. Cue suffering existential angst, thinking about nihilism, and contemplation of suicide. He thinks how he could possibly assign values if no inherent values exist. He then deduces that the only other source of values is emotion, which he feels contradicts logic. Ergo he has no idea what to do with his life.

End of Act One.

This post has been edited by Dr. Klaus: 23 March 2012 - 05:07 AM

A said before, emotions aren't easy to understand. What one can see as incredible love once can look back on it and see typical admiration or even brotherly love. It's unfortunate, but it works on the flip side as well. One good thing about emotions is that they can change over time, and after the heartache you can move on from the girl.

I'm sure it wasnt a case of "feeling like it", some decisions are made because in the short term it felt appropriate. A 10yo asked me out at 9 in a chat an I obliged. Was it love? No, was he a nice guy? Sure. But it was because it was fun and we had fun and it was just dumb and we ended up just forgetting about each other.

Heartache improves, because you will meet people who actually know what they're doing, or maybe even the same girl will realise she made a mistake/ will have the time to truly explore her feelings.

Welb. Asked out New Years girl, she turned me down. Looks like it's ToK girl or bust (or no bust lolpuns).
Luckily it wasn't awkward at all and we kept talking like nothing had happened afterwards.

Also I just realized that I said "Dear Abbey" instead of "Dear Abby". Herp.


And I learned today that my suspicions were actually spot on. The guy actually told a friend of mine he had been planning to break my ex up with me for three months before it happened.
So the next chance I get I'm going to seriously tell him off.

Tbh today was easily one of the worst in my life, considering I also failed two tests.

I suppose the only good news is that I now don't have to feel conflicted about who I want to go out with.

This post has been edited by Detta: 23 March 2012 - 11:42 PM