Bittersweet Candy Bowl Forums

Hope this is the right subforum.

So anyways, when I read the news there's always one sexcrime/abduction/rape incident. It gets worse every time. I said my "Oh how terrible," but it's always been sort of apathetic. Then my cousin got raped.

She wants to forget it. "It was my fault," Is what my closer relatives say she said. But for a while now this has been swimming around in my mind. There's of course, the burning hatred for rapists that everyone else has, yes, but, as terrible as it is, I can't help but hold some resentment at my cousin for just...

'Let's just forget it.'

What the nuts? Forget it? Let's get this guy arrested! The sick nut taped the whole thing, so we have evidence, but she wants to destroy it. She's thinking so oddly now, I just don't get it.

Also, according to what my aunt says, she didn't fight back. She didn't even scratch the guy. I would have went for the eyes. Then again, I can't relate to it at all but... Come on! The eeeyyyeesssss. I saw her at a birthday party. She seemed fine. I guess I wasn't expecting her to have a nervous breakdown right there but... I don't know what I expected. Maybe I expected myself to shout, "What the nut is going on, man?! Tell me he's in prison!" But I just ate my cake.

Why don't the girls fight back? Why don't they fight back afterwards? What is this 'it's my fault' crap? The guy is probably hanging out with his friends right now. That tape is probably all over the nutting internet. The guy insists she enjoyed it, and it's kind of hard to prove she didn't, considering how stupid she's acting. Does she care? I do. I- I'm ranting.But as it turns out, a lot of rape victims are like this. They feel guilty for what was done to them. The hell? I beat the nuts out of a guy for insulting me, it seems like victims should be even more angry.

What do I say to her?
What should she do?
What would you do?

Wait, she was being raped and did nothing?
That doesn't sound like a rape.
That sounds like suprise sex.

I am now contemplating the possability that a good portion of rape victems are emotionaly unstable because they are unable to meet the expectations of the people areound them.

Then again, I know nothing. Absolutly nothing.
Keep thefact that I used the words "possability", "portion", and "victem" in mind as you respond.
This is a very touchy subject after all.

Go to the police. Right now.

They'll sort it out.

Also, that.

No matter what the girl feels, the law is the law.

You have someone to press charges right?

well, of course she would want to destroy the tape, she probably just doesn't want to be reminded of that traumatic event and wants to try to live on normally as if nothing happened, bury her feelings (i think, I'm just speculating). Perhaps she blames herself because she somehow believes she put herself in that situation and maybe feels she should have known better to get out and/or fight back? I am also at a loss as to why some rape victims don't fight back, I figure it has to do with overwhelming terror and/or fear that something worse will happen if they fight back. Like I said, I'm no expert on the subject, but I do know that you never blame the victim.

oddly enough, I can empathize with your situation, it is very frustrating and oh so tempting to take a crow-bar to the son of a whore's spinal column, but yeah, go to the police.

This post has been edited by ChewySmokey: 13 April 2011 - 06:12 PM

Fear. Definately fear. And, that guy may have been very physically powerfull, it may have been hard to fight back if say, arms were pinned down, and legs forced open or whatever... Saying 'It's all my fault' may be because, she really does feel its her fault, you have all these 'what ifs' going around your head, and at the time, the logical conclusion is 'if i didn't do x then y wouldn't of happenned' therefore feeling its their fault.

Yeah, police is a good way for justice... you just need to make sure she'll be willing to stand up in court, talk infront of the rapist. It takes a long time, thankfully you have the evidence, otherwise it usually resorts to 'she said this, he said that'

I wouldn't talk to her, until she's ready to talk to you. Just tell her you'll be there for her, and whenever she feels she needs to talk, that you're just a phonecall away (or however you communicate) DONT rush it. Bad things happen.

Victims don't get angry... Something like that... It's kinda like a shock. To be violated in such a way, can make you feel awful, right down to the core of your (if you excuse me) soul. For awhile you can't live with yourself, and there's all these feelings swilling around... i guess its hard to explain 1. to a guy, and 2. if you've never been in that kind of situation...

The 'not fight back' thing I can understand. Fear and shock, maybe.

but the 'my fault' thing... that's plain stupid! Unless it was her fault >_<
But as you say it, it wasn't.

Well these reactions do seem stupid to someone who hasn't experienced it themselves, but that is just it, you haven't experienced what they went through so you have no right to judge how they react. A lot of rape victims react like this regardless of their character, I bet many of them would have thought it was a stupid response as well until they themselves became victims of rape.

What Luminaria says is regrettably true. As for the "my fault" thing, that might (from an outwards perspective) also be attributed to another terrible thing: Low self esteem. There is a horrible effect within the mentality that says "this happened to you and not anybody else, therefore it must have been your fault, and you are a bad person for it". This ties in closely with the "what if?" scenarios Luminaria mentions, and although logic may contradict it humans are not inherently logical beings.

Matt speaks true words, too.

The best thing you can do for her right now is to be present and willing to talk. You have no idea how much it helps just to have somebody you know would listen to you, even though you remain silent about it. Either way, I hope there will be a solution to this case that does not include a breakdown of the poor girl.

A lot of the empathy being expressed here revolts me in ways I cannot even begin to describe.

(I would give the tape to the police and have them sort it out though, or at least keep it until she's ready to be able to confront the issue. Destroying it might be the worst idea because she could regret it in the long run)

Oh come on!
Guess I earned it.

I just meant that a lack of fighting back might possably denote willingness and willingness would mean it wasn't rape and would also explain why she said it was her fault and why she would not want to press charges.

Everything would be explained.

But THAT'S just unthinkable isn't it?

This post has been edited by Craft aids: 13 April 2011 - 04:25 PM

I'll say it again. Go to the police.

This is out of your hands. The law might have been broken, and it is their job to handle it now. I have nothing but empathy for your sister, but it's time to stop messing around. Go to the police and get them to help her!

You can go the police but they can't do much if she won't press charges. They'll file the evidence, pat you on the head and send you on your way, that simple. I understand that she doesn't want to talk about this but the only why to get over it is to confront the problem. You need to gently explain to her that you only want to help her, and she has to come to terms with the fact that by ignoring this, it WON'T go away.

She has to take action to stop this for happening to other girls, she has to realize that she can't change what happened to her but she can prevent it from happening again. Also make sure she understands that this is in no way HER fault. I don't know what that dickbag told her, but she didn't not deserve that and she sure as HELL didn't like it.

But ultimately it's up to her, if she doesn't care or is to scare to proceed then there's not much else you can do but be there for her. Also see if you can maybe find a way to warn other girls about him. But you might need more help from other rape victims and such to really make her see that she needs to come forward with this information.

But the most important think you can do is be there for her and remind her that it's not her fault and that you love her no matter what. Hope this helps.

See, you guys are going about this all wrong. What happens in this case, is you find the cum-gargling knuckle-dragger and feed his internal organs to a slavering pack of dogs. It's no less than he deserves.

Then again, you guys never considered that it really might NOT have been rape... Sorry Neff I don't know you nor your cousin and I don't mean to say that's the case here, but there are a lot of crazy bitches around, who'll say "yes" first and "no" later. Situations are more complex than just that. A video might not prove anything if she didn't react and didn't say "no, i don't want to do this" to the camera. Did she know the guy? Was it an ex-boyfriend or a very close friend? Was she expecting him that night / day? For all we know, she could just not have wanted to film it or something.

In other words, don't judge a case without all the info. Everyone's innocent until proven guilty.

In case of a real rape, if the victim says it was her fault, my first (strong) thought would be that the victim is wrong.
I meant that with the 'stupid' thing.

SushiJaguar, on 13 April 2011 - 07:33 PM, said:

I support this statement.

Migrant, on 13 April 2011 - 09:20 PM, said:

That's what I said!
Then I got this title.

How about we just wait until this girl is being open and then OP askes her if she was willing at the time of the sex and the problem is solved.

She says yes, suprise sex.
She says no, rape.

Anything more is rather filled with assumptions.

Then again, you would have to take her word for it.
Yeah, you should probably take her word for it when she desides to give you her word.

ChewySmokey, on 14 April 2011 - 12:34 AM, said:

First, don't we have to know he is a cum-gargling knuckle-dragger?

Craft, you're a complete fucking moron, you know that?

"That doesn't sound like a rape. That sounds like suprise sex"

Hahahaha Nice title craft.

Go to the police, please! Even if SHE'S okay with it, this guy might think he can get away with it and hurt MORE people. Get the police on his trail, you HAVE evidence! Save all his potential victims!


And, er, tell your sister I hope she's okay, alright? My heart goes out to her.

SushiJaguar, on 14 April 2011 - 01:18 AM, said:

ybe you would have a point, but op never said anything in the story to indecate that the girl ever told anyont that it was rape.

Clean up the spelling mistakes, get some common sense, and then we'll talk, cockroach.

Quote

The reality is that people feel helpless. The truth is that it isn't just with rape, it happens with other things as well; bizzarely, the bystander effect often occurs to victims themselves, where they feel they are passive in their situation and have no power. The truth is that it is easy to give in in a situation like that, easy to shut down, shut off.

Some folk are not like that. The truth is though that such people also are much less likely to be raped; rapists do not target them, and are quickly turned away by a show of power. They prey on the folk who won't fight back, who won't resist, which is why so many people get away with it.

Anyway, long story short, you should go to the po-po.

And Craft Aids, you should put your head in a meatgrinder. You're the problem with society.

Gah, whatever. I'm going to see if I can rally a family discussion and see if we can get that sucker behind bars. If not now, then later. I'll make sure she hols on to the tape.
I don't think I can get revenge for my cousin, but the least I can do is protect other girls from that guy.
Can someone close up this thread, or something?

Wait! Post on whether she ever actualy told you it was rape!

This is not the place to use common sence.
This is the place to connect the dots one step at a time.

Neff, on 14 April 2011 - 02:47 AM, said:

Ask Suitcase... you can PM him. (ILB Jerk or any other mod also could help you)

I don't know how often he reads these threads.

Yeah, do that but post on if she ever actualy told anyone it was rape!
It makes a huge difference!

Eh, rape's not so bad.
You get used to it eventually.

got all da black bitches mad cuz my main bitch vanilla

She tryna get her groove back like stella, grab the umbrella.

SushiJaguar, on 13 April 2011 - 07:33 PM, said:

aaaahaha

Oh wow guys, seriously? This isn't a fucking joke, you are talking to someone who has had someone close to them get hurt, learn to be real men and shut the fuck up. You wouldn't say this shit to the girl's face so stop acting like cool kids on the internet and making fucking jokes about it.

God it's people like you who have desensitized the world to how terrible of an act this is. If she doesn't want to get help it's cause of you fuckers who make her think that this isn't a big deal.

Seriously, fuck off. This isn't the place to make your stupid jokes.

This post has been edited by Leaving_a_Comment: 14 April 2011 - 02:49 PM

I careless about you posting avatars Suitcase, as I do the idiots who are sitting there going "Lol rapes a joke hurdur let's all laugh about it!"

I agree with that sentiment.

Also, Neff requested that the topic be closed, so I will make it so.