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I wrote a story I may or may not write more, and seeing how no one on the IRC could bother telling me if I was allowed to just straight up post it here, I'm doing that.

This one is called

DAISY'S DANGEROUS DAY
One day Daisy was at Abbey's place. It was hot outside and shit so the bitch didn't wear any clothes, which is perfectly acceptable in the Cat Universe and not in the least bit sexy in any way. Daisy was chilling in the den with five million fans turned on because of how hot it was, when Abbey walked by and was all, "Daisy I have to go do pussy shit like help orphans and give blankets to homeless people." Daisy responded with a totally sexy, "Eh." Abbey pranced over and kissed her on her head then jumped head first out the window because fuck doors.

Daisy sat there on the couch stinking up the place with her disgusting cat sweat, leaving an assprint on the good leather, until Abbey's hot stepmom walked in the front door. "Oh my god what happened to the window god damn it Abbey," What's-Her-Name Stepmom shouted. Daisy looked at Abbey's Mom and was like "Damn. That bitch is hot," which is funny, because she is a dog. Do you get it? You better.

So Daisy was totally scopin' Abbey's Stepmom and thinking, "Oh man I am totally being a lesbian right now, look at those breasts and stuff. And that ass. Damn she is totally scoping me out right now too." And she was! Abbey's Stepmom was totally scoping her out! "Where's Abbey and that other adopted kid who I do not really care about?" She asked, in a totally attractive and not at all raspy and ear bleeding voice. "Something about giving orphans to homeless people and pussies," Daisy said. Abbey's Stepmom smiled and said, "Alright then let's have hot lesbian sex." Daisy smiled like a serial killer sexily, and replied, "Cool I've never had sex with a complete whore before."

So the two had sex and did what lesbians do, which is like smashing their hip bones against each other until one of them breaks, causing an extreme pain and bone protrusion, which is what we call an "orgasm". Molly came home from girl scouts and got in on this shit, until she got caught between the Crushing and had her brain smashed. Abbey got back and mourned over the death of his #1 ho then realized Daisy and his Mom were still going at it and the den was covered in blood from their constant ramming. Abbey killed himself, Daisy laughed, Abbey's real dad came and beat the living shit out of Daisy, Abbey's Stepmom, Dead Molly, Dead Abbey, and Yashy died because it's my story and fuck you.

THE END.........?

Comments and Criticisms can go in the trash like the rest of your opinions

This post has been edited by Toastyjester: 18 April 2011 - 11:11 PM

I searched for owl, kawaii and uguu and i found nothing.

TL;DR.

0/10

Beauty knew no name until now

This story was so beautiful it brought a tear to my eyes. No words can describe this work of literary genius, I connected with the characters in ways I never thought possible. Send it to a publisher, all must read this enthralling tale of wonder, amazement, pussy shit, tragedy and lesbians.

My mind. It is blown. By the awesomeness that is UGUU!!

^

^

So Much Win!

This post has been edited by BeachSideCheese: 19 April 2011 - 12:09 AM

I knew BCB attracted talented writers, but this story affected me like none before it. I look forward to more tales from you.

This post has been edited by Junior Boomer: 19 April 2011 - 12:18 AM

I Smell Creepypasta In This Story

Best story I've read sense Love Me.

This post has been edited by RickAstley: 19 April 2011 - 12:58 AM

GaryD12, on 19 April 2011 - 12:55 AM, said:

Your olfactory nerves must be severed, this is 100% genuine pure ToastyJ Brand story writing.

Okay I wrote my second story, this is all I'm doing tonight and probably for a few days because this shit is terrible.

This one is called:

Sandy's Surprisingly Sad Day (dedicated to OmoMeowth because he is a sick shit)

Alright so there's this chick who is apparently REALLY HOT and even hotter than all the other chicks even though she has no tits, no ass, and no distinguishing personality points, named Sandy. She's pretty much a piece of cardboard with a smiley face drawn on it.

Okay Sandy is a model right? She lets people take pictures of her so people around the country and men overseas can fap to her delicious plywood loli form. One day she's working at the modeling agency and her boss says, "Ey who the hell left this board here?" Sandy looks up at her boss' face and says, "It's me Mr. Modelman! Sandy!" The boss chokes on his croissant from the surprise at a piece of wood talking and dies. So they get a new guy and he is all strict and likes to whip models with seven tailed whip of death he named "Delilah" when they act a bitch, as well as do other shit that's pretty dickish.
Sandy's doing a modeling job and is all "Oh man I really have to piss," so she asks the new boss if she can go to the bathroom. "Stupid girl, wood doesn't pee, what do you think I am, stupid?" He said as he read an online webcomic about cats in highschool. Sandy tried to protest but the guy was all "LALALALALALALA I AM NOT LISTENING," so she had to stand there while more perverted men took pictures of her zoomed in crotch.

Two hours pass and finally Sandy can't take it anymore. She shouts, "I'm gonna blow!" as her cat vag explodes like a fire hydrant, sending her soaring into the air and lodging her into the ceiling. The boss and photographers scramble to reach the doors, but the room is already filling with piss. This was a lot of piss. She'd been holding a lot in. The boss checked one more page of his cat comic before drowning. Then Sandy's piranhas (oh yeah she has piranhas in her vagina, but that was already established in the comic) came out and ate all of the corpses.

Eventually the room's doors broke and the whole building was flooded with piss and stunk for like five weeks, which sucked ass because it was summer and very very hot. Sandy fell out of the ceiling and began to text her closet-homosexual boyfriend Mike about how much her day sucked and then went to update her blog called "Sandy Is Sad". Eventually someone found security tapes of how she pissed so much, drowned everyone, then devoured the corpses with vag fish, and put that shit on youtube. It got over 2,000,000,000 views and Sandy killed herself, which caused Mike to kill himself, which caused Lucy (Mike's crazy bitch stalker) to kill herself, which caused everyone to jump in joy and shit their pants. All the wars ended, peace returned to the planet, and Cat and Dog kind entered a golden age.

Or should I say, golden shower age.

THE END......................? (yes)

This post has been edited by Toastyjester: 19 April 2011 - 01:48 AM

I love you.

Toasty your fucked up sometimes. (but in a good way)

I think it's pretty

*FAP* *FAP* *FAP*

this is one of

*FAP* *FAP* *FAP*

funniest things I

*FAP* *FAP* *FAP*

have read in a while

*FAP* *FAP* *FAP*

I would also like

*FAP* *FAP* *FAP*

to thank you for the

*FAP* *FAP* *FAP*

dedication

*FAP* *FAP* *FAP*

it means a lot

*FAP* *FAP* *FAP*

that you care enough

*FAP* *FAP* *FAP*

about me to write

*FAP* *FAP* *FAP*

a magnificent story

*FAP* *FAP* *FAP*

of this magnitude

*FAP* *FAP* *FAP*

Stay toasted

*EXPLODE*

Too much boss to comprehend.

There are many things that can be said about almost any attempt at fanfiction. Most of all for those that are first attempts. But I must say, that this is a first for me. The way that you've woven these words is unique and intriguing, not unlike finding a bottle of the finest wine at a wine tasting festival that has come from a specially bred pig/grape hybrid that urinates the finest wine. A feat that both excites, disgusts, and causes modern science to break out their torches and pitch forks (as a forewarning, do not let any scientists read these stories).

Your first epic contains such vulgarities, that it transcends the traditional low brow sensibilities that they tend to evoke, instead propelling it into a sort of meta state of intrinsically beautiful poetry like language. Like Homer's epic, or Paradise Lost, it is such that, lesser minds may disregard it as drivel. But be not discouraged, for the learned shall see through this clever ruse, and glean the truth of the matter, as any college level literary critic can see the intent within the complexities. The line "Abbey pranced over and kissed her on her head then jumped head first out the window because fuck doors." speaks VOLUMES of subtext about the way that mankind is intrinsically TRAPPED by it's own social conventions and perceived realities. That all we need to break free of our self imposed chains is to jump head first through the window of our own sensibilities. Indeed, good sir, you spoke it best. "Fuck doors". I applaud your ability to place these complex commentaries into such clear and concise terms.

I would be remiss to say that I learned something from this tale, as I have gained so much insight, that perhaps it would be easier to simply list what I did NOT learn, as surely, it would be a shorter list. For example, where you speak of doing "what lesbians do", you opened Pandora's box, and showered the world in the reality of what they had all tried their damnedest to ignored. You took the ugly truth and by god you rubbed our noses in it. You sir, are a brave and talented man, to mix such HARSH and powerful social commentary with such a poetic use of prose. When Molly's head was mashed between the two characters of Daisy and What's-Her-Name Stepmom's vagina's, I wept.

I move now to your second story, as if I were to try and comment on the entirety of the first, I would require a $5,000,000 grant and a team of 12 grad students to properly analyze and process the work, to even BEGIN to do it justice. I am not worthy even to make this brief summary of my thoughts before it's magnificence.

In the whimsically titled "Sandy's Surprisingly Sad Day", we tackle a controversial and highly feared topic. One that you clearly and intentionally played with fire to appease a friend. Dedicating a work to someone is one thing. But to be so brave as to publicly write for somebody's fetish is such audacity that I cannot help but me MOVED by it. I speak of course, about the fact that this story is about the dangers of eating croissants. As fetishised as they are in this day and age, and as much as OmoMeowth is such a closet fan of this, I understand that it is not your own sensibilities. And yet, you did it so WELL! Never had I thought that such a tale could be handled in such a perfectly unbiased way. Never did I feel that you were forcing us to love the croissant, nor did I think that you demonised it. For it was the boss's own folly that undid him. Not the croissant itself.

I wish I could speak deeper on this story, but alas, I do not have your ability to stare your critics in the face and DARE them to come at you with their best. And so, I must shy away from any further mention of the tale, lest I be forever scorned by my peers. But suffice it to say, it will be debated and analyzed for generations to come.

And so, I leave you as you've left me. In a state of wanting, but the contented knowledge that more will come.

tl;dr
This shit be whack yo.

So kinky it's a Möbius strip.

I think you broke Maverik Toasty ಠ_ಠ

This post has been edited by Maverik: 19 April 2011 - 11:07 AM
Reason for edit: Learn to spell my fucking name

*Says stuff that is thrown in the trash apparently*

Quote

I'll say. ^_^

Quote

So it can either be 'very good' or 'very bad'.

That is truly a most confusing word!

Rachel's Randy R-Something (for Taeshi and Rukral)
One day Rachel was walking down the sidewalk doing her whole "bitch I'm a stud" routine and shaking dat ass. She was wearing some hot threads that day to show off her form, it was like if you threw a giant canister of pure heat into the sun and made it become four times as hot, that's how hot it was.

So she was walking down the street thinking about cat dick, cause she loves that cat dick, when she saw this dog walking towards her. He was probably like 9 years old, and normally she wouldn't think about it, but this dog. THIS DOG. "This little kid must be awesome in bed," she thought, which is kind of weird and totally out of character, but who gives a shit. She walked towards him, upping her sexy walk by 2000%. As she got close to this little shota she was like "OH NO" and tripped, falling on top of him.

"Oh no I am sorry you are bleeding on your knee here let me help you," she said quickly, pulling him behind a nearby bush and dislocating his arm in the process. "Oh my god my arm aaaaaaa bitch what's wrong with you!" he shouted. "Shhhhhh. Shhh. Shh. I am going to make it all better," she responded. She threw her arms into the air and went into her magical girl transformation, where shitty anime music played and her clothes tore off and disappeared completely. Her breasts also jiggled the whole time, you should've seen it. She shot her Rapeuu~ Beam out of her eyelids and Justin's clothes flew into the NY Stock Exchange causing mass chaos and death. Millions lost their homes and jobs.

"What are you doing oh god am I going to die?" Justin asked hysterically, trying to crawl away. "It's time for sex!" Rachel exclaimed, throwing up a peace sign with her fingers and sticking her tongue out. She leaped onto Justin and he got an instant boner. Rachel was super excited because even though Justin was 9 or something, he was still packing a huge wang. Aw yeah. So they had some disgusting pedophile sex and Rachel ended up breaking Justin's other arm with her wild humping, and flattening his large intestines. She kept fucking him till she was filled and then exploded, and then Taeshi drew it and everyone was like "aw man that's totally cool". Justin's hip bone was shattered and he was unable to move, so he ended up lying there covered in blood, guts, seed, and shame, until finally he died and turtle feasted on his remains. Molly was like "Aw man there goes my number one chance of sex without pregnancy."

The end......? (oh yeah you better believe it)

This post has been edited by Toastyjester: 22 April 2011 - 04:08 PM

And then they banged.

death by snug snug

Jacob approves

I am content now

Funny thing is. With Rachel's personality, that could just happen in BCB ಠ_ಠ

Gnukko, had enough futurama?

Now we know where the terrorists got the idea, anyway.

TIME TO MAKE MY OWN.

*Slow Claps*

Paulo Poolboy: Penis Provider (For Gnukko)



One day during the summer (the same summer Daisy banged Abbey's Mom), Paulo was in desperate need of cash because his family is fucking poor. Mike's family just purchased a brand new in ground pool, so Mike, being his totally generous and non-douchey self, asked his mom if Paulo could get a job cleaning their pool. Mike's mom was open to the idea because it would make her feel even richer and more powerful, and does that bitch love power.

So one day, Mike was hanging out at that bitch Lucy's house (probably banging Chirpy), and Mike's mom was chilling outside soaking up the sun. She was wearing this sexy one piece swimsuit that showed off her cleavage and her hourglass figure, and Paulo was finding it hard not to notice her sexyness. So Paulo was cleaning out the pool, thinking of Mike's Mom's tits, which obviously lead to an erection. Now seeing how his penis isn't visible throughout the whole comic, it wouldn't make sense for his erection to be seen right? Well it was visible for a second before he took a deep breath and sucked it back inside his body, and Mike's Mom totally saw his raging hard on.

The bitchin hottie stood up and walked towards Paulo, swinging her hips and swishing her tail as sexily as fucking possible, then stopped and said, "Oh poolboy~" Paulo turned his head towards the voice as a drop of drool fell from his mouth at the erotic tone that pierced his ears. Mike's Mom was standing a few feet behind him peering over her sunglasses at his crotch area. Paulo could feel her sexy stare dragging his penis out of his retraction cavity and towards her eyes, like the Death Star's 700 tractor beam generators and the Millennium Falcoln. Yeah there was no way that sucker wasn't coming out.

So Paulo's penis sprung out of it's hidey hole and totally tore off his speedo. Mike's Mom gasped in surprise as the speedo flung through the air and smacked her in the tit. "Oh man I'm sorry lady oh god oh man oh fuck," Paulo said, rushing over to Mike's Mom. The woman laughed a seductive laugh and said, "Oh don't worry about it young man, come, let's find you another speedo. I think my son has a few in his room." Paulo tried to hide his boner, but it was impossible now to suck it back in. Mike's Mom grabbed Paulo's hand and dragged him inside.

Once they were in Mike's room, Mike's Mom threw Paulo on the bed and began to remove her swimsuit. "Mrs. S? What are you doing?" Paulo asked. "I am going to screw your brains out. It's part of your job as a poolboy to please me while my husband is away. This is rich wife 101." Paulo gasped in shock as she jumped on top of him. "B-but this is Mike's bed!" he proclaimed. The only response he got was, "I know." "But Mrs. S! Blur is right over there!" He said, pointing across the room to a traumatized Blur, huddled in the corner from his wild Sexcapades with David (you'll see). "I want him to watch," she whispered. She then slammed his wee-wee inside her little corner of heaven and they had sex for the rest of the evening. They then had sex in the pool, on the couch, in the refrigerator, in the car, and on the roof, and Blur was forced to watch the whole time. Paulo got her pregnant and continued to work as her poolboy. They had sex every day for the next 9 months, then when she gave birth to the baby, Paulo told Mike how he banged Mike's mom in his bed every day and how he was going to be his father once Mrs. S divorced. Then Paulo and Mike's Mom had sex right there in the delivery room and the doctors all watched. Blur was there too.

This post has been edited by Toastyjester: 01 May 2011 - 09:33 PM

Rich Wife 101

Toastyjester, on 01 May 2011 - 09:31 PM, said:

Mother of God

...

This post has been edited by BeachSideCheese: 01 May 2011 - 09:37 PM

Blur was there too.... XDDDDDDDD I can't stop laughing dude that was some very funny and messed up shit you wrote down here.

Toasty, I think I hurt myself laughing at that.

You know you're a Star Wars nerd when that Death Star/Millennium Falcon joke causes you to almost piss yourself laughing.

see?
this is the best fanfic ever.
told you.

stupid

What the hell?!

But that was pretty damn funny to read

SuitCase, on 03 May 2011 - 08:15 AM, said:

You say stupid.. others say magnificent.

No shit, Sherlock?