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A story that is not uploaded here but should have been, it was written by someone known as Layer. It's well written, has a bit of something for most of you shippers, and is very very NSFW so you've been warmed
Tangled Paths can be found here. Enjoy the read everyone, (I am simply re uploading this from the original author, this is not my work.)

Also guys, the story is four entire chapters long. This is a problem that occurred when Tangled Paths was first posted in the old forum, people ONLY read the first chapter and were like "whut" but it's like a huge four-chapter story. SO YEAH JUST SAYIN'

Layer is a pretty awesome person.

I really enjoy him.

I remember reading this from the old forum. It was pretty good.

This is still my favorite NSFW fanfic, if only Layer was more active in the community. He seems like a pretty rad guy.

Aside from the CHEATING, I liked the MikexLucy parts.

Only the MikexLucy parts. The foursome was horrible as was the cheating.

So initially when I started reading this, I found it a touch difficult to follow. Of course, as the story progressed and I became more familiar with your unique writing style, things started to flow a lot better. The way that you utilized the ellipses in order to connect the story, the dialogue, and their actions was interesting. While in a lot ways it's a debatable approach, most things in writing and art are, so really it comes down to the way you executed it. I personally felt the execution was quite nice. I think it flowed mostly seamlessly, but like most things in life there is always room for improvement. Maybe it was just me, but the rapid swtiching between the varying elements in the story did trip me up a few times, but those minor disruptions (which once again may entirely be my own fault) were definitely worth it; they added a lot to the story and gave a more professional feeling.

In terms of characters and how well you captured their personalities, well, things get rather complicated. It can be a bit difficult to give a completely accurate response on this, mainly because this story was a touch bizarre from the start. To say that any of the characters would act even remotely like they did seems a bit of a stretch, at least from my perspective. At the moment though, I'm referring more over to the likeliness of such a situation occurring. Quite ridiculous at heart. I will say that you did a good job of managing the characters, whilst simultaneously putting them in such a convoluted position. All in all, the reactions were reasonable, and for the most part believable, and that alone is a feat given the subject matter.

For the dialogue, I admit I had some trouble following along. This ties in heavily with what I said prior. Some abrupt stops and inopportune times for the use of ellipses caused me to get lost a few times. There was also the fact that some of the dialogue seemed... off? For the most part, it captured me and I felt like I really was listening to the character in the comic, but there were other times where I feel like things got a touch out of character (I.E. "“Yeah. Let’s do it, Lucy. Let’s French kiss.”"(I'm mainly referring to the implied humor in the statement as opposed to the words themselves)). I can grant from lenience towards this since once again, the plot itself is a bit of a stretch. Oh, I think you should state who is saying what more often too. A lot of renowned authors don't do that, and personally, I can not stand it. Admittedly, I don't have the highest reading comprehension, but regardless, I feel it should be done.

The use of style in the story was... different. I personally don't mind to see things break away from the norm a little bit; it's actually quite refreshing, since it has a way of keeping me focused, but I was a touch confused with a few varying things used within. It's very possible this is simply my own mistake and I failed to notice something; but the way you used caps, italics, exclamations points, and bold; was a little weird. I noticed you used caps for yelling, but you also used exclamations in its place on occasion. You also didn't end sentences that were in caps with exclamation points (I.E. "“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.”"). That didn't seem right to me. As for italics, I noticed they were used a few times to add emphasis (I.E. "Daisy put her hands to her hips, mocking Paulo’s voice. “I’m gonna go out to see my dad tonight! Oh my job needs me to stay back, oh my job needs me to leave early! All of these stupid excuses!”"), but there were other occasions that I had no idea what they were used for (I.E "“I don’t want to talk to you,” Michael said bluntly. Oh, well fuck fear then. “Those excuses sound very familiar to some of the things I heard from you, MIKE..”"). I think you may have put thoughts in italics a few times, but as I don't think assigning more than one meaning to italics was really needed. Why? Well that leads me to my next point. You didn't use bold! That could have replaced one of the uses for italics and made things slightly easier to understand.

As for convection's and the like, I didn't see to many errors. It seemed to be compiled fairly well. There were a few minor issues though.

"It was her idea, to start, so she shouldn’t have to feel guilty."

I don't believe there should be a comma in-between 'idea' and 'to start'.

"Deal with it later, for now.."

This sounded a little off to me. "She could deal with it later, for now though..." may have worked slightly better. Maybe even put a semicolon or a period in-between 'later' and 'for now'. I know that wouldn't be completely accurate; I just think it would sound a little smoother.

"Paulo entangled his mouth, fingertips and hands around her"

I believe a comma in-between 'fingertips' and 'and hands' would sound far better.

"(“Owch!”)"

I feel like that little addition in chapter one sort of disrupted the flow of reading, and kind of took way from the immersion value.

"The TV stayed mute as they found more than a few things to catch up on, it having been about a month since the last spoke properly, and life being busy for the both of them there was a lot to say."

This sentence sounds a little off to me. I think changing the first comma (in-between 'on' and 'it having') to a period, or at least a semi-colon, would be a good call. Also, adding a comma in-between 'them' and 'there was' would be wise.

"she sometimes felt like he was pushing and pulling her insides out"

No matter how much it felt like that, I personally feel in a story of this brand (porn, slight erotica), you should stay away from things that bring images of disembowelment to mind... unless you're going for that kind of thing.


So all in all, I thought this was a great story. I think that for a story that was almost all porn and little erotica, it was very interesting. The plot, like most porn fan-fictions plots, was a touch off the wall, but the characters were still done well. The sex scenes were hardcore and to the point, while still leaving just enough mystery to keep things fascinating. A perfect blend for this type of story.

I hope you were able to derive something out of my review, even if it isn't the most professional thing in the world. I really hope I see more by you in the future as well, even if this story is quite old.

That would be a wonderful review, Meowth, if it weren't for the fact that the original author hasn't been on the forums for about nine months now. I believe, in fact, that it was stated in the first post that it wasn't Rukral's work.
I always liked this fic, if only for the slightly inane DaisyxMike section, and the interesting ending. Layer was pretty cool, and I wish i could have interacted with him a bit, but I was still a perpetual lurker at that stage.

This post has been edited by Sammy: 23 April 2011 - 08:32 PM

Sammy, on 23 April 2011 - 08:24 PM, said:

Sometimes it's nice to speak to the wind, you never know where it might blow.

^_^

/me winks

You guys have NO idea how funny I find this thread hahahahaha.

I've always enjoyed this story. But worry not Meowth. Wherever this 'Layer' is, I'm sure they appreciate the review

EDIT: Oh god. Augustus winking hahahahahahahaha

This post has been edited by Maverik: 24 April 2011 - 08:47 AM
Reason for edit: Augustus made me do it

I enjoyed that, Meowth, and mostly agree.

I disagree that there's anything problematic with "Well fuck you." or "HEY, STOP IT!" or "No, don't!", and things like that. By some strict grammatical rules they may be invalid or at the least inconsistent, but I read fairly significant tonal differences into all of them. I also feel that the choice of italics for internal voice (when outside of quotes) and for emphasis (when inside quotes) is acceptable and understandable.

Beyond that, the grammatical observations are fair and regrettable. For Layer.

Even though the story seems to be pretty farfetched, one thing to remember is that it's been implied to take place yeeeears after high school. So who knows what would have happened since then? This is probably one of those cases where the "out of character" question is in greys since it's questionable how far they'll be years down the road.

.. then again i don't think there's any way in hell Daisy would ever eat Lucy out so

I listened to Ace's reading and remembered why I can't seem to be able to read/listen to chapter 2 again.

Even though PauloxLucy and MikexDaisy match each other so well because it's a case of being with someone who is very similar to you (Like how Chapter 2 cites that Mike and Daisy talk about the plot and meaning of a movie they watched while Paulo and Lucy dick around), there's a sense of completion with PauloxDaisy. Daisy's tidiness and goals/standards/etc help someone like Paulo, who gives back a sense of fun and affection and being "down to earth" or something. I guess Daisy improves Paulo? Which I guess is why they worked out.

I kind of felt like it wasn't the same with MikexLucy. I didn't really see a reason as to why Mike would go back to her. It seemed things were a lot better with Daisy, and whatever problems Mike has with Lucy were completely gone when it comes to Daisy. I can sort of see why Paulo and Daisy would go back together, but Mike and Lucy felt more like a desire for status quo. I enjoyed the concept of the pairings not being "fully perfect", like there being advantages with one guy and not the other but the other still wins all, but it seems like Mike kind of struck out with Lucy? Maybe it's just the fact I still am not convinced MikexLucy is a very good pairing, but it sounds like Mike and Lucy fight a lot and have a very unstable relationship.. and Mike even says "you can be terrible sometimes, but you're still mine."

.. But why? It sounds like she sucks as a partner. I mean, I guess there's the advantage of her being all uguu submissive and having a well-shaped molestable body, but there's no real substance there. So I guess that's why I found Chapter 2 an incredible tragedy. Chapter 1 felt like two people letting out their pent-up frustrations for a relationship that could have worked out, but at the end they're still madly in love with their real partner and wouldn't give it up. And there's reason not to, Mike and Daisy are fantastic partners. With Mike and Daisy in Chapter 2, on the other hand, it felt like Mike missed out on an opportunity for a wonderful relationship. And instead has to go back to his second prize. While Daisy and Paulo go back to completing each other's flaws.

The fact that when Mike finds out about the affair and goes on a tirade about how wonderful Daisy is is just painful. I know if I were in Lucy's situation, I'd probably tell Mike to like never see Daisy again because there's no way to compete with that ever. Daisy is just all-around better. It didn't feel convincing that Mike wouldn't stray again. Which is funny as Daisy was being the big slut in chapter 2 and Mike could have very well not cheated, but you know. Got a taste of that. Who knows the next time they have a fight.

tl;dr mikexlucy really sucks and i feel bad for Mike in this story for having to settle into a tolerating relationship, and even worse for Lucy because she could never be as good as Daisy, it's lucky Lucy is dependent and would ultimately trust her true love the most and not be a jealous type because I would hate having that in my conscious.

So basically, they all start cheating on each other, and when they found out, they have a foursome and call it even?


Yeah, that's TOTALLY realistic.

This post has been edited by Smash Genesis: 24 April 2011 - 02:45 PM

prude

don't knock it till you try it

I still love this fic.

Taeshi, on 24 April 2011 - 03:02 PM, said:

haha, Amen to that!!

Heck, it was a good read. I don't know who the guy who wrote it is , but I enjoyed it. Hats off to them.

It says it in the description; the author was Layer, a member of the old forums.

Ugh...I'm now horny...GODDAMN IT! T.T

I do recall this on the old forums. Hehe, I think this was the first NSFW fanfic to be posted on AdultFanfiction.
Whether this was the very first NSFW fanfic is debatable, but it's a classic nevertheless.

Ugh...yeah...SO EROTIC..mmmh...I can't wait to FAP..ugh GODDAMMIT...It must be...Taeshi is REALLY HORNY..when she mad Tangled paths in the old forum..OH GOD

what

what

i

what

i didn't make tangled paths

Taeshi is REALLY HORNY

New title for someone please

_-SHEPERD-_, on 11 November 2011 - 03:27 PM, said:

You realize it's called FANfiction.net for a reason right? Also we really don't need to know about your fapping.

MiwAuturu, on 11 November 2011 - 08:37 PM, said:

But it's SO EROTIC... mmmh

Okay get it..she did'nt made this...thats because of this stupid..AUTO-CORRECT system in iPhone...I've been iPWNED

NOTE: YOU CAN GET AIDS FROM THIS...(holy trollface)

This post has been edited by _-SHEPERD-_: 17 November 2011 - 10:11 AM

I can see mommy let you on the Internet again today. Clearly a mistake.

Here, this should be a little more up your alley.

This post has been edited by Meowth: 16 November 2011 - 10:35 PM

Meowth, on 16 November 2011 - 10:34 PM, said:

ha! its hilarious because even my 18 year old brother is still serious about that.

oh, and good story.

This post has been edited by star adder: 17 November 2011 - 12:15 AM

Layer took into account some of Meowth's criticism and so the text was adjusted.

Never noticed this story before
It was good but it got weird around the last chapter

Oh ya tangled paths, one of the greatest works of art ever, a true genius by layer. Sounds great on tape. (eyes dart back and forth)