Bittersweet Candy Bowl Forums

SoulFish, on 01 July 2011 - 01:48 PM, said:

did it occur to you that the fuse may have been lit through a circuit when he pressed the button? but yeah i agree it wasn't that funny.

SoulFish, on 01 July 2011 - 01:48 PM, said:

This post has been edited by Meleeman: 01 July 2011 - 10:38 PM

Meleeman, on 01 July 2011 - 10:27 PM, said:

I'm sorry, i realize what you were saying now. Amazil if it takes me that long to figure out the scenery in your comic it's not good. use a fucking ruler. also figure out what number you want mr. candy corn man to wear. i think another way to make your comic more understandable would be to distinguish better different characters. and to help you out i would use gimp. there is a lineart tutorial on youtube thats famous if you type in "lineart on gimp". what i would do is i would use a mechanical pencil and a ruler to draw out panels. once i'm done penciling everything in it may be sketchy like your comic, i would ink it digitally or traditionally i would use walmart pilot pens. do you have a tablet? cause if you don't making nice digital comics are a pain in the ass. and i'm not saying a tablet will make you better. it will simply make you faster. one more thing i would like you to type out your words on the panels. you can save alot of space by typing and you can communicate alot better. also I reccomend to look at taeshi's panels. she uses different panels for different situations. somtimes she goes paneless. which i think is pretty cool and i copy that occasionally when i can. she also occasionally experiments with different views. like the perspective in her recent comic. it wasn't perfect, but it still looked pretty cool and i had the idea. learn from taeshi.

Well, I skimmed the comic. I found no redeemable qualities whatsoever, and for that, I give this 1 pickle out of 5. I don't care about grammar, spelling, plot, or any of that shit. All I care about is how much fun I had reading it. And that factor stands at zilch.

Plus your art style (not the art itself, which was well done) makes my eyes bleed

This post has been edited by OneLonelyPickle: 04 July 2011 - 06:02 PM

sorry i haven't been responding, my internet's being an ass. let's get some stuff out of the way while we can.

Meleeman, on 30 June 2011 - 10:58 PM, said:

oh that's wonderful! please send me a message for what you want in the chapter and i'll send you the future comics shortly

Grass, on 01 July 2011 - 03:01 AM, said:

i will once this story's over

Toffee, on 01 July 2011 - 03:14 AM, said:

well the written version was scaring people away.

SushiJaguar, on 01 July 2011 - 03:58 AM, said:

actually the two barrels on the side are actually a flashlight and laser that Paulo taped onto his spas.

Carcharocles, on 01 July 2011 - 04:20 AM, said:

OH MY GOSH I FORGOT TO WRITE IN MIKE'S LINE FOR THE FIRST PANEL! i'll fix that later.

SoulFish, on 01 July 2011 - 01:48 PM, said:

Mike pulled his side of the slot open, sealing the bottom. then he put his arm to cover the eye slot so he couldn't throw it out that way. also there's no windows for him to open. lastly the script is now abolished!


ANYHOW! here's the next page.

next page and what candy corn guy did wrong.

It's not a god-damned flame.

Lt_Amazil, I do believe the pipe bomb destroyed the fourth wall in your story.

As others have been saying, you cannot extinguish a lit fuse with water, and using beer doesn't make the fuse burn faster. It's not a flame.

Quote

Yeah, and on the flipside nobody knows what the hell is happening. GJ.

Also, why is McCain so tall? He's supposed to be ridiculously short.

Okay okay, this last chapter wasn't too bad. I have half an ass of what is going on and a few parts had me almost laughing.

Beer isn't even flammable anyway. It doesn't have nearly enough alcohol.

Beer is mostly water I guess

yeah the beer plot was stupid, try a molotov or somthing like that and it would make more sense, i like how the words are typed out, you should continue doing that. now i reccomend drawing legit panels. this means getting a ruler and making a box however big you want it, but draw it lightly because you may want more or less room. you should experiment more with different panel layouts and different views of your characters. the more views of your character we can see and the more developed your style becomes, the better the comic is and the more understandable it becomes.

I was like: WHAT

This story needs more Lucy. Carter Loves Lucy.

geeze i get it already! a fuse isn't killed by liquid and it isn't quickened by liquor, it doesn't matter in the end candy corn guy is dead.

next question is: why is McCain so tall?

because i have to have everyone in a proportionate height.

next suggestion: use different types of panels.

the next will have just that! BUT i will have to censor the faces of the two new members because their helmets will more than likely get me in trouble (note: it is nothing disgusting it's just that you'll look at it and say "WHY?!" or "YOU IDIOT!" or "WHY DO THEY HAVE THAT?!")

next suggestion: more lucy.

well from your name and enthusiasm i'll have to tell you straight up. you will despise chapter7 and love chapter8. for spoiling purposes i will not tell you why.


anywho here be the next page (censored for pride reasons)

I...


I...


what.

seriously. what is going on?
i can't understand anything from these minicomics...

And now Master Chief.

Yaaaay.

oh god. you should have waited for my input before you posted this.

Oh man, oh god, oh man.
Are you even trying? I'm serious. At first I though you were beginning to improve this comic since you had edited the dialogue with your computer but now you've reverted back to what you had before.
I mean your penmanship here is horrible, an example is the squashed dialogue David is saying in the first panel and the song lyrics are even worse.
But honestly why have you censored the faces of the two men (who are master chief and their friend according to David, this is just... WTF) since well you said it's not because they're pornographic or anything but I'm guessing it may involve copyrights or something like that but you really shouldn't be so paranoid since I doubt Bungie would give two shits about that really.
But please TRY to make this comic better. PLEASE.

Gnukko, on 07 July 2011 - 01:31 PM, said:

two people fighting off zombies at the store. (note: they got the armor and helmets from a game store display then put some real body armor and padding to make it effective)

also please take notice to the one on the top's bandaged hands. the beta readers missed it and it's an important detail

'what?'
'IT'S THEM!'
'no way'

SO UNBELIEVABLY DRAMATIC IT WILL MAKE YOUR HEAD SPIN

Anyway, I'm... absolutely confused. I seriously have no idea what is happening.
I know one thing, though, is that the MSPaint censored faces are seriously distracting. Just censor it with your pencil.

=[ it's okay the helmets come off in the next page. (i shall then name mike's little glomp sense)

okay here is the sum up of chapter 1&2

the story opens with mike and lucy chasing down a helicopter. after lucy shoots it down mike gets enraged but later is hit in the head with a suitcase that came from a burning plane, looking at the suitcase and finding sandy's name on it he suggests to the group (mike,lucy,paulo,david) that they should go and check out the plane after it crashed. once there they find that the plane is a bloody mess and all the inhabitants are dead. but mike points out sandy who is in witch mode and runs after her. david comes in and they all watch as mike who idiotically alerted sandy gets raped by sandy. after sandy calms down she walks out of the plane as if nothing happens (theory that zombies can become civil once they are satisfied and calm down). as the group are about to leave they find that while they were distracted by sandy, a whole horde of zombies managed to surround the whole plane. david rushes out of the plane saying that he would sacrifice himself so the others can go but it's useless. the remaining 3 sit and watch as david walks into the field around the plane. but they find they aren't alone in the plane when McCain reveals himself to have followed them the whole time. suddenly a bright light flashes with david chanting "avi avi avi verbum avis" then the light from david evaporates all the zombies surrounding the plane (the power apparently came from clothes that david was given from god). as the group are walking lucy gives mike a beret explaining that it balances out mike's gayness. mike is then pulled to an alley by paulo who explains that mike should get along with lucy before it's too late. when mike and paulo regroup with the others they find that they already made camp and lucy is trying to start a fire with flint stones and wood but is having a hard time. paulo reveals he has kerosene from the plane and the group decide to tell stories.

that was chapter1: sandy air. it was just a way for me to get the ball rolling in the art and story.

chapter2:campfire tales

after the group are done telling stories, paulo tells everyone to go to bed. everyone leaves except for McCain who pressures Paulo into telling him why he had been acting weird, in which Paulo finally tells McCain what happened at the time of the apocalypse. he was wakened by a gunshot outside his bedroom, then his father kicks down his door, throws Paulo a spas and tells him how to use it. paulo and his father go to the car in which paulo watches as the world around him is torn apart by the zombies. his father on the other hand doesn't seem to be fazed by it. his father stops the car at jasmine's house telling paulo to go and rescue his girlfriend. Paulo is reluctant but does it. he goes in the house rushes up the stairs to jasmine's room but finds jasmine already being eaten by a zombie wearing a leather vest and white inside shirt. paulo runs away and tries to go to his dad's car but his father has already left him. as a horde of zombies close in on paulo, he finally snaps. he goes berserk and starts killing all the zombies in a blind rage. but after he is done and calmed down he hears a groaning from jasmine's room. finding jasmine zombified, paulo closes the door and locks it. he explains to McCain that he hadn't the heart to kill her yet and took the clothes to remind him of what happened. it then goes to Paulo and McCain going into a discussion about who's at fault in mike and lucy's relationship. mike and lucy wake up (they're in separate tents) and over-hear the conversation which ends chapter2.

now chapter 3 is missing a page (mainly because i colored it and the colors didn't look good at all) and it's just this.

mike,lucy and the rest of the group are walking down an alley. it's the new day and mike decides to make peace with lucy, unfortunately lucy had the same idea. they both go into an awkward "i'm sorry. no i'm sorry. no i'm sorry" conversation in which Lucy finally hushes mike and kisses him tenderly. paulo and McCain who are in the front say to each other
"i told you they were eavesdropping."-McCain
"i thought it was too good to be true."-paulo

Wait

Wait

Wait.

What do you mean, you're missing a page from chapter three? You haven't even put up the first two yet.

yes i did sushi, you were there at the time. this is chapter3 and the written parts i did before where chapter 1&2

Ah, I see now.

alright another day another update.

NOW WE SEE WHO IS BEHIND THE MASK! also i didn't censor this one because it's the last time i'll use the helmets.

This post has been edited by lt_amazil: 09 July 2011 - 02:10 AM

Sacrificing character personality for really terrible jokes.

Huh.

SushiJaguar, on 09 July 2011 - 06:45 AM, said:

the apocalypse changed their views and personality. abbey,daisy, mike, lucy and (as shown already) paulo have some traumatizing experiences at the beginning of the apocalypse.

ALSO I REMIND YOU TO TAKE NOTICE OF DAISY'S BANDAGED HANDS!

I thought that was armour.

But good job revealing the plot twist wherein Daisy has been infected.

Edit: And really? You're trying to make this serious at the same time as injecting it more full of comedy puff than a chick getting Botox'd?

This post has been edited by SushiJaguar: 09 July 2011 - 07:44 AM

SushiJaguar, on 09 July 2011 - 07:43 AM, said:

*grins devilishly as my inception plan works*

No. You're not smart, not are you leading anyone into a big dramatic thing. You're just being stupid, as usual.

just wait sushi just wait.

lt_amazil, on 09 July 2011 - 09:10 AM, said:

amazil i wanted to tell you this but there are more ways than one, to do the scene where everyone's surprised at the fact that abbey and Daisy are in power armor. for example you could have split a panel into "pie" slices showing their reaction, or do the same scene like you did with out writing out their reactions, you only do that when its not obvious or the character is lying. what you could have done without changing any layout of the comic is to change the descriptions to dialogue, mike could say "OMG!" MCcain could say "heh." and david could say "Master Chief's taking off his Helmet!" the way you approached the scene was terrible and it could have been really good.

lt_amazil, on 09 July 2011 - 07:31 AM, said:

you should explain that in the comic I think it would be interesting

lt_amazil, on 09 July 2011 - 07:31 AM, said:

It's hard to tell they're bandages. And to be honest that really doesn't look like Daisy, either.

@Esalaka
Looks more like Daisy than the other stick figure things look like their respective characters.

@Lt. Amazil - Daisy isn't a circle head! This is the first sign of improvement I've seen here. But your lame attempt at spoiling the plot/misleading readers isn't a good idea.
Are you storyboarding, or at least planning things out in advance? Your story will become more coherent when you're not just drawing whatever.

Well if that thing I think is David is David, the ears are rather distinct from those of other characters.

Also, why are the characters so godawfully tall. It's confusing me.

And why are you pointing arrows at people and explaining their expressions. Show, don't tell. It's one of the basic concepts of making a comic. If you just tell all the time just go ahead and drop the comic aspect.
In fact, I think that would be beneficial as your drawings are honestly pretty awful.

alright i get it no giving away emotions like that. it's the only time that happens anyway.

also they aren't freakishly tall, i just make it so as they're all the same height...unless they're kneeling.

and Daisy looks a little better in the future comics.

ANYWAY now that that's over here's the next page.



Lucy's the one calling paulo just so you know.

This post has been edited by lt_amazil: 10 July 2011 - 12:41 AM

lt_amazil, on 10 July 2011 - 12:41 AM, said:

i fucking hate you ruined the surprise. also when everyone says "Shut it Mccain" shouldn't all the characters be facing him? and to me they look like people who haven't acted in their lives. use fucking body language, and i'll eventually develop nicer language.

Meleeman, on 10 July 2011 - 04:54 AM, said:

try to avoid the same shots of a character unless you are doing it for a special effect. Also i don't think you understand me. what i'm saying about that scene where they were suprised, like esalaka said. show it. don't tell it. unless the character is masking their emotions and you would like the reader to know how they are really feeling. my character's constantly mask their emotions but i have emotions down to a friggen science, and you can tell just by looking that they are not feeling what they are trying to communicate. if you know what i mean. i've seen some comic artist do what you did, but it was only when you couldn't tell they were masking their emotions.

This post has been edited by Meleeman: 10 July 2011 - 05:08 AM

they weren't looking at him because they were used to McCain being McCain.

also why would it be a spoiler that lucy was the one that called out paulo? it's not like it's a big deal, in reality anyone could've called him into the house but it wouldn't matter. it's not like i told them WHY she called him in the house.

This post has been edited by lt_amazil: 10 July 2011 - 08:19 AM

lt_amazil, on 10 July 2011 - 08:19 AM, said:

Amazil the spoiler you are referring to is not that Lucy calls Paulo into the house but the fact you told everyone to take notice of Daisy's bandaged hands which is you basically spoiling the fact that Daisy may become a zombie therefore all dramatic tension is ruined for future chapters.
And another thing, do you even listen to what people are telling you to do? I mean for ages people have asked you to use different panels or a ruler but you keep sticking to the same boring layout over and over and over.
Also please adjust the heights of your characters to be proportional to the comics, making them the same height for lazy convenience is stupid.

SoulFish, on 10 July 2011 - 10:07 AM, said:

i'm pretty sure i've said this before but i have a 42 page lead so all advice that you say is being done but it will be done in the future! i'm not going back and redoing 42 pages all over again because you want different panels! also i've started using the ruler.

lt_amazil, on 26 June 2011 - 10:09 AM, said:

lt_amazil, on 10 July 2011 - 11:38 AM, said:

You are so fucking impossible it's actually ridiculous

lt_amazil, on 10 July 2011 - 11:38 AM, said:

You really should.

You. Really. Should.

That just goes to show how much you really care about this comic here since you're not bothering to take our critique and redo the pages you have now. I honestly doubt your pages take like, an hour each to draw so you should really consider redoing them.

my god Amazil. i'm amazed you can do 42 pages in a month. either you really suck at drawing and you have no life other than drawing these comics, or you are a lazy ass, and you scribble somthing on the paper without thinking "how do i want to present this character and how do i want to communicate this idea in my head to an audience?" I think it's more likely you are a lazy ass. it took me 2 years to finish my first book of my first comic. it was only 35 pages. but since i was inexperienced i jam packed the page with tiny panels. i would redo it. but i came up with a better story and i went with that instead. so far i have the first 4 pages in the process of being redone of my 17 pages already. and i'm nowhere near done. i'm probably going to end up with 150 pages at least or maybe more idunno. you need to be more patient and give us your best. because this shit you are giving us is not pleasing us. if you're doing this for yourself. fine. you'll be the only one that appreciates your work. but are you really happy with what you have accomplished so far? if you are. then I'm afraid we can't help you. and we'll never truly appreciate your work.

I'm starting to think that the only reason i'm on here now is to tell you how bad your work is, and that telling you to what to fix isn't going to do shit. I mean sure. i'm a Beta reader, but you post basically the same crap to me as you do on this forum.

i've nothing to say because you're right. well shucks i forgot to update yesterday SO I BRING TO YOU 2 UPDATES!




i'm sorry =[

Pssst, you need a special shotgun with a toothed barrel to breach a locked door. Uses special ammo, too, you won't just find that shit laying around in a zombie apocalypse.

curse you and you're realism sushi! you ruin everything!

(I'M JUST KIDDING DON'T ANY OF YOU TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY)