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To lure your spouse into a false sense of security. You just need to make sure you know about the loophole and your spouse doesn't until it's too late.

Alternatively, because the prenup won't matter because you intend to get the money by discreetly murdering your spouse. Followed, perhaps, by a discrete murder spree, although I suppose murder sprees would always be discrete.

I plan on getting married when i graduate from college. My boyfriend and I will be together for two years next month. We disagree on things, but our basic values and beliefs are the same. He's a computer scientist who loves playing video games. I'm a mechanical engineer who loves learning as much as possible. He doesn't like to talk about politics, but mostly because he doesn't understand it. My family always loves to debate any type of topic from politics to religion to history to anything. His family is more relaxed and just want to have a good time.

My first boyfriend and I were together almost two years, but we fell apart because of the lack of communication of what each other wanted and needed. I'm much much much happier with my current boyfriend. We have already discussed the idea of marriage. I'm just waiting for him to pop the question. Hopefully soon!

Moving this discussion over to a more suitable thread.

ILB, on 24 July 2012 - 11:48 PM, said:

Do civil partnerships still exist in Norway, given that gay people have been allowed to marry there since 2009?

Also, how do you ensure that more people remain together in their chosen union? I think it'd be too idealistic to imagine that all people could or would remain with their partners indefinitely, because people do change over time, and sometimes in contrary ways.

As an aside, it would seem to me that all legal unions (including marriages) are really civil unions, since they typically have to be registered with the government or the courts. Under that context, being 'married' in a church (i.e. a religious rite) would merely be one of the options available to those who wished to be united (that is, if the said church consents to perform the rite for the couple).

Yeah, I'd like to get married. Probably won't happen though, see my religion is WEIRD. I'm not supposed to have sex till I get married, and every guy I've ever dated has by the third date said "Sex now or I'm leaving for that hot girl over there who looks interested in going home with me." Guys as far as I've seen are only really interested in sex, not romance or having an actual family (heaven forbid I have children to keep them from partying it up all the time)So... I like the idea of marriage and would very much like to have a family. But I don't see it happening.

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Indeed, they still exist. While partnerships were introduced as an alternative for homosexual couples, they still retain a function - both for gay, and also (I believe - although I have not checked this information lately) for straight couples who want an union without being, as it were, burdened by the title of "married". Besides, in legal matters, there is a trend for meaningless laws to be retained indefinitely, simply because there is never any call to either remove or use them. ^_^

I do not think it is possible that everyone will remain in union with one partner throughout their life. It would be ideal, of course, but ideals are so often flawed - rather, I believe that so many unions fail, not because the unions are unions, but because people are people and will always remain so. Divorce, or dissolution, or merely parting, will keep happening. I do not support the idea that marriages end because people change over time, though; it can be used so readily to excuse things. Of course people change over time, but it has been proved time and time again that people who spend time with each other will change to become more like the other - and keeping that in mind, even though there are exceptions to this rule, it is difficult to suggest that separation happens because people change.

Then again, if we are suggesting reasons, here are a few: First of all, there seems to be a tendency for people to meet, fall in love, and join together very quickly. This certainly does not happen in all cases and is not sufficient to explain more than a small number, but it is still worth the thought: Do we take marriage, or any other union, too lightly?

A second thought is this: In our society, we seem to be drawn to the ideal, perfect partner, and we look for this mystical, utopian being everywhere, and we find him - or her - even where he or she is not. Two people meet, fall in love, and enter a union, but then the pink mist of being in love fades, and they find themselves married to somebody who is not the one they were hoping for. And this is not unlikely to repeat, if it has already happened once. This begs the question: Is there such a thing as a perfect mate? Should we try to pursue them? Interestingly, arranged marriages seem to last far longer than those made entirely by free will (in the sense that both parts choose the other; not in the sense that either part in an arranged marriage is forced). This also seems to happen without any decrease in happiness, although this is of course very difficult to say for sure. Should we even look for that Perfect Other, or should we make the best of what we have? Of course, when saying this, I do not consider particular situations such as a union where one abuses the other, or the other cheats on the one.

An interesting theory I have heard, though, is that the use of contraceptive pills has an effect on the high rate of divorce. Pregnancy seems to change a woman's preference in men (or even women, for that matter, as far as I understand), meaning that a woman interested in - for the sake of argument - group A (the softspoken type) who gets pregnant will suddenly end up interested in, for instance, group B (who is louder and more opinionated). These are, of course, just silly examples - but this effect certainly seems to be real. Now, contraceptive pills are designed so that they fool the body into thinking it is pregnant; effectively, then, a girl who uses contraceptives is considered pregnant in several aspects: this includes the change in preference of men. Therefore, when she marries a man who was to her preference and goes off the pill so she can have children, she might find that her preference has changed, leaving her unhappy.

Indeed - in our system, partnership, PACS and marriage are all civil unions. There is also such a thing as a registrar; this is a secular, non-religious way of getting married. Even marriages performed by religious institutions have to be sanctioned by the state, and registered by government, as you say. They are all unions, although there are small variations in what the law allows couples to do. The difference, therefore, becomes more a difference in name than a difference in anything else.

I apologise; I would write more, but I have spent so much time typing and re-typing already. ^_^

I would like to get married some day. But it'll have to be after I'm done with college.

crystalgardian, on 26 July 2012 - 12:10 AM, said:

I am also from one of those WEIRD religions that believe that you should wait for marrige. Although I am actually thankful for that.
Unfortunetlly you are at an age where most guys will only think about one thing, sex. As we(guys) get older and mature more, we begin to think more about romance and family. We still think about sex alot, but it doesn't rule our world the same way it does when we are in our teens. The fact that every guy you dated is asking you to put out by the third date is just a product of the age group that you are currently dateing in.

Just make sure that you do not let a guy pressure you into sex. Personally I believe a person should wait until they are married, but if you do decide to have sex before then make sure you are ready and not being presured into it. Once the deed is done, you can never take it back.

I will also say that if a guy says "Sex or I leave" then you should kick him to the curb. A guy that really cares about you and is worth it will not force you to do something you are not ready to do. As I said, as you get older and the guys you date get older, they will start to mellow out a little.

ILB said:

Indeed, people will always be people, for better or worse. ^_^

ILB said:

I think it'd be better to get to know the other person first before committing to a serious relationship. And the way to do that, of course, is to spend time together. Taken to the extreme, you could actually live with the other person for a while, to see if you could put up with their personal idiosyncrasies day in and day out. At a minimum, you would get to know them a lot better, no?

ILB said:

A good point. Are our standards for a partner simply too high? Do we sometimes get blinded and think a person is more ideal than they really are, simply because we don't know them well enough? That could certainly happen to me. In retrospect, I'm probably fortunate that my crush broke things off with me a week after we first met. That relationship likely wouldn't have worked out in the long run, and, realizing that, I got over it quickly.

I don't think I'd want to be in an arranged marriage though, since that would remove choice in many aspects of my life (not just whom I want to marry and when).

ILB said:

I hadn't heard of this theory before. But looking it up, research does seem to support the hypothesis that women on hormonal contraceptives have their preferences for men altered.

ILB said:

ILB, you never have to apologize for anything.

crystalgardian, on 26 July 2012 - 12:10 AM, said:

The problem with that is that sex is really part of the procedure for getting to know someone romantically, so asking someone to wait until marriage is like asking someone to buy a car without taking it for a test drive. It's not entirely about gratification, there's a lot of things you can't find out about a relationship until you've had sex. Remember: you have to spend the rest of your life with that person or they take half your shit. Strict adherence to religion is a deal-breaker for me, so I can't exactly fault them for wanting to enjoy their youth.

Jerk, on 26 July 2012 - 06:36 PM, said:

At the same time though, demanding it on the third date is a little much. I don't think you should just give into pressure to keep a guy that kinda seems like a jerk.

Not you Jerk, the jerk jerks in the first comment.

Jerk, on 26 July 2012 - 06:36 PM, said:

I couldn't disagree with you MORE. Getting married before having sex is nothing at all like buying a car without test driving it unless they only reason you could possibly want to get married is to find someone who's good at it or can please you right away. I got married a virgin and didn't enjoy it at all at first but now its totally different. If we'd had sex before we got married I can guarantee you we would never have gotten married. Marriage isn't all about sex, it's about give and take and respecting each others feelings and what not. Anyone can jump up and down in the bed but not everyone can make a commitment to love another person even more then they love themselves sometimes. And if those guys were pressuring you then they weren't worth five cents.

I think people make marriage seem like this impossible unachievable thing because they're just scared of commitment or scared they'll fail somehow and its better to just live together and never get married but... Hello when you're living together you pretty much ARE living like married people. Theres not much difference other then if you have a ceremony you get to dress up and meet the friends and family, and blah blah. You still get the random in-laws showing up, you still have to deal with each others faults and short comings, you still work to maintain the relationship. You just get less of the benefits you would get if you were legally married and your name/or children's last names don't change.

You missed the part where I said it's not all about gratification. And then kind of jumped up on some weird defensive soap box. If he's just jumping up and down on you, maybe you should consider extramarital satisfaction, babe.

My, Wacko, it appears that we agree on almost every count, even if we deviate in detail. ^_^

Jerk, on 27 July 2012 - 08:22 PM, said:

LMAOOOO!!! Thats just a saying and yes I did soap box cuz everyone was giving me that same advice before we got married and getting angry faced about it. Sorry. I know it is its just weird for that to be a recuirement to know if you wanna marry that person. Sex is very emotional or intimate but hardly necessary to see if the person is someone you wanna spend the rest of your life with, thats more to do with personality, dependability, etc then how hard they can knock your socks off.

It's not terrible advice though, especially if part of premarital sex is to disabuse you of everything you learned about sex without actually having it: that everything in pornography is real and that all women will do all of that. Personally, I'd like to know what kind of dynamic I have with a person on that level before making a commitment. Until my paperwork goes through and I can start a harem in Riyadh, all praises to Allah.

Jerk, on 28 July 2012 - 02:26 AM, said:

Yeah, I'll concur on the basis that I just don't think sex is that big of a deal, but I do like your point here. Finding out that you are not sexually compatible with the man/woman you are to marry after you've tied the knot would definitely throw a wrench into things. You can scream all you want about platonic or chaste love to me all you want, but the physical relationship is also important. If you end up realizing that you simply do not want to wake up to X's face in the morning too late, then you have my sympathy (kind of).

This post has been edited by Moosack: 28 July 2012 - 06:30 AM

Moosack, on 28 July 2012 - 06:29 AM, said:

Not to say I personally have experience with (cuz I'm still a big V so I can't) But... an argument I've heard from one of my friends that no one has been able to refute is that you are always compatible with the first person you had sex with. Not that thats always a good thing (rape, abusive, etc.) but after your first time no one goes "Man, I really dislike the way this person has sex." You just... don't. But again, this is something I've heard from others, I have no experience myself so...

I agree with you guys on sexual compatibility. Premarital sex is a good way to discover everything you need to know about your partner (and make necessary compromises) before tying the knot. I wouldn't go as far to say that sexual compatibility will make or break the marriage, but knowing before hand sure beats the hell out of awkward moments during the honeymoon (or at least I assume so) and preventing future sexual frustration.

crystalgardian, on 28 July 2012 - 07:27 AM, said:

I can't really argue that because my first was with someone I really loved and still love today, for both of us it was our first time and it lasted 3 hours only because we were nervous and I was being as gentle as I could (I didn't want to hurt her any further than popping her cherry). Personally, the only way I see this being false is if it's with someone experienced and likes it really really rough and/or has a freaky fetish... I guess that would suck a lot more for girls in that situation than guys.

On topic:
Want to get married but can't afford it (not even living together, yet), and I've been having difficulties with her parents after a delightful argument last August. We're hoping to move in together before the end of the year, then hopefully get married within the next 2 years.

This post has been edited by ChewySmokey: 28 July 2012 - 08:57 AM

crystalgardian, on 28 July 2012 - 07:27 AM, said:

No one has been able to refute it because they probably think it's so colossally stupid that they don't take it seriously. And, yes, you can get annoyed with things someone does during sex. It doesn't automatically negate the relationship, it's a matter of communicating that fact and how the other party responds to the way you bring it up that can show strengths and weaknesses in a relationship. No: you are not always compatible with the first person you have sex with. Maybe you both went in with ridiculous expectations. There's a lot of reasons it's not necessarily true. Mostly, it just sounds like that purity ring faggot "no premarital sex" propaganda.

Speaking of which, if you (any of you) actually wear that shit, just cut off your testicles. Don't waste the only time in your life where your body is even remotely physically attractive to anyone on religious faggotry. It's stupid and wrong. Wear a condom, take a pill.

I live in Texas. I am surrounded by excessively religious subhumans.

crystalgardian, on 28 July 2012 - 07:27 AM, said:

Of course no one is just going to sit back and actually say that, but I think one of your friends seem to confuse general inexperience with compatibility.

Holy crap, wall of text

Crystal,


In the end sex is not the be all to end all, and it's everyone's personal decision whether they have it or not. If it is important to you then it should be important to anyone who wants to be with you.

Anyways, I want to a will get married, hopefully next year, to a fella named Doug, who shares my religion, thoughts on family, how to raise kids, money management, politics and priorities when buying a house.
(For anyone who's wondering I got back together with my ex-fiancé a few months ago)

Marriage had a better meaning back in the past; it was a promise before God to be true to each other forever. The gifts were the necessities needed so that the couple could move out of their parents places and start a life together. It was holy permission to start the sexing.
You can see how traditionally this was perfect, but now, with fewer and fewer people believing in God or the power of a promise, people moving out and starting lives earlier, thus not needig furniture and appliances as wedding gifts, and premarital sex being widely accepted, the idea of marriage has become outdated, and more of either a traditionalists ideal, or a romantics dream.

Anyways, point is, I wanna get married and have babies, and have rubys, not diamond in my ring :3

Religion is dumb and letting it dictate what you can and can't do with your vagina is a whole fucking rainbow of stupid.

I'll make my promises of fidelity before Hugh Laurie.

You know, since he's not a Jewish fairy tale.

Well that was just the right amount of reaction, no over reaction whatsoever.

It's like you didn't read any of the things I said about personal choice, and it is someone's personal choice if they want to follow a religion or not.

Just as it's your choice if you want to be offended by the religion that I am in no way imposing on you.

In my humble opinion, marriage is important, and maybe we should talk about that in the marriage thread.

You're absolutely right. It's perfectly reasonable to derive the basis for your personal decisions by supposing the existence of an invisible wish-granting sky father whose will the man or woman with the PhD from clown college seminary school selectively interprets for you every Sunday so you don't have to read the convoluted, obsolete piece of shit to tell you how to think.

And we ARE talking about marriage and how your autistic religion fucks up that method of deciding what to do with your vagina, starting with the complete failure to acknowledge having children as an economic choice. Withholding sex until marriage ties in with this directly because they want you to produce babies from the moment you say "I do." Having babies before you're economically ready to handle them (about which, believe me, your pastor doesn't give a fuck as long as you've got some cheap shit cracker jack box ring on one of your post-partem bloated hands), fucks up life for you, your husband and any kids produced by this debacle.

Yes, it's about personal choice. It's about the criminally insane way in which you set yourself up for these marital catastrophes by listening to the terrible and misguided advice provided by your pastor (or, let's call him what he is, the Party Cadre Representative).

Fuck while you're young before you get knocked up and fat. You're only going to have this body once before it all goes to shit.

Dont be stupid you bitches....of course I dont wana get fucking married you dicks!

Says the guy who chose the 'Not Sure Quite Yet' option.

lmao

I'm currently not sure if I do or don't.....I can picture having a family, and I certainly would love to have someone who loves me, and I them.
I've just found so far that no-one is interested in something serious, or they're religious and marriage is the first thing they think of.
Too many polar opposites...Though I could be looking in the wrong places haha.

I definitely like the idea of marriage, but I guess it really just depends on if I really meet the person I want to marry.

This post has been edited by tekkadon: 30 October 2012 - 01:34 PM

I've been engaged for 11 days already, ze!

Re: sex before marriage - I'm the dangerous kind of Christian that actually read the Bible so don't subscribe to many of the things peddled out at Church; sex or not having sex is totally irrelevant in the grand scheme of the salvation of your soul. It's your body, do what feels right for you.

For the record, I was a virgin until my mid-twenties because I wanted to wait for the right one and I'm happy enough with that.

I've been married for 2 years now and I have to say that it has its ups and its downs. More ups than downs but you'll have that in any relationship you get into. Marriage is a living, breathing creature. Some days its rough, most days its smooth sailing, and some days are outstanding. It all depends on if you happen to find a personality type that is harmonious to your own. Someone that can accept the good and the bad of your whole exsistance and you theirs.

I would like to find someone I want to marry and vice-versa.

I doubt it will happen.

The secret to lasting marriages? Oxytocin.


WHICH IS WHY YOU GOTTA BANG YOU GUYS, JEEZ

Oh, I would love the idea of that, someday. I mean, the idea of spending the rest of my life with someone sounds nice for two reason: first, I'm the kind of person who hates to live alone--I'd much prefer to live with someone; second, I just like the thought of being able to share my life with someone else and us just... enjoying the experience of going through our days together.

TD why do you think that? Are you just incredibly picky or do you have worry or something about finding the right girl? Or is it just a waste of time in a way?

I never saw the point on marriages, referring to the Catholic party. I mean, seriously, why do I need to get married in a great and super expensive party, with a man who I don't know blessing our union?

I hope at some point to spend the rest of my life with the woman I love. But I don't want to get married and spend thousands of Euros in a single night. Instead, I would take that money and have a honey moon all around the world. I would make a little party through, but with the exact people: The most close friends and family. But I never saw why I should make an uber-expensive party just to say I want to stay the rest of my life with someone.

Is it terribly awful I want to get married because I want to wear a wedding dress? Otherwise, in our modern society, there really isn't any need to, because what's the difference between being married and living together? Especially with one in two marriages ending in divorce, the "forever-ness" of being married is dwindling at a rapid rate. That being said, marriage/happily ever after is as serious as you make it out to be, no matter what other people do. So I hope to find someone who would want to FIX a broken marriage, rather than divorce after the warm fuzzies of fresh marriage disappear.

Plus there's something wonderfully romantic about small weddings that appeals to my inner girly girl (I would HATE a big white wedding, too many people, too much stress)

There's dumber reasons to get married.

I just can't think of any right now.

This post has been edited by Jerk: 14 November 2012 - 07:19 PM

What about getting married because of pure and complete infatuation? Jumping head first into it, not realizing that it's not just happily ever after? Only to divorce 72 days later, like a certain "celebrity" who got famous from a sex tape.

I wanna get married so I can walk down the isle to "Never Gonna Give You Up" played by a string quartet.

Not a single regret to be had.

Err... Thats a good question... A-And I do have someone I love to the ends of the earth and back... b-but... I... I would like to get married someday when I am older... If the law allows it at that point...

Yes, I'd love to marry a woman and have kids. Not sure how many kids yet, but I wouldn't be satisfied with only one. 2-3, MAYBE 4. Maximum 4. And the oldest have to be a boy. That way, he can protect his younger siblings from bullies and what not.

Marry a clown car or a Catholic.