I keep wondering if I was massively beaten as a child and I just don't remember it, because I recoil if I feel even the slightest potential of Souppy hitting me. He has never hit me before, though! Like never EVER. It feels like I act like I suffered a lot of physical abuse and it's very confusing, because I honestly haven't (Like maybe my dad beating me up when I was five once and my mom occasionally slapping me in the face for doing poorly at school or yelling at her). But like he'll move his arm and I'll recoil violently. It's bizarre.
I eat methodically. Like I have to eat one thing.. then the next.. then the next.. then the next. So if I get steak with rice and mashed potatoes, i'll eat the potatoes first.. then the rice... then the steak. So there will be times I'll eat at a restaurant and there will be a bit of vegetables left behind, and they'll remain in their exact pristine position, but everything else is eaten.
Oh and I eat like a slow freak as well, Maverik can vouch for that. I recall he made me dinner when I visited him and it took me more than an hour to consume it. I'm very slow and savoury.
I love cracking my neck and then worrying that I will one day snap it and die because I love cracking it so much.
If there's a bit of silence and I'm left to my thoughts, I will cringe because my mind will just jolt me into a bad memory/thought/past action, and I'll whimper or whine or twitch. This causes Souppy to HAVE to play music/television/something to keep my mind from torturing myself. And this is why I have trouble sleeping and basically have to just fall asleep on my own accord, I can't really "go to bed" because the silence will cause me to think about all sorts of awful things. I used to be able to use bed time as my way to think about plots, but I just can't do that anymore. The bad thoughts have really taken over.
Oh and I can't iron by myself. Like even if I played a television show, if someone isn't there with me, I will freak out. It was because in 2007, I had a huge breakdown when Souppy and his mother left me alone to iron and went off to see The Police. 2007 was my "mortality" year, where I was paranoid about dying, about Souppy dying, about tragedies happening. So when he left I was hit really hard with the concept of the universe ending and our world being finite and thinking about the earth eventually succumbing into nothing, and I just burst into tears and couldn't iron and cried immensely and basically just curled up on the bed and cried to sleep.
So now when I am ironing, if I'm alone, I will think back to that again, so I can't iron without there being another person around. This makes ironing a pain in the ass, ha.
.. oh man these unusual habits just make me seem like a jittery broken freak WHOOPS
oh and i touch my face like tomoyo from cardcaptor sakura
like not even pushing my hair away, just my hand to my face. Her hand-to-face gestures, I do those.
i am so uguu
Body Language - Follow The People Signs
i also do the first thing ALL THE FREAKEN TIME but apparently that's a pacifier HAHAHA