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Shada's Art and Writing Thread

Yeah, I do things like this.

I absolutely adore writing.

It's one of my personal pastimes and endeavors, and I've been doing it for as long as I can remember. It's how I express myself, hell, it's the only way I communicate with others without seeming like a total fool. Life without writing would be very miserable for me, and I couldn't see myself doing anything besides sitting at my desk typing away in word. Is that sad? I dunno.

I've decided, after much consideration, to share some of my literature and occasional doodle with you all

____________________________________________________



I'll introduce you to one story I wrote 2 years ago for my schools Creative Writing Club. It was supposed to be a short story, but because of my inability to write anything shorter than eight pages it was longer than it should have been. Still, it was this story that probably convinced the leaders of the group to sign me up as a councilor for the next year.

There are spelling mistakes. Just warning you right now.

What i'm posting now is from my FictionPress account, and most of my content on that is unedited. Even though the major typo's have been cleared out some maybe still linger within the pages. Be warned.

Anyway:

Memory Lane
When a high flying baseball smacks high school baseball player Jacob right in the temple, he awakens with amnesia to find out that he's in a strange place called Memory Lane, and that he's hopelessly lost deep inside his own psyche.

Also, here's a poem I wrote that my friend was praising like no other (I have no idea why.)

Burning Treehouses
Do you remember when your father used to build treehouses for you?

Note that the above is a vent poem, which I wrote when I was extremely angry with my father.

This post has been edited by Shada: 06 July 2012 - 06:31 PM

  • #1
  • 08 October 2011 - 11:51 PM
Your art is very good :). I will look forward to seeing you improve as time passes :D
same goes for you writings :)
  • #2
  • 09 October 2011 - 12:24 AM
Long critique

I liked "Burning Treehouses". I couldn't agree more with the message it passed. Maybe your friend praised it so much because it gave him a new perspective on the way he acted with his parents? People tend to praise things that open their mind, even more when it's art.

I'm still reading "Memory Lane", but it has an interesting concept so far. I like the way you described each scene transition as well. So far I could only find one spelling error: In the first paragraph, first page,

Quote

The boy's throat felt horse


I believe you meant "hoarse" there, unless it's an analogy I failed to understand :smirk:

and here:

Quote

"Ooh, dramatic, what's next? Is the epic orchestral music going to play or something?" Jacob snapped, "is that supposed to be funny?"


I don't know if that was intentional or not, but isn't it supposed to describe the "epic orchestral music" playing? I may be severely wrong, though.

Your drawings are good. It needs some improvement (for example: their necks look too long in most of those drawings, in my opinion), but it does have potential.

Overall, I liked everything. Keep up!

This post has been edited by Hero: 09 October 2011 - 01:16 AM

  • #3
  • 09 October 2011 - 12:42 AM
Ha, did I really say horse? Sometimes I surprise even myself when I don't find these mistake.

Thank you Hero and Basket! :)
  • #4
  • 09 October 2011 - 01:08 AM
I just read it all; I must say, it's great! I liked that twist in the middle, very unexpected.
Nice story progression as well.

Good work!
  • #5
  • 09 October 2011 - 01:44 AM
I'll read the readable part later, your drawings I like :D
  • #6
  • 09 October 2011 - 02:31 AM
Thanks guys!

I'm glad you liked it Hero! Some of my other stories are currently undergoing revisions, i'll post them a soon as I can!

Until then, here: Have some more art that I doodled just now.
  • #7
  • 09 October 2011 - 05:43 AM
I'm just going to poat a quick review on your latest art piece, and come back to review the writing when it's not one in the morning XD

I really like your doodle, especially the sleeves. For some reason, they just work XD

Perhaps the neck could be a little bit shorter, but that's totally up to you, and is merely a style choice :)

Good work!
  • #8
  • 09 October 2011 - 05:52 AM
  • Borg Lord
  • Talk shit about furries and see how mad I get!
    Member
I have two problems with "Memory Lane":

1) "his bushy beard dripping with blood like soup" I really hope you mean "blood-like". What you said is that his beard was so bloody it was dripping like soup, and that image was really distracting.

2) The ending. The whole moral was ruined by the fact that I don't agree. What Sam did was what is often referred to as a "dick move". You're supposed to forgive your friends for their small failings, not retaliate disproportionately. Jacob had every right to be furious.
  • #9
  • 10 October 2011 - 01:52 AM
I'm pretty sure I meant to put a "-" in "blood like". I'm sorry if it was distracting for you, some of my typo's still slipped through.

The whole point of the ending was that Jacob had been holding a grudge for so long that it had lost all meaning. What Sam did was a dick move and that i'm not denying, and Jacob WAS furious. He'd been furious with him since elementary school. I think what I was trying to get across was that Jacobs bullying had also done a number on Sam as well, and it was also a 'dick move'. He was holding this grudge about a mistake they had made so long ago and now in the present it seemed pointless because of what he had done in return.

It was a short story, and I wasn't allowed to get much detail out as I had hoped. So the ending moral might seem a little bit twisted and unrealistic. I rushed at the end by my peers, because we were putting all of our stories in a scrapbook and I was the only one not done.

I agree with you though, the ending is what I had hoped. Thanks for telling me your problems, it actually helped me a lot more than you think.

This post has been edited by Shada: 17 October 2011 - 01:26 AM

  • #10
  • 10 October 2011 - 05:04 PM
I arrive again with more doodles.

You won't see much writing for a while since i'm holding out for NaNoWriMo. With my inability to write anything shorter than a few pages I don't want too many projects on my chest... though I am thinking of writing some fanfiction. Nothing comes to mind.

More of my math doodles, which is all unedited.

And some doodles I did quickly at my fathers house on some lined paper...which are also unedited because I was feeling lazy.
  • #11
  • 17 October 2011 - 01:38 AM
I arrive with poetry and inking practice.

First off, the short poetry pieces.

Spoiler


Spoiler

_____________

Adventures in Inking.

Spoiler


Spoiler


Spoiler


Spoiler


Oh, and a Doodle Dump:
Spoiler

  • #12
  • 24 October 2011 - 12:27 AM
"The Staplers Lament" is interesting, I am not sure if I am missing something though, is the stapler a metaphor for something else? Or is it just the thoughts of a stapler? I admit that poetry really isn't one of my strong points.

I am also curious about this NaNoWriMo event, you spend a month writing a novel? Have you ever put that much time into writing a single piece before? And have you come any closer to deciding what you might write about yet?
  • #13
  • 24 October 2011 - 06:46 AM
The Staplers Lament is in the point of view of a Stapler, talking about a pencil. My creative writing teacher made us write about one and I picked the point of view of a stapler because it was right next to my desk. Simple, yet I don't think I explained it well enough.

NaNoWriMo is when you lock yourself away in November and try to complete a novel (50,000 words) by the end of the month. I've been doing it for two years now and I've gotten very close. (The first year I reached 30,000, and last year I reached 45,000 when the clock struck twelve on the final day.)

I have decided what I want to write and planned it out so I don't forget certain points. I've also done research about the certain themes. Since it's my first time planning my writing I'm being very cautious.
  • #14
  • 24 October 2011 - 06:43 PM
You only need to produce ≈1667 words a day. Write a bit over 410 words four times a day and there's no problem there.
  • #15
  • 24 October 2011 - 06:47 PM

View Postesalaka, on 24 October 2011 - 06:47 PM, said:

You only need to produce ≈1667 words a day. Write a bit over 410 words four times a day and there's no problem there.


Sounds like a good idea. I'll give it a shot when November starts.
  • #16
  • 24 October 2011 - 07:20 PM

View PostShada, on 17 October 2011 - 01:38 AM, said:

You won't see much writing for a while since i'm holding out for NaNoWriMo. With my inability to write anything shorter than a few pages I don't want too many projects on my chest... though I am thinking of writing some fanfiction. Nothing comes to mind.


I'm doing the same. Another thing you can do is have two or less sessions before 6:00 PM when you write at least 600 words each time. Then, settle down for a longer session after 6, and just write like crazy. It's far more about getting the words down than editing or quality control.

That's for December.

Good luck in NaNoWriMo :)
  • #17
  • 24 October 2011 - 10:51 PM
Hello Shada :)

I just read "Memory Lane" and was struck by the way you managed to colour it with emotions. Building these emotions into the story, you make the reader (at least me) engaged in it.

But.. uhm... please... write shorter sentences? :)
  • #18
  • 24 October 2011 - 10:55 PM

View PostSparkfur, on 24 October 2011 - 10:51 PM, said:

View PostShada, on 17 October 2011 - 01:38 AM, said:

You won't see much writing for a while since i'm holding out for NaNoWriMo. With my inability to write anything shorter than a few pages I don't want too many projects on my chest... though I am thinking of writing some fanfiction. Nothing comes to mind.


I'm doing the same. Another thing you can do is have two or less sessions before 6:00 PM when you write at least 600 words each time. Then, settle down for a longer session after 6, and just write like crazy. It's far more about getting the words down than editing or quality control.

That's for December.

Good luck in NaNoWriMo :)


Ah, you're doing it as well? Interesting. Have you ever accomplished it?

And thanks Hurmu, sorry for the sentences. :P
  • #19
  • 24 October 2011 - 11:37 PM
Ha, please - long sentences are fine, Richard Adams has one that goes on a page in Watership Down.

I've never won, my entry last time only got to 10 000 words :P
  • #20
  • 24 October 2011 - 11:41 PM

View PostSparkfur, on 24 October 2011 - 11:41 PM, said:

Ha, please - long sentences are fine, Richard Adams has one that goes on a page in Watership Down.

I've never won, my entry last time only got to 10 000 words :P


Oh boy I don't even wanna think about it.

And I take it you're planning to go farther this time? :smirk:

More poems from Creative Writing class:

Spoiler


Spoiler


Spoiler

  • #21
  • 24 October 2011 - 11:50 PM
Yes, I do indeed. I also expanded the story by 20 000 words since then.

I really like Love Poems :D

But question: What, if there is one, is the rhyming scheme for Believed Me? I couldn't find one.
  • #22
  • 24 October 2011 - 11:56 PM
There really is no rhyming scheme in Believed Me, I just free versed my way through it. Personally, it's not my favorite. But I wanted some opinions. I like to write short poems, because I don't believe all poems need to be long and drawn out, so I was trying to make it as short as a could. Not a wise decision.

I also don't believe all poems have to be about love, I find them terribly cliche, which is why I wrote Love Poems. I'm glad you liked it :)

This post has been edited by Shada: 25 October 2011 - 12:00 AM

  • #23
  • 24 October 2011 - 11:59 PM
I really like your poetry.

View PostShada, on 24 October 2011 - 11:59 PM, said:

I also don't believe all poems have to be about love, I find them terribly cliche, which is why I wrote Love Poems. I'm glad you liked it :)

This. This so much.

This post has been edited by Hero: 25 October 2011 - 12:15 AM

  • #24
  • 25 October 2011 - 12:15 AM
Ooo I like that Love Poem!
  • #25
  • 25 October 2011 - 12:35 AM

View PostHero, on 25 October 2011 - 12:15 AM, said:

I really like your poetry.

View PostShada, on 24 October 2011 - 11:59 PM, said:

I also don't believe all poems have to be about love, I find them terribly cliche, which is why I wrote Love Poems. I'm glad you liked it :)

This. This so much.


Thank you :)

Here, I have some extras that I want some opinions on.

Spoiler


Spoiler

This post has been edited by Shada: 25 October 2011 - 01:06 AM

  • #26
  • 25 October 2011 - 12:39 AM
I especially like that you added a twist to the end that is somewhat dark in nature compared to the rest of the poem.

This post has been edited by Hero: 25 October 2011 - 12:53 AM

  • #27
  • 25 October 2011 - 12:43 AM
The thing I dislike about Glass Bottle is that you have a rhyming Scheme in the first half, but in the second half you killed it. The poem would have worked better in my opinion if you'd ended with something rhyming with down, preserving the rhyming scheme.

Maybe "You dragged it down
and flattened it into the ground."

See, it sort-of-not-really rhymes! :D

And you could have added a stanza, but that's just random speculation.

Perfect is decent, I like how the stanza length decreases by one each time.

I didn't feel like the twist on the end was really a big enough deal, since there was an undertone of it throughout the poem.

This post has been edited by Sparkfur: 25 October 2011 - 12:51 AM

  • #28
  • 25 October 2011 - 12:50 AM
I see. Glass Bottle was also for Creative Writing, but unlike the others it was rushed. It was also the hardest to write, because I had the idea and the underlying message, but I just didn't know how to express it. I'll edit that stanza now, since I have the ability.

This post has been edited by Shada: 25 October 2011 - 12:58 AM

  • #29
  • 25 October 2011 - 12:57 AM
It was actually the word dust I had the problem with, not the word grounded. I just changed it in my example because 'grounded in to the ground' would have looked odd! :unsure:

This post has been edited by Sparkfur: 25 October 2011 - 01:04 AM

  • #30
  • 25 October 2011 - 01:04 AM
Ha, I'm sure it would.

I'll be writing some more poems, but I'm also going to try and write a short story as well. Maybe and fanfiction?
  • #31
  • 25 October 2011 - 01:08 AM
Go for it :)
  • #32
  • 25 October 2011 - 01:22 AM
  • Borg Lord
  • Talk shit about furries and see how mad I get!
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I'm jealous. I've been known to write poetry, but almost never because I never seem to have any idea worth writing about. Where do you get your inspiration?
  • #33
  • 26 October 2011 - 12:16 AM
You know, I'm not quite sure where I get my inspiration from. I guess I just get it from things that irk me, or that linger on my mind.

I was angry with my father so I wrote Burning Treehouses, I was feeling cynical about the idea of love poems so I wrote Love Poems, and Perfect is based off my distaste towards Little Miss pageants. I hate to say that most of my poems are based of hating something, because that sounds rather shallow of me. Sometimes when something just really bothers me, or when I need to vent I write a poem.

I also get some inspiration from other peoples experiences, whether I eavesdrop on their conversations or hear about it on the news. Sinking Boat was an idea I got while listening to the girl next to me talk about her ex's. Sometimes when reading books or watching a movie can give me ideas as well.

Listening to music helps as well, because music basically IS poetry. It gives you nice ideas, and also gets you to hear the creativity of others. I guess I get inspiration from many different things, from things that happen in my life, the media, etc.

Also, personal experience as well.

_____________

Here is a another poem my Creative Writing teacher forced the class to write, it had to be about Anger/Rage.

Spoiler

This post has been edited by Shada: 26 October 2011 - 02:17 AM

  • #34
  • 26 October 2011 - 02:17 AM
NaNoWriMo is tomorrow, yet I've decided to post the title and synopsis early.

Dream
Eric had everything he had ever wanted, a beautiful wife, two loving kids, great friends and a great job. Everything was going better than he had ever hoped...

Then he woke up.

Suddenly, he is thrusted into reality. With no memory of who he is and why everyone in the whole world wants him dead, he begins to wonder why he even woke up at all.

EDIT:

Oh, I do song covers too. Nothing special really. Here, have one.


This post has been edited by Shada: 01 November 2011 - 12:56 AM

  • #35
  • 01 November 2011 - 12:29 AM
Doodled quickly in health class.

Spoiler

This post has been edited by Shada: 03 November 2011 - 09:00 PM

  • #36
  • 03 November 2011 - 09:00 PM
Still trying to get familiar with Photoshop, have some doodle dump.

Heads (Characters from my nanowrimo story, because I like to draw out my characters so I get a better idea of what they look like.)
Spoiler

Spoiler


Sketches of the same characters, some are mediocre, some are alright. You decide I guess, I'm not really my best critic.

Spoiler


Spoiler


Some half-assed diary comics that were drawn without care.

Ignore the missing chairs...or at least try to D:

Spoiler


Spoiler


And my dA ID, with all the characters I created from my childhood.

Spoiler


If you do go to my dA (though why would you) then you'd see that all my old stuff is shit and you shouldn't pay any attention. I should really get that stuff off of there, other wise you'll be looking at a serious case of Super Shoulders.

This post has been edited by Shada: 04 November 2011 - 08:36 PM

  • #37
  • 04 November 2011 - 08:34 PM

View PostShada, on 01 November 2011 - 12:29 AM, said:

Oh, I do song covers too. Nothing special really. Here, have one.




That's... Actually pretty good.
Only thing is some voice parts were kinda too loud when compared to the rest.
But the singing was on tune, as far as I could tell.
  • #38
  • 04 November 2011 - 08:50 PM
Thanks Hero :)

Two more covers, one a A Capella.



  • #39
  • 06 November 2011 - 07:09 PM
Just wondering, how do you get the background music without the words?
  • #40
  • 06 November 2011 - 07:16 PM
I found an instrumental on the internet and downloaded it, it happened to have the choir in the background.
  • #41
  • 06 November 2011 - 07:32 PM
huh. Nice voice you have there.

No, really, you've got a really nice voice.
  • #42
  • 06 November 2011 - 08:28 PM
Wow, that sonic one was very impressive.
Also, what jackkuro said.
  • #43
  • 06 November 2011 - 09:47 PM
Thank you :)

Here is an excerpt from my NaNoWriMo story, since I'm bored and have nothing to post at the moment.

Spoiler

  • #44
  • 08 November 2011 - 05:13 AM
So I was throwing away all my sketches that went nowhere when I came across a BCB related HAPPY HALLOWEEN sketch among the fray. I fixed it up and colored it.

It may be late, but here:

Spoiler


Don't like how Abbey turned out.
  • #45
  • 09 November 2011 - 02:20 AM
Huh? What's this?

Also, here's another excerpt from my NaNoWriMo story, just some dialogue.

And the fact that the jerk in here is named Michael is a coincidence I swear.

Spoiler


Haven't really edited anything since I'm in such a hurry to get the words on, but I felt I should put something in here.
  • #46
  • 14 November 2011 - 01:23 AM
Oh yeah, saw that song the other day on the good ol' subbox.
Some lyrics sound really forced but overall it's fucking amazing.

Also, I may have to read your NaNoWriMo.
  • #47
  • 14 November 2011 - 01:28 AM
Thank you, Jack Frost. #^_^#

Another snippet, just some more dialouge.

Spoiler


And an idea for a BCB fan-fiction that I will be taking up in December. :)

Spoiler

  • #48
  • 16 November 2011 - 03:47 AM
  • Borg Lord
  • Talk shit about furries and see how mad I get!
    Member
Abbey as a defense attorney? He's changed.
  • #49
  • 16 November 2011 - 06:33 PM

View PostBorg Lord, on 16 November 2011 - 06:33 PM, said:

Abbey as a defense attorney? He's changed.


Ah yes, there's a reason for that.

I'm currently writing myself little notes so that I don't forget why he feels this way or all the fact/or red herrings i'm putting in.

I really want to know if an idea like this is worth pursuing, or if it's been done before.
  • #50
  • 16 November 2011 - 11:14 PM
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