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Corrupt-a-wish For the litteralist in all of us

Granted, but everyone else no longer speaks to you, meaning no one to use the come backs against.

I wish it was opposite day as soon as I finish this wish.
  • #2101
  • 24 December 2011 - 05:34 AM
Granted, but then I wait for opposite day to be over and punch you in the face.

I wish I could be president for a day.
  • #2102
  • 24 December 2011 - 06:38 AM
Granted, but they've planned a parade for you in Texas, and you're shot in the chest and the head while cruising in a convertible.

I wish for mail-order rocket hookers.
  • #2103
  • 24 December 2011 - 07:08 AM
Granted, but when they arrive the rockets have gone off accidentally and they have all died in a horrible, messy way. On your doorstep.

I wish I had 1 more gram of weed :(
  • #2104
  • 24 December 2011 - 09:35 AM
You get a wilted daffodil.Drugs are bad. >:(

I wish I win the Scholastic Gold Key award.

This post has been edited by RC!: 24 December 2011 - 10:55 PM

  • #2105
  • 24 December 2011 - 10:54 PM
Granted. However, someone keys your car with it, and then runs off.

I wish I'd won a Newbery Award.
  • #2106
  • 27 December 2011 - 05:31 PM
  • ILB
  • secretly a man :smirk:
    Member
Congratulations. You won it at the age of forty-seven.

I wish I was here more often. ^_^
  • #2107
  • 27 December 2011 - 06:07 PM
Granted. Your increased presence however comes with an increased awareness of the tediousness of your moderator duties. You cease being nice and become the biggest dick on the forums. You essentially wipe Recess of any and all threads and now everyone hates you. Suitcase kicks you from mod duties and bans you. Now unable to spend time the way you like, you jump off a cliff, but rather than killing you it renders you a mute quadriplegic. Not only are you in agony the rest of your life, you are unable to communicate with anyone. You die inside.

I wish I had a quality palm rest.
  • #2108
  • 27 December 2011 - 06:12 PM
You get it, but as time goes on your comments get more and more stale, to the point of no recognition.
Before you realize, you've become a combination of DMLD and pre SpecEd Tensa.

uhh... *to the google*

You get it, but then you're charged and the costs get you and everyone related to you evicted and stuff.

I wish I had a DS.

This post has been edited by jackkuro: 27 December 2011 - 06:19 PM

  • #2109
  • 27 December 2011 - 06:16 PM
Granted, but the hinges between the screens crck, and the wiring inside gets worn down, causing a white fuzz to cover the upper screen, rendering gameplay impossible.

true story, bitches.

I wish I had an xBox 360.
  • #2110
  • 27 December 2011 - 06:56 PM
  • ILB
  • secretly a man :smirk:
    Member
Is that how you wish to see me go, Char and Jack? ^_^

You get an xBox, Spark. In fact, it is even an xBox 360. However, since the Microsoft brand clearly has an upper-case 'X' in it, you soon find that your console is a counterfeit version produced by people with a great eye for the aesthetic details and intricacies of the original product, but also with a crippling inability to reproduce the technology. No games can be played on it whatsoever.

I wish I was better at understanding references, as long as this did not include references I have an explicit desire not to understand (such as those of horror films, for instance, or anything Carrot Top says).
  • #2111
  • 27 December 2011 - 11:23 PM
You understand them so well that you point them out to anybody who listens, and you make so many obscure references that your family and friends abandon you for being so annoying, leaving you without anyone, and since you only have your job, you become an empty hollow shell of nothing.
  • #2112
  • 28 December 2011 - 07:09 PM
Your wish expires.

I wish for a big yellow truck.
  • #2113
  • 28 December 2011 - 11:40 PM
You get it, only it's a bulldozer and useless on the streets. When you try to bring it back, you accidently plow your house down.

I wish for better posture.
  • #2114
  • 29 December 2011 - 05:03 AM
Your back is fixed but every time you get into a comfortable position while standing people confuse you for being a slut showing off.

I wish for complete and utter freedom to do what I wish to those who conspire against me.
  • #2115
  • 29 December 2011 - 06:54 AM
  • Craft aids
  • That doesn't sound like a rape. That sounds like suprise sex
    Banned
The word conspire implies that multipul people must be involved in the plan. One dude kills you with a knife while you yell in frustration because your powers of freedom over reality and cow tits don't work on him. Also, cow furrys are real and they are piiiiiiiised about hamburgers.

I wish for the greatest treasure of all. The laughter of a child

This post has been edited by Craft aids: 04 January 2012 - 09:19 PM

  • #2116
  • 04 January 2012 - 09:19 PM
Justin Bieber laughs at you.

I wish for the mayan prophecy to be true.
  • #2117
  • 04 January 2012 - 09:23 PM
  • Craft aids
  • That doesn't sound like a rape. That sounds like suprise sex
    Banned
A new era begins. The difference between the old era and the new era is that everyone gets jet packs. EVERYONE. So many people die in crashes and all the oil is burnt up quickly. We colinise the moon and then we spend 100 years waiting for basteria we created to terriform mars to do it's job and then die out. We live there insted. History and tecnology begin again because no one is alive who knows how to use it. Another (however many) years later, the calander resets again. A new era begins and we TURN THE DANM CALANDER IT'S FULL REVELUTION AND START AGAIN and maybe an empire falls INSTED OF ALMOST GOING EXTINCT.
Oh, yeah, we kept the calander. It was the senter of a few religeons. Plus, it looks boss.

I wish that Every human had no personality. This is not to say that they were boring but rather to say that indevidualism was gone and we all worked as one for the good and happyness of everyone.

This post has been edited by Craft aids: 04 January 2012 - 09:40 PM

  • #2118
  • 04 January 2012 - 09:35 PM
Granted, and for you it is true! But that is mostly due to those pesky hallucinations you are stuck with and cause that heart attack on the day everyone is supposed to die.


Granted, and you are all turned to ants. The perfect representation of what you wish for. Eventually some new sentient group comes around burns you magnifying glasses.

I wish for lego to be cheaper, that stuff be expensive.

This post has been edited by Nik: 04 January 2012 - 09:38 PM

  • #2119
  • 04 January 2012 - 09:36 PM
  • ILB
  • secretly a man :smirk:
    Member
Congratulations. Lego becomes cheaper, but stuff gets more expensive. Much more expensive. :)

I wish for some proper snow.
  • #2120
  • 04 January 2012 - 09:47 PM
"The Day After Tomorrow" occurs.
Posted Image


I wish for super strong, non "chocking hazard" (or any hazard for that manner) and 'double bubble expensive' bubble gum that is capable of stoping a missile.

This post has been edited by The Swimmer: 04 January 2012 - 09:58 PM

  • #2121
  • 04 January 2012 - 09:58 PM
Wish granted. But you dropped the gum in red phosphorus and unwittingly put it back in your mouth, here's what that looks like: Chew Bomber | 1000 Ways to Die | Free Video Clips | SPIKE

I wish I could have x-ray vision.

This post has been edited by ThatGuy: 04 January 2012 - 10:14 PM

  • #2122
  • 04 January 2012 - 10:12 PM
You can't adjust how strong it is and you can't turn it off, leaving you with blind.

I wish i would know what the true meaning of life was without dying right after.

This post has been edited by falconboy99: 04 January 2012 - 10:38 PM

  • #2123
  • 04 January 2012 - 10:37 PM
You're right; it takes you 2 full minutes to find the nearest bridge to drive off of.

I wish for a World Wide Teleporter, that no government will ever find out about. :smirk: Too may of those answers.

This post has been edited by The Swimmer: 05 January 2012 - 06:11 AM

  • #2124
  • 05 January 2012 - 06:11 AM
It is one way. So you go to china and have to make your own way back.

I wish for... some nice video games to play. They don't have to be good, but they can't be bad. And I can actually play them too.
  • #2125
  • 05 January 2012 - 06:22 AM
Granted, but they're all multiplayer only, the online communities only speak Inuit and they're monthly pay-to-play games. Have fun.

I wish I had telekinetic powers.
  • #2126
  • 05 January 2012 - 06:25 AM
While testing powers, one of your friends throw a ball at your face to see if you can stop it. You miss trying to grab it right before it hits you and use those powers on your brain forcing to move forward with hard force against your skull causing a stroke.

I wish the xbox live community wasn't filled with cockbites.
  • #2127
  • 05 January 2012 - 09:35 AM
Granted, but now they all move to the BCB community!

I wish I could eat 8-) 's face off.
  • #2128
  • 08 January 2012 - 06:44 PM
Granted. However, due to accidentally inesting several bones, the lining in your throat and stomach is torn, and you bleed to death.

I wish I was the Earl of Devon.

This post has been edited by Sparkfur: 11 January 2012 - 02:57 AM

  • #2129
  • 08 January 2012 - 07:18 PM
  • ILB
  • secretly a man :smirk:
    Member
Congratulations. You change your name to Earl, and move to Devon. Anybody already living there by the same name promptly move out. You quickly get known as "the Earl of Devon" for this reason, and you acquire some curiosity status for this reason. This is only emphasised when you slip in the bath and get amnesia from the impact; you become the village fool.

I wish nothing about this wish gets corrupted. ^_^
  • #2130
  • 08 January 2012 - 07:34 PM
That smug look on your face never goes off (^_^).

I wish for pie to have it's own religion that prevents tax to be implemented on it.

This post has been edited by The Swimmer: 08 January 2012 - 07:38 PM

  • #2131
  • 08 January 2012 - 07:37 PM
(Ninjas)
Your wish is granted, but the pie religion soon becomes a satanic-like cult, with people being murdered to make the master pie to rule the world. Also, the lack of tax makes government go bankrupt from lack of funds and the world explodes from nuclear missiles.

I wish all of my scars would heal.

This post has been edited by Buddy1006: 08 January 2012 - 07:41 PM

  • #2132
  • 08 January 2012 - 07:38 PM
Granted. However, by the time your skin is done healing over the original scars, you already have gone through several layers of skin covering it, and acquire them in the same exact places.

(The OP of this thread has to be Calypso in disguise or something)

I wish I could be Spider-Man.

This post has been edited by DeValt & Whittaker: 08 January 2012 - 09:26 PM

  • #2133
  • 08 January 2012 - 09:23 PM
Granted. But you are slowly turning into the Man-Spider, and have grown two innocuous extra arms.

I wish for a Seasonic X-750.
  • #2134
  • 08 January 2012 - 09:34 PM
It arrives broken.

I wish I wish I had a 75,000 kilowatt death-ray.
  • #2135
  • 10 January 2012 - 04:23 AM
  • Craft aids
  • That doesn't sound like a rape. That sounds like suprise sex
    Banned
You had one
You lost it

I wish that I had the worlds most comfortable ass(by every defenition, not just comfortable in one humorus way)
  • #2136
  • 10 January 2012 - 06:10 PM
You're just asking for the explosm joke, aren't you.

You get it, you go to prison.
You don't have the best time ever.
Because everyone loves your ass.

I wish I had all of the musical talent.
  • #2137
  • 10 January 2012 - 06:33 PM
  • Craft aids
  • That doesn't sound like a rape. That sounds like suprise sex
    Banned
No one else had any musical sence and no one else can aprussiate your talent. You, on the otherhand, loose 50 years of your life listening to your first song in a trance. Someone turns it off and puts you on life support but the song was stuck in your head.

No, I was hoping for a creative spin on the joke.

I wish I was the best swimmer in the world. (not just the best human swimmer)

This post has been edited by Craft aids: 10 January 2012 - 06:47 PM

  • #2138
  • 10 January 2012 - 06:46 PM
You become the best swimmer in the world, but soon enough realize that your lack of training habits and terrible (for swimming) diet cause you to drop off the charts right away.

I wish that I had the patent for a seed that grew tress that grew money.
  • #2139
  • 10 January 2012 - 06:50 PM
Granted. However, the patent offices burns down, and your patent is lost.

I wish for more sleep without wasting time.
  • #2140
  • 10 January 2012 - 10:06 PM
Granted. Time is forever frozen so you may sleep for ETERNITY.

I wish I made a successful comic.
  • #2141
  • 10 January 2012 - 10:29 PM
Granted but the hard drive storing all the data for your comic has a corrupted sector and all that data is loss.

I wish I had better writing skills.

This post has been edited by Zevida: 10 January 2012 - 10:33 PM

  • #2142
  • 10 January 2012 - 10:33 PM
Granted. You write the greatest, most thought provoking, and intellectual novel to hit the shelves. It has the potential to change the world due to its insight and wisdom. However, nobody buys it for it does not involve teenage vampires and werewolfs. You attempt to write again, but as you begin your second great novel, you develop tendinitis from using your keyboard too much and your career is ended.

I wish I had inner swing and was an amazing jazz drummer.
  • #2143
  • 11 January 2012 - 02:07 AM
You become famous but it kills you.

I wish i could read people's minds.
  • #2144
  • 17 January 2012 - 03:11 PM
Granted, but you have no control over it and read everyones' mind that is within a mile of you continously.
I wish that those Freshmen would finish their English 1 exams so I could go home already.
  • #2145
  • 17 January 2012 - 03:23 PM
Granted. However, since how an individual deciphers thought is dependent on how the individual's brain develops, you get nothing but weird noises straight out of Lovecraft. You go insane and are admitted to the Bedlam Psychiatric facility, where you are ruthlessly mistreated and end up killing yourself.

Granted. They all do so much better than you that the bar is raised and as a result you fail the class and have to take summer school.
I wish for a nice cold glass of Coca Cola Vanilla.

This post has been edited by Carcharocles: 17 January 2012 - 03:25 PM

  • #2146
  • 17 January 2012 - 03:24 PM
(I took the exam for English 1 last year :P )
Granted, but drink is so cold it causes the glass to shatter and get shards in the Coke-icicle.
I wish for my drivers license.

This post has been edited by Eeli: 17 January 2012 - 03:35 PM

  • #2147
  • 17 January 2012 - 03:30 PM
Granted. As soon as you get it you drive into a generator, cutting off power for the entire town. (this happened)

I wish I could eat whatever I want without feeling ill.
  • #2148
  • 17 January 2012 - 04:16 PM
  • Craft aids
  • That doesn't sound like a rape. That sounds like suprise sex
    Banned
You no longer feal ill. This doesn't mean that you aren't ill. Your stomach pops. You don't notice.

I wish that I was always correct.
  • #2149
  • 17 January 2012 - 06:03 PM
You say a bunch of fucked up things.

I wish for the ability to know when someone is lying.
  • #2150
  • 20 January 2012 - 02:20 PM
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