Bittersweet Candy Bowl Forums

Hello der interwebs. SO I thought I could ask for a bit of advice.

So lets call these 2 people Ginger and bird

Bird Just got a bf. She loves him very much. She is good friends with ginger.

Ginger tells bird he loves her. bird told me how she loves her bf and likes ginger only as friend and turns him down.

Its awhile ater and me ginger talk alot.

Ginger has asked me out. 1 problem. Bird has told ginger that she dosn't want him to date anyone or even talk with me because when she breaks up with her bf she wants to date him.
bird does not know that i know this and is lying straight to my face about the whole thing. Me and ginger are dating in secret now. does this make a bad friend? I mean its not right to treat ginger like piece of meat and tell him to wait around for her right? What do you guys think. and what should I do. WHat should i tell bird so me and ginge can date openly? Any ideas?

THANKS SO MUCH! <3

Wow, That seems like quite a set up going on there. I see this as both ways going to each. "Bird" I see is a bad person to playing with "Ginger" like that and shouldn't even need a backup boyfriend if she truly dose like that other guy she is dating. The only thing I see with even saying you're a bad person is keeping this behind a closed door, Even thought coming out open with it may cost your friendship with Bird. I would plainly just say something along the lines of, "It isn't fair for him to have to wait around on you just so he can be a pointless backup or toy of yours."

It seems kind of cold for her to even do that in my eyes, But I've only ever dated a person once...not the best to come to, or give information on what to do but could be helpful still.

iRussisch, on 18 December 2011 - 11:41 PM, said:

Thank you <3

Not a problem I hope all gose well with you and "Ginger"

I think Bird is being irrational. She has a person she's dating, but wants Ginger to be available so Bird can have him. Problem is, Bird is dating. You dating Ginger should not have to be in private, because Bird should be serious about her CURRENT man. I don't think you dating in private is a bad thing, but rather you're only hurting yourself by postponing the inevitable. Furthermore, with Bird's possessive of Ginger and ability to use his that way, she isn't being a good friend to either of you. If it comes out and the friendship goes south, that's her problem. Anyway, it seems Bird has a wandering heart, and odds are that when/if she dates Ginger she's going to pull this stunt again.

You're not a bad friend. You're just in a not-pretty situation. Like iRussisch says, I'd tell Bird about it, explain how she's being unfair to Ginger, and if it kills the friendship, that's her fault. Not yours, not Ginger's, HERS.

^ Couldn't agree more on what Carcharocle had to add or say more about it.

First, did Ginger tell you that Bird was going to go out with him, or did you just hear it? Does Ginger know the whole story (of how you see it, and of Bird not trusting you)? If so, go for it. If not, tell him the choice you have, and if he sees things your way than go out with him (in public). Bird should not be lying, or be a complete bitch and start playing with people like that. She has the option to end things with her current boyfriend right now, and she is not taking it. If you are already with Ginger, than just ask him to stay with you, after explaining the situation.

I can think of no possible way you could be called a bad friend. Ginger can date who he wants. As long as neither of you are cheating on anyone, than it is fine. However, Bird has a right to know that her back-up boyfriend is no longer available. If she starts accusing you of being a bad friend, it might be worth mentioning that she was being a bad girl friend by keeping someone in reserve for when she breaks up with her current boyfriend. On the other hand, it's also possible that she only meant to ensure him that she would be willing to date him if her current relationship ended badly. In that case, she didn't do anything wrong other than mis-communicate the situation.
You should probably also make sure Ginger knows that you know about his deal with Bird. I'm not saying this is at all likely, but you don't want to find out later that he was only planning on dating you until Bird becomes available again.

I hope this all works out for you without too much drama.
Good Luck!

This post has been edited by Boringamus: 19 December 2011 - 04:45 AM

My opinion, If bird isn't already with him she can just fuck right off! You can not date a guy and keep another one on a string: that is cruel and disrespectful to both men

Even if bird told you "i call dibs"
I'd just laugh in her face like "lol wut? You have boyfriend, silly" and date ginger.

I think you and ginger should agree to tell bird, and do it in front of her bf, so she can't get outwardly mad at you two, due to not wanting to BREAK HIS FUCKING HEART by admitting she'd been planning to date another dude.

The less angsty, more reasonable option is you tell her, while telling her that ginger deserves more respect than to be kept on a string while she dates another guy. She lost her chance.

Anyways, it's up to you, bird might be someone you care about and is a good friend, but if her silly selfish plans for a bf and a side guy on a rope to make her feel pretty are more important to her than yours or gingers happiness, or at least respect your freedom, she's just a bitch anyways (it's like the story w/ my twin sister, I love the shit out of her, but she's super fuckin mean to me and hurtful)

This post has been edited by Tabris: 19 December 2011 - 06:58 AM

Bird is being to controlling and Ginger can date whoever he wants. As long as you tell Bird, then you're not being a bad friend. Personally, I din't lulike the concept as a "back-up" date. It's like saying "Hey, this one didn't work out, so I'm just going to move down the next one on the list and pick you." But that's just me. Your friend has a right to date people, but she doesn't have the right to keep someone on her queue.

This post has been edited by Ahsaan: 19 December 2011 - 07:09 AM

For some reason I think Bird is as bad as Mike from this chapter.
If she had loved Ginger, she would've waited and not have gotten a bf. Of course, I'm just a teenager who hasn't even been on one date, so I wouldn't know.

Arnas Baubkus, on 19 December 2011 - 11:20 AM, said:

nice bcb reference