Bittersweet Candy Bowl Forums

Okay so apparently i'm in special ed because I don't take criticism well, and i have sick and twisted beliefs. but as for the critisism, i'm going to listen better that what i have in the past. Taeshi said i had the wrong atittude for being an artist. I have focused alot on the things said by you guys. I hope I can get past my beliefs and yours and just focus on improving here. because really you guys are amazing. i would not have improved so much without you guys. so here's some stuff i finished recently.

first my sonic comic.

My link my face for art class. it was a chuck close thing.

Taeshi gave me permission to post here since i can't on creative arts.

Your characters are incredibly static, and your perspective is really off. Those are the main thing that really jumps out at me right now. Here, for the perspective, I'll try and illustrate it, though since I don't have a tablet I can't really illustrate the thing with the stiffness.



As you can see, according to what you have going on right now, the guy on the right's tray is half the size of the other guy's, and tapers to being smaller. This doesn't work - it should be around the size of the parameter's I've shown.

The Vanishing Point, or VP is where all things disappear over the horizon. If, drawing two lines from your trays to the VP as I've done, it doesn't match up, you need to re-draw it, as your perspective is off. Another thing is panel one - what?!



Forgive the crappy drawing. I drew that in MSPaint with a touchpad. It illustrates my point though. Either she's a goddamn giant, she's on a raised platform, which panel 7 shows she's not, or she's flying. Jesus 2.0... except in the air!

I'd go into more depth, but it would take a long time, and I'm sure there are other more qualified to do it than me.

The self-portrait looks nice though. Kudos on that.

Meleeman, on 24 December 2011 - 11:05 PM, said:

Relax, I already know.

thanks Spark fur. yeah i probably shouldn't have eyeballed that. actually what i did to save time was copy all the points on my digital lines and moved them over. i should've resized it so to fit the vanishing point which i didn't draw. I need more practice with this stuff.

As for panel 1 obviously i screwed it up because you think she's a giant or on a raised platform or something. actually she's crawling onto the bench so she's a little stooped over. but yeah. Raxki said i should get rid of the scenery all together and go with a simple background.

I hate my dirty mind.

2 things i could do. eliminate the background or fix the camera angle so it is higher.

Terah is in her pants

Another thing is, why the hell is she so damn thin? That isn't natural.

In a few shots, your characters eyes tend to look as if they're looking off in some random direction instead of where they're intended to be looking. Like in the scene where she says she'll tell him in math, the characters eyes are... very off.

This post has been edited by MintyLimeGreen: 25 December 2011 - 10:20 PM

Sparkfur, on 25 December 2011 - 09:31 PM, said:

Terah is trying to please everyone. She is supposed to look annorexic slightly. She is worried about her diet alot. Technically she hasn't been diagnosed with annorexia nervousa, but she has been to a psycologist for cutting which will be explained later. Her parents have to make her eat breakfast everyday lol. She has problems. Maybe someday i could write her into being healthy.

This post has been edited by Meleeman: 26 December 2011 - 01:58 AM

Meleeman
Your typing makes me want to kick my monitor out of the window

Nothing personal here, just

Could you try

Attempt

Proper spelling, possibly capitalisation and a bit more commas?

MintyLimeGreen, on 25 December 2011 - 10:19 PM, said:

panels 2 and 7? I see foster has the problem in both of those panels. yeah. i probably should've fixed that. i can't belive i didn't fix that!

esalaka, on 25 December 2011 - 11:00 PM, said:

hahah. your comment is hypocritical. "capitalisation"?

Here is a quick and efficient way to improve your art:

Looks like they all have a pole shoved up their arsehole and can't move
Really, nobody sits that straight

Yeah, Foster. The guy who reminds me of Tails, for whatever reason. The eyes are off. Don't stress it too much, since you have other things to work on that are probably more important, but yeah. Just try to get their perception more believable next time otherwise it seems like they're staring off vacantly into the distance lol

Meleeman, on 26 December 2011 - 02:04 AM, said:

lay off, he is a foreigner.

you however, have no excuse.

I have to agree with Esalaka, your grammar is painful to read; please improve on that.

Correct sentences:

Panel 1: "Hey guys, where's Terrah?"

Make it a complete sentence, not just two clauses.

Panel 3: "That's nice"

That is, not just "that nice".

Panel 4: "God, I hope not."

If you are addressing God then you must put a comma there.

Panel 6: "What's"

Panel 7: Once again, you need to capitalize "Whats" and put an apostrophe there. "What's" Any reason that particular text bubble is hand/computer drawn?

PAnel 8: Geez, is this about..."

Proper sentence structure. It gets rid of fragments.

This post has been edited by Shada: 26 December 2011 - 07:42 AM

First melee, yes grammar is a very key ingredient that you need look out for. Another thing that I find a problem with, is that you're tellIng us that she's annorexic/whatever. You should have the story speak for itself. Try doing what I call: The Minefield strategy. First things first: checking inventory. When making a story you should always know what you're working with. Know the setting, the characters and their roles, backrgrounds, personalities, Pros, and more importantly, cons (if you haven't done that yet you should quit now). Characters are your best weapon, and if used properly a characters' personality, and emotions can pull heartstrings better than anything; which leads us to step two: planting the mines. This is the exposition part of the story, this is basically where you subtly (but not too subtle) present your main characters. What you do at this stage is plant hints at the faults, plot twists and upcoming events which you've already done by having the prom. As your story develops you will always have more opportunities to plant mines, but remember your audience, and remember to space your mines accordingly. What that basically means is that you Should plan when and where you reveal a plot twists. If you reveal It too fast, by revealing secrets one after another, it'll be too much and the audience will lose interest, but if you have them too far away, it'll slow the plot along too much, making it seem like it's dragging. So you should always drop hints, and keep the audience guessing, use the hints as your hook on the reader to keep him/her reading. Every story needs a conflict, a problem, a question As an author you should always have that conflict or question lingering to keep the reader guessing. Now we come to step 3: UNLEASH THE HORDE (have people read it). Although it is good to have people criticize it when it's done, I find it better to have people give their opinions during the process, because this allows you to know what the reader is thinking and how you can manipulate those thoughts to make them into the story. you should always listen to the questions your audience may have, and always answer them through the story (if anything you can make it seem like you planned on them asking that question). Always remember to ask yourself questions "why is this character doing this?" "why couldn't _____ do this instead?" always ask questions. Asking questions could lead to a better scene than what you had originally planned.

Now I'm not trying to tell you how you should run this, it's your story. I'm just telling you a way story outlines are made... Or atleast my thought process when I make a story. You don't need to care about what I'm saying, or even do any of this crap, but there is one thing you should always do. One simple rule that applies to EVERY storywriter. NEVER EVER EVER leave a question unanswered! There's nothing worse than a case of story blue balls! The only acceptable reason for leaving the story open, is Satire, or you plan on making a sequel. Good luck on the comic melee I hope to see you finish, now I shall leave before people start to scream hipocracy.

Christ, Amazil, if you yourself had ever actually followed that technique instead of vomiting creativity all over a piece of printer paper, then maybe you would have actually created something worth reading.
Actually, on rereading, that is possibly the most hypocritical piece of drivel I've ever read. You refused to listen to anyone while writing your own comic. I guess you're the example to learn from.

This post has been edited by Sammy: 28 December 2011 - 11:51 AM

Meleeman, on 26 December 2011 - 02:04 AM, said:

Proper spelling of words in a dialect you do not use does not make my comment hypocritical. Something else entirely does.

Shada, on 26 December 2011 - 07:27 AM, said:

Okay. first of all. I think it's very understandable. my autistic cousin who's 6 years old can read it.

panel 1 is fine. I want it to be read that way.
panel 3 okay i'll include that to my fix it list.
panel 4 i suppose i could. but it wouldn't be how she naturally speaks. I write dialogue by how I imagine they speak and then i go from there.
6,7 yeah. i'll fix that. i couldn't figure what GIMP was doing when i rotated the text layer and it bothered me so much i wrote it.

on second thought idunno. I want more readers. I want it to be understood but i don't like to change the dialogue to the point where it's not how they sound.

This post has been edited by Meleeman: 28 December 2011 - 07:23 PM

I still say you should find your own style rather than trying to force yourself to do one that someone else developed.

lt_amazil, on 26 December 2011 - 01:39 PM, said:

Amazil. Thanks for reminding me, but i've had this story in my head for 4 years. I think i know enough, at least enough to start writing. Mainly about Tim, and Naru. and yes my newest main character Terah whom i didn't intend to become a main character ended up a main character. and yes she is the weakness to my story, but i've got a general idea in my head on the story is supposed to go and i think i wrote notes when i discussed it with Anicat lover.

Carcharocles, on 28 December 2011 - 07:21 PM, said:

yeah this style is probably the reason i'm not improving very fast. hmm. well i'm going to fix some of these grammar problems hopefully within this week, and fix foster's eyes because now they are bothering me. and panel 1's background. i thought it would be harder to find mistakes this time. huh i guess not.

Esalaka why didn't you tell me earlier? My writing style never changed. how was it you were able to stand reading the previous pages?

Jerk, on 26 December 2011 - 02:45 AM, said:

Jerk i'm going to scream obscenities into my pillow. if do it here, i'm going to lose my only privilege on the forums.

now I will ask you politely to leave my thread unless you have anything constructive to say.

This post has been edited by Meleeman: 28 December 2011 - 07:43 PM

I AM SWITZERLAND *hides in corner*

No one pay attention to me, everything needed to be stated has been.
I'm just here for the lulz.

neonrain24, on 29 December 2011 - 06:42 AM, said:

=l oooookay.

Jerk, on 26 December 2011 - 02:45 AM, said:

Damn Jerk, if you think this stuff is that terrible, I'd hate to see your take on the majority of stuff out there!

This post has been edited by Rex: 29 December 2011 - 08:30 AM

skmojo, on 26 December 2011 - 04:04 AM, said:

i'm sorry. i didn't notice your comment. i think the majority of my problems is panel 1 and panel 7.

This reminds me of Chris-chan and Sonichu.

That's fine, I guess. I didn't really mind it that much.

It's not that bad to me. I'd like to see how it plays out.

Jerk, on 26 December 2011 - 02:45 AM, said:

That's kinda messed up to be honest...eh, but it's you.

I decided to go ahead and fix up the page a little. I seem to have this fetish with the color blue for some reason.

I fixed pretty much everything that everyone said minus some grammar, and Foster and Dee's unrelaxed posture.

This post has been edited by Meleeman: 07 January 2012 - 05:49 AM

Meleeman, on 28 December 2011 - 07:43 PM, said:

Find reference pictures of the way you want your characters posed. Use the reference pictures to improve perspective by practicing drawing those characters freehand in dynamic positions. If you see something you think is pretty, try drawing it yourself. Over and over and over again. There aren't any shortcuts. Find some art tutorials and draw those. They are all over the fucking internet. Find those, practice, redraw the page, then show us you're somehow trying to teach yourself. Or don't. All the fucks I had to give were in that house.

Rex, on 29 December 2011 - 08:30 AM, said:

This pretty much strikes me as representative of the majority of things out there, but I could've gone worse. I didn't mention anything about him being a furry or grabbing the nearest rock and bringing it down on his dominant hand over and over until he learns not to be a furry or is no longer capable of producing pictures of them. I want to see if he deserves to be treated like an adult. If he doesn't, I'll feel free to cop a squat in his art thread.

alright, on the second look i realize you should lower the eyebrow a lot. the eye brow should be close to the eyeball because it's hard to see the thing because it's conflicting with Foster's hairline which is prominent in panels 2 and 7. either bring them closer or atleast make the eyebrow bolder like in the last panel.

Meleeman, on 24 December 2011 - 10:45 PM, said:

I'm honestly not seeing much of a difference here.

It looks like the lines are kinda more defined, but you didn't "fix" anything.

First one's a ping, second's a jpeg, but they seem pretty identical.

This post has been edited by Carcharocles: 07 January 2012 - 03:22 PM

Wait... What? This thread has received more constructive criticism than any I've seen in CA. But aside from that, your use of shadows is alright, you seen to have basic a grasp of how light would hit an object, but the light source needs to remain constant. Look at fosters shoulders, The light jumps from side to side over the course of the comic. Panel position is good, but there needs to be less Black space in between them. And I know these have already been addressed, but perspective still needs help, and some of the eye positions need fixed. (particularly foster in panels two and seven)

edit: oops, Panel seven's eyes are already fixed, my bad.

This post has been edited by Jorje: 07 January 2012 - 07:19 PM

So I found the pen for my tablet.



In the first panel I'm saying that there isn't a connection between the speech bubble and her, it just looks like a cloud.
In the seventh panel I'm saying that that it looks like he blurted the words out, but the context doesn't match, which makes me think of it as vomit.
I just realised Dee's all "Verbal diarrhoea" and Tim's like "oh". There's also no dialogue until the 3rd panel, after I made the comment "nice!" (about the plate).

This post has been edited by skmojo: 07 January 2012 - 06:39 PM

Jorje, on 07 January 2012 - 05:30 PM, said:

damn i was hoping noone would notice that. yeah. i knew about the wierd lighting i realized i had my light source incorrect on panel 2 (the light should be on the opposite side because of the giant array of windows let in light. also above them are cieling lights and windows.

yeah i still fail at perspective. so i avoid alot of those shots which explains the many static shots i have them in. i just need more practice.

lt_amazil, on 29 December 2011 - 07:31 AM, said:

Come on you do not know your history jokes? disappoint. it means i am neutral. because switzerland is alot in wars.

neonrain24, on 09 January 2012 - 01:18 AM, said:

Maybe he was commenting on the fact that your comment served no purpose at all. The point of the thread is to get opinions and critiques. You jumped into say nothing at all. Your comment was pointless and useless and probably shouldn't have been done.

Nik, on 09 January 2012 - 01:27 AM, said:

... you understand~

neonrain24, on 09 January 2012 - 01:18 AM, said:

hence why we have the swiss army knife! but the most positive thing that came from a country going to war was sugar substitute.

I actually drew the face of a real person without tracing. This is the first time i've actually drawn a real person.

Okay, if you're able to do that without tracing, then I fail to understand why you limit yourself to another person's style that you obviously can't pull off.

Again, develop your own style. Sonic style will only hold you back, and you apparently aren't as good at mimicking styles as you are doing your own thing.

Granted, this drawing is far from perfect, but it does show that you are capable far better than what you have been doing.

This post has been edited by Carcharocles: 19 January 2012 - 01:14 AM

Carcharocles, on 19 January 2012 - 01:13 AM, said:

I was trying to make it slightly different so i could make it my own thing. icouldn't find anything i liked though. I should start a new comic.

This post has been edited by Meleeman: 19 January 2012 - 01:18 AM

It looks like Luna Lovegood to me.
Which means it's good.

Meleeman, on 19 January 2012 - 01:09 AM, said:

...i will now cower in shame in this little corner right here. *sniff* i suck.

This post has been edited by lt_amazil: 19 January 2012 - 10:52 AM

holy shit.
why the fuck do you use that sonic style if you can draw that?
you are much better off using that.

That's actually pretty good. The face is slightly off in certain parts, but still. I couldn't draw realism even if I tried.

Chris, on 19 January 2012 - 04:11 PM, said:

considering how weird my tastes are in art, yes, I probably am. I'll probably appeal to more people... this was just a quick one too. I have to draw it again in white charcoal and I don't want to do it.