Bittersweet Candy Bowl Forums

LonesomeRose, on 04 January 2012 - 01:58 AM, said:

Stop idealizing her so much. She's not the perfect angel you think she is. We all do that with people we fancy.

The fact that she decided to sever all ties with you and ignore you for all this time shows she's cruel, and probably not worth it. That or you were too creepy. And your 5 year friendship really didn't seem to mean anything to her.

Anyway, it's not gonna work. She's not perfect, you're not perfect, you're not meant for each other. Get over it and pick yourself up. Learn to love yourself and stop thinking you need someone to be complete. Stop stalking her, you'll find someone else when it's time, but you don't seem to be ready for something like that now.

If you really want closure, you will have to make sure you can get over her first. Realize that it's not gonna work, and maybe then you could try talking to her to finally get that closure. But do know that that WILL end up hurting you more. It's not gonna be easy if you want to do it that way, you're not gonna get anything from her.

This post has been edited by Itu: 04 January 2012 - 02:43 AM

Purin, Minty and Jerk agree. We have a quorum:

Move on.

Wow...I been in this same excact situation.

Ok listen, go and talk to her when you have a chance and become friends with her again. Then maybe later on try again.

The last thing you want to do is not talk to her because you'll regret it everytime you don't. I know I did...

If she doesn't have the same feelings towards you, then it's better to stay friends than be heartbroken, move on and find another. There's plenty out there.

Have no regrets.

ThatOtherMichael, on 04 January 2012 - 05:53 AM, said:

This is stupid advice. Don't listen to him, Lonesome. If she doesn't come back to you on her terms, she isn't worth the time you could be spending hunting down other cuties who actually would donate their blood to dying stalkers.

This post has been edited by Purin: 04 January 2012 - 06:07 AM

Purin, on 04 January 2012 - 06:04 AM, said:

That's what I was trying to imply, I might of made it sound different;srry, but yeah, if she doesn't come back to she's not worth it. There are better girls out there for you,

This post has been edited by ThatOtherMichael: 04 January 2012 - 06:20 AM

(THANK YOU WHOEVER EDITED MY POST I LOVE YOU)

"You're welcome." - Jerk

This post has been edited by Jerk: 04 January 2012 - 11:04 PM

Did the blood transfusion text take place yet.

You're stalking her? Good job! That will totaly prove that she was wrong to be worried! Keep trying as hard as you can and she will suddenly love you with a passion despite the fact that she doesn't love you.

^ He is right, Trust me, I've seen the twilight movies. ( Sadly.)

Russ, I am extremely disappointed in you. However, everybody makes mistakes. I forgive you.

You notice that he crossed out "sadly" right? I had to see the first two because my grandma wanted to see the movies and I didn't have a good enough excuse not to go. Also, the hype is wrong half the time. I wouldn't mind that it was a steaming pile of awful "romance" if I haden't had to smell it from awile before the first movie came out to about three months ago. Danm you popular media. How dare you fail me occationaly!

Get over her, seriously, if she's ignoring you at every form of communication out there then she's ignoring you. There are other "angels" that you seem to idealize so much, just leave her.

I agree with Shada, you're just shooting yourself in the foot now because you won't move on.

This post has been edited by Adams: 04 January 2012 - 11:27 PM

The word "just" should never be used. It has it's places but it is abused waaaay to often. I even do it, to my own displeasure.
First you have to become apethetic about her, or some negative emotion though apithetic is my preferance. If it's all about beauty then you just have to ask youself questions like "what's so good about green anyway?" and "why do I care that here hair is not straight?"
You will probably just respond with "I just do". That's not good enough. Though, of corse, you probably won't convince yourself that she is ugly.
As far as "kindness" goes, that is the penultamate buzz word of personality traights.

Craft aids, on 04 January 2012 - 11:20 PM, said:

Bad advice.

StrawHat, on 04 January 2012 - 11:23 PM, said:

Why is this bad advice? He's basically telling him to stop idealizing her, and to become more apathethic, or indifferent, towards her. In other words, to move on, and realize she's not perfect and there are other people, and to stop being a frantic stalker.

He also mentioned that the reasons he loves the girl sound like the dumb cliches we make up to explain illogic infatuation. I actually think this is pretty solid advice?

This post has been edited by Itu: 04 January 2012 - 11:31 PM

Itu, on 04 January 2012 - 11:31 PM, said:

Apathy and indifference is fine, but that's different from loathing someone purely because that person doesn't like you. To me, that's just selfish behavior.

It is pretty good advice, it just is.

The thing is, Lonesome Rose, is that this continues to bother you. "The one that got away," as many would call it. You can sit there in your self pity and post on a site about cats to help you with your relationship problems are you can man up, pull up your granny panties and move on.

This post has been edited by Shada: 05 January 2012 - 12:07 AM

StrawHat, on 04 January 2012 - 11:57 PM, said:

I said that loathing was not my preferance. This is because it is flawed behavior and will effect you negativly, just a little, for the rest of your life but it would tecnicaly work so I beleived that it belonged there. Next time you have a problem with something meantioned in passing as an alternitive but less advised manner, meantion that spesificaly insted of making a snide, unsuported, and unspecific two word coment. Thank you, good day.

Craft aids, on 05 January 2012 - 12:06 AM, said:

Sorry, your post was full of spelling and grammatical errors which made it difficult to understand. You're right, next time I'll make sure to be completely blunt about it so it motivates you to at least get a spell check function on whatever browser you're using.

Just to shut up ignorant asshats. I'm not stalking her I go to the mall occasionally and happened to see her. Stop makeing assumptions you know the saying.

Shada, on 04 January 2012 - 11:58 PM, said:

Look I'm at a difficult point in my life and lacking family (that's another low point) that cares about me. Yes I'm on this site looking for advice. What about you? Is your life so sad that you have a need to go to said site, and criticize other users about their emotions and problems?

LonesomeRose, on 05 January 2012 - 05:25 PM, said:

Don't take it personally, people are just trying to help here. You really need to get over her and stop wallowing in self pity. We all have problems, and we know you do too, but mostly everyone is just giving their honest advice, even if they come off as rude sometimes, it's the internet.

LonesomeRose, on 05 January 2012 - 05:25 PM, said:

LonesomeRose, on 03 January 2012 - 06:17 PM, said:

Hahahahaha oh fuck haahahahaha

Yes clearly it is beyond reason to do so when she was a friend for 5 years.

Good. You're learning.

Thing is, people have arrived to the educated conclusion that your friendship wasn't as great as you think, if she decided to get away from you, change her number, and ignore you completely. So then it's reasonable to call you a stalker.

listen, the general consensus is just forget about it and move on, and that there is really nothing you can do to salvage this.
I know it's hard. I really do, becuase I've been in a similar situation, but you need to move on, and let her get on with her life as well. if she had to change the number? then you were probably wierding her out. take it form a neutral perspective. to you, it may seem perfectly reasonable and that you only made a few calls. but to the girl? this has probably freaked her out a great deal. I think you are placeing two much value on this girl. you describe her as the greatest thing ever, but I suspect she was just a normal person who you fixated on. there are plenty of fantastic people out there, you just have to find them. you said all the other girls are terrible? have you attempted to get to know them? do you go to social events? do you hang out with people? if every woman you know is shitty asside from one, you need to get out there and find someone who doesn't suck. the best thing for everyone in the situation you have described is to move on. accepting it is hard, but she has made it clear that she wants nothing to do with you right now. that sounds harsh, but it's the truth.

Once again, you can sit there in that self-pity rut or you can grow a thicker skin.

And to reply to your reply to me, not all criticism is bad, some users here are actually giving you great advice, like Chris just now.

This post has been edited by Shada: 05 January 2012 - 07:27 PM

What's her phone number? Do you have a picture of her?

LonesomeRose, on 05 January 2012 - 05:25 PM, said:

You're justifying your creepy behavior. You made lots of mistakes. Learn from them, and try not to make them again in your future endeavors.

This post has been edited by StrawHat: 05 January 2012 - 07:26 PM

Purin, on 05 January 2012 - 07:24 PM, said:

And then Purin steals her away.

Good job man, way to be a dick.

If I stole her away, I'd take a picture of me doing the Captain Morgan pose on top of her to signify my humble victory in romance.

Haha. Jerk and I are just trying to be good friends by taking her off the market.

Sounds kinky.

So Rosey, did you talk to your woman yet?

I think not talking to her would be better minty.

the only thing that he could really say at this point that would help in any way would probably to apologize, and give her his assurance that the harassment will stop. furthermore, he should forget about getting her romantically, and tell her he only freaked out and went stalker on her because he panicked over loosing such a close friend. he should tell her that he understands if she doesn't wish to remain friends, but sincerely wishes that they do. he should then leave it up to the girl weather or not to remain friends. the only hope is that she looks at your apologetic attitude, and sees that you understand the error of your ways, and that now that you do, the creepiness will cease. even is she does accept, understand that things will be awkward between you for a long time. keep with it, and absolutely drop the romance, and perhaps one day your friendship will be repaired.

remember, I have experience with a situation similar. I pined after a girl, and after "going to homecoming as friends", where I told her my feelings, she avoided me. I tried to get into contact with her, but she seemed to want little to do with me. after I dropped it for about six months, I had a chance to speak with her, and had a long conversation with her. at the end of it we decided that we would be friends, and only friends. now? things are still a bit awkward, but every day a little less. she is a good friend, and I try to be the same to her. it was hard, not picking up the phone and calling again, but I understood that it was the best thing. now things are better. not perfect, but better.

now you should also understand that I didn't go the lengths that you have, and that I only attempted to talk to her, phone or in person, three or four times before I got the message. you have gone much farther, and this greatly impacts the chances you have in saving the relationship negatively. will it work? that remains to be seen. but, an apology and an assurance that this behavior will stop will most likely improve your chances.

if she wants nothing to do with you, smile, say you understand. walk away. leave it. at that point, there is nothing more you could really do. just get on with your life and file it away into your past experiences. remember it. remember so that it never happens again. learn from it, but don't be bitter.

above all, don't be mad at her. I've seen guys get rejected and place all the blame on the girl, saying that she's just a dumb bitch or whatever. what I am about to say is harsh, it will hurt to hear, and you will want to deny it, but don't. you have no one to blame for this situation but yourself. now, don't be super depressed over this, don't be discouraged. I am guessing you have little relationship experience? the first one always ends up in tears. always. this is your first learning experience in a lifetime of romantic relationships. you will fail. everyone does. it's how we take those failures and learn from them that we become better, and more experienced. this goes for everyone, from the toddler taking his first steps to the teenager trying to get a girl. imagine riding a bike. the first time you got on, you fell off. you can call the bike shitty, you can say the ground was slick and made you fall, you can claim someone yelled at you and distracted you. you can blame any number of things. you can just sit on the ground with a scraped knee and cry all day. but only once you accept that it was your fault, that you are the cause, and understand your mistake, and get back on and try again can you actually learn from it. sometimes the ground is slick, sometimes the bike is shitty. but when something like this happens it is all too easy to blame those around you, and deny your faults. learning to accept that you fucked up is a huge part of life. even the best of men fail. they can fail spectacularly, but what makes them the best of men is their ability to understand their faults and mistakes. you think the world's biggest romeo didn't get shot down a bunch when he began? it hurts. I know. but the only way to learn is through messing up.

now, there is a limit to what we can do for you. you can get all of the advice in the world and still fail, because you lack actual experience. advice helps, but in no way is it comparable or a replacement for actual relationships. you can read all the driving manuals you want, but the first time you get on the road you will still drive like a jackass. we all do. experience is the greatest teacher.

so I guess what i'm trying to say is get back out there and fail. because you will. because if you do, and you learn from it, it will pay off.

Quote

This post has been edited by Chris: 06 January 2012 - 01:28 AM

^^ What Chris said.

Bring yourself to confront her and talk about it. If you don't talk about it then you'll just waste a good year or two worrying about it. You guys still have a chance and becoming friends again you just have to force yourself to make an effort. There are more women, there is so many possibilities, which means most likely that you can find someone who will make yourself happier. If your in love with her and haven't considered HER TRUE PERSONALITY then your just blinding yourself. Take the time to think about what her true personality is. If your in love, you'll make someone seem a whole lot better than they actually are. Do you want a friendship, love relationship, or no relationship? If you want a love relationship you're going to have to put it all the effort you can must. I'm not going to tell you to just leave her and start bad-talking about her like others, because I don't even know her. If you want a friendship, talk to her about the whole situation and it will get better. If you don't want a relationship of any kind just leave her alone. There is also one possible situation that I have experienced before: Confess Feelings towards a girl, the girl flees you and doesn't talk to you, but when you talk to her and force her to reply she admits that shes in love with you.

Don't just think this is a minor situation, I'm supporting you to do your best. Go for it if you think it's right.

Jerk, on 05 January 2012 - 05:51 PM, said:

That ain't stalking at all. She was a friend for 5 whole years. So can you back off Your just hurting the guy.

Hello, everyone. I'm still new but i figured gotta start somewhere. I'm sure you guys have already seen many topics about someone's love life and are probably sick of it by now, so if you don't want to reply or call this stupid, then by all means...go ahead.

Anyway, There is this girl (lol i know, you probably saw that one coming.)I am absolutely in love with her, but we don't have any classes together. The worst part is, she kind of hates me and thinks i'm stalking her. Believe me, i'm not, there was just a few turn of events out of my power. I don't mind her never feeling the same for me (although its highly likely, but it never hurts to hope.) I want to clear things up, and maybe tell her how I feel. I really do want to talk to her, but I'm kind of weak in this particular subject. I can't even get near her, and when i see her, i quickly turn my head. I try to talk to her but she is always with her friends so i chicken out and walk away. I need help, and i at least want a chance with her. (again, highly unlikely.)Any suggestions, Wise words, experiences and solutions similar to this conundrum. Sorry for wasting your guys' time with this.

I'm in the exact same situation, welcome to the club pal.

hm, I've been in a situation similar to this one as well. you guys seem to be going through a lot of what I have.

first off, could you please specify what you mean by "just a few turn of events out of my power."?

'Sup LonesomeRose, I see you made a new account.

It's hard to believe that you weren't stalking her if you don't give us details as to why she thinks you're stalking her.

This post has been edited by StrawHat: 06 January 2012 - 09:38 AM

Huh. Yeah what Strawhat and Chris said.

Otherwise I would walk up to her and say "HEY, stop thinking I'm sort of stalker. Do you really think people would stalk you? The fuck. How about giving me a goddamn chance and hang out with me. Bitch"

Get it? Because girls love being talked down to.

dotsonface, on 06 January 2012 - 08:36 AM, said:

No, he shouldn't do what he thinks is right. What he thought was right was wrong and in fact very creepy. Multiple emails, texts, calls, et cetera as an attempt to coerce someone into replying is just downright annoying and reflects his own validation issues.

He was stalking her. I bet he knew the exact day she removed him from her facebook friends list (I'm pretty sure she did). Contacting someone multiple times who's obviously trying to ignore them is by definition, stalking.

Hey, I'm gonna be the inspirational guy here and say: Don't bother. She just kinda sounds like the type of girl that goes "He looked at me a couple times and showed up in the same places I did ewwwww he's stalking me", and I'd just suggest not bothering on those types. Also, what Chris said. Stuff like this happens sometimes, do what I do, accept that you're never going to get over it and go on with life.

I give the worst advice ever.

This post has been edited by Octahedron: 06 January 2012 - 11:10 AM

dotsonface, on 06 January 2012 - 08:36 AM, said:

Time =/= intimacy. Idiot. If she wanted him to have an answer, she would've given it the first time. When you become that insistent, yes, you are a fucking stalker.

Empty_One, on 06 January 2012 - 08:42 AM, said:

Yes, I am sick of them. That's why I'm going to start merging them into this horrible abomination, and may even give it a serious title when it warrants one.

If she thinks you're stalking her, back off. You have no chance. I don't personally understand how hard it is for you and your other account to take a hint.

How did this forum suddenly get filled with sad sacks.

There's nothing sudden about it except the timing and similarity and okay, yeah, I see what you mean.

I've read enough of this thread to finally put in my two cents.

You are pathetic and/or terrible.

That's what you are. You were "friends" with her for five years. For FIVE YEARS. And there's a reason I put "friends" in quotation marks. Because it sounds like the only reason you became friends with her was because you liked her and held a little torch for her inside you delicate little heart. And you're what, 16? 17? You "befriended" this girl FIVE YEARS AGO! And I don't want to hear from you "oh, we were too young" or "i wasn't confident enough" and some bullshit like that. Even if you didn't fall in love with this girl before you "befriended" her, you idolize her so damn much that it doesn't matter! Somewhere, along the way, you decided that the best way to get this girl to notice you in the romantic sense was to be friends with her. Let me break this down for you. You are hoping, that through you being kind and friendly towards her, that she will reciprocate your feelings with COMPLETE ROMANSUU~~~ UGGU DESU

Obviously she doesn't even think of you as a friend! Any girl who is friends with a guy would at least give them an answer if something like this were to happen! Out of respect for that person because THEY ARE FRIENDS. Therefore, SHE DOESN'T RESPECT YOU. And there's probably a pretty damn good reason for that. Especially when you called her so many times and wrote her and blah blah blah blah BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. And obviously you have your own issues. What other reason would a fifteen year old dude to look at a girl and think "THIS GIRL IS PERFECTION AND I HAVE DECIDED THAT I LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART AND SHE CAN DO NO WRONG. IF SHE DOES DO WRONG, SHE HAS A GOOD REASON BECAUSE SHE IS A GOOD PERSON AND BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH."

Do yourself a favor. Shut down your computer. Go outside. Do something. Make new friends. BE EXTREMELY INVOLVED IN SOMETHING THAT IS NOT A PERSON.

Otherwise....



EDIT: Oh. So he's 21, apparently... From his profile page:

Quote

Guys. Guys. You know what this means? It means that this makes the whole situation he's in even more pathetic.

This post has been edited by Kaxbe: 06 January 2012 - 08:50 PM