Can you guys help in improving it and providing ideas?
the premise of the story:
important things:
Alec - fourteen. boy. Intelligent, resourceful, but pessimistic and apathetic. Naturally very resistant to the Shadow.
Rue - eighteen. girl. serious, no-nonsense, quick wits, impulsive, headstrong, leader. "made her own" immunity to the Shadow.
Ulysses - Alec’s late father. Dedicated most of his later life to helping people get out of reach of the Shadow.
Shadow - An entity borne of dark emotions. It is in the form of an invisible field in which several deadly/dangerous symptoms (extreme negative emotions, hallucinations, extreme fear, dark thoughts, insanity, death) result. The effects strengthen as one goes nearer to the source of the Shadow. There are some who are immune to the Shadow, which dampens the effects of the field to the point of tolerability, but not completely.
Chimera - the name given to the source of the Shadow. the Shadow radiates from it. Like the Shadow, it is invisible, but the effects from it are so strong that it appears visible; it is apart from the physical world, so must be destroyed mentally.
Monsters - not physical monsters, but representations of a person’s fear and dark emotions as they try to drive that person insane.
The synopsis is here:
Spoiler
Basic synopsis:
Alec lives in a town just beyond the border of the shadows, which is ever-expanding as the shadow creeps forward. Despite his father being a hero (saved the village more than once, and died trying to save it again), Alec is not recognized for it; he is an introvert, cold and cynical, and most people do not want anything to do with him. There are three important people/things in his life: His father, whom he is bitter towards for supposedly not taking are of him and leaving him, Rue, an older, able, resourceful girl that Alec respects, and Chimera, the source of the Shadow field. He initially tries to hide his immunity to the shadows, but is eventually discovered, and is confronted and pressured by Rue and several others to go into the shadows to try and find the source of them, and destroy it. Alec repeatedly refuses, and disgusted, Rue tries to go herself, but she and the rest of her group are presumably killed. This is where Alec finally decides to go.
The shadows can create obstacles even to somebody that is immune, like Alec. He constantly has hallucinations, irrational fears, dark thoughts, and often encounters monsters and people driven insane by the shadows. On the way, he discovers Rue alive; she has "made" her own immunity, though the rest of her group is either insane or dead. They go on, and eventually find Chimera.
Alec and Rue try multiple times to destroy Chimera, without success. They gather that it is a living entity, and must be defeated mentally. After another time trying to destroy it, Alec is shocked to find that the shadow core is really just a human being at heart, terrified to the point of insanity. He tries this time to comfort it and reassure it. In the process of navigating its mind, Alec comes to term with his father and himself, and many other things. However, killing the shadow core kills him as well (I'm still trying to make up an explanation for how this happens).
Back in the town, the shadows are gone. The citizens are both shocked and overjoyed. Rue approaches the town cradling Alec's body.
Basic synopsis:
Alec lives in a town just beyond the border of the shadows, which is ever-expanding as the shadow creeps forward. Despite his father being a hero (saved the village more than once, and died trying to save it again), Alec is not recognized for it; he is an introvert, cold and cynical, and most people do not want anything to do with him. There are three important people/things in his life: His father, whom he is bitter towards for supposedly not taking are of him and leaving him, Rue, an older, able, resourceful girl that Alec respects, and Chimera, the source of the Shadow field. He initially tries to hide his immunity to the shadows, but is eventually discovered, and is confronted and pressured by Rue and several others to go into the shadows to try and find the source of them, and destroy it. Alec repeatedly refuses, and disgusted, Rue tries to go herself, but she and the rest of her group are presumably killed. This is where Alec finally decides to go.
The shadows can create obstacles even to somebody that is immune, like Alec. He constantly has hallucinations, irrational fears, dark thoughts, and often encounters monsters and people driven insane by the shadows. On the way, he discovers Rue alive; she has "made" her own immunity, though the rest of her group is either insane or dead. They go on, and eventually find Chimera.
Alec and Rue try multiple times to destroy Chimera, without success. They gather that it is a living entity, and must be defeated mentally. After another time trying to destroy it, Alec is shocked to find that the shadow core is really just a human being at heart, terrified to the point of insanity. He tries this time to comfort it and reassure it. In the process of navigating its mind, Alec comes to term with his father and himself, and many other things. However, killing the shadow core kills him as well (I'm still trying to make up an explanation for how this happens).
Back in the town, the shadows are gone. The citizens are both shocked and overjoyed. Rue approaches the town cradling Alec's body.
and what I've written so far is here:
Spoiler
It’s been three months since so much changed. I, Rue, almost died. The Shadow left. Alec left, and he’s not going to be with us for a long time, maybe forever.
I’m sitting here typing this from a salvaged computer, wishing that I had paid more attention in my writing classes. Nothing comes to mind when I try to write this; no words seem efficient to describe what I’ve gone through. All of us are celebrating; kids run freely through the dusty streets for the first time in years, and the adults drink, toasting Alec’s name. The hero himself is too tired to join the jubilation.
Alec or Ulysses would probably tell this story better than me. A lot of the time, I try to imagine them standing with me, watching me write about all that happened in those few days. And if they’re here, I hope that they help me tell this to you.
When I first met Alec, I despised him. He was always so insulting and negative. He brought everyone down. He always said that the Shadow would never leave, and we would eventually all die. But in the short time that I’ve really known him, I’ve learned that he’s so misunderstood. Nobody gave him a chance to confide, or approached him as a friend. Not many people actually know why he was always so pessimistic, and even fewer know that it was just a mask for the loneliness he felt underneath.
I led a hard life. My family - my father, mother, and myself - were poor, living in a cramped apartment, living off two small meals a day. When the Shadow came when I was fifteen and spread to our city like a virus, it became even harder. We had to salvage our food from the streets, and run from those turned insane by the Shadow. Every day we saw people dead in the streets.
One by one the Shadow field took everyone in the city, growing stronger each day. I kept telling myself that we were going to be okay. And then my parents succumbed to the Shadow - That was around the time when the hero, Ulysses, was helping masses of people move across to safe zones, where the Shadow wasn’t present. And he probably could have saved my parents - but he chose not to, and I respect him for that. After my parents died, life grew unbearable. I had to find food on my own, and I had to run constantly from insane people, ever-growing in number. I knew I needed to leave the city and find somewhere the Shadow hadn’t reached, but I didn’t want to. I felt safe in the small apartment that I had shared with my parents. I felt like it was the only thing that kept me sane.
After a few weeks, I started to feel the Shadow growing inside me. I would have succumbed, but I was saved - saved and brought to a town of refugees far out of the Shadow’s reach. Slowly, eventually, they nursed me to health, I met Alec - and here I am now.
Yes, my life was hard, and Alec’s was probably a lot easier. But there was a difference; except for when I was living on my own, I always had people supporting me, helping me through things that I couldn’t go through by myself. When I was young, it was my parents, and when they had died, it was everybody at the refugee town that had adopted me. Alec - from the start, he had nobody. His father was a hero who was always gone from home, and nobody approached him, greeted him. He was always an outsider.
The things we went through together - I guess that classified me as a friend, and Alec told me a lot. That helped me understand him, and sympathize for him. And he did turn out better in the end - sometimes, turmoil serves to make us stronger.
part 1
Alec pulled up his collar and walked briskly against the bitter cold. That was what he did all day - not like the others his age helping expand the town or running errands, but just traveling continuously through the dilapidated town, taking in information, noting things, until the sun set, the end bell tolled, and he would head home. It was the least everybody could do, to not make him work - he was only fourteen. He didn’t understand why everybody else his age did what they did to help the town. Ever-expanding the buildings wouldn’t help - the Shadow would catch up more quickly than they could build. Even now, it had taken almost half of the town, and several people had been led away screaming and kicking in straitjackets in the past couple of weeks into treatment centers.
Alec was one of many refugees living there.
The town, Haven, was a “haven” to all that were victim of the Shadow - which was virtually everybody. Together, they survived as long as they could against the Shadow, growing food, continuously expanding out of its reach. Life was meager, but livable.
The Shadow - the Shadow had come when Alec was eight. He didn’t remember much - maybe pieces, figments of fear and turmoil.
He hadn’t known what was happening, but as he grew older, he had come to understand.
The Shadow was an invisible force, a field, the embodiment of fear and rage. Anybody that came within its range - they were the Shadow’s toy. It did any manner of things to you. Made you hallucinate, caused extreme fear, drove you insane. The worst thing was that there was no escape from it. It would just keep emanating from its source, continuously growing, and the Shadow field would swallow up even more - cities, towns, lives. Everywhere it went, it burned a trail of fear and death behind it.
Haven was only a temporary hiding place. Eventually, they would have to move somewhere else before the Shadow moved over the whole town and shattered them all.
Alec looked down at his feet, shuffling aimlessly along the dusty road. People were bustling all around him - The bitter cold was a precursor to winter, and then they would have the death of crops to worry about, in addition to the Shadow field. Everybody was busy drying and storing food, stocking up fuel for fires. The streets rang with sounds - the dull thudding of the cardboard boxes, the screeching of packing tape being unrolled, orders called and worn shoes tapping on the pavement. every one's voices were artificially cheerful; All of the town wanted to forget, for once, that the shadow was there and looming.
Somewhere at the center of Haven, a rope was pulled and a bell was rung. Alec stopped walking and looked up at the fireball sky as the clear notes spilled through the town like waves of water. The sun shone its last rays on Haven before it sank below the horizon, casting a golden glow on the faded brick buildings. Sound died down as the refugees, exhausted after the day, retired to cramped apartments and garages to sleep.
It was in times like these that he let himself believe that the Shadow wasn’t there, and it was all a bad dream. But then the sun’s rays disappeared, blue shadows washed over Haven, and the moment was over.
The difficult truth was that the Shadow was still there, and very much dangerous.
Alec turned on his heel and headed home.
He woke up to the sound of fear.
Alec reflexively jerked up out of his faded blankets, preparing to defend himself, only find himself alone inside the garage. But the sounds were there, the piercing screams and guttural cries, and the feeling was there - a cold tendril that slowly burrowed into his gut. The feeling of the Shadow. He threw off his blankets and stood up, his head buzzing. How had the Shadow field spread this far so quickly? It normally only took a block in one week. By the sounds coming outside, it had covered several blocks overnight. And more importantly, how much farther had it reached beyond Alec’s garage?
For a minute, he stood there, trying to contemplate the situation. He was relieved that he had his natural resistance to the Shadow, but then it was replaced by fear -
they must not find out that I am immune.
A sense of urgency pervaded Alec’s mind, and he squatted down near the garage door, peering out of a hole in its material. Outside, the dawn pink sky was rising, and inhuman screams continued to burst the air. But he couldn’t see the sources of the sounds, those turned insane by the Shadow, and it made him nervous. The second he set foot outside, he might be attacked by them, but if he stayed inside the garage, others immune to the Shadow might find him, and discover his resistance.
Without warning, a scream came like a gunshot behind Alec, and hands with iron grip seized his shoulders and sent him tumbling away from the garage door, his head hitting the cement with a dull thud. The world spun. Alec struggled to get up.
He brought his head up, and came face to face with a woman, her mouth stretched open and her eyes wide and wild - the strangled expression of fear. “HEeLP mEe!!” she shrieked. Alec shouted and pushed her away, crawling as far away as he could. The woman, seemingly without cause, uttered a strangled cry and collapsed, writhing like a burning snake. Alec stumbled up to his feet, shoved the garage door open - and ran.
The street that had been so busy yesterday was now deserted, and was replaced by a total, complete silence, broken only by human howls of fear and horror. He ran faster. more shrieks and cries rang out behind him, and his own footsteps weren’t the only thing he could hear pounding on the pavement. Run, run. Nobody must catch you, nobody must see you.
He felt something grasp the back of Alec’s shirt, and his heart seized. “Get away from me!” he yelled hoarsely. He kicked back, trying to wrestle his attacker free - but his foot caught, too, and he slammed into the road full-force, snapping his jaw shut. The impact reverberated through his skull, and he groaned. His elbows and chin were on fire.
Get away. Have to get away. Alec wondered if his immunity had given away, and his mind was slowly being consumed by the Shadow. He flipped over onto his back, tried to sit up. His body didn’t want to respond. Maybe it had been burned through, he thought hazily. The tendons had all been eaten through by the Shadow. He would just die here.
Without warning, he felt something seize him and lift him up by his collar, and his limbs exploded into action again. “Leave me alone!” he screamed. he convulsed his whole body in a vain attempt to escape from his attacker’s grip.
Then a sharp pain lanced through his neck, and Alec felt the life drain out of his limbs again. Neon clouds flashed through his vision, and he felt his consciousness fading.
I wonder if anybody will miss me.
It’s been three months since so much changed. I, Rue, almost died. The Shadow left. Alec left, and he’s not going to be with us for a long time, maybe forever.
I’m sitting here typing this from a salvaged computer, wishing that I had paid more attention in my writing classes. Nothing comes to mind when I try to write this; no words seem efficient to describe what I’ve gone through. All of us are celebrating; kids run freely through the dusty streets for the first time in years, and the adults drink, toasting Alec’s name. The hero himself is too tired to join the jubilation.
Alec or Ulysses would probably tell this story better than me. A lot of the time, I try to imagine them standing with me, watching me write about all that happened in those few days. And if they’re here, I hope that they help me tell this to you.
When I first met Alec, I despised him. He was always so insulting and negative. He brought everyone down. He always said that the Shadow would never leave, and we would eventually all die. But in the short time that I’ve really known him, I’ve learned that he’s so misunderstood. Nobody gave him a chance to confide, or approached him as a friend. Not many people actually know why he was always so pessimistic, and even fewer know that it was just a mask for the loneliness he felt underneath.
I led a hard life. My family - my father, mother, and myself - were poor, living in a cramped apartment, living off two small meals a day. When the Shadow came when I was fifteen and spread to our city like a virus, it became even harder. We had to salvage our food from the streets, and run from those turned insane by the Shadow. Every day we saw people dead in the streets.
One by one the Shadow field took everyone in the city, growing stronger each day. I kept telling myself that we were going to be okay. And then my parents succumbed to the Shadow - That was around the time when the hero, Ulysses, was helping masses of people move across to safe zones, where the Shadow wasn’t present. And he probably could have saved my parents - but he chose not to, and I respect him for that. After my parents died, life grew unbearable. I had to find food on my own, and I had to run constantly from insane people, ever-growing in number. I knew I needed to leave the city and find somewhere the Shadow hadn’t reached, but I didn’t want to. I felt safe in the small apartment that I had shared with my parents. I felt like it was the only thing that kept me sane.
After a few weeks, I started to feel the Shadow growing inside me. I would have succumbed, but I was saved - saved and brought to a town of refugees far out of the Shadow’s reach. Slowly, eventually, they nursed me to health, I met Alec - and here I am now.
Yes, my life was hard, and Alec’s was probably a lot easier. But there was a difference; except for when I was living on my own, I always had people supporting me, helping me through things that I couldn’t go through by myself. When I was young, it was my parents, and when they had died, it was everybody at the refugee town that had adopted me. Alec - from the start, he had nobody. His father was a hero who was always gone from home, and nobody approached him, greeted him. He was always an outsider.
The things we went through together - I guess that classified me as a friend, and Alec told me a lot. That helped me understand him, and sympathize for him. And he did turn out better in the end - sometimes, turmoil serves to make us stronger.
part 1
Alec pulled up his collar and walked briskly against the bitter cold. That was what he did all day - not like the others his age helping expand the town or running errands, but just traveling continuously through the dilapidated town, taking in information, noting things, until the sun set, the end bell tolled, and he would head home. It was the least everybody could do, to not make him work - he was only fourteen. He didn’t understand why everybody else his age did what they did to help the town. Ever-expanding the buildings wouldn’t help - the Shadow would catch up more quickly than they could build. Even now, it had taken almost half of the town, and several people had been led away screaming and kicking in straitjackets in the past couple of weeks into treatment centers.
Alec was one of many refugees living there.
The town, Haven, was a “haven” to all that were victim of the Shadow - which was virtually everybody. Together, they survived as long as they could against the Shadow, growing food, continuously expanding out of its reach. Life was meager, but livable.
The Shadow - the Shadow had come when Alec was eight. He didn’t remember much - maybe pieces, figments of fear and turmoil.
He hadn’t known what was happening, but as he grew older, he had come to understand.
The Shadow was an invisible force, a field, the embodiment of fear and rage. Anybody that came within its range - they were the Shadow’s toy. It did any manner of things to you. Made you hallucinate, caused extreme fear, drove you insane. The worst thing was that there was no escape from it. It would just keep emanating from its source, continuously growing, and the Shadow field would swallow up even more - cities, towns, lives. Everywhere it went, it burned a trail of fear and death behind it.
Haven was only a temporary hiding place. Eventually, they would have to move somewhere else before the Shadow moved over the whole town and shattered them all.
Alec looked down at his feet, shuffling aimlessly along the dusty road. People were bustling all around him - The bitter cold was a precursor to winter, and then they would have the death of crops to worry about, in addition to the Shadow field. Everybody was busy drying and storing food, stocking up fuel for fires. The streets rang with sounds - the dull thudding of the cardboard boxes, the screeching of packing tape being unrolled, orders called and worn shoes tapping on the pavement. every one's voices were artificially cheerful; All of the town wanted to forget, for once, that the shadow was there and looming.
Somewhere at the center of Haven, a rope was pulled and a bell was rung. Alec stopped walking and looked up at the fireball sky as the clear notes spilled through the town like waves of water. The sun shone its last rays on Haven before it sank below the horizon, casting a golden glow on the faded brick buildings. Sound died down as the refugees, exhausted after the day, retired to cramped apartments and garages to sleep.
It was in times like these that he let himself believe that the Shadow wasn’t there, and it was all a bad dream. But then the sun’s rays disappeared, blue shadows washed over Haven, and the moment was over.
The difficult truth was that the Shadow was still there, and very much dangerous.
Alec turned on his heel and headed home.
He woke up to the sound of fear.
Alec reflexively jerked up out of his faded blankets, preparing to defend himself, only find himself alone inside the garage. But the sounds were there, the piercing screams and guttural cries, and the feeling was there - a cold tendril that slowly burrowed into his gut. The feeling of the Shadow. He threw off his blankets and stood up, his head buzzing. How had the Shadow field spread this far so quickly? It normally only took a block in one week. By the sounds coming outside, it had covered several blocks overnight. And more importantly, how much farther had it reached beyond Alec’s garage?
For a minute, he stood there, trying to contemplate the situation. He was relieved that he had his natural resistance to the Shadow, but then it was replaced by fear -
they must not find out that I am immune.
A sense of urgency pervaded Alec’s mind, and he squatted down near the garage door, peering out of a hole in its material. Outside, the dawn pink sky was rising, and inhuman screams continued to burst the air. But he couldn’t see the sources of the sounds, those turned insane by the Shadow, and it made him nervous. The second he set foot outside, he might be attacked by them, but if he stayed inside the garage, others immune to the Shadow might find him, and discover his resistance.
Without warning, a scream came like a gunshot behind Alec, and hands with iron grip seized his shoulders and sent him tumbling away from the garage door, his head hitting the cement with a dull thud. The world spun. Alec struggled to get up.
He brought his head up, and came face to face with a woman, her mouth stretched open and her eyes wide and wild - the strangled expression of fear. “HEeLP mEe!!” she shrieked. Alec shouted and pushed her away, crawling as far away as he could. The woman, seemingly without cause, uttered a strangled cry and collapsed, writhing like a burning snake. Alec stumbled up to his feet, shoved the garage door open - and ran.
The street that had been so busy yesterday was now deserted, and was replaced by a total, complete silence, broken only by human howls of fear and horror. He ran faster. more shrieks and cries rang out behind him, and his own footsteps weren’t the only thing he could hear pounding on the pavement. Run, run. Nobody must catch you, nobody must see you.
He felt something grasp the back of Alec’s shirt, and his heart seized. “Get away from me!” he yelled hoarsely. He kicked back, trying to wrestle his attacker free - but his foot caught, too, and he slammed into the road full-force, snapping his jaw shut. The impact reverberated through his skull, and he groaned. His elbows and chin were on fire.
Get away. Have to get away. Alec wondered if his immunity had given away, and his mind was slowly being consumed by the Shadow. He flipped over onto his back, tried to sit up. His body didn’t want to respond. Maybe it had been burned through, he thought hazily. The tendons had all been eaten through by the Shadow. He would just die here.
Without warning, he felt something seize him and lift him up by his collar, and his limbs exploded into action again. “Leave me alone!” he screamed. he convulsed his whole body in a vain attempt to escape from his attacker’s grip.
Then a sharp pain lanced through his neck, and Alec felt the life drain out of his limbs again. Neon clouds flashed through his vision, and he felt his consciousness fading.
I wonder if anybody will miss me.
This post has been edited by Blue-eyed Fire: 02 March 2012 - 01:30 PM







