Bittersweet Candy Bowl Forums

Hello folks, it's me again and I'd like to present to you the second fanfic I've been working on for the past few months. It's been fun making this story, I only hope you can all enjoy it for what it's worth, and give some feedback on it. It's only 37 pages long, and it's pretty fast paced. The way I planned this story was by having a number of events, and dialogue that i wanted to use. i placed them correctly, but i had trouble bridging them together (bringing this person to this place, getting this person over to here etc.). overall it's wonky to say the least, but i hope that at the very least you can all get a laugh out of it.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING STORY CONTAINS MILD GORE, MASS DEATH, AND CARTER. READER'S DISCRETION IS ADVISED.


now if you excuse me I'll go hide under a rock while you all tear it to shreds.

Piece of shit.

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You make it too easy for this to happen in the first place, it's almost like you're intentionally putting yourself out there to be ridiculed on purpose. Why is it despite the five whole pages worth of constructive criticism I gave to you earlier this year regarding how awfully worded and structured the first chapter was, it's completely unchanged from the 'draft' I first received? Even this great little error is still there:

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Both quotes in the same paragraph and despite noting it was completely unnecessary to be this specific about the date, I bought greater attention to the fact the 21st of November 2007 was a Wednesday. Your computer has a calendar. I don't see an excuse why you couldn't have gone back to fix this unless you weren't trying in the first place. You don't appear to have paid mind to go back and make any proofreading of your own. If I didn't guess any better you kept writing, said it's finished and made a thread for something you haven't put more time into. What is the point of having "Beta-readers" if you don't take any of their advice? Why am -I- on there when you didn't even take my advice?

Not everyone can be a Maverik, SmashGenesis or a Susan, but christ you had no excuse this time not to try. Where is the sense in making a new thread of the many here you own where you're not even completely sure of your fiction yourself?

This post has been edited by LackLuster: 19 March 2012 - 03:43 PM