Bittersweet Candy Bowl Forums

This is my 'please-help-me!' Topic where I just show sketches and the audience (if there is one) will say what they see is wrong about my drawings!
I just want to get better, so it would be great if you could comments (I sound so desperate).
I'm also worried about my writing, so please say what you want to say about that too!

Sketches:










I mostly need help with proportions and ANATOMY. Also, the first and fourth sketches are from my fanfiction, and it's located here:
A Heart Covered in Soft Brass Chapter 1: Prologue-Joker, an one piece fanfic | FanFiction
If you ever(probably not) want to request a doodle, I'll do it, but it'll be posted on my other topic. Okay, thank you for looking at this and I hope to hear some helpful tips.

I like what you draw and I think you're making a good start at figuring out anatomy.

The one useful thing I feel I can point out is that most of your drawings are of slender people with angular faces. Which is nice and all, but it makes me wonder if you're able to draw short, fat people or boxy, muscular people too. Not everyone looks like a fashion model! It's almost like anime disease but I don't think you draw in an overly generic way.. it's just that pointy chins and slim bodies remind me of it.

As for your writing, I can offer a few observations:

Quote

Quote

Quote

Quote

You have to get rid of this stuff. It makes the prose feel rudimentary. You need to be economical with words and these are wasted space. Can you structure the conversation so that it's obvious who is speaking? Are we a third party or are we mainly viewing the situation through the eyes of one person, so that it is unnecessary to name her? Is it better to say

Quote

or

Quote

Maybe this is not what you want to convey about the characters, but it's shorter and cleaner to my eyes. It relates audio-visual moments rather than straight dialogue. You do this occasionally (he blows on his cigarette, the nice little diversion after that when she checks her cards) but not enough.

You sometimes have interesting scenes that are killed by overly technical writing.

Quote

How about:

Quote

Does this work as a kind of metaphor for his conversational victory? The idea that he might not even deserve victory? Is it a chest-thumping gesture that forms a part of his negotiation? What would it feel like to watch him, and would it matter that you'd feel that way? Try to make everything serve a purpose. Never just write he did this and that and it was adjective.

You violate a lot of these guidelines. I think this is worth a read. Look at what you did wrong according to the article, and defend your choices from it. If you feel like giving in on any point, that the advice would make for a better story, then do your best to wean yourself from these habits.

On the other hand, I think you establish a clear voice for these characters in the story. What they actually say to each other is restrained and careful and seems to convey a great sense of personality for such a short piece.

My god Suit, when you said 'you violate a lot of these guidelines', I nearly had a heart attack.
I was so surprised and relieved when it didn't show the site rules it just directed me to a New York Times Article about writing.
So, I am always open to new opinions and new ways to change my writing for the better (since that is the true way of respecting one's skill) and I do agree your changed samples of the story is much better than the original.
I tend to stay on the crude side of writing, mostly because I lack the sense to see what was structurally wrong with the narrative, and thank you for telling me.
When I re-read the story now, I feel that's it's very awkward and fast-paced, and I don't like that.
Now, according to the article... I didn't really use the Prologue as a backstory, but instead used it as if it was chapter one.
I used 'said', but I often tried to change it to something else, which had obviously failed. I barely use exclamation points, and offered only skimpy details for characters and settings.
Gosh, my writing is worse than I thought. Only two things to do: Cry in a corner for an hour, and do some writing exercises after.
As for my drawings-I'll just flat out say it:
I am not able to draw males, obese people, muscular people, muscles, boxy people and etc. I can't draw kids either.
I don't know, I think it's because the female body has a usual that just seem easier to draw and easier to make sure the proportions are right. The male body-to me- is just a straight line.
Yes, I know I'm making excuses. Yes, I do know that I'm just procrastinating. I'll try drawing these type of people right now.
Thank you for giving that thoughtful reply!

I don't see why you don't have the potential to improve. And I was being genuine in praising the voice of the characters. They sound authentic. Like your tall/slim girls, it's something you're good at that I think you should expand from - you're not starting from nowhere, like so many others do.