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A little somethin somethin Shit that Cloud writes

I occaisonally do me some writing, here's the latest thing I made:

Spoiler


Bear in mind formatting might be a bit crap since this is a forum and not a text editor, but nonetheless, if you read it, drop some comments in.
  • #1

  • Grass
  • Is fucking Panny up in heaven
    Member
Text is text.
TL;DR
  • #2

  • ILB
  • secretly a man :smirk:
    Member
Hmm... I like that story quite a lot. The only things I might want to criticise is the fact that I cannot get a good enough feel of the setting, or what is going on, because it moves at a very fast pace. Perhaps take some more time initially to introduce the scenario, and the main characters? But otherwise, it was fine and dandy. ^_^
  • #3

  • Apoc
  • ALL I POST IS SHIT
    Banned
I think this reaches WTL:NGTR
  • #4

And that means... what? Apoc?

Also, text was spoilered, but apparently they got removed.
--Edit - Lolfixed

And ILB, yeah, I was going for that when I wrote this. Probably won't continue it, but I tend to come up with something every once in a while
  • #5

  • Apoc
  • ALL I POST IS SHIT
    Banned
way too long never going to read
  • #6

  • navi
  • Special Ed
    Banned
I read it and it was ok but I don't like gundam theamed shows anyway.
exept that one that also had hoverboards.
  • #7

Just a point, "tl;dr" is usually regarded as spam on most forums, bit pointless ^^
Navi - It wasn't MEANT to be all gundam/mecha when I started, but hey, it happened
Thanks for the (very short) feedback :)

Anyway, seeing as it's not worth starting a new thread, I'll drop some of my imagery in here too:

Spoiler


Feedback would be appreciated, though I am aware that I'm not exactly hugely skilled with art in general.
  • #8

Pretty good stuff. Like ILB said, try and put in a little more description of characters and terrain, otherwise it just ends up being one long action sequence.
  • #9

  • ILB
  • secretly a man :smirk:
    Member
Hee. I liked that road shot. Feels like a journey; the power lines only emphasise that. ^_^
  • #10

  • Taeshi
  • one hot bitch
    Administrator
Dude, why would you open a topic about a text-written story IF YOURE NOT GOING TO ATTEMPT TO READ IT. You knew what you were getting into when you clicked on the topic.

Grass, Apoc, stop being douches. Don't diss someone's work unless you actually have something to say other than "lol won't read it"
  • #11

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