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Meowth's Writing Thread

I can haz more happyburger? I know its short and not much is going on but I'm glad to see that Lucy isn't being her usual awkward/annoyed self :)
  • #101

Good chapter as usual, though I noticed a couple of things that stood out to me. Basically just me nitpicking.

"Hell, he could have even gotten with Paulo, who Mike had to admit was a good looking guy, but in the end, it wasn't about that."
Never really thought of Mike to consider that he could have gone out with Paulo, I still don't actually. Also even if Mike asked, I doubt Paulo would even consider the notion, so he had about no chance of ever getting with Paulo.

"He couldn't help but flex his muscles, but as usual, he was disappointed in what he saw."
When did Mike get disappointed in his looks and muscles. Last time I checked he was one of the most attractive and athletic guys around according to most people.

But yeah again good story, this is the only criticism I can really offer at the moment.
  • #102

View PostJunior Boomer, on 19 February 2011 - 08:31 PM, said:

Good chapter as usual, though I noticed a couple of things that stood out to me. Basically just me nitpicking.

"Hell, he could have even gotten with Paulo, who Mike had to admit was a good looking guy, but in the end, it wasn't about that."
Never really thought of Mike to consider that he could have gone out with Paulo, I still don't actually. Also even if Mike asked, I doubt Paulo would even consider the notion, so he had about no chance of ever getting with Paulo.

"He couldn't help but flex his muscles, but as usual, he was disappointed in what he saw."
When did Mike get disappointed in his looks and muscles. Last time I checked he was one of the most attractive and athletic guys around according to most people.

But yeah again good story, this is the only criticism I can really offer at the moment.


Well it is his fic I guess he controls what they do and say :3
  • #103

I know it's his fic, but he seems to be trying to make it one that has all the characters acting accordingly to how they would in BCB, so I was just putting in my two cents.

This post has been edited by Junior Boomer: 19 February 2011 - 09:46 PM

  • #104

  • Meowth
  • Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
    Member
Although I've been trying slow down on the long posts, sometimes I can't resist.
@Junior Boomer
The parts you mentioned actually particularly stood out to me as well, and admittedly, they were quite odd, but I left them in for an important reason.
They establish Mike's humanity as well as his sanity.
"Hell, he could have even gotten with Paulo, who Mike had to admit was a good looking guy, but in the end, it wasn't about that."
Although it is directly stated 'he could have even gotten with Paulo', that isn't exactly what it means. This sentence was not meant to make Mike look homosexual, nor was it meant to make it look as though they could have gotten together. It is simply Mike making a point to himself. He didn't choose partners completely based on looks. In his mind, Mike was admitting that Paulo was a good looking guy, yet he had made no particular advances towards him. It's also important to note that just because Mike is thinking this, doesn't mean he would say it, nor would he admit it. This statement also helps tie Mike's mind in with many others. It simply shows that he is subject to random, uncomfortable thoughts we all are.

It's like me admitting Robert Plant is an attractive man to my friends, although I'm straight. While I personally would do it, many people wouldn't be willing to do so out of fear of being judged. But I can guarantee you they are still thinking it.

"He couldn't help but flex his muscles, but as usual, he was disappointed in what he saw."
This statement represents two things. One, it represents common self-esteem issues that all people face. Even in the shadow of disease, Mike is still a person and is still vulnerable like all people. Two, I personally disagree with him being one of the most athletic guys around. Really, all he has been said to do is run. He can run fast, and he can run long. That hardly means he is built, or even toned for that matter.
Oh, and as for him being attractive, we need to consider that Mike has, for the most part, been considered 'attractive' most of his life. So therefore it makes even more sense that he would be paranoid about a lack of visible muscle mass because he has a subconscious desire to stay among those good looking individuals. Not to mention everyone wants to take personal accomplishment out of their positive qualities. Mike being good looking is little a result of his hard work. So really, all Mike can do is say he was lucky to be born like that. This hardly fulfills the human need for accomplishment.

I must thank you though for taking the time to point those out. Next time I will probably put a little more effort into explaining them better in the text without relying on vague implications to convey my message quite as much.

@RedJack
While it is true, I do control what they do and say, I'm doing my best to keep things within reason. I mean hell, I could make them anthropomorphic robots armed with nuclear weapons, but that wouldn't make much of a read (or would it...). It's also important people tell me the parts they don't feel right about so I can fix them and get better. Junior Boomer mentioning that one part doesn't necessarily mean it should be removed, but maybe next time I should word it slightly differently so my reader understands it in it's entirety. Since as I said before, it was a touch vague. Not mention, if it wasn't for people telling what I've done wrong in the past, you wouldn't be reading this story now because I would be at much lower level of writing ability. :O
  • #105

Damn. Mav has the right idea, this is one of, if not the best fanfics on here. I was so moved by Mike's thoughts just after he heard the news. This may well just be me, but I tend to judge a story by how it makes me react/feel, as opposed to grammar or tenses, etc. (mostly because I tend to get sucked into a story far too quickly). And this has simply grabbed me by the throat. Everything seemed to fit perfectly, all of the characters were almost completely true to their canon counterparts, and the raw emotion that you displayed was just phenomenal. Please, please keep this up. I'm eagerly waiting for the next update.

Just wondering, how long have you been writing for?
  • #106

  • SushiJaguar
  • Internet Tough Guy<br>P.S. I roleplay as a medieval furry
    Member
You know, I think I'll call it right now. I reckon Sandy'll find out about the cancer and stick with Mike doggedly.

Ugly pitbull bitch. :P

(I'm joking Taeshi hurr hurr)
  • #107

Yeah Meowth, the first one seems to be a misunderstanding on my part. On the second one however I have to disagree, Mike and Lucy took karate together which probably built some muscles in them. On the note that he has self esteem issues like everyone else, why would he be insecure about his looks if everyone thinks he looks attractive? I mean to be as widely loved as he is, he must be at least a bit well built. Mike's never seemed like one to have self esteem issues about his looks I think at least.
  • #108

  • SushiJaguar
  • Internet Tough Guy<br>P.S. I roleplay as a medieval furry
    Member
I think he's more modest than insecure, Jay.
  • #109

  • Lycan
  • call me lyucs
    Member
I do agree in parts with Mr. Junior, but Mr. Meowth's answer satisfied me on the first statement. It still made Mike look a little homo, though. Maybe adding some after thought would have helped.

But, as for "He couldn't help but flex his muscles, but as usual, he was disappointed in what he saw."
I agree that it caught my attention, but not because of what Mr. Junior said, and specially not because of Mr. Meowth explained. The way it was written, the 'as usual' sounds like Mike makes a habit of admiring himself on the mirror. Though some level of self esteem is expected, the expression "couldn't help but flex his muscles" is too deep for a person that just admitted caring more for people's acts rather than their looks.

Nonetheless, good chapter.
I WANT TO SEE PEOPLE'S REACTIONS ABOUT MIKE'S DISEASE!

And, it's about time Mike called Sandy to tell her. >_<
Maybe something like "I tell Lucy, I sleep with (beside) Lucy, but I haven't told Sandy yet?"

This post has been edited by Lycan: 20 February 2011 - 12:32 AM

  • #110

  • Meowth
  • Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
    Member
@Sushi
Now don't give me any ideas. :O

@Elliot
I believe I've been writing on and off for about five years.

@Junior Boomer

View PostJunior Boomer, on 20 February 2011 - 12:12 AM, said:

On the second one however I have to disagree, Mike and Lucy took karate together which probably built some muscles in them.


I had absolutely no idea that happened. I must have overlooked it in the comic.

I suppose whether or not Mike has any sort of muscle mass entirely depends on what he does in his free time. Personally, I don't see him as a very active person. Also, I don't think it's that far of a stretch to think he could be desirable and be somewhat scrawny. Mike isn't nearly as popular as he used to be (since his reputation was destroyed), but back when he was popular most people were scrawny, even if they worked out or were very active. I guess we can agree to disagree on this one.

As for the self-esteem issues, it's important to take into consideration that what other people think of you is rather irrelevant to whether or not you have those issues. It's what you think of you. Granted, knowing what other people think of you does warp your image of yourself, but when all is said and done, you could have the whole world hate you, and as long as you love yourself, you wouldn't technically have self-esteem issues. I personally feel like Mike oozes insecurity, and as a result, is very self-conscious.

I will admit, Mike doesn't directly have self-esteem issues regarding his looks, but I feel his general insecurity causes a type of uncertainly and causes him develop a sort of pseudo-insecurity regarding them.

@Lycan

Quote

... the expression "couldn't help but flex his muscles" is too deep for a person that just admitted caring more for people's acts rather than their looks.


I think you would be surprised how many people out there 'admit' to caring more for acts, go home, sit down and jack off to a celebrity, eat Cheetos, and whine on the phone about how their situation is so horrible and their emotional pain is so crippling they can't work out. Then they make excuses why personal fitness is pointless, why school is pointless, why life sucks, then they kill themselves. My point is, people are not honest with themselves. I'm doing my best to keep this story as close to reality as possible, not necessarily the comic, so you're going to see actions and thoughts that you may not have expected, particularly because you wouldn't see them in the comic.

What would fuel Mike to say he cares more about acts then looks? Well, why would anyone do that? For starters, this ties into those self-esteem issues. Mike is worried that he will be judged. Don't get me wrong, I think acts are more important then looks too, but looks are relevant. I mean if Sandy was a burn victim, I highly doubt Mike would have ended up with her. Yeah, maybe in that perfect romance novel written by Dr.Phil, but in real life, not unless hell froze over.
Another reason Mike would say that is because he has convinced himself it's true. He isn't being honest with himself. Why wouldn't he be honest with himself? Because the truth hurts and it would only play on his insecurities.

I admit a lot of things I say and reason are results of assumptions, but I assure you those assumptions are not without base. I'm using information I've obtained observing real people. My old best friend is actually a lot like Mike, and if I think hard enough, I can draw lines of similarity from all the characters to people I have known. While this information has all been useful, I learned something fundamental in my [so far] short life. Most humans are more alike then we think. We have been bread to think we are all individuals. Granted that's true, we do share many psychological similarities. Using these similarities I've managed to observe myself, and as a result, observe others. I figured out how I reacted to situations, and compared them to how others reacted in situations. A drew those lines of similarities and used the resulting assumptions to create my scenarios.

I could go on forever with this. If you want to know more about my feelings regarding the psyche of Mike, read what I said on the first page of the Character Discussion:Mike thread. I'm basically repeating myself.
  • #111

  • Lycan
  • call me lyucs
    Member
Yes, yes, I remember very well that post ^_^

Oh, well, I can't agree on that psyche, but I can enjoy your story and shut up :love:
Well, I won't actually shut up. :)
  • #112

Yeah I'm with Lycan on this one, the two things I was talking about were very minor and the story is still great, they just bugged me a bit so I'll just shut up and agree to disagree. Also about the karate, I can see why it's easy to overlook, it's just on this one page

This post has been edited by Junior Boomer: 20 February 2011 - 02:08 AM

  • #113

8-D ... 8-D ...
  • #114

  • Meowth
  • Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
    Member
Chapter 10, The Lone Wolf has been uploaded.

So here it is, with no further ago.

So you know the basics, the next chapter will be on Thursday... Comments and criticisms are more than welcome. I know I have a bad habit of typing to damn much for stupid shit so I'm going to try to not do that as much. Especially when people take the time to give me their thoughts on one of my writings and I feel the need to respond. No need to waste everyone's time.

So yeah, enjoy.
  • #115

Wondering how the others will take Mikes cancer. Aww young retards these days. They'll probally go batshit crazy.
  • #116

Great storyline as always :D Meowth you are my favorite Fic writer of all time :) Now go out there and make me us some more chapters. I can hardly wait 8-D
  • #117

I know that when you finish that fict we will all be like "Don't fucking cry... Don't fucking cry!!!" Good job man.
  • #118

  • Lycan
  • call me lyucs
    Member
Mr. Meowth, I am hesitant to say this, but it needs to be said: Long projects such as this take their toll on the author. I mean that if you make this too long maybe you'll get tired of it. (I know this is the opposite of what I said last time: "take all the time you need", but there's merit in this)
I simply don't want this fanfic to end halfway, so, hang tight!

Now, I'm off to read the chapter.
...
Oh, on the way to school. Very nice as usual!
Lucy is being such a sweetheart, but this is an extreme situation, after all.
School school school!

This post has been edited by Lycan: 23 February 2011 - 01:41 AM

  • #119

  • Meowth
  • Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
    Member

Quote

Aww young retards these days.

I think we have a little retard in us... :)


@RedJack

Oh, you're too kind! :-*


@Volgrand

Thank you, sir. And we will just have to wait and see. ;)

@Lycan

Oh yeah, I got sick of this like five chapters ago, but once I sit down and force myself to write slowly and painfully, things start to flow so much easier. Lately, I've been switching up my writing music as well. You'll probably notice a difference in my writing style because of it. I went from smooth music such as jazz, Hope Sandoval, and Air, to more trippy stuff like Pink Floyd and Tool. But, all in all, that's neither here nor there.

Oh, and trust me. The actions regarding Lucy will be explained much later on. There is actually quite a bit of hidden meaning behind her entrance and relevance to the story.
  • #120

All this science is turning me on. Science, not omorashi... :3

I'll give my mediocre, biased critique when I finish reading through all of your posted works.
  • #121

  • SushiJaguar
  • Internet Tough Guy<br>P.S. I roleplay as a medieval furry
    Member
Meowth, what do you mean by "slowly and painfully"? Seems to me like that'll just catapult you into a writer's block.
  • #122

  • Meowth
  • Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
    Member
@Sushi

I could probably go on forever in a response, but I'll keep it short. I've wasted a lot of life being lazy, but as of late, I've been trying to change. If that means sitting my ass down to right this bitch, then that means you guys are getting three chapters a week.

@Purin

Oh, now I have something to look forward to when I get home tomorrow. :love:
  • #123

Damnit, I better read them all by tonight then lol.
  • #124

Reading this has made me glad I was to young to remember when I had cancer. I'm not sure how I would have reacted, but, luckily, all that I have as a memories is the scars on my body from the surgeries and the pictures of me being an oblivious little kid with no understanding of why all this was happening. :unsure:

Anyway besides the rambling I'm really enjoying reading this Meowth, I'm looking forward to reading your future stuff.


Quote

I could probably go on forever in a response, but I'll keep it short. I've wasted a lot of life being lazy, but as of late, I've been trying to change. If that means sitting my ass down to right this bitch, then that means you guys are getting three chapters a week.


I know exactly what you mean, I've been the same way. I have to work on changing to cause college doesn't let you get away with being lazy as easily as high school did.
  • #125

  • SushiJaguar
  • Internet Tough Guy<br>P.S. I roleplay as a medieval furry
    Member
write*
  • #126

  • Taeshi
  • one hot bitch
    Administrator
You know, Lily can always take care of the pets herself.. and I mean lucy's mother would be aware of their existence, not to mention they can harass Jordan......

YOU KNOW. I'm sure it hasn't hit Mike, but Lucy would be more than willing to run to his aid and assign Lily and her mother to take care of the lot.

JUST SAYIN' :-*
  • #127

So first off, I must say I have never had the privilege of reading Antigone, or for that matter, any of Sophocles' tragedies. I took one semester of Shakespeare in high school, however, was not fortunate enough to be in a class geared more towards the tragic screenplays. I read through a few play summaries and character analyses to acquire some baseline background on your first posted fanfic, and I must say I am impressed not only by the fact that you referenced a historic piece of literature that would indelibly seem fitting as the type rigorous curriculum that one would expect Mike to be engaged in ("Honors English"), but that you managed to juxtapose two otherwise completely irrelevant characters and ultimately have Mike find the answer to his homework assignment through his own personal experience.

Secondly, I realize many fans are hesitant to push past the progression of the canonical story by sort of side-stepping a situation that has not been pursued or or resolved yet, and essentially just focusing in on an on-going circumstance and emphasizing it without actually moving past the boundaries that might suggest a false foreshadowing that might contradict what is perceived on canon. Ace, for example, has an excellent story called "Sweet Spot," that hones in on Mike and Jasmine's relationship troubles, but does not actually progress past what is already known canonically, barring some intuitive assumptions of the characters' ways of coping/consoling one another.

Getting to the point, you have boldly stepped past that threshold and created a very plausible progression of what the actual story could culminate into - and that is what I like about fanfic writers. Sure some controversy is bound to arise when you go that route, but that is obvious since everybody has their own interpretations of the BCB characters, especially the main protagonists that are Mike and Lucy. That being said, I admit that I have never considered Lucy's reaction to Mike's affection to play out that way, even though it doesn't necessarily mean that it is unfathomable. In fact, it marks a progression in Lucy's character to suddenly feel as if she doesn't need Mike as desperately as she blindly has been her entire childhood. It made me think, "You always want what you can't have, but when you get it you realize you never needed it."

There are other aspects I like as well, but I find myself rambling on like a giddy school girl sucking up to her teacher and presenting a shiny Macintosh apple....

Okay, so lastly. I don't know why, but I really like this line.
"Lucy looked at Mike's revealed face to see an expression that showed fear, anger, and confusion all at once."
It is a simple description of Mike's expression, yet so complicated. I picture all three emotions separately in my head, but trying to place them all together just made me think how overwhelming Mike's state-of-mind truly is. Maybe I am just easily impressed, maybe not.


So being of dismal quality at critiquing, I honestly can't suggest any improvements. I'm pretty far-removed from this level of writing, so I apologize for that. I guess I could take the gay way out and summon the grammar nazi upon you...*shrugs*

Looking forward to more from you!

P.S. The "Daisy's Dilemma" almost made me pee my pants :smirk:

This post has been edited by Purin: 23 February 2011 - 07:06 AM

  • #128

View PostPurin, on 23 February 2011 - 06:53 AM, said:

So first off, I must say I have never had the privilege of reading Antigone, or for that matter, any of Sophocles' tragedies. I took one semester of Shakespeare in high school, however, was not fortunate enough to be in a class geared more towards the tragic screenplays. I read through a few play summaries and character analyses to acquire some baseline background on your first posted fanfic, and I must say I am impressed not only by the fact that you referenced a historic piece of literature that would indelibly seem fitting as the type rigorous curriculum that one would expect Mike to be engaged in ("Honors English"), but that you managed to juxtapose two otherwise completely irrelevant characters and ultimately have Mike find the answer to his homework assignment through his own personal experience.

Secondly, I realize many fans are hesitant to push past the progression of the canonical story by sort of side-stepping a situation that has not been pursued or or resolved yet, and essentially just focusing in on an on-going circumstance and emphasizing it without actually moving past the boundaries that might suggest a false foreshadowing that might contradict what is perceived on canon. Ace, for example, has an excellent story called "Sweet Spot," that hones in on Mike and Jasmine's relationship troubles, but does not actually progress past what is already known canonically, barring some intuitive assumptions of the characters' ways of coping/consoling one another.

Getting to the point, you have boldly stepped past that threshold and created a very plausible progression of what the actual story could culminate into - and that is what I like about fanfic writers. Sure some controversy is bound to arise when you go that route, but that is obvious since everybody has their own interpretations of the BCB characters, especially the main protagonists that are Mike and Lucy. That being said, I admit that I have never considered Lucy's reaction to Mike's affection to play out that way, even though it doesn't necessarily mean that it is unfathomable. In fact, it marks a progression in Lucy's character to suddenly feel as if she doesn't need Mike as desperately as she blindly has been her entire childhood. It made me think, "You always want what you can't have, but when you get it you realize you never needed it."

There are other aspects I like as well, but I find myself rambling on like a giddy school girl sucking up to her teacher and presenting a shiny Macintosh apple....

Okay, so lastly. I don't know why, but I really like this line.
"Lucy looked at Mike's revealed face to see an expression that showed fear, anger, and confusion all at once."
It is a simple description of Mike's expression, yet so complicated. I picture all three emotions separately in my head, but trying to place them all together just made me think how overwhelming Mike's state-of-mind truly is. Maybe I am just easily impressed, maybe not.


So being of dismal quality at critiquing, I honestly can't suggest any improvements. I'm pretty far-removed from this level of writing, so I apologize for that. I guess I could take the gay way out and summon the grammar nazi upon you...*shrugs*

Looking forward to more from you!

P.S. The "Daisy's Dilemma" almost made me pee my pants :smirk:



Too long did not read (jk) Well pointed out Purin cause I never thought about those 3 emotions all at once. Now that I am I think I'm getting a migraine from thinking about it x.X . But yeah like purin said I hardly see any flaws if there are any in this Fanfic and I very much love this story. Not so much that it talks about Mike's cancer but just the fact that Lucy and Mike are finally getting along a bit better without those pointless arguments.
  • #129

  • Meowth
  • Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
    Member
@bearkidney

I'm glad to hear that everything worked out in the end. I was honestly a little worried about using cancer in a story since I don't know much about it and I didn't know if I was really entitled too, but I didn't want to limit myself either.

Oh, and thank you, look forward to writing more for you.

@Sushi

You see what happens when I don't edit? It's not pretty.

@Taeshi

Hmm, as you said, "I'm sure it hasn't hit Mike..." Of course it's also a rather complicated matter given Blur being over their, and Mike knowing how Yashi and Chirpy would react to Lucy being gone too often. But I'm glad you brought this up because I had completely forgotten about Lily. D:
Ah, plot devices... truly wonderful.

@Purin

My bad, I didn't mean to put you in a time constraint. :D

Honestly, I had to read Antigone last year and I didn't. I missed a lot of the days we talked about it and I completely blew it off. One of the reasons I need to make a full English credit this year (half way done :smirk: ). Granted, I did catch enough to get the jist of the story, which influenced me to look up character analysis for each person. I knew it was an Allegory, and once I figured out what each character represented, everything seemed to fall into place. By the way, this actually was Honors English, I think it worked out pretty well.

Oh, I remember Sweet Spot. That was a great story and it was actually very original as well.

I know exactly what you mean. The main reasons a lot people don't agree entirely with the choices I make are because of the way I see the characters (Mike is gay) and the way I view their reactions to things (Mike reacts positively to dick). Honestly, most (not all) of the issues people mention to me, I already know about from the start. I could already tell people weren't going to agree with certain decisions the characters made. I.E. the end of No Purrfect Moment. That was definitely a highly debatable ending, for both Mike and Lucy. But I won't get into that, since my reasons for their reactions are longer then the actual story itself. :unsure:

Well, I'm starting to ramble myself... I'm glad you enjoyed the story and I greatly appreciate you taking the time to write all of this.
It's also nice to know you caught some of that hidden meaning I spread throughout. :O

P.S. I had to read your message like ten times, until finally I got it. :D

@RedJack

I'm glad you're enjoying it. I know at the moment my reactions between Lucy and Mike are a little weird, but they will be explained later.
  • #130

  • Lycan
  • call me lyucs
    Member

Quote

Oh yeah, I got sick of this like five chapters ago, but once I sit down and force myself to write slowly and painfully, things start to flow so much easier. Lately, I've been switching up my writing music as well. You'll probably notice a difference in my writing style because of it. I went from smooth music such as jazz, Hope Sandoval, and Air, to more trippy stuff like Pink Floyd and Tool. But, all in all, that's neither here nor there.

From the looks and pacing, you could take another 20 chapters and not end the story.
I hope the constant shower of compliments give you strength to go on! :)
  • #131

  • SushiJaguar
  • Internet Tough Guy<br>P.S. I roleplay as a medieval furry
    Member
Yeah, that would be pretty awesome. You'd wrap it up in a satisfactory way anyway, Meowth. You're not quiiite that lazy. :P
  • #132

I'm enjoying this as always Meowth. I particularly like the way that it isn't just falling into this trap of becoming predictably a MikexLucy story, with Mike's thoughts of having "Dodged a bullet" by choosing Sandy. That he hasn't just abandoned the fact that he loves her just because Lucy is more convenient in his time of need. It's not the path most people would chose, but it's certainly an entertaining one.

Also, I actually really liked the way you described Mike's sickness setting in as he thought of having to tell everyone about the cancer. Though, Lucy's reaction seemed somewhat less intense than I would have expected of somebody standing next to their very sick friend who started to shake, have trouble walking and just in general look like they're about to fall apart like a cheaply glued together broken ming vase. So it ended up quelling the moment a little by making me wonder just how much of that was just Mike internalizing, and how much was actually happening to him. A minor complaint, but it bugged me none the less.

Also, I'm not entirely sure the relevance of the title of this chapter... If it's meant to be referencing Mike feeling alone, it wasn't really effectively exhibited in the text, as Lucy's constant presence made him seem far less isolated than he had been previously.

Anyway. That's my 2 cents. I'm finally getting that critical eye of mine to stop being gob smacked at the enjoyable story so hopefully I'll be back in the swing of actually trying to be somewhat useful.
  • #133

  • Meowth
  • Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
    Member
Chapter 11, School had just been added.

Tensions are mounting...

The next chapter will be uploaded on Saturday.

@Lycan
With any luck I can keep this up.

@Sushi
I'll do my best.

@Maverick

My mistake, I must have made a touch of an error when I was describing Lucy's feelings. She was feeling a bit confused (as I mentioned), but as well as fearful. You have to take into consideration that although she is there for Mike's sake, she is also there for somewhat selfish reasons. The fact that all people do everything (including helping others) for their own reasons is an element I include in a lot of things I write. I think it adds a bit of darkness and reality to even the brightest of moments. :D

As for the title, it was referring moreover to his psychological loneliness rather than his physical. Basically, his refusal to share his thoughts with Lucy, although she was genuinely concerned. There is also a touch of irony regarding the human psyche involved. He is deathly afraid (no pun intended) of being alone, yet he is still unable to open to himself to Lucy and he clings on to the same sense of self pride all people have.

A critical eye is very much appreciated.

Also, thank you for the kind words.
  • #134

  • Lycan
  • call me lyucs
    Member
Uhuhuhuuuu!
Interesting! I like the rising tension and Paulo's reaction! Though I expect more interaction with other of the table as well. ^_^

I hope Lucy does something now. Hum... Would she care, even if it is the boy's bathroom, to go in there and comfort Mike?
Oooh, Mike will have some explaining to do now.

I want Mike apologizing now XD

Also, are you using the Kübler-Ross model? I know it's not fixed and stagnant, but I feel Mike swaying too much between anger and depression. Where's denial? ^_^

Anyways, I guess Saturday holds a nice chapter for us!
Keep at it, Mr. Meowth! :love:
  • #135

Poor Mike :(

When Mike say "I am cancer" I asked to myself "Who am i?"... I don't have cancer or another thing but i thinked about that :unsure:

Well... Wainting for next chapter :D
  • #136

Well, Mike is pissed. Not the first time but this is not the funny kind. Poor kid, he had so much to live for. But at least mabye Paulo will understand he has his reasons.
  • #137

  • SushiJaguar
  • Internet Tough Guy<br>P.S. I roleplay as a medieval furry
    Member
That was pretty good. Been waiting for Mike to explode like that since the cancer was revealed. Played it out pretty nicely, I noticed how Mike's opinions of his friend's mannerisms have changed, too.
  • #138

  • Meowth
  • Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
    Member
@Lycan

The reason for the rapid shifting in depression and anger has to do with exhaustion. I had mentioned Mike hadn't been sleeping much, so naturally, he is very tired. That stacked on top of the devastating news is resulting in him having extreme mood swings. Although it's truly a terrible analogy, he is like a woman on her period. He is easily angered, easily depressed, and very sensitive to everything around him. Not to mention anger can lead to depression, and depression can lead to anger... You know, all that fun stuff.

Quote

Also, are you using the Kübler-Ross model? I know it's not fixed and stagnant, but I feel Mike swaying too much between anger and depression. Where's denial? ^_^


Directly, no, but I have definitely referenced several descriptions on the 5-7 stages of grief. So you could say I am in a way.

As for denial, I've been wondering how I'm going to work it in, and honestly, I've somewhat forgotten about it. I am glad you brought it up because it may be just the direction I'll need to go in the near future. Then again, I'm not even positive where I will go so we'll just have to wait and see. Oh, and keep in mind, only a few days have actually passed since his diagnosis.

Oh, and thank you for the compliments. :smirk:

@andresm
Yeah, the cancer comment has a lot to do with the way he has been feeling about himself throughout the story. It's a lot like how he continues referring to himself as a plague.

@Fenix341
Well, Paulo is a rather observant young fellow if I do say so myself. 8-)
Not to mention he has a particular eye for when his friends are in trouble.

@Sushi
Personally, I look at Mike as very innocent. Actually, I look at the whole cast like that. Lucy and Abbey probably being the closest to exceptions. So you know, a large response to him being in so much pain (ironically caused by him not being used to this type of pain), is causing him to react and feel differently to and about many things.
  • #139

This latest chapter definitely feels like a return to form. I love the way you portrayed Mike's thoughts and internal struggles as his rage started to fill him over things he would normally ignore. It's a very visceral chapter, and I think it's possibly the best one so far. About the only thing I questioned, was I thought it was weird that the girl in front of Mike in the cafeteria line would be proud about the fact that she "calls her ex when she's desperate". Maybe it's just me, but I've never known even the sluttiest of girls to be proud of being desperate ^^;
  • #140

  • Meowth
  • Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
    Member

View PostMaverik, on 25 February 2011 - 02:25 AM, said:

About the only thing I questioned, was I thought it was weird that the girl in front of Mike in the cafeteria line would be proud about the fact that she "calls her ex when she's desperate". Maybe it's just me, but I've never known even the sluttiest of girls to be proud of being desperate ^^;


I didn't mean she was actually proud, I was just portraying that with Mike's mood. But yeah, that was somewhat a true story. I know two girls in my math class who I some how always end up sitting close too. If I even began to discuss the stupid shit that they did you would gouge your eyes out.


EDIT: Oh, and your kind words are always appreciated. :smirk:

This post has been edited by Meowth: 25 February 2011 - 02:32 AM

  • #141

"I am Cancer" I think we have found the best quote of the century. All in favor say I :smirk:
  • #142

  • Meowth
  • Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
    Member
Chapter 12, Friends is now released.

This really isn't my favorite chapter, but maybe you guys will feel differently.

Chapter 13 will be published on Tuesday. Comments and Criticisms are welcome.



@RedJack

I'm glad you liked it.

This post has been edited by Meowth: 26 February 2011 - 08:20 PM

  • #143

Poor Mike (again :unsure: )

Abbey is a nice friend... Well Mike will talk to more people wanting or not... And i am sure will hurt so much when he gonna talk about that :(

Keep doing this wonderful work :D

Waiting for more XD
  • #144

  • Lycan
  • call me lyucs
    Member
Mike won't run from the others for a long time after he snapped at Paulo.
Interesting chapter. It makes sense for Abbey to have gone after Mike.

Though I really want to know how Paulo and David are dealing with Mike's outburst ^_^

Oh, just to be picky, here

Quote

Mike couldn't really blame Abbey if he didn't care about him since he was beginning to question whether or not he had been that great of a friend.
You can understand with the context, but having too many "he"s while talking about two people is not good. That quote is just one example, when I read it fast I had to shake my head and read paying attention to each word.
That could mean I'm stupid, too ^_^

Maybe Mike is going to be called by the principal after the lunch incident? :x
  • #145

  • Meowth
  • Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
    Member

View PostLycan, on 26 February 2011 - 08:06 PM, said:

Oh, just to be picky, here

Quote

Mike couldn't really blame Abbey if he didn't care about him since he was beginning to question whether or not he had been that great of a friend.
You can understand with the context, but having too many "he"s while talking about two people is not good. That quote is just one example, when I read it fast I had to shake my head and read paying attention to each word.


I rewrote that sentence like ten times and it still came out looking like that. It's the sentence after that helps sum it up, but I was at loss for what to do there. :unsure:

Quote

Keep doing this wonderful work :D

Waiting for more XD


Can do, and more is on the way!

Quote

Maybe Mike is going to be called by the principal after the lunch incident? :x


Depends entirely on who witnessed the little outburst. :O
  • #146

  • SushiJaguar
  • Internet Tough Guy<br>P.S. I roleplay as a medieval furry
    Member
You know, I more expected Sue to go after him, even if he was in the guy's bathroom. Just seems more likely to me, even though Abbey does like sticking his nose in everywhere, for better or worse. :P

Another good chapter, I really can't see why you don't like it, I think it's one of the better ones so far. As always, you make it seem realistic, rather than stupidly OOT dramatic.
  • #147

  • Lycan
  • call me lyucs
    Member
Sue? To go after him? Don't you mean Lucy :question:
Though that would be awesome. Post in my MixeSue thread. We'll build an army of shippers 8-D

I had an impression he shouted so loud and exploded with such hate that everyone would know about it in a little time. You know, gossipers. Specially considering it was Mike, the quiet humble 'star student', who exploded.
But, oh well, I guess gossips are not shared with the teachers. :)
  • #148

I predict that there will be in incident regarding mike with one of the following people:

Paulo
Daisy

Can't really think of anybody else but...

Good job once again. I liked how you built a bit of suspense on when Mike would tell Abbey or if Mike would tell him at all. It really made me stick to reading what was going on instead of watching spelling/grammar mistakes. One thing I noticed though:

"Mike could feel so many emotions well up in him so quickly he didn't know how to process them." Did you actually mean well up or swell up. Can't seem to figure which one would fit it more.
  • #149

  • SushiJaguar
  • Internet Tough Guy<br>P.S. I roleplay as a medieval furry
    Member
Well up is the more correct term.
  • #150

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