Meowth's Writing Thread
- 06 March 2011 - 03:42 AM
The fact that you jumped around, without some sort of helper of when or where it takes place within the story's context does make it slightly confusing at points.
It was really noticeable with the last chapter, when I was trying to place when/where the story was, then when it happened in relation to the story. To be honest, you lost me at the first couple of lines of dialogue due to the fact that i had to re-read the other chapters to make sure i had not skipped anything. At that point, the flow of the story feels disconnected to the rest of the tale. A little scene set-up would have been appreciated, because explaining it out of the story doesn't make it a part of the story (Hope that makes some kind of sense).
Apart from that little bit of story space/time placement, (you already mentioned about making it fit in earlier) it is nice piece of writing, with great character development. I'll wait and see what you have in store for the others characters as well.
- 07 March 2011 - 02:07 AM
- 07 March 2011 - 03:48 AM
I'm flattered to see you enjoyed it so much.
I'll definitely be touching on that as I go further along. A common element I use in writing (since it's a belief I have in reality) is that everything anybody does is for purely selfish reasons. While obviously things aren't that simple, you'll know what I mean as I get further along. Also, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I'll admit, the execution may need a touch of work, but I actually did it for the sheer purpose of breaking the flow. I want to keep things interesting, and not to mention a large part of this story is how Mike's actions affect the people around him. I also want to keep people thinking, obviously not intensely though. Just enough so they skim a little less, and read a little more. This is especially important for people who sit there, and read the whole thing in one sitting.
The beginning of Chapter 14 is an excerpt from the previous chapter, and this helps set the scene, as well as the time.
Thanks for the compliment, as well as for your opinion. I hope you enjoy the rest.
Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it as well.
And basically what you're seeing in the characters that could be classified as "different" would be a combination of thoughts that I assume they have based on the way they conduct themselves in the comic (through facial expressions and implied tone), they way I assume they would react to being put in such dire situations, and a touch of the way people act and think in realty. I just hope things don't get to crazy and I lead things in a bad direction.
Also, if I can remember to do so, I may take a little from your writings and maybe put a little more detail in to surroundings, although it's a complicated matter for me because my lack of detail given the setting is done on purpose. Hmm, this calls for silent reflection and pacing.
- 07 March 2011 - 11:03 PM
And certainly nice to see multiple points of view in the later chapters.
(though I noticed the typical reaction of being broken down is almost vomiting. I'm not complaining though, it's the cancer)
Anywho, I'd try to keep things going at a moderate pace.
I don't think everyone will get to know about Mike's condition in the first few days.
And I like the lack of setting details, it allows for creative imaging for the reader.
- 08 March 2011 - 02:21 AM
It's a little uneventful and a touch weird, but it serves it's purpose.
I'm glad you're enjoying it. It's worth mentioning that one of the reasons the breaking down thing is so typical is because it actually does happen. It's just seldom shown in any type of media.
And I will be attempting to keep things moderate, but things will pick up eventually. Mainly just to make sure you don't sit through a bunch of days where nothing happens.
As for the details, that the main reason I do it, I just have to careful because if I fail to describe enough, it can seriously hurt the story.
- 08 March 2011 - 10:35 PM
- 08 March 2011 - 10:41 PM
- 08 March 2011 - 10:53 PM
Paulo comes from a broken family, is not well-off, and always feels inferior to perfect, perfect Mike.
I'm not saying he was portrayed badly, because MIke is totally in-character, but yeah, Mike is such a whiny bitch. Canon or not.
I like David's apology!
- 08 March 2011 - 11:02 PM
Glad you enjoyed it.
Yes sir, they are. I don't see any reasons why that should be disrupted anytime soon either, since I have several chapters written in advance.
I can see what you're saying, he is definitely pretty whiny, but don't forget a couple of things. For one, he is quite irrational and really isn't able to understand how good his life is/was. It's like when you're angry and end up arguing with someone about something they were justified to say or do. When we feel emotional about something, we're naturally inclined to defend it. That's similar to what is happening to Mike. One other thing is the very fact he has all of those positive things in his life, yet he is still having such a hard time. He really isn't depressed about what he doesn't have, but rather the fact he isn't happy, and doesn't know anything that could make him happy. He is basically hopeless.
- 09 March 2011 - 12:52 AM
- 09 March 2011 - 04:33 AM
I've read the fic up to now... And it is awesome. ;__;
The characters are all in-character, the story is tragic, the emotions are well played, the writing is excellent and all that jazz. You can really feel for each and everyone in it, and it just sucks you in.
Awesome. 'Nuff said.
As for Mike being whiny, well yeah. But, as they say, "The higher you are, the further you fall." Imagine having a perfect life laid in front of you, just within your grasp, only to have it ripped away.
Keep on writing. I'm quivering with excitement at the thought of the next chapter 8D
- 09 March 2011 - 04:34 PM
After 4 wonderful BCB pages, a whole bonus comic to read, I get to read 4 chapters of Mr. Meowth's story in a row! Yay for me!
(I'll post about them later on ^_^)
Guh... I don't like the way this is going, with Paulo there thinking of apologies and Mike building up rage...
Paulo did go a little too far calling Sandy what he did, though, it's not like he knows her in any way. He just said that to annoy Mike >_<
This post has been edited by Lycan: 09 March 2011 - 08:58 PM
- 09 March 2011 - 07:10 PM
- 09 March 2011 - 09:08 PM
I'm sorry it's so short, but I promise the next will be much longer.
Yeah, I see where you're coming from. It's definitely not the most mature set of reactions in the world.
Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it so much. And you're compliments are much appreciated.
Indeed. People have a tendency of saying things they don't exactly mean when they're emotional, and this applies even more so when tensions are mounting.
Well, I hope you end of viewing it more as an enjoyment, as opposed to work.
- 10 March 2011 - 11:04 PM
(Specially that he himself thought earlier to apologize to Paulo >_<)
- 10 March 2011 - 11:18 PM
- 10 March 2011 - 11:27 PM
Mike? You are being such a douchebag right now! Seriously, you're not even going through THAT much pain right now. Yeah, you've got liver cancer, I understand how that would REALLY, suck. But on the the other hand, despite being in the advanced stages of the illness, you're asyomptomatic, both friends who know what's going on are both rushing to your aid, and you just spent an unspecified amount of time in the embrace of someone who loves you, and who you admitted to yourself that you love! Sheesh, man!
- 10 March 2011 - 11:29 PM
- 11 March 2011 - 12:16 AM
So you're saying that Mike won't think Paulo understands him until he learns about the cancer?
- 11 March 2011 - 06:33 AM
That would be so so funny
- 11 March 2011 - 06:42 AM
Mike is such a jerk in this chapter. >.<
A justified jerk, but a jerk nonetheless. >.>
This post has been edited by MadMadDan: 11 March 2011 - 09:04 AM
- 11 March 2011 - 09:02 AM
Paulo shouted in Mike's face later (I disagree with most (or everything) he said)
Mike doesn't accept Paulo's apologies -> Mike's completely wrong this time >_< It's probably hard for Paulo to suck up his thoughts and apologize, why would Mike waste that! >_<
- 12 March 2011 - 01:56 AM
Then again, Paulo did cause Mike to go to tears and made Lucy go into the boy's restroom. :3
But as with most stories, things will work out.
As I always say, give a little alone time.
- 12 March 2011 - 03:09 PM
This chapter isn't terribly long, nor is it terribly short. It's also, in my opinion, a little better then the last one. A little warning though, it's a weird chapter. Some people may not understand a lot of what Mike's going through unless they have felt similar feelings(as JB was saying).
Also, take particular note as to the way Lucy acts, and when her mood changes. This will give you a better of idea of why Lucy has been acting nice, or at least when she does it. There is a surface meaning I'm sure a lot will find fairly easily, but another deeper meaning which involves drawing lines of similarity to the other chapters, as well as to the comic. Feel free to discuss it if you wish.
At the risk of spoiling some of the story, I won't be replying to everyone today, but I will say all of your compliments are criticisms are more than welcome, and it's nice to see so many people so interested in this story.
As of late, I have been having trouble writing. I believe it may be because of exhaustion playing on some others issues, but I'm not entirely sure. Now that it's the weekend, and I have plenty of time to sleep, so I should be able to figure out.
- 12 March 2011 - 04:22 PM
Anyway, great chapter Meowth. That said, your dialogue could use some work. Instead of: "I'm talking about life, Lucy. I'm talking about me, you, Paulo… I'm talking about life," try "I'm talking about me, you, Paulo… I'm talking about life." It's the same, general message, but you when writing, the goal is to say what you want to say, in as few words as in which it can be said. And maybe instead of "You can't even understand, let alone care. You haven't the slightest idea, wait, no, scratch that. No one has any idea what's going through my head right now," try "You can't even understand, let alone care! You haven't the slightest idea - wait, no, scratch that - no one has any idea what's going through my head right now." There are several reasons for this. First, without the added emphasis on "care," it sounds redundant, given the previous sentence. I suggest using hyphens instead of commas simply because it flows better, and I personally believe we get more of his rage if it's all one sentence. If it's several sentences, you can sort of see breaks in his thoughts, but if it's all one, large sentences, the anger will come through better, because it's all coming out at once. And um, that's all I can really think of right now. Looking forward to chapter nineteen.
- 12 March 2011 - 07:20 PM
- 12 March 2011 - 09:16 PM
- 12 March 2011 - 11:06 PM
- 12 March 2011 - 11:13 PM
- 13 March 2011 - 12:36 AM
- 13 March 2011 - 01:52 AM
It felt fast, honestly I don't know how to properly describe that, personal preference. I cannot predict where this is going! Which I love!
- 13 March 2011 - 03:33 AM
Indeed, that shift in anger was meant to be fast.
Yeah, Blur is becoming a hassle.
Generally, it's true, you want to say as much as possible with as few words as possible, assuming it does not disrupt the feeling you're trying to convey. You have to bear in mind that this does not apply to dialogue. I don't write dialogue from the perspective of the reader, but rather of from the perspective of the person saying it. I can tell you that some of the things people have said throughout the story have not only sounded very odd, but have actually made little to no sense. A good example of that would be the very the sentence you offered a correction too. While yes, you could probably figure out what Mike means if you think about it, in reality, it's very vague. This was intended.
I agree on the hyphens, they do look better. Sadly, I know very little about hyphens so I'm going to have to take some time to look up how they work exactly.
As for emphasizing 'care'... There was a reason I didn't put an exclamation point at the end of the original 'care'. This was to show that Mike wasn't screaming it. If anything, he said it more sarcastic and uppity then angry. More like he was telling her off, rather then going ballistic.
- 13 March 2011 - 06:25 PM
Plot Development: Confirmed
Great Writing Style: Confirmed
Urge to stay on forums for moar: Confirmed
- 15 March 2011 - 11:07 PM
I was actually half-expecting Blur to say he knew, like maybe he gathered that Mike was sick enough because of Lucy, or that Blur was chatting to Mike's mother and got the news, and was really calm about it. BUT I GUESS NOW. Me and my second-guessing.
- 16 March 2011 - 02:01 AM
I would like to thank Smash_Genesis for editing.
Well, I personally like this chapter. It's a little weird, but that's a good thing, no?
Maybe I'll work in an explanation for that. I guarantee you, I have one prepared.
I should really start planning that out. I've been avoiding it for the longest time.
- 18 March 2011 - 12:30 AM
This was yet another good chapter. The release of being able to communicate with somebody about an uncomfortable subject such as death. Those moments are really hard to describe yet you made it seem very clear to us on what both Mike and Blur were feeling. I think thats why I like your FF so much. Your descriptions always seem to make sense to me.
This post has been edited by RedJack: 18 March 2011 - 06:33 AM
- 18 March 2011 - 12:54 AM
The only thing i can picture Blurs face being this whole chapter is this:
Your doing a real good job on this!
- 18 March 2011 - 12:58 AM
FUCK YEAH, MORE REQUEST PORN.
Sorry it took so long, JB, but here it is.
I'll make sure I read it then.
I'm glad you're enjoying it. I've honestly never really viewed that emoticon as a sad expression, but now that I see it in this context...
EDIT: Oh, and by the way, I'm going to do my best to keep up with FF, but it's been a really long two weeks and I've gotten quite a bit behind.
This post has been edited by Meowth: 18 March 2011 - 01:05 AM
- 18 March 2011 - 01:04 AM