Oh Blur~ There's something adorable about the thought of Mike grabbing him and holding him close. He's a little thing ;___; I wish I could use him more, even though he was a huge jerk in the past I've noticed that whenever I think of him he seems more.. timid compared to the other pets. Yashy's a bitch, Chirpy is naive and overexcited, and Blur just kind of goes "aaaaa" the whole way. Though in older chapters I didn't really know what i was doing with him, he was just another jerk ffff
Also I find it funny you got help from Smash Genesis yet there's a spelling error right in the first sentence. "asleep" not "sleep"!!!
One thing I did notice is also a lot of unnecessary ...s. It's a writing thing I'm pretty well-aware of, but a lot of the dialogue felt a little unnatural because of the many use of the dots.
"I was just… curious. Thanks for answering, I'm glad… I'm glad you feel that way" / "Mike… are you going to… to die?" - those are some examples. I dunno, it's hard to imagine someone really saying that, even if they're worried or at a loss of words. One good way to check if your dialogue has a good flow is to read it aloud. Another thing that could help with you adding pauses could be "uh"s or "ah"s.. usually when a person DOES pause and try to figure out what they're trying to say, they make an "er" or something. Just a suggestion!
also that adult fanfiction is hilarious. oh lord
I thought by "dominating daisy" you meant Daisy was getting dominated. LORD that surprised me hahahaha
Meowth's Writing Thread
- Meowth
- Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
Member 
So, as I mentioned in a previous post I'm hugely behind. In other words, I have one upload ready, but I plan on writing more. I should have about a week or two in order to get ahead before further issues arise, so keep your fingers crossed. 
@andresm
Only time will tell.
@Taeshi
I think in a lot of ways Blur is similar to Lucy. He is an asshole, but not where it counts...
And I think you shifting your feelings to him being timid could possibly have something to do with the way he looks. He just looks so cute. 
But let me stop myself, I'm showing my gayness.
In Smash's defense, he is pretty good at editing. He seems to notice a lot of seemingly obscure things. That was simply an exception, I assure you. And thank you for pointing that out to me.
As for the ellipses, Smash said the same thing. I guess I'll have to start looking out for that. Maybe removing some of pausing from the conversations, and taking some of your advice.
I've always been a fan of fish, especially Red Herring.
@Smash
I can't believe we both missed it.
@Lycan
WE'LL SEE
BILLIONS OF EMOTICONS.
@andresm
Only time will tell.
@Taeshi
I think in a lot of ways Blur is similar to Lucy. He is an asshole, but not where it counts...
And I think you shifting your feelings to him being timid could possibly have something to do with the way he looks. He just looks so cute. But let me stop myself, I'm showing my gayness.In Smash's defense, he is pretty good at editing. He seems to notice a lot of seemingly obscure things. That was simply an exception, I assure you. And thank you for pointing that out to me.
As for the ellipses, Smash said the same thing. I guess I'll have to start looking out for that. Maybe removing some of pausing from the conversations, and taking some of your advice.
Quote
I thought by "dominating daisy" you meant Daisy was getting dominated. LORD that surprised me hahahaha
I've always been a fan of fish, especially Red Herring.
@Smash
I can't believe we both missed it.
@Lycan
WE'LL SEE
BILLIONS OF EMOTICONS.
- #254
- 18 March 2011 - 09:32 PM
Everyone should read Mouse in Space I give it an A+, as well as two thumbs up and a gold medal. I was truly brought to tears at the climax of the story; it was just so touching. It's truly a coming of age tale, and I feel the lesson it teaches could help the people of today as well as the generations to come.
- #256
- 20 March 2011 - 06:01 AM
- SpaceMouse
- BCI Member
- his custom license plate literally reads "M0US3Y"
beep boop
- #257
- 20 March 2011 - 06:17 AM
- RedJack
- BCI Member
Mallow, on 20 March 2011 - 06:01 AM, said:
Everyone should read Mouse in Space I give it an A+, as well as two thumbs up and a gold medal. I was truly brought to tears at the climax of the story; it was just so touching. It's truly a coming of age tale, and I feel the lesson it teaches could help the people of today as well as the generations to come.
What don't trust gay mice?
- #258
- 20 March 2011 - 09:58 AM
- Smash Genesis
- Member
Mouse in Space is an all-time classic, right up there with the likes of To Kill and Mocking Bird and Harry Potter.
Yes, I did just call Harry Potter an all-time classic.
Yes, I did just call Harry Potter an all-time classic.
- #259
- 20 March 2011 - 01:22 PM
...Okay, that was interesting.
Um, anyone else want pancakes?
(crazy twist, but makes so much sense now)
Um, anyone else want pancakes?
(crazy twist, but makes so much sense now)
- #261
- 20 March 2011 - 03:55 PM
- Meowth
- Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
Member
Chapter 21, Lucy's Regret has just been added.
I would like to thank Smash_Genesis for editing.
I hope you guys enjoy this one. I'm working on writing more, and hopefully I'll have 22 done by Tuesday. HOPEFULLY.
Oh, and I'm glad you all enjoyed Mouse in Space, and I hope it cheered you up, Space.
I would like to thank Smash_Genesis for editing.
I hope you guys enjoy this one. I'm working on writing more, and hopefully I'll have 22 done by Tuesday. HOPEFULLY.
Oh, and I'm glad you all enjoyed Mouse in Space, and I hope it cheered you up, Space.
- #263
- 20 March 2011 - 07:07 PM
- Ace
- BCI Member
Huh, Looking at it from a Lucy perspective in relation to Lily gives this a fresh new take. Perhaps people would not hate Mike as much if they read this thar story.
Also: Mouse in Space= It's all true.
Also: Mouse in Space= It's all true.
This post has been edited by Ace: 21 March 2011 - 05:07 AM
- #265
- 21 March 2011 - 04:26 AM
Amazing as always, but I noticed something at about 13 lines into Lucy's conversation with her pets; should that "rejected" be "dejectedly"? Sorry, just a little thing that popped out at me.
This post has been edited by Sammy: 21 March 2011 - 06:55 PM
- #267
- 21 March 2011 - 06:55 PM
- Meowth
- Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
Member
Chapter 22, Teenage Tendencies has been added.
It's pretty short, and so is the next chapter, but they just happen to be two of my favorites. This was originally supposed to be a two part chapter like Two Lost Souls... Swimming in a Fishbowl, but I decided against it since the current titles of 22 and 23 have important names. Sorry I haven't been keeping up with it like I used too, but I'm doing my best.
Oh, and I will be posting a new, adult story later tonight after I do some revisions.
Enjoy guys!
@Sammy
I specifically changed the sentence so I could use rejection instead of dejectedly. Or was that Smash's idea? I don't know, but it can go either way.
I'm glad to see you're all enjoying my stuff, and compliments are always appreciated. And of course critiques are more than welcome.
It's pretty short, and so is the next chapter, but they just happen to be two of my favorites. This was originally supposed to be a two part chapter like Two Lost Souls... Swimming in a Fishbowl, but I decided against it since the current titles of 22 and 23 have important names. Sorry I haven't been keeping up with it like I used too, but I'm doing my best.
Oh, and I will be posting a new, adult story later tonight after I do some revisions.
Enjoy guys!
@Sammy
I specifically changed the sentence so I could use rejection instead of dejectedly. Or was that Smash's idea? I don't know, but it can go either way.
I'm glad to see you're all enjoying my stuff, and compliments are always appreciated. And of course critiques are more than welcome.
- #271
- 26 March 2011 - 07:24 PM
Ooh, getting a bit randy there, Mike 
- #272
- 26 March 2011 - 08:04 PM
- Meowth
- Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
Member
NSFW Ace Illusion has just been added.
Jasmine finds herself having trouble controlling her needs, and it's starting to become overwhelming. JasmineXJasmine
I hope you enjoy it, Ace.
Jasmine finds herself having trouble controlling her needs, and it's starting to become overwhelming. JasmineXJasmine
I hope you enjoy it, Ace.
- #274
- 26 March 2011 - 11:50 PM
- Junior Boomer
- BCI Member
I agree with the previous statement. It's funny how my favorite scenes from this story are on Mike's bed 
- #277
- 27 March 2011 - 01:52 AM
- Zhefyr
- BCI Member
RedJack, on 27 March 2011 - 10:26 AM, said:
I'm really excited as to what is going to be happening on that bed
But it's really not because then you find out that the next two chapters he decides fanfic is done, and so the next two chapters are describing how Mike very slowly and painfully succumbs to sickness as Lucy can only watch on as her best friend dies and is thus traumatized for life. ~
In other news, I'm quite enjoying all of your writing thus far Meowth, and am looking forward to the continuation of this story as well as your future works.
This post has been edited by Zhefyr: 27 March 2011 - 03:26 PM
- #279
- 27 March 2011 - 03:24 PM
- Lycan
- call me lyucs
Member 
I'm kinda late, but
Thanks.
At least I know you know it
Quote
"Whenever I really needed someone to talk too, I always had Lily. Even if she hadn't been around, everyone was my friend… Everyone offered to listen, everyone tried to help… But I just shunned them. It was the opposite with Mike. He didn't shun them, if anything, he wanted to talk. He wanted someone to listen, but no one ever did. Paulo blew him off, Daisy was always hitting on him, David didn't know any better, Abbey was so preoccupied with helping everyone else and working through his own issues he didn't even notice, and I… I just weighed him down with my own problems. This whole time, I could have been with Mike. He could have been happy, I could have been happy, but I just didn't see it. I was too stupid and selfish to see he was truly in pain. All I ever did was wallow in his shadow, and then try to tear him down. Mike, I'm so sorry. I just hope it isn't too late."
Thanks.
At least I know you know it
- #280
- 27 March 2011 - 03:30 PM
- Jewinja
- Member
Hey meowth just got done reading Friends Forever, and thought it was a great read. I don't think I've read such a moving story. (by moving I mean crying my eyes out (yes, I cried, what just because I'm a teenage boy doesn't mean i can't find stuff like this sad!?!! 
)) Anyway keep up the good work. I'm looking forward to read more.
)) Anyway keep up the good work. I'm looking forward to read more.
This post has been edited by Jewinja: 27 March 2011 - 07:12 PM
- #281
- 27 March 2011 - 07:11 PM
- Volgrand
- Member
I love the way that "friends forever" is taking.
Also I found Ace Illusion really good and interesting. I wrote some erotic tales, and I know that it is not easy to do them. It is too easy to bypass the "awnful line", or to make simply an uninteresting tale. But you made a great story, walking gently between the "purity" and the "obscenity" lines. Good job, hope to see more of your work soon.
Also I found Ace Illusion really good and interesting. I wrote some erotic tales, and I know that it is not easy to do them. It is too easy to bypass the "awnful line", or to make simply an uninteresting tale. But you made a great story, walking gently between the "purity" and the "obscenity" lines. Good job, hope to see more of your work soon.
- #282
- 27 March 2011 - 11:01 PM
- Meowth
- Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
Member
Chapter 23, Subtle Decay has just been uploaded.
This story is officially rated M.
You could say this chapter is pretty... bangin'
I would like to thank Smash for editing.
@Ace
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
@Zhefer
Great to see you're enjoying the story and don't worry, there is much more to come.
@Jewninja
It's always inspirational to see that my writing had such a powerful emotional impact.
@JB, Taeshi
@RedJack
Glad to see you're still enjoying it!
@Volgrand
Thanks for the compliments!
This story is officially rated M.
You could say this chapter is pretty... bangin'
I would like to thank Smash for editing.
@Ace
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
@Zhefer
Great to see you're enjoying the story and don't worry, there is much more to come.
@Jewninja
It's always inspirational to see that my writing had such a powerful emotional impact.
@JB, Taeshi
@RedJack
Glad to see you're still enjoying it!
@Volgrand
Thanks for the compliments!
- #284
- 30 March 2011 - 12:21 AM
- Pants
- Member
Dr. Klaus, on 30 March 2011 - 12:48 AM, said:
Bass, on 30 March 2011 - 12:48 AM, said:
Darn. I read "M Rated" and was hoping for more. But still, it's good.
Google, type in cat porn
Profit
Your welcome ^__^
Meowth - caught up on the last few chapters, still looking good. Curious still as to the final path you plan on taking everything.
- #287
- 30 March 2011 - 12:51 AM
- Junior Boomer
- BCI Member
Oh man Meowth, I like the direction you took with this chapter. It's an interesting inner battle Mike has going on here and I can't wait to see how it escalates. Also I mean, I could totally see Mike doing that under those circumstances.
- #290
- 30 March 2011 - 01:40 AM
- Volgrand
- Member
I felt identified in that chapter. I hhad a similar experience some years ago. Well I was not going to die, but you get the point 
. Nice work, I'm always surprised about how you describe the feelings of.your characters.
Now I think that Lucy must be.thinking: "that's suspicious"
. Nice work, I'm always surprised about how you describe the feelings of.your characters.Now I think that Lucy must be.thinking: "that's suspicious"
- #291
- 30 March 2011 - 01:50 AM
- Jewinja
- Member
Great as ever Meowth. I do like that Mike is having this fight with himself, choosing between his first love or the one who always is there for him. 
Edit: Sorry my comment isn't like the last one, but don't let me discourage you. It still is a FANTASTIC read, and I'm looking forward to the awaited conclusion, be it in two chapters or ten.
Edit: Sorry my comment isn't like the last one, but don't let me discourage you. It still is a FANTASTIC read, and I'm looking forward to the awaited conclusion, be it in two chapters or ten.
This post has been edited by Jewinja: 30 March 2011 - 03:11 PM
- #292
- 30 March 2011 - 02:23 AM
- Taeshi
- one hot bitch
Administrator 
remember the time smash continued to be a shitty editor with the first sentence of your stories
"Wow, you're bed is really soft." Lucy said to Mike, feeling the material around her.
I like how your initial description was fooling, Meowth. Like I assumed Mike was going to do things to Lucy, but he instead did things.. to himself :-[ Hurrhurr
"Wow, you're bed is really soft." Lucy said to Mike, feeling the material around her.
I like how your initial description was fooling, Meowth. Like I assumed Mike was going to do things to Lucy, but he instead did things.. to himself :-[ Hurrhurr
- #293
- 30 March 2011 - 02:44 AM
wat.
- #298
- 31 March 2011 - 05:08 PM