Meowth's Writing Thread
Also I find it funny you got help from Smash Genesis yet there's a spelling error right in the first sentence. "asleep" not "sleep"!!!
One thing I did notice is also a lot of unnecessary ...s. It's a writing thing I'm pretty well-aware of, but a lot of the dialogue felt a little unnatural because of the many use of the dots.
"I was just… curious. Thanks for answering, I'm glad… I'm glad you feel that way" / "Mike… are you going to… to die?" - those are some examples. I dunno, it's hard to imagine someone really saying that, even if they're worried or at a loss of words. One good way to check if your dialogue has a good flow is to read it aloud. Another thing that could help with you adding pauses could be "uh"s or "ah"s.. usually when a person DOES pause and try to figure out what they're trying to say, they make an "er" or something. Just a suggestion!
also that adult fanfiction is hilarious. oh lord
I thought by "dominating daisy" you meant Daisy was getting dominated. LORD that surprised me hahahaha
- 18 March 2011 - 07:14 AM
He was a jerk before? Huh, I never saw that in him, do you mean in the old comics, Taeshi-san?
Make it be Paulo, Make it be Paulo!
- 18 March 2011 - 05:56 PM
Only time will tell.
I think in a lot of ways Blur is similar to Lucy. He is an asshole, but not where it counts... And I think you shifting your feelings to him being timid could possibly have something to do with the way he looks. He just looks so cute. But let me stop myself, I'm showing my gayness.
In Smash's defense, he is pretty good at editing. He seems to notice a lot of seemingly obscure things. That was simply an exception, I assure you. And thank you for pointing that out to me.
As for the ellipses, Smash said the same thing. I guess I'll have to start looking out for that. Maybe removing some of pausing from the conversations, and taking some of your advice.
I've always been a fan of fish, especially Red Herring.
I can't believe we both missed it.
BILLIONS OF EMOTICONS.
- 18 March 2011 - 09:32 PM
- 20 March 2011 - 05:53 AM
- 20 March 2011 - 06:01 AM
What don't trust gay mice?
- 20 March 2011 - 09:58 AM
Yes, I did just call Harry Potter an all-time classic.
- 20 March 2011 - 01:22 PM
Um, anyone else want pancakes?
(crazy twist, but makes so much sense now)
- 20 March 2011 - 03:55 PM
Um, anyone else want pancakes?
(crazy twist, but makes so much sense now)
What have we learned?
1. Gay mice are not to be trusted
2. Pancakes are delicious
- 20 March 2011 - 05:55 PM
I would like to thank Smash_Genesis for editing.
I hope you guys enjoy this one. I'm working on writing more, and hopefully I'll have 22 done by Tuesday. HOPEFULLY.
Oh, and I'm glad you all enjoyed Mouse in Space, and I hope it cheered you up, Space.
- 20 March 2011 - 07:07 PM
Mike never talked to any people your own problems...
Thats bad... Very bad
Always doing better than the other!
- 20 March 2011 - 10:08 PM
Also: Mouse in Space= It's all true.
This post has been edited by Ace: 21 March 2011 - 05:07 AM
- 21 March 2011 - 04:26 AM
This fanfic is great with incredible dialogue and accurate descriptions. And..
Gay mice are still not to be trusted. ಠ_ಠ People need to know this.
- 21 March 2011 - 06:43 PM
This post has been edited by Sammy: 21 March 2011 - 06:55 PM
- 21 March 2011 - 06:55 PM
- 21 March 2011 - 07:13 PM
- 21 March 2011 - 09:37 PM
It's pretty short, and so is the next chapter, but they just happen to be two of my favorites. This was originally supposed to be a two part chapter like Two Lost Souls... Swimming in a Fishbowl, but I decided against it since the current titles of 22 and 23 have important names. Sorry I haven't been keeping up with it like I used too, but I'm doing my best.
Oh, and I will be posting a new, adult story later tonight after I do some revisions.
I specifically changed the sentence so I could use rejection instead of dejectedly. Or was that Smash's idea? I don't know, but it can go either way.
I'm glad to see you're all enjoying my stuff, and compliments are always appreciated. And of course critiques are more than welcome.
- 26 March 2011 - 07:24 PM
Nice chapter Meowth!!
Waiting... for more
- 26 March 2011 - 09:08 PM
Random Lesbian porn with a clone copy? Sign me up. You are a good man Meowth. I noticed a few places where the grammar seemed abit odd but I was too enthralled for them to last too long in my head.
- 27 March 2011 - 01:09 AM
- 27 March 2011 - 01:52 AM
- 27 March 2011 - 10:26 AM
But it's really not because then you find out that the next two chapters he decides fanfic is done, and so the next two chapters are describing how Mike very slowly and painfully succumbs to sickness as Lucy can only watch on as her best friend dies and is thus traumatized for life. ~
In other news, I'm quite enjoying all of your writing thus far Meowth, and am looking forward to the continuation of this story as well as your future works.
This post has been edited by Zhefyr: 27 March 2011 - 03:26 PM
- 27 March 2011 - 03:24 PM
At least I know you know it
- 27 March 2011 - 03:30 PM
This post has been edited by Jewinja: 27 March 2011 - 07:12 PM
- 27 March 2011 - 07:11 PM
Also I found Ace Illusion really good and interesting. I wrote some erotic tales, and I know that it is not easy to do them. It is too easy to bypass the "awnful line", or to make simply an uninteresting tale. But you made a great story, walking gently between the "purity" and the "obscenity" lines. Good job, hope to see more of your work soon.
- 27 March 2011 - 11:01 PM
This post has been edited by RedJack: 28 March 2011 - 10:31 AM
- 28 March 2011 - 10:31 AM
This story is officially rated M.
You could say this chapter is pretty... bangin'
I would like to thank Smash for editing.
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Great to see you're enjoying the story and don't worry, there is much more to come.
It's always inspirational to see that my writing had such a powerful emotional impact.
Glad to see you're still enjoying it!
Thanks for the compliments!
- 30 March 2011 - 12:21 AM
Google, type in cat porn
Your welcome ^__^
Meowth - caught up on the last few chapters, still looking good. Curious still as to the final path you plan on taking everything.
- 30 March 2011 - 12:51 AM
I wonder what Lucy would do if she knew what happened in there, her normal behavior or would she be 'aroused' by Mike wanting her?
- 30 March 2011 - 01:15 AM
You don't know already? He foreshadowed it in this chapter. It's a threesome. ^_^
- 30 March 2011 - 01:21 AM
- 30 March 2011 - 01:40 AM
Now I think that Lucy must be.thinking: "that's suspicious"
- 30 March 2011 - 01:50 AM
Edit: Sorry my comment isn't like the last one, but don't let me discourage you. It still is a FANTASTIC read, and I'm looking forward to the awaited conclusion, be it in two chapters or ten.
This post has been edited by Jewinja: 30 March 2011 - 03:11 PM
- 30 March 2011 - 02:23 AM
"Wow, you're bed is really soft." Lucy said to Mike, feeling the material around her.
I like how your initial description was fooling, Meowth. Like I assumed Mike was going to do things to Lucy, but he instead did things.. to himself :-[ Hurrhurr
- 30 March 2011 - 02:44 AM
- 30 March 2011 - 03:49 PM
- 30 March 2011 - 08:12 PM
...Standing outside the door, listening?
...Having a session of her own? <.<
Anyways, can't wait for the next chapter. Keep it up.
This post has been edited by MadMadDan: 31 March 2011 - 02:28 AM
- 31 March 2011 - 02:26 AM
- 31 March 2011 - 03:41 AM
But that's great actually it would have been quite the AWWW YEAH moment and then that's it. What's left? People got what they wanted. Good show chap, keep us interested.
- 31 March 2011 - 08:37 PM
- 31 March 2011 - 08:41 PM