Fear of the Dark has been added.
"“She’s… alone.” He said to himself, feeling oddly detached from the world around him. The theater seemed almost a blur to his eyes and his mind was consumed in convoluted thought and wild fantasy. " Rape fic. AugustusXAmaya. Done for PandaRainbow/PanPan out of appreciation.
NSFW
Meowth's Writing Thread
- Gabu
- Member
how long have you been writing novels/stories? (dunno the corret word for it...) once again great job! I have only read Friends forever and a couple of others but I love the dark disturbing feeling when reading them
This post has been edited by Gabu: 25 September 2011 - 08:47 PM
- #702
- 25 September 2011 - 08:46 PM
Dear God almighty, that was horrific. I would congratulate you, were it not for how sheerly disturbing that was.
- #704
- 25 September 2011 - 09:29 PM
- Purin
- BCI Member
Kaizy took it to a whole 'nother level~
But seriously, that last FF chapter was an awkward read for me. I guess cuz I can't really picture myself having a convo like that with a girl on the phone. To see Mike and Lucy converse that way makes it that much more awkward, especially given their history of building up emotional walls between themselves.
But seriously, that last FF chapter was an awkward read for me. I guess cuz I can't really picture myself having a convo like that with a girl on the phone. To see Mike and Lucy converse that way makes it that much more awkward, especially given their history of building up emotional walls between themselves.
This post has been edited by Purin: 26 September 2011 - 05:17 AM
- #707
- 26 September 2011 - 05:17 AM
- SuitCase
- Administrator
Sloppy and boring. There are lots of uninspired cliches in the rape story, along with awkward and incorrect grammar and word choices. Also Amaya's employers wouldn't fire her for nearly anything.
I know that this is apparently my role now, and prior to skimming it I was planning on just posting a two-word shitpost: "it sucks". But I should be a little more specific now that I have read it.
I know that this is apparently my role now, and prior to skimming it I was planning on just posting a two-word shitpost: "it sucks". But I should be a little more specific now that I have read it.
- #708
- 26 September 2011 - 05:57 AM
- Meowth
- Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
Member 
SuitCase, on 26 September 2011 - 05:57 AM, said:
But I should be a little more specific now that I have read it.
Yes, by all means, be specific. 'Boring' and 'incorrect grammar' doesn't exactly help much.
- #709
- 26 September 2011 - 06:01 AM
- SuitCase
- Administrator
some but not all the things i can say about the story:
"Genitals" here is a strange word choice, explicit and scientific and abrupt. You can't tonally follow the word "genitals" with "divine gratification".
So, so convoluted and almost tautological. All you want to say here is "Living without satisfaction was hell. Now, he would fulfil his dark desires." So say that.
Unless you're dyslexic, it's hard to forgive a writer of errors like these.
You're using "practically" like an inarticulate person uses "literally".
Dull rapey cliches.
Also, it's boring.
Quote
Augustus did what he did every night: he allowed his hand to slide down his fur and caress his genitals as he played with ideas and fantasies in his head
"Genitals" here is a strange word choice, explicit and scientific and abrupt. You can't tonally follow the word "genitals" with "divine gratification".
Quote
He had spent years trapped in a perpetual hell of unsatisfied yearning, and finally he was going to fulfill his dark desires.
So, so convoluted and almost tautological. All you want to say here is "Living without satisfaction was hell. Now, he would fulfil his dark desires." So say that.
Quote
There was a sign on it: “Employee’s Only.”
Unless you're dyslexic, it's hard to forgive a writer of errors like these.
Quote
his practically dripping member
You're using "practically" like an inarticulate person uses "literally".
Quote
As he forced himself up, he took note of how Amaya no longer fought back. He saw how she did not flee; how she did not try to run; how she simply sat there, submissive, in defeat. [..] his masterpiece.
Dull rapey cliches.
Also, it's boring.
- #710
- 26 September 2011 - 06:14 AM
- Meowth
- Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
Member
SuitCase, on 26 September 2011 - 06:14 AM, said:
Quote
There was a sign on it: “Employee’s Only.”
Unless you're dyslexic, it's hard to forgive a writer of errors like these.
I don't follow. What is the problem here? Is it the double quotes? You make it sound like there is a huge mistake here, but honestly, I'm not seeing it.
- #711
- 26 September 2011 - 06:30 AM
- Meowth
- Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
Member
SuitCase, on 26 September 2011 - 06:53 AM, said:
Employee is Only
I was under the impression the apostrophe showed possession. My mistake.
Taeshi, on 26 September 2011 - 07:45 AM, said:
The joke is that canonically Amaya works at a FAMILY BUSINESS.
Whoa, when was this said?
- #715
- 26 September 2011 - 05:25 PM
"Employee's Only" would still be wrong even if you intended it to be possessive. "Employees Only" simply implies that there is more than one employee to whom the sign applies, whereas using the possessive would mean that the object in question would belong to one employee. It's a fairly common mistake to make.
- #716
- 26 September 2011 - 05:29 PM
- Volgrand
- Member
I didn't really like "Fear of the dark", nor because of the rape, but because I didn't really feel what you wanted to write: Not the fear of Amaya, or the lust of Augustus. The rape was so fast that I didn't have any time to... "taste" it, if you get what I mean.
About the last chapter of "Friends forever", I have a bitter feeling. I like the way it took, but I feel it strange to imagine Lucy having phone sex. But was a nice chapter.
About the last chapter of "Friends forever", I have a bitter feeling. I like the way it took, but I feel it strange to imagine Lucy having phone sex. But was a nice chapter.
- #719
- 27 September 2011 - 06:10 AM
- Meowth
- Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
Member
A new story, Fly Me to the Moon, is up.
Fluff PauloXJasmine fic I'm giving to PanPan in our art trade. It is NSFW.
Purple Prose
Fluff PauloXJasmine fic I'm giving to PanPan in our art trade. It is NSFW.
Purple Prose
This post has been edited by Meowth: 09 October 2011 - 12:15 AM
- #720
- 27 September 2011 - 11:00 PM
- TheMysteriousMan
- Member
Im just afraid of getting SUED for going in there. Damn laws, denying me my pornographic writings...
- #722
- 27 September 2011 - 11:46 PM
- Borg Lord
- Talk shit about furries and see how mad I get!
Member 
Technically speaking, you're committing perjury if you pretend to be older than you are to get into the site, but you'll only get sued for it if you get caught by somebody who cares. Just make sure that your parents don't catch you reading this stuff if they're likely to try to sue AFF for polluting your delicate young mind. Then they would probably care enough to sue you. I really doubt they have any actual interest in you verifying your age beyond protecting themselves from lawsuits though.
- #723
- 28 September 2011 - 01:04 AM
- TheMysteriousMan
- Member
Good point...though my mind was polluted a long time ago 
- #724
- 28 September 2011 - 03:57 AM
- Meowth
- Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
Member
Hungarian Pony #2 NSFW
“A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual doom.” TwilightSparkleXRainbowDash
I wrote this listening to this song over and over again.
This is the worst thing I have ever written; also, speaking of terrible writing, more FF coming soon!
“A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual doom.” TwilightSparkleXRainbowDash
I wrote this listening to this song over and over again.
This is the worst thing I have ever written; also, speaking of terrible writing, more FF coming soon!
- #726
- 09 October 2011 - 03:44 AM
Oh god Meowth. 
That was hilarious and disgusting.
That was hilarious and disgusting.
- #727
- 09 October 2011 - 03:53 AM
RedJack, on 09 October 2011 - 12:43 PM, said:
Nice title Meowth. Is it true or just a joke played on your personality?
I assume that it's because Meowth has understandably reacted with some indignance to Suitcase's comments in the past, understandable since they were more just an excuse to insult him than actual helpful advice.
This post has been edited by Sammy: 09 October 2011 - 01:32 PM
- #730
- 09 October 2011 - 12:51 PM
- Meowth
- Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
Member
Gabu, on 09 October 2011 - 07:15 AM, said:
Do you already know How many chapters FF will have?
Do to poor planning on my part, I do not. It WILL be ending VERY soon though.
@RedJack
Suitcase said it was because I am 'annoying and" something else. I can't remember the second part; I was only half paying attention, because someone else had asked him. I already have a general idea of why I got it, anyway.
@Sammy
I appreciate the support, Sammy, but I have apologized to both of them and dropped out of the argument as of yesterday (unrelated to getting the title). It was my fault for reacting badly to Suitcase's review, and it was my fault that I allowed things to go on as long as I did. I was passive-aggressive and, for the most part, abusive of logic to make it appear as though I had good points.
- #731
- 09 October 2011 - 04:45 PM
- Meowth
- Please go easy on me. I don't like critique. Or my title.
Member
Chapter 44 of Friends Forever, Life Won't Wait, is now up.
Not the most exciting chapter. Really more of a transition. The next chapter will be better, longer, and will be posted sooner then this one was. Enjoy, and sorry for the wait!
Not the most exciting chapter. Really more of a transition. The next chapter will be better, longer, and will be posted sooner then this one was. Enjoy, and sorry for the wait!
- #732
- 09 October 2011 - 08:55 PM
- TheMysteriousMan
- Member
Damn son, thats some good angst right there.
- #734
- 09 October 2011 - 09:41 PM
- Taeshi
- one hot bitch
Administrator 
Hahahahhaha wow Sammy
And I thought you were one the good ones.
So you treating people here like shit is perfectly acceptable because you're only critiquing, but when Souppy critiques someone you like it's "He's being insulting!!!", gosh try to be less double-standards in the future, ey?
And I thought you were one the good ones.
So you treating people here like shit is perfectly acceptable because you're only critiquing, but when Souppy critiques someone you like it's "He's being insulting!!!", gosh try to be less double-standards in the future, ey?
- #735
- 09 October 2011 - 11:20 PM
@Taeshi
That and the whole post he made a few pages back gives an idea of what made me say that. I think that his critique was good and relevant, but really, all of the snide remarks and jabs could have been left out; it's unprofessional, and it really makes you look like a bit of a cock. I don't overly do that, and I hope someone would point it out to me if I did; I try and give good advice with good backing, and it wouldn't come across the same way if I flowered it up and was all like "oh you're a special snowflake now here's how to be super awesome", because that really doesn't help. I'm sorry if my previous statement was hypocritical, but honestly, I just thought that it should be said.
SuitCase, on 26 September 2011 - 05:57 AM, said:
Sloppy and boring. There are lots of uninspired cliches in the rape story, along with awkward and incorrect grammar and word choices. Also Amaya's employers wouldn't fire her for nearly anything.
...
I know that this is apparently my role now, and prior to skimming it I was planning on just posting a two-word shitpost: "it sucks".
...
I know that this is apparently my role now, and prior to skimming it I was planning on just posting a two-word shitpost: "it sucks".
That and the whole post he made a few pages back gives an idea of what made me say that. I think that his critique was good and relevant, but really, all of the snide remarks and jabs could have been left out; it's unprofessional, and it really makes you look like a bit of a cock. I don't overly do that, and I hope someone would point it out to me if I did; I try and give good advice with good backing, and it wouldn't come across the same way if I flowered it up and was all like "oh you're a special snowflake now here's how to be super awesome", because that really doesn't help. I'm sorry if my previous statement was hypocritical, but honestly, I just thought that it should be said.
This post has been edited by Sammy: 09 October 2011 - 11:39 PM
- #736
- 09 October 2011 - 11:38 PM
- Taeshi
- one hot bitch
Administrator
You really do treat people like crap though, and I have called you out on it before. I honestly don't see the difference, "sloppy and boring" is something valid to say even if it gets to the point in a non-sugarcoating way, sorry if it potentially hurts your feelings if you were on the receiving end, but it gets to the point, he could extrapolate if he wants and he really would if Meowth really wanted to, but don't act like this is not the way you portray yourself.
Also I don't see how it "should be said." Meowth can talk on his own without your input, rather than you butting in with a dead argument and stirring more shit up that has already been explained over and over. Leave it to the people that are actually involved, you are doing anything but helping.
Also I don't see how it "should be said." Meowth can talk on his own without your input, rather than you butting in with a dead argument and stirring more shit up that has already been explained over and over. Leave it to the people that are actually involved, you are doing anything but helping.
- #737
- 10 October 2011 - 12:20 AM
- Borg Lord
- Talk shit about furries and see how mad I get!
Member
In response to "Hungarian Pony #2", I feel compelled to say I hate you for the way a sort of morbid curiosity (I should find a less cliche way to say that, shouldn't I) made me read the whole thing, but mostly for the "bad ass" line.
- #739
- 10 October 2011 - 06:25 AM
- Volgrand
- Member
Quote
Maybe it was because they were Rainbow Dash’s ass maggots, but they tasted much like an orphan coated in goat sperm.
That's the best sentence EVER. You are my fucking idol, Meowth.
...
Well not really, but I did laugh with that
. You must be an ill genius to write imagine that .
- #740
- 10 October 2011 - 06:25 AM
Oh. Well, I shall try and be more civil in future. I concede.
- #741
- 10 October 2011 - 03:45 PM
- CJSBiliskner
- Member
I approve.
Formatting is good
Grammar is good
Plots are great
Sexually acceptable.
Not ridiculous in any way.
Personalities of characters are well made.
9.9/10
Formatting is good
Grammar is good
Plots are great
Sexually acceptable.
Not ridiculous in any way.
Personalities of characters are well made.
9.9/10
- #742
- 16 October 2011 - 04:44 AM
- Hero
- Member
Kaizy, on 16 October 2011 - 08:45 PM, said:
At first, I thought he was going to drive the car off a cliff screaming something along the lines "WE'LL BE TOGETHER FOREVER" before hitting the bottom and exploding
...but a loving sex scene is just dandy
...but a loving sex scene is just dandy
Exactly my thoughts.
Also, I chuckled at that last sentence.
- #748
- 16 October 2011 - 10:18 PM
- Borg Lord
- Talk shit about furries and see how mad I get!
Member
I'm shocked! From when I've been assuming about when this takes place, Mike should only have his driver's permit.
But I'm willing to forgive him on the basis that he's breaking the curfew law before it even applies to him, because that law is dumb.
I haven't the slightest clue whether anything I just said makes any sense outside California. We'd best conquer the rest of the country so I don't have to worry about that sort of thing.
Also on the subject of me having no idea what I'm talking about, shouldn't they have taken some sort of precaution to not leave evidence in the back seat? Besides giving away the secret, I suspect it would be bad for the upholstery, and I get the feeling that Mike's mom would not approve. And aren't condoms made of rubber, not plastic? (that was a rhetorical question; I have a distinct memory of the MC at a showing of Rocky Horror demonstrating that he could fit his head inside a condom)
But I'm willing to forgive him on the basis that he's breaking the curfew law before it even applies to him, because that law is dumb.
I haven't the slightest clue whether anything I just said makes any sense outside California. We'd best conquer the rest of the country so I don't have to worry about that sort of thing.
Also on the subject of me having no idea what I'm talking about, shouldn't they have taken some sort of precaution to not leave evidence in the back seat? Besides giving away the secret, I suspect it would be bad for the upholstery, and I get the feeling that Mike's mom would not approve. And aren't condoms made of rubber, not plastic? (that was a rhetorical question; I have a distinct memory of the MC at a showing of Rocky Horror demonstrating that he could fit his head inside a condom)
- #749
- 16 October 2011 - 10:39 PM
