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Oh, I was questioning the "like a whole lot of bland candy" statement.
- #99352
- 31 March 2011 - 01:57 AM
In that case just show the people as ignoring him unless he is putting on a show. They don't think they actualy need him, but he is cool to have around.
however, I can't jsut dictate everything to you. Go try some stuff. Post it as story version 3 in the same thread as you already editied it once.
@jerk
Nameless is makein a comment meant to show your commitments effect and how horrid RC really is at times.
- #99354
- 31 March 2011 - 01:59 AM
(nameless), on 31 March 2011 - 01:58 AM, said:
Oh yeah?
Well here's a mindfuck:
- #99355
- 31 March 2011 - 02:00 AM
- #99356
- 31 March 2011 - 02:00 AM
- #99357
- 31 March 2011 - 02:01 AM
I'm going to beat you on this "Leek Spin" loop!
Eight minutes counting!
@Craft
Alright. I'll try to change it tomorrow.
Thanks for the help!
- #99358
- 31 March 2011 - 02:02 AM
Jake, on 31 March 2011 - 01:57 AM, said:
Oh, I was questioning the "like a whole lot of bland candy" statement.
Well, whole lot of anything mass produced like that would work for the unity between people. It is bland candy because they aren't really that good to she sorcerer and in fact don't really need him at all. Candy is sticky most of the time and has no real nutritiaonal value so he isn't growing in a healthy way off of jsut them but they are all he has. You should know, he is had deep rooted mental issues.
- #99359
- 31 March 2011 - 02:03 AM
- #99360
- 31 March 2011 - 02:04 AM
Draixen, on 31 March 2011 - 02:00 AM, said:
Ah, Friday, the few songs I have heard that cannot possibly be any worse (the death metal version of that song for example, infinatly better)
This post has been edited by (nameless): 31 March 2011 - 02:05 AM
- #99361
- 31 March 2011 - 02:04 AM
here we go.
- #99362
- 31 March 2011 - 02:05 AM
- #99363
- 31 March 2011 - 02:05 AM
- #99364
- 31 March 2011 - 02:06 AM
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwooooooooooooooooooooooooooo's!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- #99365
- 31 March 2011 - 02:06 AM
I know. I wanted him to have these issues.
I wanted the reader to see how stressful the life of a hero is, and how it can affect them for the worse.
I made it to show that the life of a hero isn't all fame and people cheering your name...
- #99366
- 31 March 2011 - 02:07 AM
- #99367
- 31 March 2011 - 02:07 AM
- #99368
- 31 March 2011 - 02:08 AM
- #99369
- 31 March 2011 - 02:08 AM

OH! A friendly reminder for all you guys:
- #99370
- 31 March 2011 - 02:11 AM
- #99371
- 31 March 2011 - 02:11 AM
(nameless), on 31 March 2011 - 02:11 AM, said:
Probably the best solution.
- #99372
- 31 March 2011 - 02:12 AM
Jake, on 31 March 2011 - 02:07 AM, said:
I know. I wanted him to have these issues.
I wanted the reader to see how stressful the life of a hero is, and how it can affect them for the worse.
I made it to show that the life of a hero isn't all fame and people cheering your name...
Oh, and I say you shouldn't give him a vilen. That has the effect of making the heros seem heroic and usualy gives them a more clear sence of right and wrong. This seems to be the story of isolation in the "Water, water everywehre but not a drop to drink." method. If he is going to have most of his interactions with people in a formal manner and spend his time in his own head then reflection would be a good idea. I also like the idea of adding that second personality. if you do that, run it by lod lynx and lark a few times wehn you get to that part and when working up to it.
- #99373
- 31 March 2011 - 02:12 AM
- #99374
- 31 March 2011 - 02:13 AM
- #99375
- 31 March 2011 - 02:13 AM
Almost done my art homework...
- #99376
- 31 March 2011 - 02:15 AM
(nameless), on 31 March 2011 - 02:13 AM, said:
Anything that abstract needs at least one full sentence nameless.
- #99377
- 31 March 2011 - 02:15 AM
- #99378
- 31 March 2011 - 02:16 AM
This post has been edited by Draixen: 31 March 2011 - 02:21 AM
- #99379
- 31 March 2011 - 02:18 AM
Jerk said:
Forty pounds? Shit, if I dropped forty pounds I'd probably be dead.
- #99380
- 31 March 2011 - 02:18 AM
- #99381
- 31 March 2011 - 02:19 AM
- #99382
- 31 March 2011 - 02:20 AM
- #99383
- 31 March 2011 - 02:22 AM
A second personality?
I didn't plan to give him a second personality. I'm kind of trying to pull of the situation sort of like...
Like how Paulo works. You know how at first he seems to be a womanizing showoff, but he also has that sensitive side as well?
That's what I'm trying to do here. At face value he seems like a lazy, not caring teenager with no real reason for helping everybody. But when you look deep into his mind... When you see the mental scars that he has taken with the harsh realities of being a hero... You can see that he's just as vulnerable as anybody else. This gives the sorcerer a sence of mortality, that he's not some unmoveable rock who can take anything thrown at him. In fact, it's almost a miracle he hasn't cracked under the pressure yet, or has fallen into depression from the knowledge that he will never be able to have a family of his own... Or at the very least have somebody to say that they love him!
- #99384
- 31 March 2011 - 02:23 AM
- #99385
- 31 March 2011 - 02:24 AM
I have no idea what that means.
- #99386
- 31 March 2011 - 02:26 AM
- #99387
- 31 March 2011 - 02:26 AM
CRACK HIM
LIKE AN EGG
This post has been edited by Dr. Klaus: 31 March 2011 - 02:27 AM
- #99388
- 31 March 2011 - 02:27 AM
- #99389
- 31 March 2011 - 02:27 AM
Quote
I have no idea what that means.
swag as defined by some friends...
swag - nigger stylez when you feel like the shits
swag surfin - actin a fool in your swag
This post has been edited by rocknrollDaVE: 31 March 2011 - 02:28 AM
- #99390
- 31 March 2011 - 02:27 AM
Sorry, there aren't any super villans in this short story...
- #99391
- 31 March 2011 - 02:29 AM
- #99392
- 31 March 2011 - 02:29 AM
- #99393
- 31 March 2011 - 02:30 AM
rocknrollDaVE, on 31 March 2011 - 02:27 AM, said:
Quote
I have no idea what that means.
swag as defined by some friends...
swag - nigger stylez when you feel like the shits
swag surfin - actin a fool in your swag
I stand by my previous statement
- #99394
- 31 March 2011 - 02:30 AM
Jake, on 31 March 2011 - 02:23 AM, said:
A second personality?
I didn't plan to give him a second personality. I'm kind of trying to pull of the situation sort of like...
Like how Paulo works. You know how at first he seems to be a womanizing showoff, but he also has that sensitive side as well?
That's what I'm trying to do here. At face value he seems like a lazy, not caring teenager with no real reason for helping everybody. But when you look deep into his mind... When you see the mental scars that he has taken with the harsh realities of being a hero... You can see that he's just as vulnerable as anybody else. This gives the sorcerer a sence of mortality, that he's not some unmoveable rock who can take anything thrown at him. In fact, it's almost a miracle he hasn't cracked under the pressure yet, or has fallen into depression from the knowledge that he will never be able to have a family of his own... Or at the very least have somebody to say that they love him!
There is a bit of an issue with that. You gave us full access to his mind. We instantly see everything or at least should. You can't have a story where nothing happens at any point internaly or externaly. There needs fo be a chainge of some type to keep the story moving.
I personaly think that this would be the most interesting way to do it if you pulled it off because he is the only one of his kind and so a second personality would be able to live off of his own desperation for someone like himself and near insanity and would likely appear when he was for some reason so lonly he was about to snap and confort him. After this his dependance on people would waver and things would start developing really quickly for him. It is not the only way to do it and if you have your own ideas for the story that make this undoable then you shouldn't do it.
That last paragraph can be simplifyed like this; congradualtions, you have your first story controling fanboy. I am willing to get over it though if there is jsut no place or you already have an idea of how to keep the idea os plot progression going.
- #99395
- 31 March 2011 - 02:31 AM
wacko, on 31 March 2011 - 02:18 AM, said:
I was sixteen and weighed about a hundred pounds.
- #99396
- 31 March 2011 - 02:33 AM
Dr. Klaus, on 31 March 2011 - 02:30 AM, said:
And now you have your second story controlling fanboy.
This one wants to see the re-re-re-re-re-re-used super villen to super hero story.
I don't think he is willing to let you move on though.
I only agree with him on this, you need to find some way to keep the story progressing.
- #99397
- 31 March 2011 - 02:34 AM
- #99398
- 31 March 2011 - 02:36 AM
Jerk, on 31 March 2011 - 02:33 AM, said:
I would probably panic and think cancer...
Dr. Klaus, on 31 March 2011 - 02:36 AM, said:
ok....
- #99399
- 31 March 2011 - 02:37 AM
(nameless), on 31 March 2011 - 02:37 AM, said:
You can't weigh 60 pounds and have a giant canser nameless.
- #99400
- 31 March 2011 - 02:38 AM
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