Bittersweet Candy Bowl Forums

TheMysteriousMan, on 07 May 2013 - 10:47 PM, said:

Yes. Nirvana my friend.

I find your style peculiar yet attractive. it's different from what ive seen.

is this an outline of what your planning to write or is this your actual story? there should be more of a build up to the part where carter pulls a gun on the random woman or whatever. In fact, establishing a setting would be great too. you should capture what the main character is feeling, put in details like, oh maybe his hands were shaking, or tears were running down his face, or he had a death grip on his weapon. what really made me unhappy was the when you wrote the gun scene, it was too quick. your story and characters need more meat. tons of it. also know your audience. most people here can read introduction, or setting of a story about a page long, single spaced, times new roman 12, on a word document. even longer than that. in fact I guarantee it. ask yourself how you would feel in those situations. what would you be feeling if you were going to point a gun at someone? would your hands be shaking? would you have a death grip and focused eyes? would you be scared of the consequences of your actions? If this is just an idea you are writing... it's quite hard to follow your idea. also please use better adjectives than "retarded". using retarded as an adjective is like using the using the word "fucking" as an adjective. for example i'll replace the word retarded with fucking and you'll see how stupid it sounds:
"Finally," He silently said and alos proceeded to take off his blue fucking skin. Under the blue fucking skin was a black fucking suit, A suit which a character from Hitman:

it doesn't describe things very well and makes you seem more like an idiot every time you use stupid adjectives like that.... I'm tired and I don't want to write anymore. but initially this is what I could see from your writing.

oh. in the example sentence i used. "Silently said" is an oxymoron.

my latest, possibly greatest comic yet.

SpaceMouse, on 09 May 2013 - 02:01 AM, said:

damn ur good. now I feel like a weaboo. now I suppose her Name is incorrectly formatted as well?