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While you certainly can't say that things over the past few months have been easy, you're almost ready to let yourself believe that the worst parts are behind you. It may be difficult to see past your self loathing on most days, but even so sometimes you can't help but notice that things do seem to be getting better.

One of the more difficult challenges you find yourself having to face on a daily basis is your job. In spite of your attempts at positive thinking and other cognitive behavioral techniques Dr. Melville taught you, the prospect of going into work every morning still fills you with dread and ennui. Fortunately, you've been able to contain these feelings for the most part, and at least you've been managing your attendance and keeping your job performance up enough that you aren't making things worse by getting into trouble with your boss. Your employment situation may be far from ideal, but for now you're content to punch the clock and collect your paycheck. On some evenings when you've been feeling particularly motivated, you've even caught yourself hunting through online classifieds and bookmarking some new jobs that look interesting. Who knows - you may not be far from taking a leap and trying for something new.

It's been some time since you've hung out with any of your friends in earnest, and now that you feel like you're coming out of the woods you're beginning to feel self-conscious about having alienated them over the past little while. You realize that much of your flakiness and subsequent withdrawal was largely a result of trying to hide from them out of embarrassment. The notion of trusting people with your vulnerabilities is very frightening to you, and in your self-loathing you realize that your behavior did cut them out. Though it will take a huge leap of faith on your part, you resolve to repair your social relationships. You've started sending out casual messages to some of your friends asking to hang out, and for the most part the responses have been more encouraging than you were expecting.

Things with Alex were quite tense for a while. After your conversation with her, she really did seem to be taking a more active role in helping to understand your situation. Even so, the past few months tested the limits of your relationship to the limit. Ultimately, you were able to take her advice and step outside of your own head more and more. It was a difficult thing for you to do; your defense mechanisms ran so deeply that oftentimes you weren't even aware of them, but you let yourself trust her as your partner and your relationship has become much stronger for the experience.



Despite all the clear progress you've made lately, you still carry the weight of your insecurities practically everywhere with you, and you even have some days still where you can't do much at all. On these days, it's very tempting for you to slip back into older, unhealthy habits, but much to your own surprise, you've so far managed to avoid a major backslide. You know that you have a long way to go before you can feel like your life isn't spinning totally out of control, and even when you do you'll never ever be rid of your depression completely, but you have a strong support network and for the first time you can remember you're actually feeling optimistic.

"Things are alright, mom you tell her. While you see her mouth tighten in worry, her eyes soften when she sees you smiling.