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A note RE: My user title: It stems from a misunderstanding in the IRC in which Tae saw the Random Chat forum I set up to stop the influx of whiners from the one on here that got closed, and some of the creepy shit that was going on. I wasn't aware that this stuff was going on, and I deleted the forum, Tae and I are cool now [SUPPOSEDLY]. That Suit's a card though~

THE BEGINNING

Benjamin “Ubertoast” Clarke was the result of a semi-failed experiment to fuse the DNA of Chuck Norris, Saxton Hale and Cave Johnson into a superhuman. While they were successful in creating life, they were less so at the “super” part and Ben was born somewhat above normal as the cells simply could not withstand such raw awesome. By the time of his eleventh birthday, Ben had joined a top secret UN scientific research group, The Order of the White Lotus, and was a junior research associate for a project involving time travel. He would have been a tea boy, but they didn't trust him enough with the kettle. Pricks.

THE EXPERIMENT

From the second he was added to the research team, Ben knew the experiment was never viable due to natural law and relativistic limits. Then, on July 7th, 1959, disaster struck. The team was preparing for the final test when Godzilla's pet lizard snuck into the temporal core and nibbled a phase inverter, causing a massive temporal inversion within the chamber, causing a huge rift in spacetime fusing Godzilla and his pet together, the shockwave launching them into the stratosphere, on a collision course with the flagship of an alien race on it's way to welcome us to the United Embassy of Star Systems. Ben on the other hand, being in close proximity yo the origin, was pulled into the rift nanoseconds before it sealed, and was forced to endure millenia of nothingness in the anomaly, which came out to be around 100,000 Earth years. During this time, his body stopped aging, and Ben was forced to go insane to cope with the boredom. But around the third millenia, even this became so boring his mind reverted and he became sane – terribly sane. In this state of pure, utter logic, he unravelled the secrets of spacetime and worked out a way to escape the anomaly.

HOME

Ben escaped his temporal prison and came out in the year 1986, at the exact point the rift had engulfed him. Looking around it was immediately obvious that the experiment had been abandoned years ago – dust and debris littered the chamber and the ancient technology on the walls hung at odd angles, as if expressing their shame at being obsolete. Leaving the room, Ben proceeded to explore the once familiar base, to find it almost completely abandoned. If he didn't know better, he'd say The Order had never existed. But... had it? Did the explosion change history? Did the chamber get displaced into a parallel- before Ben could ask himself questions, he was stopped by armed guards wearing white hazmat suits, demanding answers – who was he, how did he know about this place? Ben explained to the guards, glancing at their weapons and slowly but firmly lowering them. The guards, upon hearing who he was, glanced nervously at each other, and told him to follow them to the Admiral, before scurrying off, talking into headsets at an incredible speed, to the point where Ben couldn’t make out the words. Not that he cared – walking behind the hazmat goons at a leisurely pace, the only thought that crossed his mind was that he was finally home. Eventually, they reached the Admiral's office. Much of what was said is classified to the highest level, but a leaked recording confirms that, despite the original failure, the disaster had given the researchers the data they needed to perfect the process of time travel. The admiral explained to Ben that they were successful in travelling back in time, but were unable to change even the most minor aspects. Ben, having grown bored with the conversation seconds after it had started, uttered a low “I told you so”, slowly sipping on some tea. The admiral paused, and said that there was more. He explained that the further they went back the more skewed history was, as though history was unraveling itself. It was at these points that they also learned that they could change history at these points, but only to the point where everything was normal again. Ben intrigued by this discovery, told The Admiral to give him his clearance back so that he can investigate further. Reluctantly, the Admiral agreed, and escorted him to the second test chamber, with a sleeker looking temporal core, and less obsolete technology governing it. Most of the old team were there, and Ben knew he was going to enjoy this.
After several failures, they developed a new watch that could be used to time travel. They then started to create teams of highly trained soldiers who were assigned with the task of “time skipping” in order to find the anomalies and fix them. They were known colloquially as the Time Squad. Ben on the other hand, using his unique, unparalleled knowledge of the space time continuum, was able to time travel and even bend space and time to his will, making him more effective at the job than all of the Time Squad combined.

FAILURE

Ben and the Time Squad continued to do their job into the early 90’s. However, soon enough the Time Squad became corrupt, and started using their abilities to rob banks, and commit fraud and various other nefarious deeds. Ben, refusing to allow this, took matters in to his own hands. He began to crack down on the rouge agents and “relieve them of their technology”. The rouge agents tried numerous times to kill Ben and keep their technology, but Ben knew what they were going to do before they even started planning it, thanks to the information jumping ahead a few months every couple of weeks gave him. Eventually, the only ones who were left were the loyal agents and Ben.

RETIREMENT

After four years of long, hard, but enjoyable work with the team, Ben decided it was time to hang up his coat, and retired not only from the Time Squad, but from The Order of the White Lotus as a whole. As a gift for his continued work, the Admiral granted him authorisation to use his abilities one last time, and go to any point in time to continue living his life. Ben, after thinking for a moment, looked up, and made sure to shake everyone on the team's hand, thanking them and making sure they knew they had his utmost respect. Coming last to the Admiral, Ben shook his hand, and gave a silent nod of thanks. Looking up, Ben slowly walked around the lab, taking in the equipment he helped design and build, taking one last look around his home. Looking back at the group, he smiled, and jumped out of time. The Order and Ben have not corresponded since.

NOWADAYS

Ben emerged in the year 2010, now 16 years of age. He acquired a computer and connection to the Internet, and vowed never to time skip again. Around October of that year, he stumbled across a fascinating comic called BCB. Joining the community, he took part in projects, and made friends, one of whom eventually became the love of his life. In the end, Ben continued to live until the end of time, at which point he was still alive. And then, in that state of nothingness, he recreated the universe, and watched it grow up.