Bittersweet Candy Bowl Forums

You know what, im in what is essentially college now and i missed a lot of weeks of BCB comics but now im up to speed. Currently i the most fun times of my day are when i discuss my mental and social problems with my grandmother who recently got out of hospital. Its only my grandmother because my grandad is brain-damaged and currently lives in a "home", my parents could care less and mysiblings arent going to listen due to either too evil or too stupid. None of my existing friends are people i trust enough to talk with stuff like that with, and my most trustworthy friend isnt trustworthy enough either.

And i dont discuss my life and problems on the internet, or with anyone other than my grnadmother, because the one time i did muster the coruage to do that was in primary school. i was like, 10 years old and was advised by one of the terrible teachers to visit a special "listening ear" teacher about my problems with making friends. I told her everything up to that point and she came out and told me it was my fault, which devastated me.

Not that anyone else who reads this will understand, and to be honest i dont want you to, but at worst it was 50% my fault, and not even that much. There are a lot of special circumstances involved that i am not dumb enough to attempt to go into with people i dont even know. ANd even if that stupid teacher was correct, telling a 10-year-old that all their problems in life so far are all their fault is NOT what you do. Experiences like that are what made me what i am today, which is someone that trusts no-one at all, and is entirely self-aware of all my flaws and failings, like that i am so out-of-touch with myself i dont really feel emotions that much, and im NOt exageratting. I broke all the fingers on the hand of one of my sisters friends and when her mother told me at the end of the day (i was unaware all day) i didnt feel guilty or concerned, or at least didnt show it. ( i was shocked though)

Im not asking for any answers or feedback and certainly not pity. I just felt that i wanted to say it. I suppose BCb kinda inspired me to do this. I dont know...

I mean its not like people really read this or even care "about me". im not particularly interesting anyway and im not being a dick, im just saying it. ANyway if anyone is readin this then just know im probably not gonna post on the forum a lot, if at all because im in college doing perpetual homework at the moment. I missed BCB...