Bittersweet Candy Bowl

HE SAID IT

Cheated first, hmm...

Having feelings for someone and cheating are two very different things, Mike =/

there IS such a thing as emotional cheating, to be fair

Well mike did kiss lucy while he was dating sandy it was one of the earlier chapters but i can’t remember which one

Yes, I have heard of this term. And frankly, it's a very murky thing.

Mike has no objective reason to feel guilty towards Sandy. because of his uncertainty, Mike suffered himself, caused a lot of pain to Lucy, but Sandy was always sheltered from this drama. His feelings for her were sincere, he did not allow himself to cause any harm to Sandy because of his doubts and in all conflict situations he invariably chose her.

His decision to enter into this relationship when his feelings for Lucy had not yet completely cooled off was unwise, but in entering into this relationship, he played his part honestly.

And he began to consider himself a cheater because of the sad episode from the first volume, where this thought was literally hammered into him.

In the entire comic, Mike and Lucy kissed three times. 2 times it was before Mike and Sandi confirmed their relationship. The third was already in the "Eternal Flame" when they had a break.

@Airy: You can't control who you may/may not develop feelings for - 'emotional cheating' isn't a thing AT ALL - that's like saying anyone has a choice in how tall they turn out

@rockfur fox: sandy and mikes relationship was confirmed in chapter 23 so mike kissing lucy at all after chapter 23 is cheating

@thefinaldegree emotional cheating is knowing your partner can help with an emotional situation and choosing to keep it secret and work it out with the affair partner. Not simply developing feelings.

This is kinda Mike’s big hang-up that he doesn’t understand, he’s literally ruined almost all of his friendships to avoid it when all he needed to do was turn to Sandy for comfort (which he was, and which of course she likely would never give) to prove he wouldn’t let it get to him.

Gotta wonder what happened in the past that taught him this.

@Brittany Ann: After chapter 23, there was only one kiss - in "Eternal Flame" after Sandy told Mike that their relationship was over. Damn stupid act, but not cheating. You may have meant the kiss scene from chapter 61, but it was a flashback.

This relationship is so toxic. Sandy totally treated Mike like shit with the ghosting; I realize that Mike was just not really equipped to help Sandy with her problems in the fashion and modeling industry, it totally makes sense that she'd gravitate towards someone else with a similar background for help with these issues. It's what friends are for. I also wish we knew about Francis and what actually went down. Was Sandy ghosting Mike because she didn't actually want to break up and hoped Mike would be the one to do it? Or they'd naturally grow apart? Is Francis some dude in his 20's who encouraged Sandy to not talk to Mike? I wish there was more context!!!

@rockfur fox: agree to disagree i guess…have a nice day!

@Brittany ann: Have a nice day too! Thank you for the conversation

@Rockfur Fox

I don't believe emotional cheating is a thing, and I think there is a clear delineation between taking an action and having a thought/feeling.

That being said: if we didn't have any control over our emotions whatsoever, or had very little, then people would not get such a drastic benefit from mindfulness training or cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, which teach you how to manage your emotions in order to gain better control over your actions and avoid perpetuating harmful cycles of behavior.

People don't /always/ control their emotions, and emotions are a complex physiological thing that involves the mind and even the body; we can, however, have a great degree of control over how we react to them. So I get what you're saying when you're getting at this "I don't control how I feel," but I'm concerned about such a statement leading to an obvious rebuttal of "--therefore I act however I act because of my feelings, because nothing is going to make me feel differently."

My opinion-- if you feel romantically for someone other than your partner, imo, that's fine-- that's just a feeling. But you can do things to lessen that feeling, like setting reasonable boundaries with that person. If you reinforce that feeling by spending more time with them in intimate ways that exacerbates the romantic feeling, become more physically intimate with them and it exacerbates the feeling, etc., that's cheating to me.

@Mobius Gopherhole

Interesting opinion, I agree with you.

And we saw how Mike acted when he began to fear that his feelings for another person might affect his relationship with Sandy. He completely cut Lucy out of his life. Not that it helped him get rid of his feelings, on the contrary, it only added problems and guilt, but the guy really tried to do everything to save his relationship with Sandy. He is anything but not a cheater.

Emotional cheating, to me, describes that grey area between having feelings for someone other then your current monogamous partner and between sleeping with that person. It can be anywhere from going on “dates” but not kissing, having long emotionally charged talks with another person late into the night while you emotionally disengage from your current partner. It can be running to go pick that person up at the air port or deal with their emergency while muting your partner’s calls. It’s that space where you tell your partner that you love them and want to be with them but then your actions and emotional connection repeatedly prioritize someone else. It can be so confusing to experience. It’s not just that you have a feeling or a fleeting crush on someone else. It’s the actions you take to push boundaries and form romantic emotional intimacy even if you don’t physically touch.

Baby boy, Mike... wtf? You did not cheat on her lol u pushed away ur best friend entirely out of the fear of cheating, idk what ur talkign about lol

It doesn't really take Daisy long to put all the pieces together, but I can't help but wonder what Mike is talking about here.

It makes me nauseous that he's sharing all this stuff to Daisy, lol. If it were me, I would keep it all secret.

Oh wait that's right. He's probably not aware of what kind of "cheating" she did yet.

Wait but when, Michael? 😳

https://www.bittersweetcandybowl.com/c14/p30

Here, and a couple other places maybe? There was one time at a sleepover when he tried to kiss Lucy on the bed and fell over.

Or he could mean in general just emotionally keeping that channel open for Lucy and considering her in such a way for a lot of the time Sandy's been gone?

Daisy's going to tell him what he should do. She's been hurt by Sandy. It's her right. But what's Mike's curveball going to be here? What he told Lucy at the tree that night?

I think Mike's still trying to justify everything by jumping through hoops to blame himself. We don't know the extent that Sandy went with Francis, but if it was purely and emotional thing like he had with Lucy pre her leaving? That's a gray area, seeing as he did lay a boundary with Lucy and removed himself from her life. Shits complicated basically, and I'm glad he's talking to someone about it.

UNLESS HES TRYING TO SAY THE FEW HOURS WHERE HE AND SANDY WERE BROKEN UP WAS CHEATING, CUS FUCK THAT MIKE ITS NOT

I don't think that'll be the case, if only because he says he cheated *first* - which definitely happened after Sandy cheated lol

Mike kissed lucy in one of the earlier chapters they were at lucys house if im not mistaken and lucy pushed him off of her

I dont believe Mike and sandy were dating at that point, let me look

Wasn't that when they were back in middle school? Mike and Sandy were penpals but their relationship wasn't official.

@meowtcha: chapter 23 is when it was confirmed they were dating but they were saying they loved each other and kissing back in 3rd grade(lucy and daisy confirmed sandy was his first kiss in 3rd grade) and sandy even signed her letters to him saying she loved him that sounds like a relationship to me

@BrittanyAnn Oh geez, come on!! They were 8 years old and crushing on each other and then Sandy moved away that’s not a committed relationship. That’s a childhood crush. Also, I sign my letters with “love” as well; even when I send handwritten letters sometimes to customers when they order from my online store I’ll sign it with “love”; especially to my return customers because I truly appreciate their support for my small online shop! I’m not in a romantic relationship with any of them, I’m just truly thankful and appreciative of their kind words and support. I’ll say to my friends I love them (all genders) and to my family. Idk, maybe it’s because I’m Asexual but for me there are all kinds of love. To be in a romantic situation you have to actually discuss it. You can causally date someone, even sleep with them but you’re allowed other partners if you don’t say you’re exclusive to each other (going steady).

From 3rd grade to 8th they had practically no contact. The phone call Mike had with Sandy after Mike and Lucy kissed was the one to officially start the relationship. You cand be dating if one person's answer to the question is idk

Dropping a major bomb there Mickles

Go back and read the early chapters its not a bomb it seems like newer readers just dont know

Not to derail the subject at hand but aren't they still in a library? Its hard to imagine this conversation is happening in whisper.

Show me a library that actually cares if you talk in a normal tone instead of a whisper

Every Library I've been to both in school and public

*insert nervous popcorn gif*

dun dun DUN

I dont know what Mike is referring to. Can someone remind me if/when he cheated?

When he and Lucy kissed under the tree, that was after his fight/break up with Sandy, like 15 min later lol... and he has been so absorbed with Sandy that literally no one else has romantically interacted with Mike other than Lucy.

Mike even hated Lucy for a while, so I dont want to say he emotionally cheated either.

He didn't cheat on Sandy. He began to consider himself a cheater after the sad events of chapter 22, where this thought was hammered into him.

@rockfur fox: in chapter 23 he calls sandy to ask if they are in a relationship and she confirmed it so yes it’s cheating

Ehhh... It's not cheating just because one party ASSUMES they are in a relationship. Their relationship wasn't defined yet prior to that.

https://www.bittersweetcandybowl.com/c14/p30

see my above comment

Mike needs to read some Brandon Sanderson: “Accept the pain, but don’t accept that you deserved it.”

Don’t get started down that rabbit hole Mike. You do not need to justify someone else treating you like shit.

haha oh no

I love Daisy’s reactions here as the truth starts to fight it’s way free.

I'm guessing Mike is either referring to that brief period of time where he left the house truly believing his relationship was over, which I wouldn't count as cheating since it really did seem like she was cutting him off, or the whole like... keeping Lucy around thing. Which is kind of up in the air? But since Mike had made things official with Sandy, he had started to show more disdain towards Lucy and then we got the whole December thing...

It's possible Mike felt he was keeping Lucy close as long as he did as some sort of contingency plan in case the Sandy thing fell through, and while I do think that's dishonest, Mike just doesn't seem the type to purposefully have that kind of motive. It might also be like how someone else suggested that he's finding a reason why this is his fault and he's counting something like the kiss at the tree as his karma.

lord jesus here we go

Daisy: How?

Mike: By using Jaws & Oddjob in the multiplayer mode in GoldenEye 007.

Daisy: Oh.

*honks my clown nose many times reading this* OUU...

It's actually really neat to have Daisy be the one receiving this information and reacting to it, I'm really curious to see what her 'take' will be on this once Mike updates her with all the details...? I think it's refreshing to have another character able to give input on Mike & Sandy's current situation...

Looking back at Chapter 22, it looks like Mike's thought of cheating were due to a bullying Paulo and a jealous Lucy. Now the poor boy is broken by their actions.

My exact thoughts, yeah. A lot of his conceptions of "cheating" seem to come from his peers, and it seems he wound up internalizing some of that, even after all this time has passed.